I dont know what to do about the relationship with my husbands brother.
My brother in laws twins were born 2 years ago, shortly after they were born we drove the 8hours to go visit ( we were invited) We enjoyed getting to see our neices for the first time and had a good visit overall. we used to get updates and pictures often. That came to an abrupt halt when we found out we were expecting twins. My brother in law didnt even answer the phone when my husband called to tell him that our twins were born, my husband was crushed not to share that moment with his brother, my brother in law has never made any effort to come see our kids, several offers have been extended and all we get is excuses. What is really hurtfull is that s-i-l's mom & sister live in the same town as my mother& father in-law,( they live less than an hour from us) and they come to visit HER family often and never make any effort to see anyone else. This weekend my m-i-l ran into her son in target ( she had no idea they were in town) and of course they had 5 million reasons why they couldnt come see HIS family at all. I know i cant force my husband & his brother to have a relationship but i really want my kids to know all of their cousins. Should i contact brother in law myself? do i tell him how much he has hurt his brother?
Could it be that something offended him other than the fact that you had twins too? It could just have been a coincidence on the time. I would be an adult and just ask. You dont know if you dont ask.
I think you need to stay out of it. Let your husband handle it - this is between him and his brother.....
OMG, so let me get this straight. Your BIL is upset that he's not the only person in the family with twins???????? Is that right?? WOW!!!!!!!!! He is super immature and obviously wants everything to be all about him! No, do not contact your BIL - it will make matters worse. Definately don't get involved. If your husband wants to call his a**hole brother, then let him do it. So sorry!
Sounds to me like SIL might be the one with the jealousy issues and men are SO bad at that kind of thing. If they leave your husband's family out of the kids lives and only do things with SIL's family, then its SIL that's running the show and I doubt there's a single thing you can do about it.
Keep them on your mailing list. Send them pictures, etc. Do more stuff with your in-laws as I'm sure they want to feel a part of things.
Don't contact your BIL. If it is SIL that's behind this problem, that will be war. The in-laws really need to step in and confront their son about not splitting time, etc. Perhaps you can encourage your husband to talk to his parents about how he feels about the situation. It might prompt them to take action if they realize they aren't the only ones getting dissed (often times people feel embarrassed about being shunned so blatantly that they won't stand up for themselves but they will for someone else).
Good luck.
I wouldn't contact him. Stay out of it. Let your husband deal with him if & when he wants to.
Sounds like a real butt head. Sorry.
I'm sorry, He is not worth the time and effort. Let your hubby deal with him when he is ready--- he needs to feel like the relationship should be fixed before you try to overstep and have one with his side of the family. Let him work it out and in time, hopefully everything will work out~ Good luck!
M
Since he is an apparent jerk on the surface and per his actions, wishful thinking will only create more frustration.
Do not, contact his brother.
What about your sister in law? Your husband's brother's wife? Do you have a good relationship with her? Call her up and chat. Just see how she's doing and keep the conversation light. Call her up once a week or send an email every once in awhile. Ask about her kids, tell her about yours, send pictures. You could do that with his parents too.
Do NOT talk about how hurt your husband is. That's for him to work out with his brother and the rest of his family if he so desires.
Good luck!
You can let him know about it. It doesn't mean he'll change, but you can try. I can't understand why people act this way. Why can't people be nice? It sounds like there is jealousy involved. I can't say for sure but it sounds a little childish. Good luck and congratulations!!!
I think contacting brother in law could have an unexpected backlash. Definitely not the answer....
I agree with Jessica M.
Sounds like BIL and SIL (one or both) may have jealousy issues.
May think you took the WOW out of their life for also having twins.
I would not call them (that would cause major trouble), continue to send letters informing them how your family is doing and share pictures.
It may get better for your hubby and your family. It is hubby's place to try and fix this but I do not think it will get fixed until someone in BIL's family is ready.
I pray that this will be resolved soon so the kids can all enjoy each other.
Screw them, you don't need them and their terrible attitude. You have your family - that is you, hubby and your beautiful kids. Make sure your husband is ok, and fill your lives with people who are decent and good and appreciate you and your fam. You do not need this aggravation. Family is great but not always the people you chose.
All relationships are a two-way street. They don't want to come half way to put the effort into the relationship for whatever reason. It sounds like it's not worth the effort on your part at this point. Yes, it is sad for the kids. I would keep them updated and hopefully they will get to a point in their lives where they would like to have a better relationship with your family. You don't mention whether you and your sister-in-law get along. Maybe you can just work on getting along with her. She may be thrilled if you called to ask advise on how to handle a "twin" issue. Maybe that could be a good starting point?
that's a tough one. IS there anything he could be offended about? Well, you might not ever know that. But it couldn't hurt to ask. I think someone would have to have a pretty strong reason to blow off thier own brother and whole family like that. However, I have 1 brother, out of 4 that is a total jerk. I've not met most of his kids, he's not met most of mine. His problem is childhood resentments toward my mother. The poor women died 3 yrs ago and he didnt even go to her funeral. But I digress. It could be childhood resentments or a more recent offense. But there is a reason. It would drive me nuts until I found out the reason. But at the end of the day, if he doesn't want to resolve it, there's not much you can do. Your husband might not want you to get involed, so, I think I would ask him first. Don't do anything without his blessing.
I feel your pain. Seriously...I can empathize with you as we, too, have serious family drama issues. Sadly, this is so common in a lot of families. Jealousy, juvenile attitudes, lies and excuses - like having to re-live HS all over again. No thank you!! I have learned to just let it all go. I had to. After so many years of being blatently rejected, there's only so much a girl can handle. My husband tends to just brush it off, but I feel like you and sometimes mourn the loss of relationship that my kids will never have with their cousins. But these are your husband's family members - and I suggest that IF your husband wants to do something about it, let HIM handle it. If not...just let it go. It's not the end of the world. Yes, it sucks that your husband's family is a bunch of jealous boobs, but like you said: you can't force them to have a relationship. Do like I do...continue to send cards, gifts, etc...for special occasions or even "just because" to your kids' cousins like we do (my boys all know who their cousins are, even though they never see them anymore), but let the rest of it go. It's not going to do anything but cause you grief. Best of luck to you!
