Breaks My Heart...

Those boys were in their own backyard playing and you were spying on them. If they were shooting guns at a 1 year old at a park I may say something but they were in their own yard. Find some age appropriate playmates at a class or the park. Be careful what you say to the neighbor. He may install a nice tall fence to keep you out! No one likes a nosy neighbor.

Hi - I'm so sorry you had to see that. As for GH - it was the neighbor who had a friend, not her son. I highly recommend meetup. I joined a couple of moms groups through there and it has helped a lot to meet other little kids his age. Good luck and he will meet friends!

I am failing to see what you are upset about. You say your son and a friend went outside so it sounds like he already has a friend. Sometimes big kids don't want to play with babies. As for the pretend shooting, the boy was trying to play with your son which is what you are so desperate for. That's just how boys play at that age.

They are much older than your son. It probably never occured to them to play with a baby which is what your son is to them. They were playing in their backyard and using their imagination. My son would run around our backyard "fighting" aliens. You need to find age appropiate friends for your son and not the neighbor kids. I don't know what behavior you want to bring up. The fact that his kids didn't play with yours or were "shooting" at him? I admit that wasn't very nice but I just am struggling with this.

Didn't read all of the responses, but I enrolled my son (and I) in our local library programs since he was 9 months old. Great way to get used to that type of setting and to meet local kids his age and find out what other moms are taking that age child to in your area. And free!

I agree, it is unlikely (and unrealistic to expect) that two 4/5 year old children, who obviously already had a play date set up, would attempt to engage a toddler in their play. Especially if the neighbor boy has never engaged with your little boy in other situations. The age difference is just too great.
I don't like the gun play and the let's shoot him in his head - inappropriate.
But I bet they did feel like the were under scrutiny too.
If you are looking for ways to connect with other moms check out your local library, they usually have toddler story times where you could meet other mom's. The local park districts sometime have mom and tots or toddler play time. Or place an ad here or or other social networking sites and see what you can put together for your area. Make it your project to get something going. There are probably other moms out there too looking to connect.

My kids are 6 years apart and my older one doesn't particularly want to play in the backyard with the younger one because he says "It's hard to play with a 2-year old. I don't know what to do with her because she can't do the stuff I do." So, I'm not shocked that these older boys didn't want to play with what they consider to be a baby--let alone a baby they don't know. We mamas tend get our mama-claws out when it comes to the happiness & well-being of our children, but sometimes we need to take that step back to reevaluate the situation.

The neighbor boys are definitely still in the "ME" age where they aren't necessarily able to look outside of themselves to consider how other people are feeling. It is normal, as frustrating as it may be. And those boys may have been 17 months old at one time, but at this age, they don't know how to play with a 17 month old. They know how to be 4 or 5 and the games and play that go along with that. If dealing with younger kids is not something they're accustomed, it's not something they know how to do. And quite honestly, your child will not get much out of playing with these older boys. Yes, they're fun for him to look at and stuff, but when it comes down to it, they don't have much to offer in terms of being real playmates and I've never expected the older neighbor kids to play with mine. They're in two different worlds.

As for shooting in the head. Yes, the boys are using their imagination, but that doesn't make it nice and I certainly have said things to other kids at the park about how it's not nice to shoot others. My older child is obsessed with shooting stuff and since he was about 4 has tried to make anything he can into a gun. I'm apalled and thoroughly annoyed by this behavior and it's something we're working on limiting.

Your child needs kids his own age to play with, not just random neighborhood kids that are years ahead of him. Playgroups, storytime at the library or even getting him enrolled in a daycare program only for 1 day a week would likely be beneficial.

Good luck finding the right group of playmates for your boy!

Their behavior was not good BUT a 4/5 year old probably does not want to play with a toddler. Should they have said hello, yes definitely. Blame the parents for poor raising of the kids with manners. Pointing a gun at his head, not good. If it had been me I would have reprimanded those kids on the spot but I am outspoken when it comes to the defense of my kids and when other kids are misbehaving. Be careful what you say to the neighbor because you have to live next to him.

