Angry Mom?

Who doesn't feel like this at some point?

Anyone that tells you they've never felt like running away screaming, is friggen lying! Women aren't taught all the negative thoughts and feelings that come along with motherhood... All most hear about is 'fluffy' happy cute stories.

I feel that way too... I dont know what to say to help you but i know how you feel. I'm a sahm and sometimes i want to lock myself in my room and just let them do whatever they want. I try to get out of that house as much as i can like zoo, cosi, bounce house place. That helps to keep them busy. how long have you been home with them?

Yes, normal. Have you tried going to moms get togethers(Meetup, MOPS, MOMS, JUST Mommies)? I went for years just to get a break and to have someone to talk to. Also, I went to indoor playgrounds.

Yep, we all hit that last nerve now and then. It's reminding you that you do need some "me" time and a trip out with adults sans kids. It really does work wonders and makes you appreciate them again. If you dont get out once in awhile you cant miss them.... Missing them means lots of hugs and kisses upon your return to normalcy. You are finding that you "need" that. Don't deny yourself otherwise you get resentful and take it out on innocent kids and daddy.
Don't believe it when other moms tell you that they live every minute in pure joy with their children, seriously they do have meltdowns of their own now and then but just dont like to share it because they think it makes them seem like a failure or weak. If they havent had that feeling yet, they will eventually. If it can be avoided by a day of shopping with girlfriends and a dinner and a movie out with Hub.... you need to do it.

O my God, I thought I was reading my own post!!!!!!!!! My boys are 3 and 20 months. My patience is so thin, I hate it. I find myself yelling all the time. For me it is the constant running around, screaming, jumping then the little one gets hurt or then the 3 year old is doing something to hurt my youngest. I'm picking up dishes and having to referee so that one of them doesn't hurt the other one. I time out, take toys away, take afternoon cartoon away, etc... but it doesn't work. I too get unmotivated to do things like play doh because then the mess is awful or paint because it ends up all over them. I think you need a break. I miss the interaction with adults. I don't know if you need full time daycare, but maybe part time where you can get out 10 plus hours a week. Have your husband take over when he gets home if he is willing. I love my kids more than anything and I hate yelling and getting frustrated, but we are human and it is hard work. Children are challenging and especially 2 wild boys. I do find when I get a break for a few hours a day (my mom will watch them) or my husband and I go out on the weekend, then it is better and my patience is better. You can't be with 2 boys from say 6am until they go to bed and expect not to be frustrated. Even when you work you get breaks and lunch, etc... at home it is all day, all the time. Some kids are just more challenging too and 2 boys fairly close in age is definitely a challenge. Don't be hard on yourself. Take a deep breath and remember your job as a sahm isn't to entertain your children all day. Yes you should interact and do stuff with them, but not all day. You need a time out too!

Hi L.,

Thanks for this post. It helps all of us, every one of us moms who has been right there where you are, to remind us we are not perfect and not always 100% at our best. It reminds us that we women need each other and the support of other moms to help us on this journey of motherhood.

It is really important to get out around other adults. This can be accomplished both with and without your kids. With kids----find a play group with moms who have kids close to your children's ages; go to the park where they can run, play, have fun, and get out all that wild energy. When weather is bad, do home playdates. Of course, the moms still have to watch the kids to ensure safety, but that doesn't mean you can't talk, laugh, share stories and advise, and just be with each other. It makes a world of difference to be surrounded by other supportive moms, and while mamasource is great, there is no substitute for live contact and personal friendships. Without such friendships, it is so easy to become isolated, and when you hit a rough spot like this, you feel like you're the only one and start getting down on yourself for being "a bad mom" or an "angry mom" or whatever label.

Without kids, you could do whatever it is you've been wanting to do but can't because it's too hard to do with little ones (a quiet hour or two in a bookstore or library; shopping and actually being able to try something on IN THE STORE; sitting down to drink a cup of tea or coffee in your favorite coffee shop as opposed to gulping it down in between feeding the children and cleaning up after them; taking a walk or going to the gym---you get the idea). A date night with your husband is also a great way to get out of constant mommy mode.

