At Wit's End...

Just to empathize:

I looked at over 50, that's FIFTY preschools in order to find just a couple that met my standards of "safe, fun, & interesting". Who knew that would be such a hard bill to fill?

Sometimes a harder life might equal less chaos and the end result would be more positive.
If you keep your eye on the prize and stay focused as much as you possibly can and continue to work toward YOUR goals you will get there.
I would hope, at the very least, your son's father has the decency to help financially with his son--and in that particular instance--I would make him step up to the plate.
Hang tough!

After the divorce I was left a full-time single mother, cause dad lived across the country and made no attempt. I did not have my parents for help, so I was sadly on my own. It was tough, but it was me and my little man in everything we did.

It's your life, its all your choice. Stand strong and faithful through it all, and the chaos will work its way out.

If the only way for you to find yourself your own time, then maybe you might need to find a place of your own. Just make sure that you don't put yourself in a bad situation.

Hang in there!!!

I'm so sorry, M.. That does sound hard. I noticed that you worked at the Children's Museum and at preschool classes. Have you ever thought of having a job or hobby that doesn't include children? You know, just to give you some "me time." Probably child care is an issue, right? As a mom of a 4 1/2 year old and a 2 1/2 year old and one on the way, I totally know where your coming from as far as "me time." I can't possibly say that I understand the hardships of being a single mom, but Praise God that you have family near by to help support you! (Even if they are, well, your family :). All I can say is, (and I say this to myself) this is a short season of life and it is hard, but it is not always going to be this way.

A. N.
Austin

I have been there. I was a single mother for 5 years and lived with my parents for 2 of those years. Similar situation with my son's father as well. First off my father always said "There is no house big enough for two families." and he's right. I love my parents dearly and they helped me out but it was difficult to truely be a parent to my son and having to intertwine our schedules didn't always work for me because I was expected to go along with what my mom wanted. I eventually found a house just big enough for my son and me and you would have thought the moon rotated. Everything started looking up, better relationship with my son, better relationship with my parents, not as much stress - although being a single parent you will definitely have your fair share.

As in the way of daycare, we've also had a fair share of bad ones. Not sure if they have one there but here in Austin my son went to El Sass Acadamy and loved it. It was about the same cost of daycare and totally worth every penny. I would ask around to parents in your area where there kids go. You said you're a preschool teacher, would he be able to go to the preschool where you teach? Even if he's with another teacher you know whether he would benefit or not.

DON'T FORGET TO TAKE TIME FOR YOURSELF. You need your time as well. Let Grandma watch your son while you go do anything. Bath, shop, errands, etc. Join a singles group at a church. I know ours is very active and the ladies do an outing at least once a month. Either to an art class, or mani/pedi, etc. Some of them are single parents as well and use that as time to themselves and with a church group you don't have to worry about the outing being to a bar or nightclub. Hang in there. It's a struggle but it gets better. I'm now married, own a beautiful home(could even be listed as my dream home) and have 2 beautiful boys. There is a light at the end of the tunnel and a lot of wonderful times to be had. Hang in there and remember it's about what's best for you and your son.

There is always going to be an end to chaos!!! Just remember that :) Have you thought of maybe a home care preschool? Just putting it out there, some of them are really great.

It took my husband and I 7 years of school and chaos to finally feel more normal in our schedule and even then it still gets difficult.

You are doing great, just try and find a good mom's support system so that your life is somewhat separate from your mom's.

Keep your chin up, I don't think many people have it harder than a single mom!
There are many programs and services for single moms, there may be help our there that you could tap in to. Don't be ashamed to ask others to fill in the void the father is leaving as a provider. You need to do the best you can for your son even if that means swallowing your pride.
I doubt you have exceptionally high standards, a good preschool is very important and there are a lot of indifferent or even bad preschools out there. Keep trying, once you find the right one you can stick with it for years.

I just moved back in with my parents also with my little boy (6 yrs old) and it's really hard, expecially when you have been on your own for so long but it will get better. I havn't read all of the other posts so I hope I'm not repeating what they said but you need to talk to other parents in your area. Get recmd.'s from them on the schools. Go out and tour them and definately check them out. I checked with my church I attended 20+ yrs ago and low and behold they offered a school right there at the church. I checked it out and was very impressed.

You also seem really upset and perhaps lost and I know that feeling of depending on your family and not having the privacy and independence you had before. I just made up my mind that we had to adjust. My son & I are staying on the same routine. Get up, Brush the Teeth, Go to School, Come home have a snack, Do homework and then fun time with mom before dinner. It has been nice because I don't have to cook every night, however I am still cooking every other night, which is ok. We go on walks at the park, I set up play dates for my son. & once a week, I do something for myself like visiting with a friend or going to play bingo whatever the mood is. I pay my mom to keep and eye on my kiddo while I'm out and it makes me feel better to do that. It will be ok you just have to find your routine and before you know it you will be back out there again.

