Bad Nightmares

Updated on February 13, 2008
K.M. asks from Sparta, TN
16 answers

My 4 yr old daughter has always slept in her own room in her own bed every since she was a few months old. We have never had any problems with it until recently. For the past week as soon as i say bedtime she starts having a meltdown. She screams this piercing continuous scream and throws herself down and kicks and squirms and just cries until she is coughing and just about making herself sick. She keeps saying her room is too dark but i leave the nightlight and the closet light on. She talks about this nightmare she had and talks about ghosts and how they scare her. A couple nights ago we started bedtime at 7:30 and I could not get her to go to sleep until 11:00. It is wearing both of us out! I have tried laying down with her for a little while but as soon as i get up she pops up. Ive read bedtime stories and ive checked her room for ghosts or monsters. We have said bedtime prayers and made forts around the bed. I am completely out of ideas does anyone have any suggestions?!

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T.R.

answers from Little Rock on

I haven't actually had this problem, but I remember Jo Jo addressing it once on super nanny. She said to buy a spray bottle and fill it with water and some kind of fragrance to make "monster repellant" and spray it around the bed and in closet at night. I thought that was pretty creative and sounded like it might work.

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L.L.

answers from Little Rock on

Give her a magic wand that lights up. Tell her to use it when she sees the ghost that gives her control over the problem

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K.M.

answers from Johnson City on

HI K.,
I have a 6 year old and a 5 year old. They both went through this same thing at about the same age as your daughter. Several things we did helped but I think time and reassurance really does the trick. My daughter was comforted by a Bible under her pillow and night light. I explained to her that dreams were scary but they were like watching a movie they were not real. My son is really afraid of the dark so we let him sleep with his big light on. After he is "good" and asleep we turn it off. My son also liked hearing about silly dreams that I have had which I embellished a little. He could understand that they were not real. He also liked a book I checked out from the children's section at the library. It was called something like "There's an alligator under my bed". We pray with them both that they would feel safe in their beds even when they do wake up from a bad dream they can say "Thank you God that was just a dream".

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M.T.

answers from Nashville on

Sylvia Brown says that young children like that really do see spirits. I don't know. I wish I could see them so I could ask them if I do the right things on a daily basis.... but that is beside the point.
I haven't had this problem yet ( I have an 18 month old) but if I did, I think that I would let her sleep in my room for a little while, maybe a night or two or a week) Yeah it may be a pain but I would probably tell her that there is nothing to be afaid of that God protects her and that if she is scared she can sleep in my room JUST for a few nights and then she has to go back to her room and sleep. Then try that and see what happens. At least you will get a couple of nights sleep and it may do the trick.

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A.M.

answers from Fort Smith on

Hi, K.! I would ask her about her dreams and look into dream dictionaries to find a maning behind them. Dreams are the brains way of digesting(sub-consciously) all that happens in our conscious lives. Maybe she is having a difficulty in her awake life that she doesn't have the vocabulary to explain to you. So, listen to her dreams and also ask her to describe the monsters and ghosts and get to know if they are the same ones all the time or do they vary. If they are the same you should do more research on the underlying meaning of the colors backgrounds, textures, etc......
I really think it's a spiritual, sub-conscience thing. But, you don't know unless you research it. Good Luck to you and your daughter.

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L.L.

answers from Nashville on

First, it's just a stage. Get yourself a can of air freshener, wrap it in plain paper and write really big on it "RAID FOR MONSTERS & GHOSTS" or something equally silly. At bedtime make a big to do about opening her closet and zapping the ghost you find in there. Yes, this does confirm that there are ghosts in the closet, however, you just killed it with the Raid. Has she watched anything like Monsters Inc or something that would suddenly cause this Ghost/Monster phobia lately?

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T.A.

answers from Lake Charles on

Hello, I'm not sure if what I have to say will help or not. All my life,even back to 3yr. old I have had dreams/nitemares every day. I've begun to think it's genetic, because 2 of my 4 children are the same way. Now it has shown itself with my 2yr.old grandson as well. I'm 41yr.old married now 23yrs,have 4 children and 1 grandchild that I take care of 24-7. Every nite still of my life I can't stop the dreams/nitemares,my oldest daughter(who is also the mom of my grandson)has many nitehaunts every day-now her son ,my little Nicko is the same way. He won't even open his eye's when I go in there and try to wake him from them. I don't know how to help him,like I couldn't help my daughter every time-and I can't always stop my own any given nite. If there is no underlining reason for this to be happening,I would suggest watching it closely and maybe looking into some professional assist. I've gone through some counseling/dream therapy, still to no exact help. I can still to this day totally describe dreams/mares I had when I was 4yr.old as well as the one's that woke me up last night. Be patient and if they continue,check out some therapy options. I'm still hopefull that someday I will have a peacefull night's sleep. Good luck and God bless you and your's PS. I was never scared of the dark,nor my 2 children having nitemare's. I know my grandson that is having them now is also not scared of the dark, so this issue can't be attributed to that aspect,like I said I do belive it can be something in the gene-makeup. Why? I would love to know the answer.

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J.H.

answers from Nashville on

If you are not to strict about children sleeping only in their beds, let her sleep with you. We did that with my oldest son, when he was 4 and was having trouble sleeping. It helped all of us get some sleep. After he got over the initial scare of the night mares we put him in his bed and laid with him till he went to sleep. This did start a bed time routine of laying with him everynight, but it is also a special time where we talk of stuff that doesn't come up during the day. He is 8 now and we set a timer for 10 min. and after the timer goes off we leave.

