Bitter Wife

The Five Love Languages! I swear by this book! For good marriages, strained ones, couples about to marry... Anybody in a serious relationship! It is likely that her "Love Language" is not being spoken, so she is "with holding" love for him as well. DH can bust his hump until he is every color of the rainbow, and I won't feel loved one bit! I on the otherhand, could tell him how great he is as a husband/provider/father, and he would think "yeah, yeah, whatever!" Is it becuse we don't respect each other? NO! We have different love languages! To show him love, I NEED to do things for him. For him to show me, he needs to tell me "why I'm so great". I know, everytime I write that, I feel like I must be the most conceded person in the world! But- I need to know that he sees value in me!

For more info on 5 Love Languages, visit this site: http://www.fivelovelanguages.com/

ETA- just to show what I mean by "Words of Affirmation" (My love language) 2 of you asolutely made my day by sending me a flower for this! :o) It "proved my value". You never know how simple it is to love someone until you take the time to learn how.

I reccomended the book Love And Respect to the "bitter husband" request and I'd reccomend it for a husband too. My husband, thank God, never questioned or resisted seeking help when we were having problems (mostly due to the changes of having a new baby) and we went to counselling at our church. The pastor reccomended the book Love and Respect it is written to both men and women. My husband found it an easy read and enjoyed the way the author wrote. He could relate. That's very important to men, if they can't relate to what is written they often wont keep at it. Anyways my husband had many "ah ha!" moments. A few months later our church started a couple's study on it and we watched DVDs by the author. He keeps your attention very well, uses humor and makes it easy to understand the differences in the way men and women talk and listen to each other. The DVDs are basically a weekend couples confrence recorded to watch at home. They would both benefit from reading it, but he will definetly benefit from reading it even if she doesn't.

Hi S H:
Yes,I have the same advice for the husband with the bitter wife.He needs to do some soul searching and decide wether he wants to live the remainder of his life with someone who obviously is miserable being in the same house with him.Tell him to stop waiting on the primadonna,sit down with her and tell her he does not want to continue living the way they are.He should suggest getting help for the two of them at a marriage counselor,and if she says no,that it isn't worth the trouble,grab A bag and get out fast.I have always regreted wasting so many precious years,on a relationship that was going nowhere!I don't believe in 50/50 relationships. In my personal opinion,they don't exsist.Theres always going to be one or the other that GIVES a little more to the relationship.If you find yourself, giving and giving and pouring yourself into a relationship,only to recieve nothing in return, It's time to move on,and find someone who will,love and appreciate you for who you are.The very best to your friend S H

Same book I suggested to her. Love and Respect. Also try the Five Love Languages.

Kudo's to you for caring.

My suggestion is stay out of their business.
Relationships are already difficult between 2, only more difficult when outsiders get involved. Unless it's to promote unity between them, don't contribute to divide them.
If you are a true friend you'll be neutral party, don't take sides if you ignore other facts, relationship background or issues that might have led their relationship to deteriorate.
fondly
M

both should read The proper care and Feeding of husbands and The Proper CAre and Feeding of marriage by Dr. Laura Schlessinger. It helped my attitude.

Advice to both... seek a good counselor. There are some great ones, and Ron Levine is amazing in Sherman Oaks. He's a Rabbi and marriage/sex therapist.

Just to throw some funny lines out there, but is that "Does that do it all dad, have a brother?".

Or could we steal some of his chromosomes and brain cells to share with the rest of our husbands...

:-) Sorry I couldn't help myself as I'm feeling bitter myself towards my hubby.