Baby Breaks Everything!!!

What a bummer!
I did daycare for many years and I can count on one hand things that got broken. That doesn't count a flimsy little car or something that got stepped on by accident. Those types of things happen all the time.
I had a few kids that would tell me, "My mom lets me do this or that" and I would simply say, "I'm not your mom and you're at my house. We don't do things like that here."
Even though this boy is only a year old, talk to him as if he understands you.
You can gather up the things he's broken and present them to the parents at the end of the day, but, if they let him do what he wants, they might not think it's a big deal OR wonder why he isn't being watched closely enough so that he doesn't have a chance to break things.
I took care of babies as well and I was just really firm about, "We don't touch that!" "We don't yank toys.' We don't hit each other!" It really makes for your need to have much more consistancy with the kid at your house because believe it or not, most little ones are fine with boundaries at someone elses home. I taught a kid to walk. His mother didn't believe me until she peaked in when she was at home and thought he was asleep and found him walking all over his room. He had never taken a step at home, but why would he? They carried him everywhere.
I potty trained him. Mom didn't believe me. And every day she brought him in a diaper at 4 years old. She finally noticed something was awry when she realized I wasn't using all the diapers she sent. I told her he didn't use them anymore. She laid him down and put a diaper on him before taking him home anyway. He was still messing his diapers but she never sat him on the toilet at home. I let her watch from outside while everybody took a turn going potty and sure enough, he pulled his pants down and sat on the potty and went and everybody said, "Yay!" She didn't believe it until she saw it.

You might say to the parents..."I really love your little guy and enjoy having him for the most part, but he breaks things household items, toys. He breaks baby proofing devices. He has hit my daughter with toys and he's bitten her twice. I can handle a rough and tumble boy to an extent, but I'd like some feedback from you as to whether or not he's allowed to do these things at home and what's the best way for me, in your opinion, to deal with him here because I can't allow these things to continue for this to work out.
Should I make a list of incidents so you can talk to him about it at home or at least give you the opportunity to tell him he needs to be more gentle? He's only 1 and I think if we work together on this, things will improve."

You need to clarify with them that hitting or biting will result in a time out in a crib or packnplay or whatever you have for him. Purposely breaking toys will result in a time out. And, there may be crying involved because he likely won't appreciate being moved from the situation. Are they going to be cool with that? You don't know what else to do. If they don't like it...they can find somewhere else for their child to go.

He may be the king at their house, but that's not to say he's the king of yours and that's something he will have to figure out. Hopefully, the parents will be on board with you. He may be going through a phase, but at what point does a phase just become "normal" behavior to a child if limits aren't set? He may not have any comprehension as to why he does these things, but he can get the idea that doing them results in being removed from the situation and put somewhere else for a minute or two.
I have let a couple kids go to other daycares because it just wasn't working out. Their lists of demands were to the extent that it wasn't even my own house anymore, let alone any consideration for the other children I had.
One kid (or parents) directing what everyone else got to do just wasn't in anyone's best interest. And, I know for a fact, those parents had a very difficult time finding anyone else to watch their kids.
They should have hired someone in home to concentrate on their children only.
Sometimes you have to just let it go.
Since the parents you are speeking of do take the agression seriously, hopefully you can find a way to make it work. But I wouldn't hide the amount of agression or things that get broken from them. If you do...they won't know the extent of it.
Maybe even video the biting or hitting or breaking incidents so they know you aren't making it up.

I wish you the very best!

I hope you get it worked out.

It would seem, from the point of view of your needs, that you could tell the parents you can't afford the breakage caused by their son. It would seem, from their point of view, that you don't have adequate control over his environment, or enough alternative directions you can guide him in. It's possible this little boy is just a bad match for you, and would do better with someone who can keep closer tabs on his activity. I can see that it would be very hard to give him enough one-on-one attention with an even younger child to care for.

It's a tough situation for all of you, you, your daughter, and the little boy's family. Probably for the little guy, too, if he's getting different expectations and modeling at home and at your house, and if you're becoming tense and reactive about his energy level.

Beyond getting their expectations more in line with yours, and coming to an agreement with you about how much/what types of correction are acceptable for them, there's very little the parents can do about events that happen at your house. Misbehavior in young children really has to be addressed and redirected immediately, or there's not much point. He won't know a few hours later what he's being scolded or punished for. Not that those approaches have much impact on a child so young, anyway.

Sorry to hear about your tense situation. I hope you come up with a solution that works for you.

