Angry at Hubby

I don't know....
Really, though? You gotta love a guy that takes his kids out in their jammies to look at Jupiter!

I think we married the same guy! FREAKY. do they all do this??? I have no advice, i just try to keep my mouth shut and deal with it because MOSTLY the good outweighs the bad.

You know..some of them really are pretty clueless. My husband does similar things that have me wondering what planet he lives on....

You are seriously mad at him for showing the kids Jupiter? It is not something you can see all the time and you have to wait until some time after dark before you can view heavenly bodies. So his decision time wise was not within his control, you just can't see Jupiter earlier, ya know?

What you need to do is let go of some of this parental control. You both need to parent for your kids to be well rounded. That doesn't happen if you force your style off on your husband. Let him do his thing, hopefully you will realize that it isn't hurting anything.

That's kind of a toughy. I know your frustration of "keeping to YOUR plan", but on the same token Dad needs his crazy time with the kiddos too.
Looking at it from my vantage point it seems relatively harmless in the BIG scheme of things.
You might go hop in bed witha book and let him be the one to settle them in at night when he blows your original schedule. That's what I would try anyway. Childhood is a fleeting moment, and hangin with Dad (even tho the phone doesnt really fit into that for me, but if he seems to multitask the kids and phone at the same time, that would be "their" norm together and probably acceptable enough for them). Moms and Dads do stuff differently, and it's something that moms need to "get".

Let him take the kids out (pick your battles). Then, when they come in, take the phone and ipad away and go for a drive. Tell him that he gets to put the kids to bed when he keeps them up late. Be calm when you arrive home, drive around until you know they will be in bed and you have had some time to chill :)

the reason so many women see their husbands in yours is because, hello, it's kinda a dad thing. i agree with one and done, it's pretty awesome that your hubby is showing them jupiter. i think there is room for give on BOTH sides of this. honestly i think if you took a step back and thought about it, you might lighten up about the star/planet gazing. maybe instead ask him nicely (best way to get what i want from my husband) not to use the phone/pad during the bedtime routine. that is really the only issue i see. most men respond to direct requests. "honey i would really appreciate you not using the phone/pad during bedtime routine...could you just take a break and help me?" very simple.

I totally get where you're coming from, because we are in the same boat in my household, and I DO get really peeved at my hubby sometimes for "interfering" with our routine on the rare occassions that he IS home. Really, it angers me, but it is not fair for me to get so mad at him about it. He misses his kids like crazy, and I can't imagine what I would do if I only got to see my kids a few hours a week. I am trying to get better at managing my annoyance, because I do realize that he's working his bum off for us (and for the people he serves).

BUT, the phone thing--he's gotta put that away. I've recently implemented a rule that, when he's home and the kids are awake, he needs to keep the phone up on his dresser and explain to his friends and colleagues that he CAN'T reply to every text asap. He needs to focus on the kids first, and after they are in bed, he can text like he's a crazy teenager :)

My ex-husband is a huge astronomy buff...I loved it when her took her out at night to show her wonderful things. Even after we divorced and she was at my house, he would call and they would look at the same things at the same time.

We both worked full time, my daughter didn't have to do brain surgery in the morning so I didn't worry about the small things. I was/am thankful that my daughter has a dad that loves her so much.

It may have been easier for a few days while he was gone but that is not the case for the majority of single/divorced moms. You were very fortunate that you were able to go to bed early and sleep in late.

Added: I truly don't understand why women want to have additional kids if they think their husband is so stupid and awful???

OK, I am still hung up on the part where he wakes you up and then goes back to bed for three hours. That sounds pretty odd to me. Why in the world would he do that.

As far as bedtime, I think it is cool to sometimes veer from our schedule to do something fun. I would make a rile though, if he wants to do that, then he is fully and 100% in charge of getting them to bed. If I were you, when he is headed out with the kids after you declared bedtime, I would join them for a minute, then head off to my own room and enjoy a bath. Don;t come out until the kids are tucked in quiet!

I don't know what to say about the phone or pad while he is putting them to sleep. That is annoying and he sounds a little addicted to technology. BUT, let him put the kids to sleep his way. If you fight him on this, you won't win, and you will cause problems in your marriage.

However, if he takes them out to look at Jupiter, that is GREAT, and shouldn't be interfered with. It only takes 15 min. max to look at Jupiter, and time like that with their dad is important -- more important than 15 extra minutes of sleep.

Men are stupid, what can I say. Males have disappointed me so much, I can barely tolerate them. But, you won't change them much, and they are important in your children's lives, so you have to let them do things their way, within reason.

Good luck.

