Birth Order Questions

Hi, L.,

I think having twins can come more common after having several babies. Each time I was pregeant it seemed that my risk of having twins is high b/c I'm a twin. I know of some couples that had two sons than had a daughter. So, if you want a daughter than I would try. Good Luck!

I am the baby girl with 3 older brothers and it is wonderful! My mom wanted her girl and she finally got it. I was a little spoiled growing up and my brothers really got on my nerves, but now that I am an adult we are all so close and I love having big brothers.

Good luck with getting what you wish for, but I agree you should be sure you are ready for another child of either sex before you try. I have an 11 mo old DD after two boys (9 and 3 yr old). None of my children were "planned" and I was actually thinking a third boy would be fine, as I was nervous about the many differences a girl would be from what I knew, and not looking forward to the anxiety of protecting a girl in ways that boys do not require. I think I love her just as much as I would've a boy and wasn't disappointed after all. All new babies bring some level of anxiety, as every child will be different from the others somehow. I was 34 when I had my middle child and 37 when I had baby girl, I don't know why 35 is a threshold, but they certainly treated me much different, and I have used the same OB/Gyn for many years. I had numerous sonograms (no extra charge ;-)) and more frequent appts throughout which was actually very nice. My oldest is from a previous marriage and has lots of emotional issues as well, so I wish you lots of happiness in the coming year, whatever God sees fit for you! I also agree with the response that adoption would at least guarantee a girl, and your health wouldn't be in question. May the Lord bless you and keep you--
C.

I only have one boy, but my husband and I tried for a girl (and were blessed with her this past July!), several years after my son was born. My two children are nearly nine years apart, within 9 days. I hope that made sense. Anyway, my mom, on the other hand, had 3 boys, then tried for a girl and my sister was born. I came after her, then my little brother, my mom's 6th and final child. I do no think it's at all a big deal for you to try to have a daughter. If your heart longs for one, and your husband is on the same page as you, I say "Go for it!" Otherwise, you may always have that "What if?" haunting you. And if you have another boy after all, you will still have one more child to love. Either way, it's still a blessing! Good luck!

I am not really quite sure what all you want to hear. But yes. I have two older brothers and I am the baby and the only girl.

I have 2 older brothers. But my mom actually lost a set of twin girls at birth before having me. So that was 2 boys and then 3 girls. My boss had 2 girls and then a boy so it is diffently possible. I believe it is the choice of the powers above!

Hi L.. Have you ever thought of adopting? You could give a child a family, plus you could have your little girl that you have always wanted. Just a thought.

Good Luck,
S.

I can not tell you a story about having 3 boys and then a girl but I am one of 4 sisters who has a baby brother the only boy in the family. So I know that change can happen. My mother was 39 when she had him. He is now a grown man with a family of 4 girls himself. The good thing about your hubby being in the room with you if and when he comes he will see her first hand not have to be told 3 times he has a daughter and not another son like my dad had to be told about Dave. May God bless you with the daughter you want so badly.

I have two brothers 6-7 years older than me. I was a surprise. They expected me to be a boy, so surprise again! Also, I was a twin, but my mom had a miscarriage, but found she was still pregnant with me! SURPRISE again! But we have random twins in family history, so not sure if thats relevant to your query. Happy New Year and best of luck to you!

L. K

I had two boys and then I had my daughter. I had another boy after my daughter.

I have to tell you that I felt the same way exactly at 35, and I got another son. Please be sure you can handle another son and not feel resentful if you don't get a daughter, because no matter how many boys you have, you only have a 50/50 shot at a girl. I love my youngest son very much, he is a delight, but I was a bit disappointed not to have a girl. It also turns out I had forgotten how hard the toddler years are, and I feel they are harder on older moms since the energy level isn't as high as when I was younger. That said, every child and mom are unique, so if you are yearning for another baby, go for it. Maybe babysit another boy baby to make sure you're up for it. Best wishes for your family! - T.

I have 14-month fraternal girl twins, and there have not been twins on my side of the family. They are a blast!Hope that helps!

Hi, L.,

I realize this response comes awfully late! At first I didn't think I had anything worthwhile to say on the matter. But I've been reflecting on my relationship with my mom lately and just came across this email in my inbox.

