Am I Ready for a Teenager?

I don't think snooping is okay. If/when they find out they are going to distrust you and that will make them hide stuff even more. I remember busting my dad snooping on me, it still bothers me to know what he was doing and this was more than 20 years ago! Don't do it! Try to do what you can to establish a good relationship so that he will trust you and confide in you.

I personally don't think that it's ok to snoop or spy on your children. Some people think that it's ok, my advice is to leave the lines of communication open, let him know this, but don't pry. Because no matter how noble your intentions might be, all they are going to see is that you're spying on them. And then you'll lose their trust and they won't talk to you about anything. It's such a difficult thing to deal with, but you will get through to them, just be there for them in every way that you can. I wish you the best of luck, and hope all goes well.
K.

My mom read my diary when I was 13. She didn't even try to sneak, she broke the lock off and wrote in it why she did it. She did it because she was concerned for my health and safety. I was still SO mad at her because of course there was nothing in there about what she was worried about- just junk about this boy I was crushing on. I didn't trust her again for a long time and I felt completely embarrassed that she read it. BUT- I got over it eventually and understood why she was concerned- especially now being a mom and auntie to one very emotional (and sneaky) 16 year old girl- I read her journal too- out of concern. But her mom (my sister)knows I read it because we talked about some of the more troubling stuff in there. (In my defense- she left it open and sitting on the bed and we were all visiting at my dad's house and my 6 year old was sharing a room with her- I didn't go searching and find it and go through it).
Good luck.

Wow I am so feeling your pain. I have an 14 year old and I can relate. I read his text messages one day and found out that he and the girl next door had been playing around. I ask him who he is hanging out with and he tells me its none of my business. I know it sounds awful but sometimes we have to play detective at this age. I try to keep open communication with my son, I try to be resonable and remember how I was at 14. I have told him that I have a right to know who he is hanging out with ie drugs, drinking etc. Its very scary I know. I have had to let go sometimes and its hard I have to trust him when he says he is going to be somewhere. But the first time he isn't that trust is broke and he will have to earn it back. Just try to talk to them like a friend would, if we come across as parents they wont say a word. sometimes t works and sometimes it doesnt. I guess we just have to experiment and learn what works and what doesnt.
Sometimes we just have to let go and trust they will make the right decisions!!! I'm not sure if I helped u or not.
Take care!

I would try talking to them before snooping. All that snooping is going to do is make them lose trust in you. If there is something major that you are concerned about (i.e. drugs, sex, etc) I think that would be cause for snooping, but if it's just girls, and driving, remember, kids will be kids. They will appreciate you more in the long run if you came to them first!!

I think that snooping is only ok if you are begining to notice bad behavior and they won't talk to you you are better of trying to talk to them about safe sex and peer pressure and of course drugs before you violate they're trust you can easily have a good relationship without snooping.

I am a 23 year old mom, and have not been out of "teenage-hood" that long, and let me tell you what I remember... also, note that this is strictly my experience.

You will NEVER, EVER in a MILLION YEARS earn their trust or respect by spying and snooping. Talk to them. Ask questions. This will be far more effective. They won't like it much, but at least you're being honest. Also, it opens the door for them to talk to you if you talk to them first.
My mother was very open with us. She asked questions about where we were going, where we'd been, what was up with our lives and the like... I didn't always answer honestly, but I did probably 95% of the time, and when the stuff hit the fan (and many times before it had the chance to) she was the first person I talked to, because I knew she cared enough to ask. I was a pretty good kid. Never any major trouble (I credit much of this to being able to be open with my mom, even when I was in trouble) but I always had someone to go to when I needed it.

For example... I've never smoked pot, abused a medication, and didn't drink until I was 21. Why? Because I didn't have a reason. I didn't have a reason to rebel, I had a mom who cared about my choice in friends (she always invited my friends over for dinner and for outings), and she asked questions. Loving, interested-in-my-life questions. I always knew, when I had a choice when I was with my friends... after I had made that choice... there would be questions.

My parents were seperated, and my dad was the opposite. He snooped, dug around our rooms, etc. It made me not want to tell him anything. I knew his game, and I played it right back.

If you can help it, be their friend, not their competitor. You'll get miles and miles further.

Chances are, that snooping or not, they'll get themselves into trouble. It's if you're there when they have questions or problems that really counts.

Hope this helps. Probably different that what you'll here elsewhere, but it is my experience. :) Good luck with your step-boys!