Assistance Without Seeking Child Support....

I don't know if it is the same here but where my sis lives when she filed for state aid the state filed child support papers on her behalf to collect whether she wanted them to or not. hope this helps some.

Contact your local SRS office. I don't know if you're on the KS or MO side, but I live on the KS side, and had better luck by making an appointment with a person, rather than fill out all the paperwork online. I had filled out the Healthwave information 3 times and was denied each time, until I had filled it out and filed it with a caseworker.

I think in most cases the state will file for child support regardless of wether the mother wants it or not. But my advice to you is take it...that is what it is for. You didn't make this baby by yourself and you shouldn't have to raise him by yourself. If he choses not to be a part of his life and wants nothing to do with him then have him sign legal guardianship away. Then he is not responsible for child support. It might be better that way if he treats the two of you the way he does. Good luck M. and let me know if I can help!
B.

I'm going to side with Michelle on this. I can't believe you would rather go on public assistance than get child support. If you need monetary help raising your son and the father can be the one to give it, that's what needs to happen. Financial assistance from the state/taxpayers is for women who don't know the father, can't find the father to get him to pay, etc. The money is not intended to make your life any easier (if that's what your husband thinks), it is solely intended to be used to provide your son with the necessities of life: shelter, food, clothing, medical, daycare etc. I come from divorced parents. I can't tell you how much the child support check from my dad meant to my mom. He knew she wasn't out blowing it, it was something she needed in order to raise HIS children. This should be a non-negotiable point of the divorce. If nothing else put all of the child support away for your son's college/future. I really hope you think in the long-term on this issue as it will have dramatic results in the future. I wish you and your son nothing but the best and truly commend you for taking steps to better the quality of life for both of you. Good luck!!

Hi M.!

Just to make sure....call lawyers from the phone book and ask them as many questions as you want! It's free! (Most of them at least) They will answer your questions because you might need them later on.
Well done girl! I hope you dance now....
Mariana Abadie
www.MyKidsFirst.com

I don't know anything from personal ex. but would love to see answers....

I always thought from what others told me - that when you applied for aid the 'state' went after the father to help off-set the assistance they give.

I do know several people who get aid that don't get child support, but I din't know if they pursued support or not.

I'm confused about your posting. As I understand it, you are considering not seeking child support for a one year old? But at the same time you refer to assistance? I'm assuming you mean something like legal aid to help you through the process??

I think it's doubtful you will find any assistance without seeking child support and as an attorney (who does not do domestic law), I am hesitant to believe a Judge would grant a divorce without an order of support. Child Support is part of a divorce when children are involved - end of story. This would be a very bad decision on your part. Child support is not for you, it is for your son and your job as a mother is to make the best decisions for him. It is not "salt on a wound" - it is a father's legal obligation. It is not something you are wrong or antagonistic to seek - this is the deal and how our legal system works. When you get a divorce, the party without primary custody pays child support - that's just how it works and has worked for decades. To suggest you would consider not taking the money that is legally your is not rational........

I would strongly, strongly encourage you to contact legal aid or if at all possible an attorney who can advise you. You are looking at what child support is in the wrong way.

I'll be anxious to hear what other moms who have actually been in your situation will advise.....

Good luck to you.

I agree with Brandi. And yes, if you are filing for divorce in Kansas the court will probably set up the child support. I don't see why you wouldn't take it. The state will collect it for you and send you a check or auto-deposit it in your bank account. You don't have deal with the father. If you're worried that by the father paying child support, he automatically gets visitation rights then that's not the case. These are totally seperate matters. The father SHOULD pay child support, bitter divorce or not. If you file for public assistance in the state of Kansas, the state will automatically seek child support for you first.

I have to agree with the group. Your ex-husband has a responsibility to the child he helped create to pay child support. He is NOT paying it to you for your benefit, it's for the child.

Judge Judy put it best when she said that I'm paraphrasing) "it's not my responsibility to support your child when he has a father who should be doing it." In essence, that is exactly what public assistance is, other taxpayers paying and your ex gets a pass. That is not what the system was designed for. If your ex is paying child support and you still can't make ends meet, then consider public assistance but not before.

Please go through the courts and have your ex do what he is supposed to do to support his son.

I am definitely not trying to be harsh, I can only imagine how bad your situation was to make you not want anything from your ex.

Stay strong and be safe!