Any Last Words? Here They Coooooommmmmmeeee!

Oh gosh...you are getting me all nervous!! It has been along time coming...huh? The only comforting thing I have to say to you is my daughter in laws mother came to visit for 3 weeks and stayed with me...she is from Germany. She literally didn't speak a work of English(except J.F. Kennedy...lol)...but she was an awesome person...helped in the kitchen...we watched Elvis movies together. We never really spoke to each other...but BOY....if we could have...we would have never stopped talking.

OOH GIRL!!!

I would tell my husband that he is EXPECTED at home. He WILL be needed to translate and entertain!!

deep breathes!! deep breathes!!! You can come here to DC!!! You can run away to here!!

This is one of those things in life that you clearly cannot change so just make the best of it. It seems to me that you are expecting the worst and that is what you will get. Try and find some positives in this or you will make the next 3 weeks a disaster for you and for them. Sorry, but this is just the way it is at this point.

My only advice is that they may understand more than you think, so don't complain about them in front of them just because you don't think that they can understand.

My uncle's mom comes from Italy every year and spends about 3 months here with us. Usually they rent an apartment for her to stay in but last year she stayed with my grandparent's the entire time. I was also staying with them for part of that time (My son had just been born and we were more comfortable there than at my parent's house). They would complain about her to each other when she was sitting right there with him, because they assumed that she couldn't understand them.

I'm almost positive that she could. She always looked sad, like she was a burden to them. She spent a lot of time in her room alone. I felt so bad for her.

So that's my only advice... Complain behind closed doors when you're sure that they can't hear you. It's going to SUCK having them around for that long, but just try your hardest to keep a smile on your face... And take a few sips of something strong when they aren't looking! ;)

If you're good at Photoshop, make your own obituary, print it out, lay it on the kitchen table and go on a vacation!
You'll be fine...... I hope

I'm getting the impression that your husband is first generation in the US, and that he has strong male / female roles.

When I stay somewhere for a long while, I chip in with the chores, with the food, etc. I hope the tradition is the same for your guests.

Provide some English lessons, like, "Here's how to say, 'Where's the bathroom,' or whatever.

Find some people who are the girl's age to see whether they can have some time together.

Give your husband a list of things for him to do. Refuse to do them yourself. OR, make a list of everything that needs to be done, and list your name next to certain items, and leave the rest.

Schedule break times for yourself. Period. Do it. If necessary, find someone to "babysit" and pay them.

Having lived in a foreign country, and having had to depend on others to help me while there, I can understand their trepidation, though I would hope they came to have an enjoyable time.

Hope this doesn't become a more permanent arrangement.

Don't worry about entertaining them. Put out a checker board, dominoes... stuff like that. A pretty craft magazine with lots of pictures they can sort through. Take them to a restaurant or an indoor aquarium or beach or something where you don't need much more communication than pointing. Don't feel obligated to host and take them on outings or site seeing every day. Remember, not everybody goes out every day and needs constant entertainment. They will be fine sitting on the couch and puttering around the house for several hours every day. Hand your mil a knitting needle and yarn or something. What language do they speak? There are tons of foreign films at local Blockbusters and even some on Netflix you can rent for them to do during the day. You can still communicate with them even though you don't speak each other's language.

The SECOND your husband gets home, go to your room or a long, quiet drive and let him handle it. Also, he should be helping make dinners, clean up and entertain as well. When cleaning up or tidying, show your inlaws where the washing machine is, hand her a broom or a dishrag so they can help clean when you are also cleaning. We always clean up after ourselves when we visit others.

Then, smile a lot and try and enjoy your time as much as humanely possible, and try not to get too irritated with nagging/cultural differences and such.

Please take breaks, SH. Don't stay with them A.L.L. D.A.Y. L.O.N.G.

Dear Heavens!

Take them out, deposit them somewhere, then go pick them up several hours later. You do not have to stay with them. Plenty of other foreigners come to Hawaii and have fun at the beach without a full time tour guide.

And your friends are right.