I am wondering if there is something else going on that is causing you to resent him because honestly, I think the things you are complaining about here are minor issues.
It sounds like he is working A LOT trying to support his family, traveling, etc....he needs to have his time with the kids too. It may cause inconvenience for you every once in a while, but IMHO you probably should just accept that as part of the set up you have where you are a SAHM and he works all the time so yeah, he will want to do special things with them that don't really fit your schedule.

Try talking with him when you're both calm and the kids aren't around. Tell him how you feel. Explain how doing this makes it harder for you with the kids. Use I statements. For example: I do not want to wake up 3 hours early for fun and games. If he continues to set the alarm suggest that you'll sleep in another room. Show him by direct words and action that you mean what you say.

I suggest training a husband is similar to training a child. I'd lol except it's so true.

If you don't have a regular bedtime schedule start one now. Discuss it with your husband and solicit his cooperation. Ask him to put away his electronics until after the kids are in bed.

I also suggest you have a set time for dinner. Heat his up for him if he's late. In our family, we dished up a plate and put it in the microwave. All my Dad had to do was hit the on button.

Routine is important in a family. If your husband doesn't make an effort, I agree to leave the house and let him handle bedtime. Stay away as long as it takes. If you come home and the kids are still up, leave.

I did this with meal time. People wouldn't come to the table and their were always dirty dishes left behind. I fixed dinner and then I went out to eat. When I came back the dishes were done. I don't know why it worked but it did.

lol, I know why it worked. My mother and mother-in-law were there. They were a part of the problem and my leaving helped them understand. If I was there it was my job. Without me there they took charge. Geez! Life is so complicated.

Is your issue more with him being plugged into his technology around the kids? That would peeve me as well, but keeping them up to see a planet is pretty Dad-worthy. If he's keeping them up because he's too wrapped up in his technology, then that's the real issue. Pull the plug. Plugged in parents create plugged in kids.

Caveat: My marriage is NOT a model one.

What I've found in my own... Hubby doesn't care about extra work for ME. It's not his problem, he doesn't see what the big deal is.

I've wasted years getting mad, trying to get him to "see".

The only thing that has 'worked' is NOT getting mad, and making it HIS problem. Fine... if you're keeping them up, I'm going out. See you in a few hours. And if they're up and cranky tomorrow, you need to call in sick and handle the problem you created with "But it's JUST 15 minutes!"

No. Actually, it's the rest of my night tonight and all day tomorrow. Which you are WELCOME to have, honey. I understand this means a lot to you, and that's okay. But I'm not cleaning up the mess you created... because it makes me angry at you. I don't want to be angry with you, and I WANT you to have special time and come up with cool things to do. But I am NOT going to spend the next week furious with you for ruining my night tonight and day tomorrow and my plans for the entire week. So when you plan these things... plan to take the day off work tomorrow AND that it is NOT THEIR FAULT that they're going to be cranky.

You don't say how old your kids are, but I think taking them out to see Jupiter is cool. I, however, also understand that disrupting routine is NOT cool. :) What I don't understand is why he went to the gym afterward. He should have been putting the kids to bed (since you did mention that he does put them to bed).

My husband has no idea of when "bedtime" is, even though he is responsible for putting our older (2yr old) one to bed. Somedays, he thinks it's at 7:15pm, other days, he thinks she should be going to bed at 8:45pm. I think her bedtime depends on what he's doing and how tired he is around that time. :P I generally let him deal with it, though, since he has to "face" the consequences of a too early or too late bedtime.

And we totally have different "styles" when it come to the bedtime routine. But, just as long as the "pattern" is followed (bath, put on pjs, blow dry hair, brush teeth, prayers) I let him do it how he wants. Otherwise he takes it as criticism that his way is "wrong."

I'm with your husband on the space stuff. Some of my fondest memories involve looking at the stars/planets/constellations with my parents and grandparents. In fact, last night we attempted to see the Andromeda Galaxy.

Now...all the other stuff...yeah, that needs to stop. I don't really know how you can make it stop unless he will change his habits after you have a serious discussion with him. Ask him if he will turn over his phone to you for 30 minutes of uninterrupted kid routine at bedtime. Also, maybe you could consider moving bedtime back 30 minutes and just let dad play with his kids. As for the waking you up early...if it were me I would just say something like I like sleeping and don't want you to wake me up just because you are an early bird. If you wake me up early one more time you will be sleeping alone.

Good luck.

He does it... because he does NOT know... the ramifications of it, of tired kids, of overtired kids the next day, of the fussy/cantankerous over-tired behavior the next day... nor that it impacts their attention spans the next day in school ALL day, and that, like a ripple effect... that lack of sleep on one night... ripples into the next day and the next night... and on and on... UNTIL, the child/children, catch up... with their sleep.
Meanwhile, they are fussier and crabbier... and it is not pleasant... and then Mommy gets irritable and bitchy.
Then... DUH... the Hubby wonders WHY? And to them, everything happens at the same time every night... according to 'their' internally-forever off-timing.... and they have no idea... how THEIR actions or incorrect assumptions.... just screws up another person's Matrix. And routines. And normalcy.

