Burnt Out on Reminding Everyone!!

Oh they get it eventually. Usually when they have their own house and kids. :p

I have two out of the house that never learned. Now got to their place, yikes! No I will not take my shoes off, get over it!

Do you live at my house? LOL! The flushing the toilet is my battle (as I agree, you sometimes can only impact one thing at a time).
I have had to have my children follow me into the bathroom and point at the toilet and say "Flush!"
I finally told them that I don't care who does it (or doesn't do it) if I find #1 or #2 in the toilet, they both get to sit on a chair for 10 min away from games, toys, one another, etc.
I am at my wits end. OH, the time outs have helped them rethink it. I also give them a head's up if I see them leaving the Bathroom. "did you flush?" Just because :) good luck.

Ah I think you are the same as the rest of the mom's on here. Reminding is what we do for a second job!!

If my kids don't do something they are supposed to, and I have to remind them all the time, they start to get chores. They don't overly love that, so it's starting to work! I also am on the verge of removing the lights in their bathroom :). If I see those on one more time I may just freak out!

But really, it's got to be one of the hills you die on to really go insane. Yes, they should remember things..and eventually they will. Probably not worth the yelling - imho.

Hugs to you!!

Nope signs don't work!! I have written on the bottom of the toilet seat in sharpie.. "Boys put the toilet seat down when done!!!" ( in all caps) then on the tank ( written on the clear tape, not the actual tank) " If you can read this get the seat up!"

Does it look tacky, yup probably! But many guest have came out laughing and says, so how does that work.... sadly, not very well!!! The worst part about it is that it's my 15yr old that cant do it! After a shock wake up by falling in the toilet at night ( I don't turn on the light or I cant get back to sleep) or sitting on a wet seat... my son did get better for awhile at putting the seat down or up because after many warnings he got a bucket of cold water dumped on him in the middle of the night. It only took 3 nights in a row to get my point across. Thankfully the rest of the boys picked up on it REAL quick!

So my point is .... signs dont work.... but buckets of cold water do :D

Also, good reminders to shut the light off when leaving a room is to take the light bulbs out and put a flash light by the door. If the flash light gets taken out and not returned then there is no light for it and they can figure it out in the dark. Only took about a month for that one to really sink.

If they are leaving things laying around... after the first warning it goes in your room for a day... second warning goes in your room for a week... third warning its gone.

I know.. these seem really mean and quite b!tchy!! But I was the same way!! I was just DONE!! and well something has to get thier attention about it and your right the nagging doesn't work either does the yelling. But extreme measures do, lol

I wish I could say after doing these its all great.. it does work but after a few months I have to do it again because things start to go back to old habits, but they quickly figure it out again.

We have a chore jar and a posted list of offenses that get you a chore.

So, at our house it's leaving your shoes in front of the door, forgetting your homework at school, leaving wet towels on the carpet/bed, leaving your stinky socks in the couch... things like that.

When I notice an issue above, I calmly call the kid back to (a) fix the problem, and (b) pick a chore from the chore jar (randomly - they are on little folded pieces of paper) and do it immediately. This kind of depersonalizes the "punishment" so I'm not seen as the yelling and screaming person and I also don't need to come up with punishments on the fly. It also connects for them that if they are lazy with something silly like leaving their shoes around, it will come back on them ten fold when they have to scrub a tub!

The chores in the chore jar are things like cleaning a bathroom, collecting/washing/drying/putting away all the towels hanging up in the house, moving the living room furniture and vacuuming underneath it, wiping out the kitchen trash can -- things that don't get done enough. No excuses, the chores get done immediately when picked from the jar. Even if it's dinner time or they were about to go out with a friend.

Works great. I've had to use it less and less over the past year or so. Before the chore jar, I was seriously going mental yelling ALL THE TIME. It's magical! You could have a separate jar for your 4-year-old with tasks he/she could handle. Good luck!

B.:

You need to pick your battles. You are freaking over "small stuff" - yeah - I don't like the toilet not being flushed - I get that - but really - you are freaking out and since you have started freaking - they have tuned you out.

I agree with your husband. STOP yelling about it. STOP freaking about it.

STOP doing it for them. Yes, you are their mother - but they will learn that coats get dirty when left on the floor and people walk on them. No one to blame but themselves.

They will start flushing the toilet when they walk into the bathroom and it stinks or someone else's "stuff" is in there. It's gross.