Go with God...
Dawn

What a wonderful experience! You have an opportunity to host family, get to know them and share with them your wonderful culture. Language could be seen as a challenge or it could be seen as fun.

Right out of college my husband an I took in exchange students every summer for 6 weeks. It was great. They often had little to no English.

You are so lucky to have family coming to bond with and learn from. What a blessing!

1: label the house...in both languages. Notes all over it, fridge (and the basics in it), stove (hot), bathroom, television, etc. That way you can communicate about the basics. After a few days you won't need the signs any more.
2: have 2 planned activities each week that your family pays for (or free is always good too!) it was our treat to "show them something Canadian". We would take them on a tour of our museums, picnics, hiking...things that we did for recreation. Just find things in your area that are cost effective or free to "introduce" them to your culture.
3: have a list/brochures around of other activities that they might want to to do, let them know that you will not be joining them when they do those activities.
4: Ask them to go grocery shopping with you and to help buy foods that they would like to prepare for you and your family.
5: enjoy the experience. Your work load is not doubled it is divided. You know have extra people to share in your day.

3 weeks may not even be enough! Enjoy the experience.

B.
Family Success Coach

Ummm, tell them you typically take a 2 hour nap in the afternoon and go to bed early. Let them know that those are the times they will be on their own. : )

Enlist your hubby to do more chores while they are visiting.

Be open to the idea that it might not be so bad. You worries could be getting the best of you.

Ask them to help you with stuff. You don't have to be "on" 24/7, no one should expect that of you. You don't have to do touristy things everyday either.

HTH Take care of yourself. N.

I hope you are planning on taking my previous advice and LEAVING as soon as your husband walks in the door! He needs to do the night shift!!!

Just remember....it's TEMPORARY. Keep thinking to yourself: "I can do this, I know I can.:)"

Couple of things come to mind:

This might sound weird, but do you or your mother-in-law like to crochet or knit? If she doesn't know how, teach her! This would be a wonderful time to ask your MIL if she would knit you a lovely afghan to put in your living room. It would keep her busy and out of your hair.

Rent movies for them;

YOU...take a nap

Lastly, breathe....relax....it's TEMPORARY:)

Warm wishes to you:)

SH-
I have read you replies here for a LONG while...

You have good 'common sense'.

This IS a challenge...no doubt.

BUT I feel you will RISE to the occasion...and perhaps teach a lesson or....FIVE!!

I send good thoughts and prayers...

***and hope your bathrooms are sparkling!!***

lol

Come here...and vent

and share

I am with you 'sister'

Best luck!
michele/cat

Hmmmm, last minute words...

Pakalolo? ;-)

Nah, seriously, you've GOT this. I believe in you! Sending you BIGGEST hugs, deep breaths, a purple hat, and a LOT of laughter.

Break out that bottle of xanax!

Don't worry you will do fine. All you have to do is smile and use hand gestures alot. My parent-in-law are from Germany and when they came and stay with us for 2 1/2 weeks, I catered to them as if they were at a 5 stars hotel. I cook, clean, serve and chauffered them around town. I figured it was only 2 1/2 weeks out of the year.

My husband is forever grateful and owed me big time and I have a very happy in-laws when they left. It has been 10 years since they first came to visit and they have been back every year since, looking forward to spending time with us. I still catered to them, and they have learned to be a little less formal each visit and less needy. They even brought friends to come with them and I still catered to them without complaint.

Every time they leave, they remind my husband what a wonderful wife he married and I agreed!

All your friends are correct but since you can't maybe you could just drink .... a lot. Best of luck for the next 3 weeks.

Just think if she can't understand you then you can tell her off in a nice voice and she won't know the difference. Ha ha just kidding.

Hang in there they will not be staying forever. Start thinking about when they are leaving. I have a feeling your hubby will be spending more time with them then he thinks.

Oh boy...good luck, S.H.!!

Is there any chance that you can find a local translator for their langugage to accompany you on an outing or two?

Why the heck are they coming for so long when you are going to be the one with them virtually all the time?