Men/Husbands, do this.
They do not think... 20 steps ahead.
Then after they detain the kids from sleep... they wonder WHY on earth the kids get fussier and tired-er.
Then they.... prance off.... and do 'their' thing. Like a 2 minute intermission at an opera. And they do not... connect the dots.

Yours, is not the only one that does this.
My oldest child is 9. My Husband USED to do things like that. But has greatly become... more, cognizant of how his moments.... affects the kids sleep, them getting lack of sleep... then him wondering WHY they are SOOOO crabby, the next day.
Ahem.
But he finally.... gets it. More.

NO horse-play before bed. And NOT after "I" have gotten the kids... wound down and under the blankets.

You just TELL him... explaining and connecting the dots, for him.
OR HAVE HIM DO ALL THE NIGHT-TIME ROUTINES HIMSELF. For 1 week. While you go out.... at night.

I'm sorry....I see what you're going through. On the other hand, I don't really have a lot of good memories of my dad...just a few. And one of them was sharing his love of the stars and planets, and our time with the telescope. I guess a compromise would be "honey---it's a school night. will jupiter still be visible Friday?" If not, then yeah....I'd let them do it and be happy that their dad was trying to be, well, a dad. However, while you're at this dad thing, the electronic stuff is put DOWN, on the desk, while we get the kids ready for bed. I don't believe parenting is on the list of things that should be "multitasking". Electronics get put down, give the children attention, give them a little drink to wind them down, and back to bed they go. Talk to them (wishing on stars, some little tidbit of info on what they just saw, say prayers, lights out). Then he can pick up his toys and play again. (Although, I have to admit, I might get annoyed that it was toys instead of me that get attention next, but that's a whole different post).

J., I have to say, that if my husband set the alarm and woke me up early, just to go back to bed for 3 hours, I wouldn't sleep with him. You really should try that. At the very least, grab that alarm and turn it off when he's not looking.

Your husband is seriously addicted to his phone if he can't get the kids dressed or do bedtime routine without it. I'd be tempted to break the damn thing...

Marda has some really good ideas, though I wonder if your husband would even notice.

Try playing "The Cat's in the Cradle" for him, and tell him that he is putting his phone ahead of his child, and one day when his child starts ignoring him for her electronics, he might all of a sudden wish he had not set this example.

I hope that as it gets colder, he will have fewer of these night time excursions. At least, when they look at stars, take his phone away from him!

Good luck!
Dawn

My husband is here every single night and he does these dumb things.

Who is he more interested in? Ummm let's see, himself. I'd just let him know this is selfish and inmature. Ask him what is it he's teaching his children? Children learn by example, it's as simple as that and that includes his example. You don't want to end up the bad guy in this, so be careful as to how you'll come off to the kids.

What is it with men anyway? My husband was the same way whenever he was around at bedtime when our kids were little. And my daughter's husband does the same thing. hello, grow up men. I simply took over and did it all. But at the time I didn't look at it as taking over, I actually wanted him to be with, but he just didn't want anything to do with the things of routines or what have you and when he did involve himself it was playing and getting them all rowled up when it was time for bed. But now I see it was a Blessing in disguise because better I did it all than have his disruptive stuff. I think I'd tell him either do it with heart and mind and together or don't do it at all.
That's my take on it, hope it works out well and soon.

i finally figured out how to fix this in my own home:
we do bed time routine together (when he's home), so if kids are not in bed when i want them in bed THEN it's his job, all by himself.....

try this approach & take his phone & ipad & go play with it till he's all done :)

Sounds like this has less to do with Jupiter and more to do with how his unpredictable schedule and erratic behaviour is creating additional work and difficulties for you. "waiting around to see when he is going to get home from work etc" I would simply let him know it is a long hard day with kids when they are on a schedule. It becomes even longer and harder when they are off schedule. Ask him to please help you. Then, with his input, simply publish a house schedule. We eat dinner at this time. Please be home. If you are not, we are sorry and we will miss you at dinner. Kids are in pjs, teeth brushed and in their beds by this time. If you want to show them jupiter or your latest score on angry birds please do it by this time. I need to sleep during these hours. Please turn off all electronic devices and alarms between these hours. There are articles that electronics etc are too stimulating for children before bedtime.

BTW - from one to another, he sounds fun but also like he has some serious ADD.

I think your husband sounds great...I don't understand what is the problem? If you don"t like him playing games in bed, then have some fun with him so you would put the Ipad away. I think looking at the stars is pretty cool. I think you are nit-picking at him, and you might nag him all the way to divorce court. Apprectiate him more for his good quality and stop looking at the bad ones. Talk to him without judging him.