Birthday Party RSVP - Just Venting!

This is apparently a growing trend, and so aggravating. I sometimes wonder if some people even know that RSVP (which is originally from the French) is a request for an acknowledgement.

What I've decided to do, instead of adding RSVP at the end of an invitation, is to state clearly, "Please let us know if you are coming. If we DON'T hear from you by (date), we will assume you are NOT coming, and will plan accordingly."

I hate it too. It is so presumptuous. You are going to hear ton of excuses,instead of apologies.

I send paper and electronic invitations, hoping they will use one to reply.

Couldn't agree with you more!!!!! DRIVES ME NUTS!!!! It's SO rude!

This is why we haven't bothered with parties for the last 2 years - we have done fun trips where we don't have to worry about this type of thing. IMO, they have been way more special & fun than another generic kid party with too much expense, craziness & gifts that DD doesn't need.

I don't care who you are, EVERYONE has time to call or email "yes" or "no" to an invite, especially given how damn connected & obsessed with phones & social networking everyone is now. Not to do so is rude, inconsiderate, and just plain self absorbed. People need to get over themselves & think of how their lack of response will affect the party host/hostess. Common courtesies are dying in our modern society - it makes me sad!!

Suggestion on your invitation:

Send out two weeks in advance

Please RSVP by ________date

Destination will be disclosed when RSVP is received!

I would get a *little* bit snarky when making the invites... Instead of just an RSVP date, put an entire little note...

"We would greatly appreciate it if you could RSVP with us no later than (DATE), so we can prepare accordingly. If you are unsure of your ability to attend, please call let us know and we will try to finalize plans with you closer to the date of the party. If we don't hear from you by (DATE), we will assume you are unable to make it. Thank you for your consideration in this matter."

You could even tailor this... the people who usually are polite enough to RSVP can just get a regular invite, but the repeat offenders can get the note.

People do not respond. If you invite a bunch of strangers to a party you need to make up a calling list and just call them and invite them. This is so much easier. You also get to "meet" your child's friends parents before getting them together.

I think so many times invitations don't even get to the parents or on their calendar.

I think we ought to do away with RSVP's all together and just invite people then plan on them being there. If they don't show up you eat cake an extra day or two. If they all show up you go home with no leftover cake. It's as simple as that.

If you have a party at a place where you have to pay by the person then pay for them as they come in. If they don't show up you don't pay.

It doesn't happen to me, because I refuse to follow up like that. Also, I let people know that if they are not expected, then they should not expect to sit down or eat. They can still show up if they want to, but they aren't allowed to take provisions away from people "on the list". I don't pay for "just in case" people if I have requested that they let me know if they will show up. That works for me.

yes this is a huge problem in todays world. friends of mine get frusterated as well..... we hear how they call one or two days prior and say, YES I will come. It is very irritating. We have learned to limit children to 5 or less..... ask the parents to save the date ahead of time on their calender since they are good friends of my kids....and then when the invitation is going out at the right time, the child is the first to hear about it but it is already planned by the family that they were going. So anyway, it helps a lot of RSVP issues. With that said, we tend to not invite " The class " anymore.

This has become such a common occurrence and a popular post on MP. I hear of this same issue with adult gatherings as well. I'm wondering, in regards to children's parties, if the days are gone of inviting classmates and the invite list should only include family and VERY close friends.

I understand your frustration. I can't tell if the event has already happened or not. I hope your daughter has/had a great birthday despite the fact some imbeciles did not have common courtesy.

This is one of the many reasons that I have resisted doing big parties for my kids thus far...though I might try it for the first time this year with both kids being in school...I think that it is a personality thing with some folks. I have seen people with far less going on than I do that can't seem to respond to anything on time or be halfway organized. Busy or not...the same people will always respond and the same people will usually flake out. It is sad but true.

I wouldn't track them down. You're doing this to celebrate your child so focus on just that. Get what you need for the people courteous enough to RSVP and if anyone else shows up, politely telll them that you only made provisions for the guests you heard back from. I hope things go better for next time. :)

I've had issues before of people not RSVPing, showing up way late, bringing extra guests or not coming after saying they would.
Since we have 4 kids we decided that with them, their dad and me that's plenty. This year I invited a close couple of friends their four kids and only two of my kids many cousins who I knew for sure the parents would bring them and on time. There were 10 kids and 7 adults which was plenty. We had a great time!

So rude and inexcusable. No one is THAT busy and if they are, they'd better not have time to just show up. I'd not call, just assume they're not coming and if they show, don't have goodie bags for them etc and if it's a case of paying by the person, tell them sorry. You didn't hear and didn't think they were coming so the party is already paid for with the place in advance and too late now. Send them back home.

I send emails to all first with the heading: "trying to find a date for party that suits you". Folks tend to respond to that. Then I email back that 90% of people liked this date, so I will be sending invites soon. We make our own printed invites with an RSVP date. Then I email about a week after sending them and let them know I am beginning to buy food for the party and need an accurate count. The many reminders seem to help. Alternately I have responded but never created myself one of those online invites, where you can see who is invited and who has responded. Perhaps some subtle pressure that all the others have responded and they have not helps people to do the right thing. It especially sucks since my kids like to have small parties, so if you only invite 6 kids and 2 don't show it changes the dynamic a lot. I am so glad that lately (my kids are 12 and 15) they only invite 1 or 2 friends for a movie or a sleep over so it is more about really connecting with the few friends, and not so much about spending 2 hours with a bunch of acquaintances. But I agree with you, it is totally rude but seems to be common now.