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M.G.

answers from Huntsville on

K.,
It is a stage and they all go through it and it will end...I also did the can of Monster Acid, we would go on a hunt before bed spray them, make them melt and then we would vaccuum them up and toss them in the trash. I also gave her a water bottle to keep beside her bed to spray if she need it, drop some lavander oil in the bottle for a pleseant smell. I also made sure she had her special light and night music on. Em had a cd player with a repete button with her favorite ocean sounds and we would just hit the repete button to keep her calm.
Make bedtime a normal routine again, bath, rid the room of monsters, ready the room for bed, read a story, we also gave Emma good dreams to dream at night, I would pick three things that she loves, or places or adventures. I would lay next to her and rub her forehead and temples and tell her what she would dream. Tell her that you are not going to sleep with her, and stay consistent. Leave the room after your ritual and keep her door open, tell her as long as she stays in her bed or room the door stays open. Go back and check on her periodically but do not go in the room. I know it is hard but just keep trying. It will eventually work. Kids at school like to talk so ask her teacher if they have been talking among themselves about monsters. Hope this helps good luck.

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M.B.

answers from New Orleans on

I know your plight. When my daughter started this it was around christmas time and I had all of the christmas decorations out. I was bearly holding on to the last straw one night when she was in her bed and I was in the livingroom sorting the decorations. At that point I came across this little cherib praying. She is white and no more than from the shoulders up and about 4 or 5 inches high...so not real big. I brought it into my daughters room and placed it on the dresser. I told her that this was her guardian angel and she was going to look over her no matter what. She gave her a name and every night would talk to her and ask her for her special protection. We have never had a problem since and that was 7 years ago. Sometimes, anything is worth a shot.

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S.H.

answers from Huntsville on

Have you tried talking to her about the ghosts & monsters? Where has she heard about them? Why does she think they are in her room? etc. Maybe you could try to explain to her that these are just stories & are not real.

If you think it will work, maybe you could buy her a new "special" bear (or other stuffed animal) & tell her this bear will protect her from the ghosts & monsters & have her keep in in the bed with her.

Good luck!

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E.B.

answers from Nashville on

Does your daughter go to day care? If so you might want to check on what is being taught her and question what they do all day. Is there a possibility that she is being molested in any way? You might want to get her to a child psycologist. It onlytakes one "bad" thing to start this kind of reaction.

A little about me:
I am a 84 yearold great grand mother who has spent much time taking care of grandchildren and great-grandchildren and have studied children for many years.
E. B

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R.M.

answers from Nashville on

Perhaps you just need to be firm with her? Tell her there are no ghosts in her room, dreams aren't real, etc. When my 5 year old daughter wants me to lie down with her, I tell her I will check on her in a little while. I leave the door open a crack with the hall light on as well as her night light. Half an hour later, if she has been quiet but is still awake, I lie down with her for a few minutes. She likes me to scratch her back and sing songs. I limit it to three and don't really sing, more like whisper the words. Then we lie quietly for a few minutes - I don't let her carry on a conversation - it's time to sleep! If she wants me to stay longer, I tell her again that I will check on her in a little bit. I also tell her what I have to do like wash dishes, check e-mails, whatever. Usually, she will be asleep when I check on her 30 minutes later.

One other note is that my daughter thought dreams could come true. You know how all the princesses have their "dreams" come true by marrying a prince and living happily ever after? She thought that meant dreams the princesses had while sleeping! Something to think about....

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T.A.

answers from Alexandria on

I would try to find out where they are coming from. Has she seen any scary movies, such as the Disney Monster House, or maybe worse with a baby sitter or someone else. I have a sister who started having nightmares after watching a movie with my brother. My parents didn't know about it and neither did my brother she hid behind a chair and watched with out any one knowing she was there. If this is the case explain to her make believe and reality. Other than that, try putting on some very calming music that can play all night. It has been known to help.

T.

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S.D.

answers from Nashville on

This is what I did with my little girl when she had nightmares. We would say a prayer at night when I put her in bed that she would have happy dreams, God would protect her through the night, there would not be any ghosts or monsters in her room. I told her that if she was scared she could come and get in bed with mommy. She always started out in her room "like a big girl." There were nights she was OK and slept in her own room and there were other nights that she was afraid and slept with me.

There was one last thing that I never told anyone that I did. I had a friend that told me that children can sometimes see spirits that adults cannot see. I had no idea if this was true or not. But, I would go into her room while she was in the bathtub and say what my friend told me to say, "If there are any spirits in this room, I command you to leave in the name of Jesus Christ."

She outgrew the nightmares and monsters stage and I don't think there was ever anything in her room at night. Sometimes children just need their momma and there is nothing wrong with that.

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H.E.

answers from Knoxville on

I'm wondering if she watched a movie or TV show (even one "made for children") that has scared her. I'm just thinking that since you said this started so suddenly. My son, who will be 3 on Monday, LOVE Mickey Mouse, and has never been scared of anything (but we're incredibly careful about what we let him watch, or even what's on the TV if he's up). But, my Mom bought him the Mousketeers movie at a consignment sale this summer, and he was so excited to watch it ... but immediately had nightmares after watching it. Not sure why it, of everything else, scared him when other things haven't in the past (even movies that "scare" my friends' kids like The Incredibles, etc.). He kept talking about the "bad guys" and he had nightmares and woke often that night ... that movie refers to the villians as "bad guys." Since, we haven't let him watch that one, and he's been fine. That may not be it for your daughter, but you might want to just check and see what she's watched recently and if something like that might have scared her ... just a thought! Good luck!

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