Birds and the Bees

I talk about the birds and bees with my children since birth. It has been really easy making things real for my 3.5 year old because he watched my belly get bigger and bigger and we talked about how I'm the Mamma and I'm going to now be the Momma of him and a baby sister. He witnessed the breastfeeding and all of that too.

But, it was harder with my oldest daughter who was basically raised as an only child till she was 11 years old. We told her that we were going to get pregnant with a baby brother or sister for her and she was totally grossed out. However, she would purposely inquire about when and where we were doing it, "trying to make the baby". Only as an excuse to get grossed out all over again. One time she even kindly asked if we wouldn't do it if she's in the house... funny.

And she knew what we were doing because I'd talked about what happens to a Mommy's body and how babies develope and how to take care of babies all of her life. As far as the mating part goes, well, that was even easier... Thanks to the discovery channel.

There was some show I found her captivated by one day about strange animal mating rituals. She was really impressed by the lions mating and the dance of the birds. But, it went through a series of animals and all of the weird and funny things they do to capture the opposite sex attention. After watching the birds and ducks... she turned to me and said, "Did Dad bite you on the neck when you mated with him to make me?" She got it... but, I said, "No, he didn't hold me down and bite me on the neck. It's uncomfortable for animals because they have animal bodies but for humans we are smarter and we know whats going on, so a human female (keep in mind that we had just listened to all of the techinal terminology from the show) can relax when mating so that it doesn't hurt."

Prior to this show, which I did turn off quickly once they were showing a close up of some animals privates really going at it... we had many conversations about how to keep ourselves safe from preditors, what personal boundaries are appropriate for social relationships and what physical/body boundaries are appropriate. We had many talks about how no one is supposed to touch her privates or ask her to touch theirs. And that she is to tell me if an adult (other than I) tries to start a conversation about them as well. And more... I really tried to give her a script for every "ify", "weird gut feeling", scenario that might happen. She tells me that no one has corrupted her mind more than me... It's a fine line between preserving their innocence and breaking through nievety making them wise. It sucks, but not everyone regards our children as precious and has the best intentions for them.

But as she grew older, approaching her tween years, her school offered a curriculum about it. I reviewed the information and pictures with her at home. But, even with that... I don't think it really clicked for her until she saw that mating show. That's when she had an "Ahh,haa" moment. She saw that show probably around the same time as she received that information from school.

Whether she fully understood or not though, we repeated the protocol of what to do if you get your period (and what that is) for the first time. We informed her so that she wouldn't be scared (although it's scarey no matter what), but, we also re-inforced what to do. Even down to the "what ifs"... like what if you get your period and you are on the bus, nor not in the bathroom and it bleeds through.... Well, just tie your jacket around your waist and get to a bathroom as soon as possible. Even... what if you have no money, your back pack is not with you, and there is no pad dispenser... Well, you wipe your panties clean as much as possible, wrap the toilet paper around them, wad it up under your bum as much as you can, and then once padded up with the make shift pad, make your way to the school, nurse, a teacher, the school secretary, or a female adult that can help you. Yes, that's how detailed I am as a Mom. You can just imagine the rest of the conversations.

Well, she got her first period when she was 11 and it was on the bus ride home from school. It was cold and rainy, but she did wear her jacket around her waist as she walked all the way home. Poor girl.

Since then, she's been a birthing partner for me as she's watched both of her siblings be born. She actuallly stood there and said, "Mom I can't believe I'm looking between your legs like this...oh, oh, oh, what's that... it's the head.. the babies head it coming out out. PUSH HARDER MOM!"

Now if that ain't birth control for a teenager, I don't know what it.

Well, good luck to you... I've shared my experience now my only advice would be, that life will teach these things to your kids. Whether they learn about it somewhere else or not, you can embrace the learning experience as it comes... as it presents itself (such as what happend to me during the discovery channel show). Just be ready to capture the moment. And if you are already a plugged in Mom who knows what is going on in your kids life, you will be able to know when the right moments are.

God bless

Y.

I know this considerably later than the original posts, but I wanted to add my 2 cents.

The first time my mom talked to me about it it was very basic. I was about 4 and asked my mom “How did Aunt Candy get a baby in her belly?” I think my mom’s response was perfect for my age. She said “Sometimes when a man and a woman love each other enough they lay down in bed together and if God thinks their love is ready, he’ll put a baby in her belly.” It was the first conversation we had, but by far not the last. I think that it opened the door to talk about almost anything.