You're lucky it's only 1/4 to 1/3. Most of mine with clear RSVP dates I need to track down at least 3/4 of the people.

This is vented about a lot on here and I guess it's just not important to some to RSVP or just cannot commit to something.

Don't get me started about those that RSVP yes and don't show with no phone call or anything.....

it is fustrating but when I read all these responses it seems like a normal thing. WHY? why is this so prevalent? Did peoples MOM's forget to teach manners to 1/2 the American Population? I always respond as soon as possible and if I am not sure, I SAY I AM NOT SURE. My last birthday was a specific place, that we had for 2 hours ONLY. Then done. 2 of the 15 people responded on time. 6 told me they were coming the day before. The rest either didnt show up, showed up that day, or waltzed in an hour late, and then complained they didnt get time to play on the equipment. Then wanted to know why we ran out of pizza and cake. HMMMMM those were the ones that complained the loudest and longest as if they were mortally wounded. It ticks me off.

It's a huge problem, and not just for birthday parties. It is now the custom to enclose reply cards and stamped envelopes in wedding invitations - it's ridiculous because everyone SHOULD KNOW to reply. Even with that, the host family is still tracking people down. Rude rude rude.

I would either say "if we don't hear from you, we will assume you are not coming" - or do what someone else did - when someone shows up who did not reply, be absolutely shocked! Stammer a bit, say "Oh my, what a surprise to see you! I wish I had known you were coming!" It's tough for a kid's birthday party because you hate to penalize that family's child by not having a party hat or goody bag. That's if it's at your house. I would NOT pay for people at a venue if I hadn't heard for sure that they are coming. Just say, "Oh, I wish I had heard from you because then I would have reserved a spot for Jimmy." Believe me, those people will never do that again. However, you may get some icy stares so it depends how much you want to draw a line in the sand.

If you are emailing invitations, you can send out a quick "haven't heard from you" email to those who did not reply, and tell them if you don't hear in 24 hours, you'll assume they are not coming. But making a ton of phone calls is a hassle.

Part of the problem is, when you invite the entire class, people don' think that "just one more" will be a problem, so they just drop in. Or, they find out other people are going and decide at the last minute to come (maybe they are holding out for a better offer?).

If I can't commit, I let the people know that I have likely plans and it's just not fair to keep them hanging on. Occasionally a very good friend will say, "Look, if you free up at the last minute, come on by." But I never make it sound like I'm trolling for that sort of leeway. If I can't go, I can't go.

The only real exception is when you have an "open house" - then it's just what it says - there are no RSVPs and no assigned time to arrive as long as it's within the window you put on the invitation.

Sometimes invitations sit in backpacks for a week before the parents see them and the child insists that it is imparative that they go to the party of the year you are hosting. Sometimes parents wait to make sure they are sure that nothing better comes up and decide that day ok well i have nothing better to do. Either way when giving certain types of parties you have to be flexible and obviously know that there will be some who will not RSVP on time, so relax mom some folks gave real good suggestions.

This does suck.
I do not waste my money on kids that do not rsvp. I have had only one kid show up that didnt rsvp, so it usually evens out for the ones that did rsvp and ended up not showing up.
I did have a situation where I did have to pay for an extra kid one time, but at least I didnt have to spend money on a kid that wasnt there. Ya know?

As my kids get bigger, the parties get smaller and smaller. With my 7 year old this year, she will invite 2 of her best friends for a sleep over, and then we will have a family dinner some place cool. It costs way less, resulting in me being able to spend more money on my actual kid and a lot less stress!

I am so over inviting 15 kids I dont even know! Boo!

I hear you. Courtesy and manners have gone out the window. People don't bother with rsvp's anymore. Many people dont reply if they are not coming. I am in my mid 40s and was raised to respond to all invitations whether I planned to attend or now. I still do this. As soon as I get an invite, I call or email right away, as soon as I check my calendar. If I don't respond right away, I know the invite will get stuck in the middle of that paper pile on top of my desk , never to be seen again (or not until the event is over, in any case)

I keep the group size very small, and they all RSVP, tho sometimes late.

We just had a graduation party for my daughter. Sent about 75 invitations. About 40-45 people confirmed as coming. About 30 showed. No word from the other people who said they were coming & didn't show.
Now we have lots of food left to try to eat before it goes bad. Even tried to give some away, but still a lot left.

Do you do regrets only? If the people who don't respond tend to end up accepting the invite instead of declining, then just make it RSVP regrets only. You may end up with a higher accuracy %. There may be people who don't RSVP who don't show up either, but maybe it will be fewer than what you're dealing with now.

I always make my RSVP a regrets only and most people who I think are showing up actually do. The only time I do a traditional RSVP is for things where we're paying per person and it's expensive (like $25 pp for an adult event, not $6 pp at the local birthday party venue).