You need to have a really direct conversation with the mama. It's confusing for a kid to have 2 sets of rules. I don't know if you've ever taken your children to daycare or a sitter, but put yourself in her shoes. His mom isn't going to agree with you. And she's not going to change her parenting to accomodate you. As a parent, she may think it's perfectly acceptable behavior for his age and come to the conclusion that you just don't like her son. I wouldn't want my children somewhere they weren't loved, much less liked. I'm not saying she's right. She's doing this kid a real disservice by not setting boundaries. But it's a sticky wicket when you get into giving unsolicited parenting advice. If that's the way she chooses to raise her children and it's disruptive for you, just ask her to make other arrangements. If he gets kicked out of daycare a couple times she may take a new look at her parenting style.

If it is such a problem, you can stop baby sitting the child.
If so many things in your home are getting damaged/broken.. have the parents pay for it to replace it or for cleaning it or fixing it.
You need to document everything, take photos of broken/damaged items etc. For proof, for your sake as well. And itemize it.

Ultimately, if he is not a good fit... then stop baby sitting him.

Again, not all kids have to, be baby sat... if they are damaging your home/child.

I used to baby sit. One girl I cared for, was a real case. She also caused trouble to my own daughter and my daughter HATED the child coming over and got so stressed by it. I tried, everything and talking to the parents.. but finally, I just had to stop watching this child. It was much better after that.
There is only so much you can do. And like you said, you cannot 'change' the parenting of this child.

You need to tell the parents. THEY are responsible. This is your home and child. I certainly HOPE you told them that their son BIT your baby?
If this happened in a school or facility... they would be telling these parents.

all the best,
Susan

I would request that the parents of the boy find other arrangements. That is not good for you or your daughter.

Wait a sec...this boy is 1?! 1 years old and he's that destructive? 1 year olds are still babies. Hardly able to grasp rules such as 'no biting' or hitting, not that they can't, I just doubt "setting a compassionate example" would sink in much for him. Now if he's closer to 2, I can see it, though a baby that age is still pretty mentally unformed. Yes, I would definitely speak to his parents...tell them your concerns and see if they'll offer to compensate you for what's broken. His aggression may just be a stage that he's going through. If it doesn't get better maybe you should rethink taking care of him anymore. Good luck!

Several years ago I had my own at-home-daycare. I had a little boy join our group just like the little guy you have only on Tues & Thurs (M-W-F Grandma watched him). You described my litte guy to a T! I tried everything to get him to understand boundries and how to play nice with the other babies, toys, cat, etc. I would talk to his parents and would get a response of, "Oh, we really don't do that at our house." So, after a few months I gently explained to his mom that he just didn't fit in our group. She of course was upset but I needed to what was best for me, my house and my other babies.

Best of luck to you! I've been there and understand.

If I found out my son was destroying things at my sitter's house... You bet your butt that I would start replacing and making sure her and I are on the same page for discipline. I would NEVER expect her to deal with my son being a little snot.

If he's quite a bit younger than his sister (5yrs or more), he may be treated more like an only and last child. The parents may not necessarily see what they're teaching him or what they're actually doing "wrong".

I say for sure talk to them. If they are jerks about it... Then you should tell them you can't sit for them anymore. There are health risks to biting and of course obviously, fighting. There are plenty of people that would highly appreciate a wonderful sitter/caretaker for their little one.

Editing to add- I agree about the way to teach a biter not to bite is for them to experience it. When I was little, my mom told me to bite back. Especially the little boy that bit me and many other kids. After I bit him... He never did it again! Not that the adult should be the one to "show" them how it feels.

he has to follow rules at your house. and the only way to stop a biter is to bite him back so it hurts. not that u should bite someone elses kid. and yes u should talk to parents about replacing items. then keep all breakable toys and stuff out of sight

Hi H.,
I'm sorry about your frustration. That is one reason I swore to never put my kids in day care! I took care of my best friend's baby for 2 years. She was born 2 days before my second child.
Usually when you are taking care of someone's child you are doing them a favor, keeping their child with friends, in a home rather than an institution, feeding them better than the other option etc. With this in mind, I think the parents would be more than happy to listen to you and hear your suggestions. If you go to them and say kindly "listen, there are a few things I need to discuss with you about "Johnny"....I'd like to keep taking care of him, but there are a few things that need work." And list them in the order of least important to most important (they'll remember the last thing you said best). If they listened to you about the aggression, then I think they'll hear you out on the defiance, needing boundaries, and paying for the casualties.
Best wishes,
K.

You and his parents should check out the Love and Logic workshop on Aug 11 here:
http://www.InspiredABQ.com
This boy needs gentle but firm boundaries and natural consequences. Lovingly offered.