I am new here and I am glad I found this webside. I would like to share my sorrow with you and hopefully by reading your messages I will be able to make a change in my life. I have been married for almost 4 years and have a 3 years old boy. My husband has a very bad temper and often loses control whit me. He always starts a fight in front of our son. Every time we have a didagreement hs yells, curses or calls me names. If I have a bad day and I start yelling myself, then he grabbs my hands, pushes me against wall.....Last time he left bruises on my arms and I went and got a medical certificate. Everything I do is wrong:I'm a bad mother, a bad wife. I am working almost 10 hours every day and yes, I have days when I want to leave all the dirty dishes and all the washing and just have a rest. He freaks out! Another big issue is our son who is soooooo attached to his dad. He doesn' t want to go out with me without his dad, he won't go at bed without his dad! I feel miserable :( My husband alsoblames me that he is the only one who takes care of our son. Also uses this to threat me: if don't do this or this I won't take the kid to daycare, I won' t put him to sleep. I am sooo tired of all this:( Please can you help me with some pice of advice? Thank you so much!
No, all marriages are not like this. Please call 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) and tell them everything. They can help you.
Of course all marriages are not like this. Most are loving and caring and wonderful (or at least the people are trying to act that way!). You probably already know this, but your husband is abusive. You are in an abusive marriage.
You're the only person who can determine how much you'll put up with. Please take care of yourself. And your son.
I have been there too K.. Recently. Feel free to click on my name above and read through my posts/questions from the last few years. You are not alone! The women here are supportive and helpful (guys too). One of them sent me a link that helped a lot: www.youarenotcrazy.com/
Your little one will cling to you quickly after you leave with him. Husband will beg, plead, promise everything under the sun. It's all lies. He may have the intention to do them, but he wont. Its not who they (abusers) are. My ex STILL tries to get me to come back (a year and a half after I left, divorce final on June 10). He mows my yard when I'm not there, askes if I need my trash taken off, tells me he loves me, etc. I know that if I ever took him back he would fall into the same pattern. It may not happen all at once, but it is a habit that is as hard to break as a cigarette or drug habit. Too easy to slip back into old ways, especially when he know that he did it before and you came back anyway. It's all manipulation and control.
Be strong! Safe space shelters are trained in helping you with all the paperwork for restraining orders and filing charges and lots of other things too!
Good luck. Love and strength to you. You ARE important enough! You ARE worth it! You are a child of God also and HE wants the best for you.
Why don't you just leave... Right now? Just pack up, take your son, and leave! Find a shelter near you or go to the police station and let them help you.
Your son will adjust. He will be fine without his father. It might be hard for the first couple of days, but in the long run you BOTH will be SO much happier!
You know it's wrong. You know that your being abused. You know that this is not normal. You know that you are miserable. You know that your son is being negatively affected by this. You know what you need to do. SO DO IT!!!
Your Husband is an ABUSIVE JERK.
A monster.
Call the Cops.
Get it documented.
Take photos of your injuries and don't tell him. Get evidence for yourself.
Call the Cops.
I am just going to copy and paste this question and its answers from a couple of weeks ago, because honestly, I want to respond, but I am feeling lazy and it's just easier. And the question and the situation sound eerily similar to yours.
But, no, not all marriages are like this and they shouldn't be. Mine certainly is not, and I would not allow it to be. I would not want my children growing up thinking this is "normal", and having a son that grows up to treat his wife/girlfriend this way, or a daughter who grows up and ends up in an abusive relationship herself.
If he won't go to marriage counseling, you need to somehow go to a counselor yourself, and get the help you need to get out and be free of him. You and your son deserve better.
Obviously this is not a safe nor happy situation. It is dangerous for you and your son. Your son is learning bad behavior from his father and you if you accept this kind of treatment. Get help now. Therapy for you and your son and if your husband is agreeable. You may need to look for a trial separation for safety. Go through the Courts. Your son needs to be with you no matter how mad he gets about it. If your husband threatens you or puts hands in you again call the police and have him charged. That behavior is not to be tolerated. Protect yourself and your son. Don't be a victim. Teach your son appropriate behaviors in relationships.
No not all marriages are like this. your husband sounds like an abuser. Obviously there are many details we don't know about your marriage and situation but you don't sound happy. Neither does he. This is very unhealthy for your son to witness. This is not a happy family.
Would your husband consider counseling? Do you try and talk, not fight talk, to him about your concerns? There are some underlying issues here that you both need to address! Good luck!
If you can get out. This is not healthy. Your son is feeding off the way you are being treated by his dad and doing the same thing. Hence he is a daddys boy.
1. Get out
2. if you can not get out, get into couples therapy. But that only works if he is willing to change.
The longer your son sees this behavior, the more of an imprint it will have on him and he will do the same to his wife.
Good luck.
I think you're asking the question because you know the answer--no, not all marriages are like this; mine certainly isn't. What's equally important, no marriage should be like this. As the other answers have said, your marriage is abusive. It is damaging you AND YOUR SON. He must be terrified deep inside that all that daddy-anger could get turned against him--and there is no reason why it can't. For your sake and for your child's sake, you need to contact a domestic violence hotline and start developing your plan for getting to counseling and probably getting out. Sending you good thoughts and prayers for courage.
no, most marraiges are not like that. Your husband is a jerk! I would get out asap. If he is already putting bruises on you, next time will be worse. You need to find a way to leave him while he is at work and take your son with you. He is abusive and you need to leave him. I'm sorry you have to deal with someone like him
K., love and marriage should never be hurtful, demeaning or abusive. If I were you, I would get help from family and friends and consider filing for divorce and domestic violence.
Seek professional as soon as you can.
Keep Safe.
My husband and I have been married for 15 years and have never had a yelling/cursing fight. When we disagree about something, we discuss it like adults. If the subject is 'heavy' then we wait until the kids are away or in bed to talk about it. My husband has never physically hurt me or called me names
You are an abused woman. Physical, verbal and emotional - all of them. You do not have to remain a victim. You need to be very careful, but make plans to take your child and leave. From work, so he won't know, start contacting shelters and services like legal aid. If you have family or friends you trust, tell them what is going on and ask for their help.
When it is time to go, don't worry about most of your 'stuff'. Take only what you need and get gone.
Here is the most important thing I can tell you - Your husband does not love you. Men that love do not hurt and manipulate. Whatever feelings you have for him do not matter. Ignore them, because they can result in bad choices.
K., Did you read what you just wrote when you were done typing????I dont even mean that to be rude,Im really asking,bc what I see is an insecure,controlling man,that in my opinion doesnt deserve a loving,hardworking woman such as yourself,not to mention that little one,who seems to really want both of his parents love.I hope he stays that way,you dont want him to get "used to"you being treated this way...Maybe its time for you to say"If you do not stop this behavior,Im leaving and taking our son with me".....you work 10hr days?you sound like a very caring,hardworking mother,you can do it on your own,sounds like you already are!!!!
