Becoming a Surrogate

Just a thought from a biological and also a foster/adopt mother...
Adoptees have a lot of issues as they grow up and try to work through their reality.
Rather than intentionally create an adoptee, why not gear an infertile couple to the foster care system, where there are thousands of children in limbo as they wait for a forever family?

Did it, loved it, would do it again if I could. :) My surro-doodle is now 5 years old.

I started my research at www.surromomsonline.com and read this book: http://www.amazon.com/Matter-Trust-Guide-Gestational-Surr...

Six years later, I'm sure there are more resources.

I was matched through an agency, as I wanted professionals to handle everything. I went through Texas Surrgacy Solutions, which was run by an attorney would had children via surrogacy, and an infertility counselor, Wendy Bauer. From the testing I had to go through to the first meeting with my Intended Parents, signing contracts to taking care of the prebirth order, they handled it all.

It was, without a doubt, the most amazing, awesome, wonderful thing I've done in my life, save for having my own children.

The drawbacks? Shots. Huge, intramuscular shots for weeks on end, causing horrible bruising to my rear end. Horrible morning sickness. Being pregnant but not getting to decorate a nursery or shop for baby clothes or dream about names. But NONE of that is anything that would stop me from doing it again, if I could (I've had 4 c-sections with lots of scar tissue, so no more pregnancies for me). What small issues there were were so m easly compared to seeing my IM hold her baby.

That said, I had great IPs. I've known plenty of surros who don;t get along with their IPs. My IM had lost five pregnancies, so she was prone to worry. Some surros can get pissy if they feel like their IPs aren't trusting them or are too demanding. I think that's hogwash & I did everything I could, everything that my IM wanted because I was carrying HER baby. My body, sure, but HER baby.

The contract is VERY specific. You can see examples at the site I gave you, I believe. Your IPs will pay for your own attorney to help you with the contract. If you go through an agency, they may have an attorney they use for surros; otherwise, you can find recommendations at the site as well. Experienced surros are very helpful & willing to share info, links, stories, copies of their contracts, etc. so definitely look at the message boards there.

Another awesome source of info are the surros' blogs & online diaries. The most helpful place to me during my surrogacy was the Yahoo group TOSS, Texas Oklahoma Surrogacy Solutions. A fantastic group of ladies! We had pretty regular get-togethers, which was fun.

I could talk about this subject forever, really! I'll stop now, but if you have any more questions or whatever, please feel free to email me. I'll also direct my bestest bud Tiff here; she was also a surro & we met through TOSS.

DO IT!! I was forwarded this from a dear friend. I was a surrogate and LOVED it!! It was the best thing I have ever done. I myself have four children. My oldest is 16 and my other three are triplets aged 8. My triplets were 2 when we decided to become surrogate. The baby was born when they were three. The whole time all my children understood that "baby Thomas" belong to Uncle Jose and Aunt Betty. We are still in contact with them and got to spend a week with them last summer. I know I got to assist God in four miracles with the birth of my own children but, to give life to someone else who can't ..... WOW!! It was incredible. I wish I could've been a surrogate again. I was pregnant with another couples child about a year after Thomas was born and did miscarry and then had to have a hysterectomy. I would not trade either experience for the world. We have gained great "family" members from both experiences. And, I have been able to be an inspiration to others to become surrogates themselves. If you truly feel lead to be a surrogate then - GO FOR IT!! You will be blessed beyond your wildest imagination!!

K. that is such a wonderful thing you are willing to do for that couple. I've thought of doing it for my sis-in-law. I've been told that their insurance, not yours, pays for all things related to pregnancy. They will have to contact their insurance company for more information on how to do that. It is an emotional cost to you though, after the baby is born because you have to be totally comfortable with the fact that the baby won't be going home with you. Nine months and labor can be awful hard to deal with if you don't have that little one with you at the end of it all, so you have to prepare for that. Also prepare your kids for it as well. They need to understand that you are doing it for a family that can't. Some people pay their surrogates for carrying their child, I know they do through agencies but not sure how it works for private individuals.
Good luck to you and I hope it all works out for you.

I have a friend who is a surrogate and the cut off age with the 3 agencies she has used is 35 to 38. I have known her through 2 pregnancies and she is starting on her 3rd next month. Her contract is rather specific. She is restricted from many activities that might cause harm to her or the baby. The contract doesn't go the other way too. So you are told what to do and have no say in the life of the child after birth.

I don't have experience now, but I hope to in several years when we're done having kids of our own. This is something that's always been on my heart, and I think it's one of the most selfless gifts you can give! Prayers for you and the family you are going to bless!