In my opinion 10 may be a little late to start this process. I assume that the boys are younger than she is, so maybe start by borrowing a book from the Public Library, from the children’s section, that shows the differences between boys and girl. Then talk about menstruation and breast development. Explain how to do proper self breast exams and let her see your pads. Even show her how to put one on. Grab a clean pair of her underwear, and have her put it in them. Then she can see what it will look like in her panties for when her body is ready. If your comfortable with it, do a self breast exam and have her watch you. (I don’t know if I would be comfortable with it myself.) I also suggest starting to chart mood swings she may have. My sisters Ped said that PMS type syndromes can begin as much as 2 YEARS before their cycle, but if so, the cycle will start DEAD on track with the mood cycle you’ve been watching.

As far as the 7 year old, it’s up to you if you want to share as much info with her right now. Just be sure that you look for opportunities to open the door. If you want to go through it once and be done, have dad take the boys out for a few hours and go through the motions with both of the girls together. This may even get them talking to each other, which may bring up more questions you can answer.

I hope this is at least slightly useful. Good Luck! –Janell-

WOW, I JUST GOT GOOSE BUMPS THINKING ABOUT TELLING MY GIRLS.
I GUESS WHEN ITS MY TURN TO TELL MY KIDS I WOULD DEFINITALY FOCUS MORE ON TELLING WHEN THAT SHOULD HAPPEN IN THERE LIVES
(AFTER MARRAIGE,COLLEGE,ETC...)THEN HOW DANGEROUS IT COULD BE NOW,AND AT THE END THE BIG HOW ITS REALLY DONE. BUT NOT TOO GRAPHIC JUST A QUICK THIS AND THAT...BECAUSE MY DAUGHTER IS 7 AND AS FAR AS SHE KNOWS KISSING IS SEX AND THATS FINE WITH ME I WOULD GET MORE INTO THAT WHEN THEY ARE GETTING INTO JR.HIGH
BUT NOT ELEMENTARY SCHOOL.I HEAR KISSING IS THE BIG TALK BUT NOT THAT. I THINK PEOPLE FEEL THEY NEED TO TELL THERE KIDS EARLY BUT I BELIEVE IT RUINS THERE WHOLE VISION OF MAN AND WOMAN AND LOVE AND BOYFRIEND,GIRLFRIEND,WHY SHOULD THEY NOW HAVE TO PUT SEX INTO THERE PRECIOUS IMAGINATIONS. :)

Hi M....with the world as it is today, I suspect that the earlier you tell your kids about sex and having babies the better. You know they say to tell your kids about drugs and smoking as early as 5? I agree with them, and I think sex should be inserted in there too. I would just be honest, and tell them the everything you can that you think would be helpful. You know how much you want your children to learn. Don't do something that will make you uncomfortable. You want them to know that sex IS an adult thing, shared between people that are marred or in love. But they should not be made scared of sex or having children. What if you got pregant again? lol...I would say to tell them now. My sister is 9 and just started her monthly. She was scared to death because my mother did not tkae the time to tell her about that. Well, I hope I got what I was trying to say across. Sometimes I talk in circles. lol.....Good luck ok? Best Wishes!

My brother and s-i-l do "the talk" when their girls turn 8. They make a big deal about it being a special time in their lives. They go out to a restaurant of her choice for dinner and maybe an activity and then give her the facts, not just about sex, but also maturing and periods etc. They really focus on the fact that she is becoming a young woman and how wonderful it is. They also give her a small gift after to symbolize the new time in her life. (last time they gave her a simple charm bracelet and some 'big girl' lipgloss)

Hope this helps some. Good Luck!

check out beinggirl.com...and go from there ..I have 2 girls as well...this is a good starting piont..hope this helps

I think 7 is too young, 10 may also be, unless they are asking questions. I am in the same boat as you & starting to wonder about talking to my son, who is almost 10. It just seems too soon, he does not have any interest in girls yet. I understand your concern about your daughters, it might be appropriate to speak to the 10 year old soon, especially since she may get her period in the next couple years.

M.-

7 and 10 are defintely not too early to teach the "birds and the bees". With so many children becoming active sooner (like 12 and 13) you really need to speak with your daughters now. A good start may be by listening to your girls. Ask them how much they know (or think they do) about sex. Talk to them frankly about the differences between boys and girls, the truth about where babies come from, the changes their own bodies will be going through.

I really wish my parents had taken a more active roll in teaching me about such things. All I can remember is my dad catching me making out with a boy when I was 14, telling me that sex was supposed to be saved for marriage and that pregnant girls were fat and ugly.