And if all else fails...introduce your SIL to "Pinterest"--and then sit back and watch her waste hours and hours every day :)

Hello, I used to teach English to nonenglish speaking children. The first time I had a real challenge was when a student didn't understand what a puddle was. I was at a loss of words. Then, I decided to take her outside and throw water on the ground from the drinking fountain. Then, I said, "This is a puddle." She understood and I was much better with my descriptions of what words meant. Try to look at this as a way of learning some of their language and showing them ours. It is only three weeks out of your life and it will be over soon. You can have a nice time or a bad time. You husband's family can be grateful or unhappy when they leave. I agree that your husband should be there, but if he isn't, take this time to shine. I'm sure that when this is all over, you will be glad for your time together.
Good luck.
K. K.

This too shall pass. I just repeat that saying until it is over.

oh my, sounds pretty dire. i'm like you, i just can't take clingy, needy people. claustrophobic describes my reaction exactly.
so why not kick your husband in the kneecap over *his* proclamation that you don't need a translator device? really? since he's already grandly proclaimed you the Entertainment Queen, why are you prohibited from getting something that will make this actually do-able for you?
i would be planning to spend a LOT of time at the beach. they can be 'with' you but you can swim or put a magazine over your face while you sit in the beach chair. i mean, how can they NOT want to spend time on a beach in hawaii?
have your HUSBAND- not you!!!!! - make it clear to them that expensive touristy things are their responsibility to pay for. you will dutifully (maybe even happily?) ferry them and accompany them about, but you don't have to break your budget while doing so.
don't complain about 'em in their earshot. they probably understand at least a little and your body language will reveal volumes. practice a gentle smile and a relaxed brow. you can snarl and slaver when they leave.
it probably would be a little rude to ditch them every night the second your husband gets home but DO stick to your guns about getting some breathing room every evening.
plan now for an awesome treat for yourself when they leave. it'll give you something to cling to yourself on the bad days, and you deserve it!
let us know how it goes.
:) khairete
S.

Just try to breathe and remind yourself that it is only 3 weeks!! Once they get there and see what Hawaii has to offer, they might want to stay on the beach and give you a break.

Hang in there and know you are welcome to vent to us at anytime!!

When you talk to your husband about this again, you need to make it less about how worried you are about losing your time to yourself to be with people you can't communicate well with(which is very valid) and more about how his family is coming to see him and he needs to be around to be with them. I'm sure they liked you when they met you, but they would not come all that way to see and visit with you, they are doing it because he is family (and you live in Hawaii).

Pretend they are exchange students and YOU want them there to learn your language and you learn theirs. Show them a nice time at the beaches, and walk along the shops and parks. If they want to buy stuff, let them, with thier own money. When they are hungry, they can stop at a restaurant and buy their own food. Work on translating with them and explain what the costs are for a luau and other traditionally touristy things in Hawaii. Who doesnt want to do that when given a chance to visit a beautiful place? But you shouldnt have to pay for it and you are assuming they expect you to. You should be happy to have them visit and treat them like family. After all, THEY ARE FAMILY. And you havent spent enough time with them to judge them this harshly. They may have preconceived notions about you that are untrue and might be dreading having to spend 3 whole long weeks with you, just to see their son. And he should have known they were coming and planned a few days off. But if he didnt, they you get to play host and treat them sweet. By the time they go home, they will be speaking English and telling him he doesnt deserve you!

Good luck! Think of it as a bonding experience....you are going to get to know you MIL very well! I hope you two get along and kind find ways to communicate. I am sure it is sad for them to be so far away from their grandkids. Think of it this way - you have a live in babysitter for 3 weeks! You can get some things done that you want to do for yourself and your MIL can play with the kids. :)

Soooo....did you book your 3 week-long stay at the spa yet????? That's my best advice.

Well you can look at this in phases. Phase 1: Anticipation, dread, fear, stress, cleaning like a maniac. Yay! You finished Phase 1, you're a third of the way there. Phase 2: 3 weeks of the unknown. Hopefully it won't be as awful as you expect. Take it day by day and write to us every night to get it off your chest. Phase 3: Unwind, de-stress, fix marriage, readjust to life as usual.