If you don't already have a play group, check out some of the ones recommended by other moms (i.e., MOPS). If those don't work for you, go to meetup.com and look at mom/kid playgroups in your local area. If you don't find a group that clicks for you, you can start your own. Meetup.com is also great if you are into sports, activities, bookclubs, etc. and want to join an adult group with similar interests as you.

If you don't already have a babysitter, work on getting one. Check out your neighborhood for some trustworthy teens who've done the babysitting course. There may also be some seniors in your area who would love to watch your children on occasion. Ask around for referrals from other moms or neighbors. Finding a great babysitter whom you trust is a tremendous help in being able to get out occasionally.

You are not alone. Please don't get down on yourself, but rather, learn from this so that you can meet those challenging days in a way that is more helpful to you and your little ones.

Wishing you the best,

J. F.

L.,

Normal. Totally normal. The yelling. The mess. The craziness. All normal. And the way you are feeling is normal as well.

I like the other poster's suggestion of joining a mom's group. You might even carry around some cards with your name and phone number on it just in case you meet a mom you're interested in setting up a playdate with. Anything you can do to find another person to understand, share, and laugh at all the insanity that comes with staying at home.

The one thing I can add is to breathe. When you feel that anger welling up, try and recognize that the yell is on it's way. Stop yourself. Breathe. Remember that she's only 3 and your other one is not yet 2. Craziness is a part of who they are right now. In fact, when they are at their freakiest, try to step back and admire the pure nutty joy that your child is going through at that moment. Maybe that little crazy sense of humor sounds like you, or your husband, or your parents. Just step back and shake your head at how easy it really is to make a child happy. You might turn on some wacky music that you like and have a dance party in the kitchen. Resign yourself to 15 minutes of being the 'horsey'. Let the kids rip pictures out of magazines you're about to throw into the recycling bin. Or just stand back and let them be wild. Arms folded. Shaking your head. Smiling. They truly can be a tornado of craziness, cant they? The more often you can push yourself into remembering what a gift they can be, the easier time you will have with each day.

I hope this doesn't sound too trite and simple. I don't mean to make light of your situation at all. My suggestion is just to change your way of thinking about it. I hope it helps just a little bit.

Good luck to you,
J.

Totally normal (thank god, I feel the same way lol )

I am so gratefule to be able to stay home with my kids. But it hard. Especially if you previously worked, or had an adult life before kids lol!!! I especially struggle during these cold months because I don't want to sit in the house everyday, but getting 2 kids ready takes forever, and then it seems everywhere you go peopole or their kids are sick and you dont want to catch it!! I have joined a playgroup, and it helps. But at best it's a meetup once a week. And some of the things they do are right at nap time, or not age appropriate for my kids.

Just know you're not alone, and you do need time ALONE. And not just a trip to the grocery store! Do something for FUN, without the kids at least 2x a month. Sounds like your husbands on board, so thats good! Don't beat yourself up. Beaing a SAHM is a hard job, and the pay isn't good!! ha ha :)

I had to respond because 2 weeks ago I was about to post the same thing. I am a SAHM to a 2 & 3 year old (son just turned 2, daughter 4 in a few weeks) and a couple weeks ago I had a really bad day and pretty much spent half my time screaming at them. I also get crazy about the constant messiness, the fighting, the noise, and all those other things that seem to just build and make you want to pack your bags and drive far, far away. Lock yourself in the bathroom and cry over what your daily life is like? Have fantasies of leaving and never coming back? This is totally normal even though nobody says so. My sister is about to have a baby she is planning to stay home with and I am trying to warn her about these things without scaring her. The thing is that women don't have extended support networks anymore (most don't) so you have to take control for yourself. I got the book "Scream Free Parenting" and a babysitter for an afternoon every week. Your kids feed on your emotions good and bad so take care of yourself. Your kids NEED you to. Good luck!

Yeah, you are feeling annoyed, but your kids are not the problem, you are. It sounds to me like you are mentally bored and needs to be challenged. Because of that, just the mere sight of your kids and their normal development/actions are making you "sick". Please get some time away from them so that your anger and sight of their presence don't push you over the limit to do something out of the norm. Not only that, if you spend most of your time inside the 4 walls of the house, that alone can drive you nuts.