So stop. I know it's hard. I KNOW it. But really - stop fighting it. they have tuned you out. You started yelling - they have tuned you out. They might be doing it just to piss you off. Yeah - it happens. They win when you lose it.

Pick your battles. This isn't one of them. They will learn. Especially if they get embarrassed when a friend comes over and the toilet isn't flushed and they make a comment about it....

Hmmm...if you figure something out let me know.

I have to remind my kids (not ALL the time but often enough) to hang their coat up, put their shoes by the back door, bring home their lunch boxes, remember to flush, wash hands and wipe themselves. Aside from putting away their toys, starting homework, and brushing their teeth. My kids are 6 and 4. I guess I just figured this was part of being a mom. Heck I still find my husbands clothes and shoes in the living room.

Anyway, I remember my mom saying the same things to me. LOL I think for the most part you do need to let it go a little. I'm not sure how old your kids are, but maybe you can set up consequences for not abiding by the rules. Good luck!

Read this book: "She's Gonna Blow!" by Barnhill. Good luck.

Sometimes what needs to be done is that you interrupt their day and make them go back to the source. My SD used to not flush (at 16!) and some days...that was soooo gross. She swore it was because she forgot and worried that the shower would get cold. No...we have special shower heads. I made it DH's deal, but if my DD did that I'd first talk to her and second start removing her from TV or friend time (but not mortify her just say - "You forgot to clean up something in the bathroom. Please take care of it now.") and make it twice as annoying so they do it right the first time.

If he wants you to stop yelling about it, he should help you fix it. I'm with you - it's fixable, it's lazy and it's rude to others.

I would give the 4 yr old more of a pass than the 14 yr old, but even my 3 yr old knows where shoes are supposed to go (and if we can't find them, she cannot wear her favorites....a few trips without the fun shoes made her more aware). Consequences. Maybe if they leave their coats, they get to be cold or they owe you. If the door is open and the cat gets out, then they have to do extra litter duty or something.

Stop reminding them and let the small things go. Like a previous poster suggested, the kids embarrassing each other may have more impact.

Another way to get them to see the light, is to have them do the toilet cleaning, dusting and vacuuming. Yes, this may be hard for you, as kids standards are not the same as yours. But the consequence for an action that causes a mess may have more reality in the long run.

Grrr, I just typed a whole answer then the computer erased it and changed the page all on it's own. Let's try this again! Depending on your kid's age you are expecting too much. My son is 5 we walk in the door together, let the dogs out of the crates and into the yard together, then walk to the closet and put our shoes away and jackets on the hook, backpac/purse on the shelf. This way we do it together and he makes it all a habit. My son has ADHD so with the distractions and impulsive behaivor habits are key! The toilet flushing is getting more difficult, I talked to other moms and we are all seeing a pattern - public toilets including school toilets are self flushing - kids forget at home because all other toilets do it automatically. Over all it's not that bad unless it is #2 or they have strong smelling urine (different post) and I remember being taught in school not NOT flush urine every time to conserve water. If you are doing the same thing (yelling) over and over and no changes have resulted don't you think it's time to change it up? Try a "lost and found" box and simply collect the items and put them in this box - put it someplace annoying for them but convienent for you. You could also gather everything and dump it on them when they are asleep (if they are older) just to be equally annoying (my mom's tactic) or just hide it all from them and wait till they are looking for it - then remind them calmly that had they put it away properly the first time this would not be happening and the items have now been hidden - good luck! No matter what you do it is time to change your plan of attack - get creative and judge based on ages and what they are really capable of doing and understanding.

I'm sorry you're going through this. You don't mention how old your children are, so that's one thing...but my six year old does shut the door and flush the toilet, etc. Flushing the toilet was just taught as part of the potty training routine, and when they're young they WANT to do it...so I'm not sure on that one.

However, closing doors...I had to remind her about 100 times before she began doing it on her own. Even now, when she goes outside, I yell (nicely) "Shut the door!"