Your daughters are going to feel the pressure about sex and sexual matters soon. You can't protect them from it, but you can arm them with the truth. Also, you'll want to answer their questions as honestly as possible, even if it's awkward for you.

If you're looking for some online resources you can try Family Life Today at www.familylife.com

Best of luck to you!

Hello M.,
I have a 10yr old daughter and a 14yr old son. I have always been open with both of them about sex, puberty, drugs, alchohol and smoking. I would talk to them about these things before they hear about thing from other peers and get the wrong information. My sister had her period at age 9, I was 13. But I was always afraid the my daughter would follow in my sisters footsteps and start early.She hasn't yet but I wanted her to know what was going on right away, and how to deal with it, especially if it happened at school. As far as my son he started going through puberty early, and I wanted him to know and understand why things like hair in unexpected places was forming and well just plain puberty. And I've always told both of them if they have any and I stress "ANY" thing they want to ask me or my husband or talk about to come to us. We reassure them that there are no bumb or embarassing question.
So... My advice to you is talk to them soon. Here in Washington State they start educating kids in public schools at 4th grade about their body. They see a film, boys in one room and girls in the other and send a booklet home, called You and Your Body for parent and child to review together. The booklet goes over the body parts, reproductive system, and then in 6th grade they add sexually transmitted disease and aids education.
I hope this has been helpful,
K.

I have four kids two, although most of them are older! I have THE best book around; here's a link to an ad on ebay: http://cgi.ebay.com/Where-Did-I-Come-From-Book-Sex-Educat...
Its called "Where Did I Come From", and has such cute, cartoon illustrations and explains it in "kid speak". In other words, something they can understand! You gotta' check it out... all my kids have seen this book, and it explains alot without being too "gross" or graphic LOL! Good luck...
ps.. you don't have to explain the birds and bees to them at any set time... before teens would be helpful, but I just answered questions as they came from my kids, and let them know it was ok to ask me this stuff! Hugs!

my mom taught me when I was eight she also talked to my older bro at the same time he is a year older than me I think that this was the perfect time I had already been fed alot of false info about it like if you kiss a guy when you have a period you will get preg. I had no idea what a period was and what if I kissed my dad on the cheek would I get preg. I was very distraught over this as you can imagine so when my mom sat us down and explained very scientifically how reproduction works this really set my mind at ease and I also discovered my brother had the same questions and worried about holding hands with a girl cause he might get her preg. so you would prob. be surprised to find out what you kids already think and 7-8 seems to be a good age.

You will usually know when the time is right. They will start asking questions about the body and the difference between boys and girls. They will start wanting to be more feminine around boys. So my advice would be to wait till they show that they are interested and ready to hear it all. But don't wait to long as some of their friends may be more "mature". I would rather my kids hear if from me then from one of their friends. That can turn out to be a very bad thing. Hope this helps a little.

A.

I would say when your girls start asking questions about the birds and the bees, that is when to start talking about it.

The best advice I've ever found in this area is from here: http://www.noplacelikehome.org/ It's based on studies from countries that have the lowest rates of teen pregnancy in the world.

Good luck!

Now would be good. The average age for girls to start experimenting sexually is 12. Most loose thier virginity before 16. Encourage them to talk to you about anything they have questions about. You can introduce the subject by talking about the animals having babies and when they understand that a bit, change it over to human sexuality. My Mom waitied to tell me until I was 11 when I started menstruating and it was a very rude shock. I felt resentment for years because I was unprepared to deal with it and didn't know what was going on. Kids at school are already talking about sex, don't let them teach your child the wrong thing.

My 10 year old daughter was studying reproduction of plants and that sort of sparked a conversation, however I found out minutes later that one of her freinds had already told her about this. Whoa what info most of it was wrong so I was very glad we had the discussion. I guess 10 was not to early for us!

I don't have any girls and my son is only 15 months but, I do have a 13 year old little sister and as a gift when she was younger, I bought her this book. My mom sucked at having these conversations with me and I was afraid that my sister would go with out too. It is called, "The Care & Keeping of You: The Body Book for Girls" it is very straight forward and discussed alot of issues that girls are faced with such as how to take care of your body by showering and wearing deoderant, when and where you start growing hair during puberty, sex, menstruation, eating disorders, etc. It is a great conversation started and a good way to lead into the talks that you should have with your kids before they hear it elsewhere. It says for 8 and up but some of the things about brushing your hair and other hygeine issues in could be read much earlier.

Your a great mom for thinking about this and taking action, so many parents don't.

Here is a link to the book on Amazon:
http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/customer-reviews/1562476...