But just like any other job outside or inside the home, we all get bored, sometimes to the point that just to wake up to drive to the same old job doing the same old thing gets old. To change that, try to find something stimulating so that you can begin to see your kids for who they are again - happy normal kids who wants a fun M. to be around.

I'm not a SAHM but am home on maternity leave now and am going crackers. My 2yo doesn't want to listen to anything or behave herself at all. Other people can get her to mind but I think she just looks at me and laughs (sometimes I KNOW she does).

A parenting coach suggested that we implement descriptive statements in our "requests" of our daughter. For some reason or other they really do seem to be working better than asking her or telling her to pick up her toys or to calm dddown (there goes my tic). Example: rather than say "pick up these crayons" it can be changed to "I see some crayons on the floor that are going to be thrown away if they aren't picked up". Example: "there's some really yummy food here at the dinner table", rather than "come to the table and eat your dinner". Example: "Mommy gets upset when the floor is messy", rather than "OK, now I'm mad. Come clean up this mess". The point is to describe what you are seeing/hearing/feeling rather than reacting to it.

It seems really hokey (I'm a practicing cynic) but for some reason the descriptive statements are working with our little girl (yes, even at clean up time). It's hard but if you aren't already, maybe you can try them out and see if even a few work for you. My bald spot is already starting to show signs of regrowth. Maybe you can save a few strands too.

Sorry it sounds so hokey but it really is working more than anything else we've tried.

Good luck!

You're normal.... and thankfully, your Husband understands.... which many Husbands don't even understand. So that is lucky for you.
Take him up on it... and have ALONE time, by yourself. Either him taking the kids out, or you just going out doing whatever you want.
"Schedule" it for real, on a calendar, tell your Husband of your plans... and then just go and do it and enjoy it. Don't feel guilty about it.
Do it once a week... regularly. Its also good for your kids, 'seeing' their Mom have other activities... aside from them. And then they get to be with Dad... having Dad time, too.

all the best,
Susan

Areb there any kids in your neighborhood? Sounds like playdates is what you and your children need. My sister use to call me and say please talk to me I need adult conversation. She had 3 little ones. The last 2 were just months apart.

I say YES it is very normal to sometimes feel this way. However, I do have to say that I am on anti-depressants right now; I have a 5 month old and a 5 year old. I work full time outside the home and hate every second of it. I have talked to other mom’s on and off of anti-depressants and they feel the same way sometimes as well. This does not make you a bad mother or person it only makes you human. Everyone has different emotions and different ways of dealing with them. I am a yeller as well and hate it. I have been struggling with trying to change for many years now. Being on anti-depressants honestly does not make you stop yelling or feeling upset it only helps you stop being as depressed all the time, at least with the one I take.
I feel emotions can be very crazy and hard to manage at times. They are a balance of a lot of different things. Trust me I still have not quite figured out that balance just yet though. But one thing I have learned is you have to do some things that make you happy and that you enjoy occasionally. Take that extra second, minute or even hour once a day or week that is just for you. Even if it is just taking a bath or reading a chapter in a good book. Realizing that you are not super mom and can’t do it all is also a BIG factor (at least it is for me). I struggle with this on a daily basis and feel I have to do it all b/c I don’t get much help with the kids or house. However, I have also realized that I can leave some stuff to be done another day (which is very hard for me) or it doesn’t have to be done right that second. Also, if someone else does do it I don’t have to obsess over it not being done my way. I know struggling with these things have lead me to be more depressed. I know this has brought me much closer to God. I pray everyday for God to keep my eyes focused on the things that make a difference rather then on the circumstances that surround me (messy house, bills). I pray for me to give me strength to do my very best each day and that is all I can ask for. Sorry this became so long and probably confusing.

I wish you all the best and will be praying for you and your family.

Keep your Faith and God Bless,
J.

PS.. Being around other adults can also help.

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set up some playdates, take some ECFE classes, join your local API group & go to their get-togethers.

You need to be sure that your cup is full when you are meeting the intense needs of young children. It's hard to give from an empty well.