These weeks will go fast, you can do this, you are strong! Hang in there!

I hope this turns out to be a better experience than you are expecting. But feel free to vent here as necessary.
You might remind your husband that they would really like to spend time with him. My in-laws were here for a week once and my husband did not do anything with them and it really hurt their feelings. (a long story about how he should have told them about something that was bothering him.) He should also be willing for you to do your own thing when he gets home.

Don't worry time pass very fast, enjoy......and relax don't break your head to much...

Learn another language! Dont do it for them do it for you it will build your brain cells and help ward off Alzheimers (which I never could spell, even when I was young)

uuuuuuuuuuuugghhhhhhhh.
I feel for you.
I would take the bridge if it were my driving, English speaking in-laws.
All I know is this:

You're earning some jewels for your crown.
Wine is good.
Xanax is better.

You're taking O. for the team, S H!
Will pray for you!

ETA: DEEP BREATHS, DEEP BREATHS

omg my worst nightmare. good luck!! you have my sympathy. buy yourself something NICE courtesy of your hubby after they leave. =P

Oh, FFS! Your husband may not need a translator device BUT YOU DO! Get it now and tell him too bad.

(((hugs))) I am so sorry. Maybe you guys could just all go to the beach to relax together? Ugh. I am out of ideas. I can't even imagine what you must be feeling right now. I'd be running around screaming like my hair is on fire!

You are going to need to have a heart-to-heart with your hubby about just what the expectation is for you during this.

I don't handle needy people well either. Especially when I have to spend three weeks with them. I hope your sanity is holding up.

Just retreat to your bedroom for lots of BREATHING!!! And keep in mind "this too shall pass"!

Good luck. We're here if you need us!

Since family is very important to me, I would embrace it. To me the more
the merrier. I have had family stay for several weeks. The kids just loved it.
Body language is very powerful. Bod language says a lot. If she feels you
resent her and others, it will be a terrible visit. You need to make a schedule
or plan what will happen while they are there that would help. Lots of MIL
want to help cook etc. but are afraid of intruding in another womens space.

I planned to PM you today and got busy. I recalled your previous post and I was thinking about you.

I hope things go much better than expected. I'd hate to be hostess/ entertainer for anyone for 3 weeks, most especially if I didn't speak the language.

Hang in there and keep us posted!

Your husband should have been asking them if they are going to pay for these entertaining places they want to go to and stating that you guys are not in a place finacially to cover those expenses. "Normal" guests come 3-4 days and you plan one or two "big" activities to do and the rest of the time they hang out at the house chatting and getting caught up, or wandering around the local mall, beach or park, watching family movies and looking at family photo albums. If you honestly can't communicate at all with them and your husband will be at work and your kids in school during the day, then you just go about your business and do what you normally do. You don't have to run them around every second, nor are you expected to sit on the couch and stare at them for 3 weeks. I mean honestly, this whole thing has been handled in the most ridiculous way possible. Its already a hot mess and they haven't even gotten here yet! I can't wait to hear how it goes, I may not sleep, I'll be so anxious! Good luck!!!

I'm curious what culture you'll be hosting? What language?

Most foreigners I have had in my home are quite interested in trying new foods, seeing new sites, are also a bit tired from the travel, so they enjoy peace and quiet themselves.

I suggest you try to also look at the positive side of having your husband's family over for an extended stay. Maybe they can teach you some tasty ethnic dishes your husband loves and will be a source of comfort and nurturing over the years?

There is way more to communication than just speaking the same language.

Wow, your husband needs to step up to the plate. It's his family. Try and make the most of your time with them. Don't wish it away. Life's too short for that. You may actually have fun. Try and engage them in helping you cook and maybe she likes to clean. Who knows?

Is there such thing as a college kid (bilingual and inexpensive) that you could hire as a tour guide for them? Call that language department at a local college and ask for a recommendation. Even the Brady's had a tour guide when they went to Hawaii:)!

Lighten up and have fun! Let the house get messy, order take-out and go see your beautiful islands through their eyes. Can I come next?