Your situation is quite different in the details from my parents', but perhaps not in terms of the overall effect on you and a possible fourth child. My mother also wanted a girl, but I don't think she ever really enjoyed me. She definitely seemed too stressed out to bond. In her case, she had two babies in diapers, and then two toddlers to chase around, and one directly followed by another round of terrible twos. My brother and I are only 14 months apart.

I'm answering a different question from what you asked. But as a daughter who has always longed for a bond with her mother, who always wanted that bond, too, but was just unable to get there, I want you to seriously consider whether you will, with three boys - one with Bipolar Disorder, ADHD and Conduct Disorder - and joint custody to juggle - in real life be able to have the mother-daughter relationship you want. Perhaps instead you could get involved in a local girls' organization like Girl Scouts or softball. Truly, you might be able to bond with a girl who doesn't have the mother she really needs, or female role model, either, and you get a great relationship without all of the stress.

I hope this doesn't put a damper on your hopes. I just want you to know that, after living on the inside of a similar situation, I wish it hadn't been that way for my mother or for me.

L.

PS oh, and I have two older brothers. I think it can be great to have that balance, seeing things from a male point of view, but it has made it difficult for me to communicate with women! There are huge differences in approach, I've learned only well into adulthood. But I do really enjoy the balance.

my husband had a son,daughter,son, with his prev wife so when i got preg we had a girl..so it was boy,girl,boy,girl. and my mom had twins on her side of them family and my dad had twins on his side but non of us come up with twins...kinda the opposite! huh..i think its the male that decides the sex of the baby and there are way now they can make sure you have the sex that you want. look on the internet and see..dont know if this helped or not....good luck...every body needs a baby girl!!! shopper buddy forever!!! i had my baby right before my 36th birthday..so go for it!

The fact that your "trying for a girl" shows that you are doing this for the wrong reason. If you had said "we really want one more child, how would a 4th child change our family?" you would be asking the right question. You shouldn't bring a child in to this world to fill your needs. Enjoy your boys - soon they will start bringing girls around the house!

Hi L.,

I had a son, at age 40, after having 2 daughters. Since he was more than likely going to be our last child, we wanted to have a son. So I researched on the internet about natural "gender selection". Of course there are no guarantees but it doesn't hurt to do simple things to improve the odds of having a baby girl - as long as you are also ready for another son if that is the result. As you probably know, it is the man's "donation" that ultimately decides the sex of the child. Being that my husband's two brothers have a total of 6 girls and 1 boy, I considered myself very fortune to have a son.

Best Wishes to You,
L.

Hi L.,
I know a mom of three boys who got pregnant (accidentally) when her youngest son was 8 and had a daughter that last time! Also, in my family I have two aunts who gave birth to three boys and one girl, though the girls were "in the middle somewhere"-- I don't think it really matters about the order. My great grandparents had 8 boys and 2 girls. Good luck, L.!
C.

I have had a daughter after having two sons. I was so worried that I was going to have another boy, but I got lucky I guess. And if you are prepared and both you and your partner want another child then you should try one more time, just realize that it could be another boy and can you live with that?

Fraternal twins can happen when the mom releases two eggs at ovulation. It can happen to any woman, but it happens more often as you get older. You can also inherit a tendency to it, which is why twins run in families, but certainly anyone can have twins. Identical twins are less common, and completely random - no running in families, no increasing incidence with mom's age.

There are certain problems and complications (like twins) that get more common the older the mom is. Who decided that 34 is normal and 35 is dangerous? There's only a slight difference.

I have a friend who had four boys, and then with her fifth pregnancy she was so sure it would be a boy again she had a name and was buying boy things - but she finally got her girl :).

If you really want a girl, have you considered adopting?

L., Why do you desperately need a girl? I think most people would like to have both sex children but it's not a desperate need. Are you truly prepared for a 4th boy? God gives us what we need. With the needs of your oldest do you have the time, attention and energy to devote to another baby? Will you be depressed, disapointed, etc if it is a boy? I have seen the "one more time" thing be what they didn't want. Some that truly wanted another baby but had a preference for one gender do fine. BUt the ones that really, really only wanted one sex over the other where miserable. The child has suffered. They too said, of if we get a boy it will be ok, but it wasn't. Search your heart and your husbands' for the truth, is a child what you really need. Good luck and Gods' will prevail.