I have been at home 13 years now. It was very hard for me in the beginning. I think if you create a structured routine for your self you will feel better and so will your kids. You need to be able to allow for some things too. You will not have a clean house again until they graduate. If you want a certain room to stay clean then make sure that is not a play room. Make putting toys away a game you do together. With structured time you will be able to have some time for you during the day when they are with you and then your adult time on those evenings your spouse watched them or a babysitter watches them. You do need to allow a certain level of messiness. You can't make them neat right out of the womb. They will be learning throughout there lives. Don't be so hard on your self. Later when they are older you will appreciate the time you had with them. YOu just need to set reasonable goals for yourself.

Are you part of a local moms club? That may help your feelings of being alone. I went from a career to raising 2 kids in a new state and it was a very difficult transition for me. A local moms' club and early childhood PTA helped me connect with other moms.

One of my suggestions would be to create a daily schedule that works for you. I know this sounds very structured but children seem to do better with a schedule of daily activities and responsibilities. Putting the schedule in picture form helps them be able to"read" the schedule themselves with a little help from you. It does not have to be a timed schedule but a simple "this is what we do first etc. Example: breakfast, brush teeth, wash face, get dresswed etc. When it is time to play also have a clean up time. I also suggest talking with them about putting a toy away before you choose another one. I added clean up before snack, lunch etc. After lunch everyone had a rest time including me. I sometimes did laundry or other chores but I also would read etc. All children had to rest on their beds for one hour. They could look at books or picture albums(their favorite) but they had to stay on their beds and have quiet time. This rest time remained until everyone was in school full time. Believe me it helped with sanity. I also rewarded the children with a surprize now and then for being such great cleaners or doing a good job of resting etc. The schedule can surely be flexible but rest time was as close to the same time everyday as possible. I had four children under 5 and it really helped.

I understand how you feel and you should talk with your doctor. I felt the same way after my son was born and after talking with my doctor and getting on lexapro for about 6 months and also getting involved in a few mom's groups and bible studies (MOPS and BSF being my favorites). I am a much happier person, parent, and feel normal.

I'm going through the same thing at times with my 12 month-old who is a terrible sleeper and my four-year-old who is jealous of the attention the baby is getting. I used to be so proud of a clean and organized home (before kids), and I'm in the same boat--very frustrated that I'm constantly cleaning only to turn around and do it again. I would love to have a lot of playdates at my home, but it's never sparkling clean (like most of the other moms who have maids). I'm contemplating joining MOPs but they only meet 2x/week in a church, and if one of my kids gets sick, that's only 1x/month. If you're in the Southfield area, you're more than welcome to vent to me, as we share some of the same frustrations and our kids are close in age.

Hi,

I am coming in late, so forgive any duplication, please. Yes, you are normal, I think most of us have "been there, done that". Alone time is good, but as you say, maybe adult time is good too. There are ways to get adult time without going back to a job--book discussion groups at the library (hopefully yours is open more than ours will be soon--our levy just went down :-( ), moms' groups, Bible study, bowling league, volunteering, even a walk/coffee with a friend.

Good luck to you, glad you went to the library and browsed!

K. Z.

heck yeah it's normal to feel annoyed with your own kids, my bf is going through that same problem, me personally, i have never been able to stay home so i don't know for certain, but when i'm home on vacation, i'm ready to go back to work...i think i'd go crazy being around the house, with kids all the time....my h agrees

Being a stay at home mom is a hard job. You deserve some alone time. Schedule times that your hubby can take over and you can just get away. Take a bath, or get a pedicure or just go to the grocery store by yourself. Do something without the kids. Maybe you should have a "Moms Night Out" with some other local moms or your friends. Make a rule that no kids are allowed. Go have dinner and chit chat all evening.

In the meantime, when you feel that you are becoming impatient or frustrated, stop and count to 10. It's a good rule to have. Close your eyes and count to 10, count out loud. Then take a deep breath. You will be surprised how much this helps, but you have to actively put it into your routine.

Good luck and give yourself a break!

I have been a sahm and daycare provider for two years now and at first I was going nuts but it has gotten a lot better there are some weeks where we never get out but I have started taking them to the library and other places and that has helped out some make sure you get some down time during nap time meditate or work out will help as well.

Sounds like you need a time out. When hubby gets home run for the bath for 30 minutes and soak.

