In addition to my most recent post about improving myself, I'd say my biggest challenge is parenting with patience. Having 3 young kids (2, 5, 9) and running a home daycare, my patience can be scarce at times! With my challenge to better myself, I'd like to purchase some books to help guide the way. Particularly parenting books. I'm looking to become more patient with my kids, yell less at them, and to become more laid back with them. I've come across a book called "Scream Free Parenting" that caught my eyes, so I may look into that one. But, if anyone has any other suggestions on books they've read, what is helpful, what is completely useless, I'd love to hear about it.
Thanks in advance!!
My favorite parenting book is "Parent Power!" by John Rosemond. He's a very common-sense guy, and his ideas have helped me tremendously.
Sorry to all those sick of seeing me recommend this book, but I just can't compliment it enough on having a CALM, PEACEFUL, happy, respectful home and well-behaved kids who I never scream at. (Lie, I was screaming last night because my son poked out the styrofoam I rigged up to seal off an air conditioner and it had been gaping for days and I HATE when bats get in the house) so I was yelling about that, but I NEVER mix discipline with yelling. They know if mom is freaking out over a generally frustrating moment (and I do have some while parenting three by myself ages 6, 4 an 3), I am not disciplining them. My discipline is calm and clear when needed (rare), my tone is respectful, and my kids are awesomely well-behaved. I am much stricter than most of my friends, but at the same time I am much more laid back if that makes any sense. No hovering, no micro-managing, tons of goofing off and laughing, and the occasional firm effective discipline for important matters. I take my kids everywhere with me as a single parent with no family near-by or childcare help. My kids and I have a blast. My third was born with an incredibly difficult personality, and even she rocks now with awesome behavior. We have amazing relationships. It's been a blessing and this book REALLY taught me a lot when my kids were toddlers-but it's great for older kids too. "Back to Basics Discipline" by Janet Campbell Matson.
You need to look into mindfullness and meditation! Check out the book Search Inside Yourself. It was written by an engineer at Google and became so popular they turned it into a class and a book. It gives you the tools to meditate in a way that makes sense for normal people who lead busy lives. I will add that as a cancer survivor stress is much huger than most people think as a culprit in disease, The biological process that it kicks off puts your bodyin a constant state of inflamation which they are coming around to see as a major cause of cancer and heart disease. Meditation is recommended by every single doctor in the feild to reduce inflamation.
Also, this book will show you how to recognize a reaction in yourself and head it off before it explodes...a good tool for moms for sure.
For me, I read a women's devotional. It is full of quotes,short stories,and lots of humor. It takes about 10 minutes of your day, and it gives you some time to reflect. I don't have time to read a full book, and at times get too distracted. This helps me out.
I too run a daycare from my home and although I have no book recommendations, my advice is this: stay in the moment. I find that I lose my patience more often when I'm thinking about all the things I need to do and all the time I don't have to do it. Whatever it is your doing, do only that. Easier said than done. It may also mean that not everything gets done. But somehow it all works and you have piece of mind.
I think what you REALLY need is a break!
I can't imagine running a home daycare all day, and then still having to deal with dinner, baths, homework, etc. with your own kids in the evening.
Do you ever get out of the house during the week?
Do you and your husband have regular dates?
I used to do my grocery/Target shopping one night a week, after my husband got home. It was SO nice to do it by myself, and the stores were less crowded too! I also had a regular walking/coffee date with my bff every Saturday morning. Just getting out on my own a few times a week was so energizing, I felt so much better and relaxed when I got home.
Also make a point of doing a date night (or day) on a regular basis. You and your husband BOTH need that time together, without kids. If money is tight have family babysit, or trade babysitting with friends. You don't have to spend a lot of money, just spend some time together doing something fun!
When you make the effort to take care of your needs, and your spouse's, the whole family benefits. A happy mommy is a more patient mommy, and that goes for daddy too :)
I love, love, love Empowering Parents. They have a new program called the Calm Parent. Here's the link: https://store.empoweringparents.com/the-calm-parent.html?...
You warm my heart that you want this so bad. I'm behind you 100%
Five Love Languages for Kids - this is helping me understand my whole family, not just the kids - and while the youngest is still a little young for her behavior to be "predicted" by the concepts in the book, I am finding that I recognize parts of my oldest child's personality while it's developing. Doesn't take effect until the personality starts to develop, around six, so it's more of a preview of coming attractions for the younger kids, even though it might be helpful for older kids or adults. (Also, I have found that the "...for Kids" version of this book was more helpful for understanding other people, than the regular version, which seems to be exclusively for a spouse-type relationship.)
How to Talk So Your Kids Will Listen, and Listen So Your Kids Will Talk - I read this, and realized that I was doing some of the negative things in here. (Come to think of it, I should probably re-read this.) Your kid says, "I'm hot." You say, "No you're not, wear your jacket." Well, maybe YOU aren't hot in the dairy section of the grocery store, but it's possible your kid IS...that sort of thing. The book isn't perfect, but the point is, How often do we discount what the kids are trying to tell us, and if we don't listen to THEM, then we aren't being a very good model for expecting them to listen to US. A point to ponder.
Stop Arguing With Your Kids by Dr. Michael Nichols. I had the opportunity to study with him in graduate school and he is fantastic! He also authored The Lost Art of Listening, which is another great read. He poses this poignant question... "Do you listen when someone speaks or are you simply waiting to talk?"
I have begun asking myself that question more and more often. You would be surprised how little we "hear".
"Unglued" by Lysa Terkeurst. I love her books and this is her newest one. It is not a parenting book but it may be helpful.
Love love love Scream Free Parenting. It has helped guide our parenting philosophy along with all of the Dr Sears books. We have a very peaceful fun house because of the tips in these books. Good luck!