As for playmates, do you go to church? If so, see if your church has a moms group and join up. They are a lot of fun and your little one gets lots of interaction with other kids. Or, MOPS (Mothers of Pre-schoolers) is a wonderful organization for moms and kids. Look up your local chapter and join that. It is Christian faith based but it is open to all moms and really a lot of fun. The moms are in one room with snacks and a good speaker and the kids are in age appropriate rooms with wonderful caregivers and age appropriate activities.

If it were me, I would have said something to the boys as far as the gun thing goes & let them know I'd be mentioning it to their father. As far as playmates for your son, you need to GET OUT THERE! Your son is at a great age for getting him around other kids. Check out meetup.com for playgroups near you. Become active in Church w/your son, sign him up for some Park District classes, take him to the park, mall, get him around other kids & talk to the Mom's there. It sounds like you both just need some socialization. I know it's hard, I'm not a majorly outgoing person, but if you really want your son to have some playmates, you need to put yourself in situations to build friendships for you both.

That was a heart breaking story! Made me so sad because my son is about the same age, he is 16 months. He can't wait to be a big guy. i would definitely talk to the father of the boys and I would have said something to them along the lines of "We don't point guns at people's faces." I would not have been able to hold back.
My parents are Iowa, and my spouses in another state as well. The best thing I have found, is meetup.com. I searched the group for mommy groups and they have tons of them, just about one in every city. We have playgroups at people's homes, meet at the pool, go to parks, go to restaurants, meet once a month WITHOUT kids, and do all kinds of outings. When my baby was tiny, the meetup group saved me. I had something to do with my son and moms to talk to. I was able to get advice, and see different styles. My son could play with all different ages of kids, but most are under three since older kids are in school during the day. There are plenty of other new people, so i didnt feel weird at all. Simply go to the site, and search your town and moms or kids and you will get a big list of groups. You can read the group's profile and see what types of meetups they have had, and decide what to join. Hope this helps.

Look into park district classes if cost is an issues. It is much much cheaper.

I'm with Jennifer, check out the library. They usually offer all kinds of activities that the two of you can do together. You may have to adjust naptime but it will be well worth it. Then check out your park district, the mommy & me classes are often cheaper than Gymboree.

My suggestion is to teach him how to socialize. We assume kids know these skills, but they don't. Tell him what to say and have him ask if he can play too. I know he is your baby boy, but he is counting on you to support him in teaching him what he should have done instead of letting him watch. I would practice with him before hand what to say, and instead of getting the Dad involved (who frankly, is going to look at you like why didn't you see if they could play with him), and walk to the front door to ask the boys if they can play.

Find a MOPS group with kids your sons age. Maybe the library story times, the local park district may have classes.

Don't bring up anything to the neighbors, they did nothing wrong. In that situation you as the adult can say something immediately, but really they didn't do anything.

The boys next door are much to old to play with a little guy.
It's up to you to find some playmates that are age appropriate & at the same developmental stage.

Soon your son will be that age and you will totally understand! I don't agree with the boys aiming the toy gun at your son, but I would never expect other kids that age to play with my children, nor would I really want them to, unless, ofcourse it was close freinds or family. It's definately nothing to cry about, join a Moms group with children your son's age. Good luck!

I think you are too sensitive on this subject. Your little guy is less than two years old...Do you really think a 4-5 year old wants to play with a baby? The answer is no. I think your son is a little too young to actively play with 4-5 year olds. I would wait until your son is at least 4 before considering to let him play with older neighborhood kids...by then he can run and play just like them. Perhaps find a mom that has a child closer to your son's age like two years old...they would have more things in common.

I would be upset too. In fact if it were me, I would have set those boys straight right there and then. I would have told them that it is inappropriate to point guns, toys or not, at someones head. Especially a child they know is much younger than them. They are old enough to know right from wrong in this instance and I think that you should definitely tell their father. Its wrong!