During the day plan some outside time where all three of you can get air and run around crazy. The kids burn off some energy and have a change of location. When they nap in pm you nap in pm. Rest does wonders for all. I remember having a 3 year old and then moving and having a second. So I know where you are coming from.

Make up a daily duty chart for five days worth of chores in am and pm Include naps, and meal preparation. You could possibly take Saturday and Sunday off once you get your plan in action.'

Keep a tidy house right now (House Beautiful will be back in 5 years) and keep up with laundry the best you can. Don't over think things and go with the flow. As others have said join a MOP or a church bible study group with childcare.

The other S.

PS This too shall pass.

I think you're perfectly normal! I know so many people who feel the same way and some are still at home, but they send their kids to 1/2 day preschools 2 or 3 times per week. Others, like myself, have returned to work. I was very lucky because I did NOT want to do the standard daycare center thing, but we were able to get a nanny for the time leading up to my oldest son starting public school PreK and aftercare and my youngest is at an all-day preschool that is somewhat like a daycare, but has a different focus, different set up, etc. My one regret is not getting to spend more time with my youngest, although I think I'm going to be able to work out something where many weeks I only work 4 days and take one day to spend with him. It's hard, but really small children like that will drive you CRAZY in a hurry! Check out your childcare options -there may be ones you don't even know about. Even if you found something like one of the preschools I described above, where they were away for 2 or 3 1/2 days per week -that's a HUGE relief and you can run errands, catch up on housework, etc. in peace!

I didn't read all the posts so I'm not sure if it's been mentioned, but what about a MOPS group, church group, playgroup.....ect. I was the person that swore I'd never be a SAHM when I first had kids, work was my salvation, it was the one place I could go for adult time and not feel guilty for having a life outside my kids. Well number 4 is on the way and I've been home for 4 years, and even homeschooling my kids, so they are of course home all the time with me.

Sanity is found in all the groups and activities that allow me to connect with other moms. Even though my kids are older and the littlest not here yet I'm part of a MOPS groups. (i'm terribly anti-social, but actually love it) and I've already found a playgroup, which means at least one day a week I have an obligation to leave my house. if I wasn't obligated to do it, I wouldn't and then I end up right where you are.

The point is though, get involved, find a way that once, maybe twice a week you have something to do, the kids will have fun and you can connect with other women who feel JUST like you.

L., I am in the same place as you are. I have two kids, 4 and 23 mos. They drive me nuts and push me to yelling on a daily basis. I thought I was depressed at first too. I would get angry, then when the kids were napping I would feel guilty and cry a lot. So, I got on a antidepressant, which stopped the crying, but sure didn't help the anger irritability and motivation problems.

I think alone time and exercise helps, but I have been reading a few good books that have started to help me cope with my anger. I was never an angry person before children. I read Love and Anger, and I am currently reading She's Gonna Blow.

It is a hard emotion to deal with because of course you love your kids and want to be home with them. But, when the anger comes on, you feel guilty and ashamed and don't really want to admit to friends, family or even your spouse how you feel. But, it does help to talk about it. And, I think I am starting to notice what triggers my anger and yelling so I can try to avoid getting into those situations.

For example, one prime time for me to yell is in the morning when we are trying to get out the door. I am busy getting things together and then I am trying to help my kids get dressed and get all their stuff together. I usually end up yelling because I am running late and they aren't moving fast enough for me. I have found that if I have all my stuff together the night before and make the kids get dressed and teeth brushed first thing in the morning, that I am not rushing so much. Sometimes I am still running late, but helping me reduce what triggers my anger helps at those times when it seems I am always yelling.

There is no easy solution, but I am glad there are other mothers out there who feel the same way and struggle with the same emotions. All I ever wanted to be was a stay-at-home mom, and now daily I question my ability to do it successfully. I don't want to scar my children with my anger and negativity. But, if I went back to work, I think I would live to regret that as well. Hang in there, and let me know if you ever want to talk. I truly feel your pain.

Yes, it's normal.

Kids are loud. Especially boys! The mess NEVER goes away.

I have learned that I need to relax. I am aware of it and try to practice it every minute of every day. It is not easy...but it's getting better.

Try to tell yourself that a certain amount of mess and noise is going to happen, it has to happen...try to make peace with it, as it is inevitable!