Hi,

My best friend has been a gestational surrogate. If you will send me your email address, I will forward it to her and she can give you the scoop. From what she has said, it can be a pretty complicated thing. There are lots of things to think about before embarking on this venture and lots of protections you will need to have in place for yourself and your family's sake. She had a good experience and is planning on doing it once more for the same family. She recently told me she would not recommend it to another woman and would only do it once more for this same family. Hopefully she will be able to answer all your questions.

Hi K.,

I too am considering being a surrogate. Actually, I even went through the application process about a year and a half ago, before deciding that I should hold off till I'm done having my own kids. I do have a friend who would be happy to use me as a surrogate, but her insurance won't pay for it, and I felt that by going through an agency, they would handle all of the fine print that I wouldn't know about. I know from the application process that you can choose the level of involvement you're comfortable with the IPs having, and they'll try to match you with a couple who feels the same way. I'm 35, and when I contacted GrowingGenerations.com they said I was a candidate until I was 40, since my pregnancies have been trouble-free; however, I just checked their site again and the age requirement is 23-35.

From the research I've done, the bigges drawbacks are the emotional involvement and how to explain to your older kids why you're not keeping the baby. However, I truly think that the positives greatly outweigh those negatives. Good luck to you!

K.,
I just want to say what you are thinking about doing is awesome. I want to let you know alittle bit about me. 9 years ago I became pregnant and after carrying 30 weeks our child was born still. 1 year later our second baby was born on the same day and lived for 2 hours at 24 weeks along. I ws told I had a blood clot disorder about 8 weeks into my second pregnancy where I had to take heprin(blood thinner) which I was allergic to. By the Grace of GOD we made it to 24 weeks and had 2 beautiful hours with our daughter. After the loss of our 2nd daughter I was told not to get pregnant again. That was a very cloudy time in my life. 1 year later on mothers day 2002 a close friend of the family came to us and asked if she could carry for us. May 2003 we delivered a heathly baby boy which is now about to turn 6 this month. We have 4 frozen embyros so we thought we would try it again. We had a second potential surrigate mother in 2005 but she became very scared and we stopped the process. We were out $5000.00 and we had not even started the drugs shots yet. She was also a friend. We have had several people offer but they were not good canidates. We can not afford what the fee's are at the center which starts out at $50,000.00 , then what the surrigate is asking which most of the time is between $24,000 - $32,000 pending if you have done this before and then the actual process which is $25,000.00. We are normal midclass people just trying to make ends meet. We almost broke ourselves with a family friend totalling $25,000 .This included our lawyer and the process. Her insurance payed for her pregnancy once she became pregnant. In 2002 , surrigancy was not legal in Texas so we adopted our biological child. Our surrigate mother was 38 year old when we started. We still have contact with our surrigate mother.She even taught us a thing or two (or three) about raising a child. The only thing she wanted from this was to be invited to his birthday every years to see him grow. At that time we could not pay her because it was called bribery but we have never forgot her and if she ever needs anything we are there to help her. We will always remember the one who came to bat for us. Like I said, we are average people who just could not afford $100,000 to have a baby. We had just buried 2 baby girls and I know GOD was watching over us and still is. I think GOD sends people to help each other and I am so thankful that GOD sent our surrigate mother to help us. I know if we are suppose to be blessed with more he will also send that person to us. GOd will Show you the way too just keep your heart open and listen. If you ever need to talk you can email me at ____@____.com

I am a family law attorney in Decatur and have had the joy and privilege of being able to help families grow by adopting children. The satisfaction that comes from being a part of something like that can't be compared to anything else that I do in my job. I have been fortunate enough to have two happy, healthy children of my own - beautiful girls ages 3 years old and 2 months old. Being able to help a couple bring a child into their home that otherwise wouldn't have that opportunity and the joy that it brings to them isn't anything that I would trade. I love being a part of doing something like this. You will find such satisfaction and contentment if you decide that you do want to be a surrogate. I have several friends that have been surrogates and they tell me that it is a very satisfying feeling.

From another aspect, my cousin and his wife have been trying for many years to have a child and haven't been able to. Through long conversations with me, they have decided to try to find a child to adopt and are considering a surrogate. My hope for them is that I am able to help them find the child that they so desperately want to be a part of their home and family. I hope that someone decides to be that other person that can help us with their desire to be parents. This is such a special gift that someone can give and I admire anyone that is able to be so generous and giving.

I wish you the best in making your decision. God bless!