Bad Dreams? - Trinidad,CO

I completely understand what you are going through! I used to dream about once a week that my husband was cheating on me - he wasn't. I felt so drained and hurt when I awoke because it felt so real! I never did figure out why I was dreaming this and eventually the dreams just stopped. I researched the meaning behind simply by using google, and the best explanation I found was that I was feeling some sort of insecurity in my life, not necessarily with him, but maybe with him or just generally. Could be worry over a new job or a new baby manifesting itself in a loss of control with your relationship. Or, was your dad in the picture as a child? Mine cheated on my mom and left, so maybe that was the reason for my dreams. It really could be a hundred different things. Any change can bring on a dream that may or may not be representative of the actual change that is occurring in real life.

I have tried many "what deams mean" books to provide me a solution to no avail.

The thing I found helped the most was talking to my hubby about these dreams after I had them. He made me feel reassured and it was very helpful. He also shared with me that he had similar dreams about me. It was just easier for him to shake them off!

Good luck in finding a solution - and NO, you are definitely not a weirdo! PM me if you would like to talk more. I totally know how you feel!

Hi T.,

Oh - that sucks!!!!!

I don't think you're a wierdo!!!! But I do believe that our subconcious has to work through stuff and if we don't do it conciously while we are awake it nabs us while we are asleep.

I do think that what we dream is not always exactly what the issue is but representative in a safe way. So, if things are all good with hubs..... then your mind felt it was 'safe' to express your insecurity about something else by using him. That's why if you dream about 'death' it doesn't mean someone is going to die.... it usually means you are undergoing change in your life in some way and your mind is working through it.

As with all lifes 'stuff' the only way out is through..... so figure out what IS stressing you and fix THAT.... then the dreams should reflect the change in your subconcious.

Good luck.

Dreams are often our way of working through our fears and insecurities, solving "puzzles" ahead of time in an abstract way so that we can build up a set of possible "paths" to follow should a scenario occur.

So if you want to "backwards analyze" you dream think about this:

What does your husband SYMBOLIZE in your life? Is he stability, comfort- home? What does his ex wife symbolize?

If your dream is telling you something... it is probably not "telling the future" - so put that out of your head. Instead, examine what your mind and emotions are revealing about YOU, and what you are afraid of. Do you need to let go of something, or strengthen your security in your home or yourself?

I find that when I have had scary dreams... talking them out with someone really helps. Just getting them out there and then saying what I THINK they mean to me. Usually after a few minuted of talking about the dream I stumble upon something that has been bugging me in the REAL world... something that once I uncover is easy to work on or fix, and usually it is only symbolically related to what I am dreaming about.

Oh- and relax... try to go to bed "happy" every night, if you go to bed stressed out, your brain will be "looking for trouble" at night, because it thinks that something is threatening your well being. So be happy- sleep happy!

Good Luck!
-M.

I have had some very draining dreams like that too, of my fiance just leaving me and not telling me why and refusing to answer my calls etc. When I wake up I still feel the emotional drain of the dream. which is horrible, I usually tell my fiance and he just laughs and said that sounds like me but i am not gonna do that to you. He has has had terrible dreams about me cheating on him that leave him feeling yucky too! I always try & reassure him too. I think the dream may be a subconscious fear but nothing more. Do your best to move past it. maybe talking with your hubby about it will help..

I've had dreams like that - my husband cheating, or just being an absolute jerk to me, and I wake up feeling hurt and resentful. And that is so far from the truth in real life! So I'm totally knowing how you feel.
Dreams are just our brain's way of working through things. The subconscious accesses our memories and uses things like that to work out stuff that can be totally unrelated to the dream. For example, I've dreamed many times that I'm going back to a job I quit long ago (usually one that I hated) and really wanting to do well. I don't think it's my brain telling me I should go back. It's more likely a feeling that I left something (not at all related to work or the job) unfinished, and my brain is trying to work it to completion. I think it's similar with the husband dreams. My brain (and yours) isn't saying there's something going on that you're not picking up on in your waking hours; it's just using that as a platform for working out something totally unrelated. (I just wish I could figure out what it's referring to so I can resolve it and change the dreams.)

I've found that my best solution, after one of these 'my-husband-hates-me' dreams is to talk to him. Tell him I had a crazy dream about him, and it was so far from the truth but it still upset me. He usually responds with extra love and understanding. Try that? (Don't necessarily tell him you dreamed he was cheating, esp with an ex, if he's likely to get upset over that. Just that it was a dream that left you feeling insecure or unhappy)

The general consensus in the scientific community is that our dreaming is our mind processing information... BUT... that's only consensus (and not everyone agrees). No one REALLY knows WHY we dream. Science doesn't answer "whys". Science answers "how" & "what". Religion answers "why". Which is why the two don't actually conflict in any way, 2 different sets of questions. But people have been asking why/how we dream and what those dreams mean, for millennia. Possibly for all time.

I agree with the moms that say your dreams are symbolic and it is important to find out what the meaning is for you. I often have clients that will just pour out the dream to me, either in a session or in an email, and we look for all the hidden languaging and representations within the dream.

A great way to do this on your own is to try some free-flow journaling when you first wake up. Try and just write, without censoring, for three pages. The journaling doesn't have to make sense, you don't have to worry about grammer or punctuation. Just pour out on paper what you are feeling and thinking the instant you wake up. You will find that, over time, if you just allow yourself free reign in your writing that the meanings, fears, symbols, questions, and concerns will all show up for you.

The important thing is to not force the information or censor your writing at all. The writing needs to just flow out. You have all the answers inside of you. Often the critical voice in our heads get in the way of hearing the answers. The critical voice will tell us "you shouldn't feel that way," "you can't think that way," "you are a horrible person for even imagining such a thing." Just let the critical voice run and don't connect with or buy in to what it has to say. Be curious and open rather than judging what shows up.

My advice to you is to quit obsessing over it. My husband did cheat, and we made peace w/ one another. Hardest thing I ever did was to get over it. My husband loves me dearly and wants only me (it was a cold feet cheat) However I still to this day have bad dreams but not very often. I found that if you obsess over it, its bound to come true, especially if you are confronting your husband about it. They will eventually make your dreams a reality due to the fact they get sick of the insecurity. I found positive reinforcement in my own mind helped clear the air in my own head. Meditation works to. Only say positive words in your head e.g. "my husband loves me dearly, he only wants me"..... etc. I hoped this helps. You can go to dreamdictionary.com and it can help desipher your dreams