Hi Moms,
My son is 20 months old, and my husband is from Germany. I am also fluent, but I speak English to my son and my husband speaks German. He is taking longer than normal to talk, but we expected that. We went to Germany for the holiday, and my son seemed to accelerate quickly with new words, but when we returned home, was quiet for a month or so, thrown off, perhaps by the other language.
It seems to me that because he is just starting to learn words (in both languages) that he has a hard time expressing himself and he tends to get quickly frustrated, especially when we try asking him a question, and waiting for some sort of verbal response. He usually would rather point at something and make whiny noises than try to formulate a word, and when he doesn't get an instant response he'll start to act up. (For example, he'll grunt, and I know he wants his juice, so I'll ask, "Do you want your juice?" but as I'm gesturing to the juice he's already getting upset.)
Sometimes he'll come into a room after playing nicely by himself and when he sees us, he'll drop on the floor or try to bump his head up against something. He's also fond of throwing things when he wants attention. That might just be this age, but I wonder how much of the behavior has to do with the language development? Is anyone else out there a bilingual family? Did you have any similar or unique situations with toddlers and the time before verbal communication? Help!
sounds like a child going through age-appropriate frustration with making himself understood. i think being raised in a bilingual family is wonderful and if there are small setbacks that go along with it, they're well worth it. honestly, he'd probably express himself similarly even if you dropped the second language. just push through it.
khairete
S.
I can't help w/ the situation - I just wanted to say that I am so jealous that you are raising your child in a bi-lingual home!! Keep it up as it is such a gift to give them.
My So's first language was Puerto rican Spanish. He has a little girl from a previous relationship, (tho I co-parent her & she calls me mama now) he only spoke Spanish to her unless he absolutely had to speak English to her, or she'd hear him speak English to certain people. When he worked she was watched by his Spanish only speaking grandma. So she knew very minimal English. We started dating when she was 2, 6 months later I started watching her full time.
The only Spanish I knew is what I learned from Dora every morning, LoL so when she wanted/needed something she'd ask in Spanish, I'd answer in English, we both would have melt downs after about 1 min of guessing games! LoL We finally came to some sort of mutual understanding that I'd pick her up she'd point where she wanted to go &/or what she wanted. After I found the item I'd repeat what I thought she called it, until she smiled or repeated the word or gave me some sort of clue that was the right word! I'd say the word in Spanish then in English. Finally after 3 months she started using more & more English but would go home & would ask for what she wanted in English. Daddy would say it in Spanish & she'd start to cry like she was defeated poor kid.
LoL It took a full year of tantrums, crying spells, crabby days, Going on talking strike & pointing & grunting for days on end for her to finally get both languages down & to speak the right language @ the right homes..
(to the best of a 3 1/2 year olds ability anyways) Durign the process of tryign tho, one time she didn't talk for 3 days straight, until we decided she could grunt & point but as soon as we knew what she wanted we would not give it to her until she used her words & in the right language! Tough loving but she started talking again within 2 hours, LoL. Now she's almost 5 & she's fluent on both languages & her FAVORITE thing to do is to talk talk talk talk talk!! LoL She is extremely smart & quick witted & is happy & healthy. Stick with it it will take time, my grandparents were dutch American but never taught the kids any so the little bit of dutch my uncles & mom picked up on they didn't pass on to us kids & I regret it to this day! :( So if you can teach your child to be bilingual as early as possible it's totally Worth ALL of the challenges! (Just remember when your frustrated, that your hair WILL grow back! ;)
The bumping of the head is pretty normal for even a one language household, but it does have a lot to do with the fact that they dont have the skill yet to actually say whats bugging them.
My granddaughter is also being taught two languages at one time, and her verbage is still hard to understand sometimes at 2.5, When she gets pissed off she gets a little physical as well. So, basically it's pretty normal and will pass as the ability to communicate strengthens.
Gee -- 20 months? I think you are OK but can you contact an immersion elementary school in your area and get some input from them? We have many many programs in the Twin Cities and since many of them are magnet, they are happy to do early childhood outreach.
I have heard that children raised bi-lingual from birth can experience stops and starts with language but then BURST ahead of their peers verbally as well as just general academics. Stick with your plan to raise your child bi-lingually. What a gift! But also recognize that most 1 1/2 yr olds go thru transition times where their fast moving worlds leave them frustrated (even those w/just one language).
My nephew was raised bi-lingual and was also a bit behind until he exploded ahead when he was about 5.
However, one of the things they were told to do when he was young and just learning was to NOT use complete sentences until he got more fluent. That way he doesn't have to switch back and forth between languages in his head AND try to process an entire sentence.
So maybe instead of saying (for example in the above situation you reference) you could just say "juice?" and gesture to the juice.
That might help.
But you also are just contending with your basic "I'm almost 2 so I'm hard to deal with" general stuff.
Oh he is being 2 and the tantrum phase starts. Has nothing to do with being bilingual. We are biligual as well and went through the terrible 2s and horrible 3s just like any any other family. Good luck.
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My advice is to only speak German in the house so he becomes fluent. Then once he begins school, he will learn English. My parents raised me this way and I know many others that were raised this way as well. By speaking both in the home, from the 2 people he loves the most, he does not know how to respond to who to make them happy, hence his frustration.
Stick with german, trust me, he will pick up english very fast once he is out.
get him to an ent my son is hard of hearing and you are describing my son to a tee. mine points with whiney noises and when he doesnt get an instant response he will scream at you and cry. if mine wants milk I tried to hold out and make him sign it or say it before I knew he was hard of hearing ge will grunt and if he doesnt get it the terrible 2 tantrums come out. mine reaches out his hands and curls his fingers to him for want.
when mine doenst get his way he just lays down on the floor. no kicking and screaming just lays there. mine throws things at you to to get attention.not because he is mad it is either to get your attention or prompt you into playing. it is not the age it is the language development. get ahold of eci if he isnt quite 3 yet and get him evaluated. now if he is 3 eci can evaluate him for the preschool to see if he qualifies. see what the other moms are saying but my suggestion is an ent and check for fluid and hearing loss. how many words is he saying? my hard of hearing kid is about 34 now. and very few of his words are understandable. most are just limited words. please comes out lea. is he babbling at all he should be mine does and he is hard of hearing he just does it extremely loud he is constantly loud. not screaming but hollaring. like he cant hear himself. good luck
Boys just talk later. My daughter had a rather large vocab by 1yr. My son is 18m and says a few words, not to clearly. Try to relax, be patient and it'll happen. Maybe focus on learning when he's at his best, well rested, not hungry.
He's acting like a two year old! I love Dr Karp's ideas of always putting the child's frustrations into words for him using "your" language say "Your MAD cuz you want it right NOW, so quick, but mommy doesnt know what you want? Do you want juice or carrots? Pretend you dont know what he wants when he grunts whines and points, but you can give him two choices to make it easier for him to repeat what he wants. Also teach him the words for please and more in both language so he can point to things and say "please" or "more" and you can extend his one word phrases into two words more milk or juice please.