Dont let those boys make you feel bad about not playing with your little boy. If that is how they are raised and how obnoxious they act then I wouldnt want them around my son anyways! And to the poster who said, "dont be a nosy neighbor, and that they will build a big fence and keep you out"
Well then PLEASE do!! I wouldnt want these kids being able to run around and cause havoc around my house. Build the fence and keep those kids out.

Your son doesnt need to be learning anything from those boys. He needs some nice boys who are being taught manners.

Next time, if something happens like this again, dont put up with it! You tell those boys that, actions like that are not okay and if they have another smart remark for you, then you would be gladly willing to talk to their father about them. And you should.

Please dont cry though, dont let them get the best of you. They are little kids. But they should be punished if it were up to me.

The others are right, go find a mommys group and find some good friends and some children that you want your boy to play with.

I wish that you lived closer so we could get our boys together, mine is same age, but I am sure you will find some great people :)

Best wishes to you!

I know the feeling. I went through many similar things with my first baby. Now that I have 3 kids I have had more time to observe how children interact at different ages. While I would be quick to correct the behavior if those 2 boys had been my own, I know that it is pretty normal for their age to target a child your son's age while playing. A favorite game of kids their age is "keep away". All the older boys want to be the hero instead of the bad guy so they choose the kid who doesn't know any better to be the bad guy-- the baby. I think your plan of speaking with the father is good. In my experience, correcting the behavior of neighborhood kids who don't know me has gotten even more sassy responses from the children. Creating for your son some positive examples of play through play dates is a great idea. You could go for walks or to parks and introduce yourself to other moms with toddlers that you see there. If you don't already have a church family, find one and make new friends. The families there can be a great support to both you and your son. Good luck!

4 year old children are generally not very interested in playing with a child your son's age and they don't yet have enough empathy or maturity to do it as a favor. It is usually closer to age 8 when you can ask them to include a younger child for a while. At age 4, boys seem to be all full of "shoot him" and "cut his head off" and other such stuff. They don't really fully understand it and really associate it with harm. Children generally do parallel play until around 3. So even if you had a child of your son's age over, they likely wouldn't really play together. My daughter who is 4 spends her life out trying to get the attention of my neighbor's grandsons. Sometimes I cringe to watch. She is very outgoing. She loves to call out to the 9 year old who has absolutely no interest in interacting with a 4 year old girl. The 7 yr old thinks she is somewhat cute and sometimes talks to her but generally the 3 boys are way too busy playing football or catch or something else. There is really no need to take it at all personally.

I can relate to your pain. My dd is almost 5 and an only child, but definitely a child that needs a bro/sis or a constant playmate. It's horrible for us when the two neighbors next to us invite each other over but not our DD and she can see them through the short fences. I don't know what's going on, but it hurts terribly.

I know a lot of the moms are saying that you can't expect the older kids to play with a baby, and maybe that's true of boys, but not of girls.

Just keep looking for people to play with!

Older kids can be mean. I wouldn't waste my breath talking to the neighbor about it. You should join a mom's group on meetup.com so your son can play with babies his age.

I would join a MOPS group in your area. It is Mother's of Preschoolers group and they are international with groups everyone. Just type in MOPS in google and you can find one close to you. It is a great way to meet moms with children your sons age. They are really welcoming. Best of luck!

Awww... that is sad, but much sadder for mama than for baby boy. I remember feeling this way when my daughter was that age - she was really social and interactive and always wanted to play with the bigger kids. Now she is almost three and manages to just go integrate herself into the play. Sometimes she gets rejected, and I feel awful for her, but she's totally resilient and just goes on to the next thing. Your son was probably just enjoying taking in what was happening around him.

As for finding other kids... check out meetup.com for some moms groups.

Good luck!

Unfortunately kids can be mean....the older they get. I can't entirely blame the 5year old for not wanting to play with a 1 year old. I HIGHLY recommend checking out local churches for MOPS, momsclub.org (I was in a chapter even served on board and it was a lifesaver for me) as well as meetup.com for some moms around your area. Good luck. It is tough.