Hello! Where in Houston do you live. There is a wonderful preschool on the West side of Houston? Hang in there.... God Bless!

Take your child to one and work with him at home or weekends also, he needs the friends and time away just like you do, Kids can bounce and he will also. Each teacher has his or her own way of doing things and they will also. YOU CAN DO THIS FOR THE BOTH OF YOU--------GOOD LUCK

You might try asking some of the parents around what schools they recommend. I know of a couple of fantastic options in my part of town, but I had to ask the moms & dads I worked with and met through my area's mom's group to find them. Many parts of town have groups for mom's with small children, do a search to find ones in your area if you don't know of any. They tend to be wealths of info specific to your area (play dates, mom knowledge, second-hand items that their own kids have outgrown). I live near Meyerland & Bellaire, so if you are out this way, email me & I can help.

I also yearn for my own time & independence. I have two small boys (3 & 11 mos.) and a husband who works LONG LONG hours. He is currently out of town for a month. So, in many respects (not financially) I am a single mom who relies on the help of family. It can be SO frustrating. Every time I have an agenda (say, a Dr's appointment, dinner plans) the boys seem to have their own. Feel like my house is a whirlwind of barely contained, unorganized chaos! Sometimes you have to complain to get the negativity out. You can't stuff it down all the time. You have to create room for the positivity. The truth is, things may not settle down and really allow you autonomy until your son is in school. Take it as you can, one day at a time, or just one minute! The truth is, this to shall pass. Whether things are bad or good, they always pass.

Best of luck to you. If I can be of any help, please do contact me privately & I will do my best!

Try to look at the light at the end of the tunnel and take things day by day. When I became a single mom I rented a studio apt and slept on a couch, dividing the room with a wall unit and making a semi bedroom for my son. It was close quarters but it was mine. I love my mom dearly, but when we tried to live together after I was married and had a child it didn't work for us. My mom wanted to overindulge (as grandparents should lol) my son and it was really causing issues for me. No bedtime, eat ice cream before dinner, you get the picture. Plus it was very confusing for my son, with different people having different rules. If at all possible can you rent a one room and do the same, it isn't that expensive and it will give you the freedom and independence you are craving. If you can stick it out and stay with your mom that is probably your best chance at finishing your education and saving some money. Good luck I feel your pain!!

With my son we had a few bad experiences and had to switch daycares a few times. I'm not sure what area you are in but we had a great experience with a Montessori school in Missouri City. You may want to look for montessori school in your area.

The only other advice I can give you is that if you don't like your situation, set some goals and outline a way to achieve them. If money is an issue I would suggest checking out Dave Ramsey, he has some great books and seminars with tips on how to get out of debt and manage your finances. No get rich quick scheme he has just sound common sense advice that works.

I know it's hard, but hang in there it won't be this way forever!

You sound really, really down. This sounds facetious, I know, but I think you need to hand your boy over to his grandparents for one hour, take some time out, and give yourself a bubble bath and a pedicure. Maybe have a little chocolate, too - that's always helpful. (Do something for your mother in return if you need to.)

Life is tough. Once people get out of one difficulty, they generally find themselves in another before long. It's not just you. It's that kind of planet! You may think the folks around you have their acts all together, but you have no idea what's going on inside their minds and hearts (and homes).

After you get out of the tub and your polish has dried, read a book to your son, hug him, put him to bed, get out a notebook and pencil, and write down everything positive in your life right this minute. That includes your son, your parents' home, your job, your boss (I hope), your work colleagues, food on the table, the sunshine outside, the leaves on the trees (maybe even in Texas the leaves are turning now), any nice neighbors you can think of, the color of... (you fill in the blank), ANYTHING, even the tiniest. Hang on to that list, and add to it whenever you can.

This probably seems silly and Pollyanna-ish (those books get a bad rap, by the way), but you're totally right in saying that a positive attitude is very important, and you have to work at it daily. Sometimes you have to rescue it daily.

Once you feel you're out of the dumps (because you can't do any good thinking when you're down there), do you have anyone to talk with to help you make a plan for your future? You mention that you have goals and ambitions. People with goals and ambitions often need advisers and even mentors! If you have a church home, you could start there to find someone who will help you lay out a workable plan. Even if the place where you live is in seeming chaos, if your mind has a plan, you can be more successful at rising above the chaos around you.

You WILL find a good preschool for your son, or else you'll find one that "will do for now" and you'll know what you need to do for him at home that will fill in the gaps. People don't always find the ideal school (which is a shame), but they educate their children well anyhow. You know that you can't change other people, including your son's father, so you can let him know friendly neighbors with whom he can have good relationships. The road isn't straight or smooth, but you can travel it. I think that along the way you'll find more friends than you think you have right now.