I agree with Cheryl that the quickest way for them to learn to remember to flush is to find someone else's still in there. Maybe it is your 4 year old that is forgetting (maybe not), but when your 14 yr old finds it and shrieks with disgust, it will have a bigger impact than ANYTHING you say about it. And if it is your 14 yr old and your 7 or 4 yr old finds it and says something in front of your 14 yr olds friend(s) about " "Billy" doesn't flush the toilet".... well... Billy will remember forever.
As for the coats and doors.... try to find another approach, rather than ranting or yelling. Maybe you can charge them a fee for each time they leave it open? It costs $ to heat the outside, right? For a 4 year old, leaving the door open is par for the course, but for your older kids, they should know better at this point. Charge them a quarter for every time they leave it open. Just go stand in front of them and hold out your hand. When they say "what?" you tell them "25 cents please. It's the fee for heating outside when the door is left open". No ranting. No raving. Just be matter-of-fact. No 25 cents isn't enough to hurt... but the mental idea is what you are going after. And the inconvenience of having to stop whatever they were doing to find a quarter to give you RIGHT THEN.

The coats? Hmm. That is trickier. Do you HAVE a location in your home, near the door, where they can hang them easily? Maybe institute a new rule that any coat found on the floor at the end of the day is collected and they have to buy it back. (unless you have spiteful kids that will sabotage each other). You could use this rule on hubby too. :)

Pick your battles. This seems like a minor one, in the grand scheme of things.

Part of this falls under "not a battle worth fighting". You are working yourself up over things that are not as important in the grand scheme. One thing I've done with my kids, which may or may not have helped is make them repeat the action 10 times every time I remind them. Yep, stand there and shut the door 10 times. Shut the light off 10 times. etc. Obviously they get a pass on flushing because that is just wasteful. But I will say that 3 of my 4 are grown and they have outgrown (or learned from the irritating repeats) to shut off lights, shut doors, flush toilets, etc.

LOL! When you figure it out let me know. Mine are a little younger, 5 & 3 so I know I shouldn't expect too much but I am trying to get them into a routine when we walk in the door especially since I am expecting our third and my patience is running thin. I work full time, run around with two kids, clean, have laundry to do and so on and am about to lose my mind. Being 4 months pregnant isn't helping. I am trying to be patient but it is hard when you constantly feel like you are cleaning up after EVERYONE! Good luck, have some patience or try and a nice glass of red wine :)

What would happen if you stopped reminding them and they had to suffer the natural consequences of their actions??? I would start there and go on strike about putting toilet seat down etc. You start doing the same things they have been doing and the once or twice it takes for them to fall in the toilet in the middle of the night or whatever, they will realize----Mama isn't playing anymore! You are serious. You are not a maid. You are their mother and they need to respect the house and everything in it. Give them a chore chart-give them money towards things if they do x amount of things above and beyond the normal chores....Give them an incentive to change. Obviously your nagging isn't working. Switch it up--it will help!

M

I made my 8 year old give me a dollar out of his piggy bank (my 4yo has to give me a quarter) every single time he didn't wipe the pee off the seat and flush the toilet.

It only took twice, and if he *forgets* now, I give him the look and he instantly knows what it's for and fixes it.

You're not crazy, it is frusterating, and your husband should support YOU and be on your side about this. Does *he* remember to flush? Start with him so he can be an example.

I could have wrote this post my self.
I am also glad you put the age of your kids because I was thinking: "If you think you have troubles, wait until I tell you I go through the same with a 13 year old!!"
My 13 year old has being in charge of doing the dishes for years( not by hand but with the dishwasher), We even try put an alarm on her phone to remind her, which she still ignore. At this point I am going to change her chore to see if a new one gets her more exited (yeah, right!) or at least give us both a rest of "how many times I have to BLAH, BLAH, BLAH!"
Then it comes my 3 year old, who never flush the toilet, last time my lanlord came he ask to go to the bathroom, he was already inside almost about to close the door when I remembered she just when and maybe for #2 and "I" forgot to flush.
I ran in there push him out of the way and I apologize for the present, then in my way out I notice I also forgot to put a soap in that bathroom, by the time I came back he was finish.
It was very uncomfortable, lol.
Then my husband, ahggg, he keeps leaving the lights on, and always is the excuse, I was about to go back, yeah right!
Thank you, I feel better...actually I don't but at least I could spit it out and feel not alone.
EDIT: on the good side, I use to be like that and my mom tells me she did too, and we both (and many of us) get better at one point. On the bad side, this maybe happen when you don't benefit for it anymore (aka: when they live on their own), lol.

Hello, I'm sure you're going to get a lot of different responses, negative & positive. Good luck!
First, I would sit down with your husband and talk to him so he can back you up. Make a seperate list of things for each child of things to do. Type it, read it and have them sign it. Sit with down and have a "family" meeting and go over it with them. Make some consequences, if you can't help around the house and do what's needed take a tv time away, phone away, computer away, fun with friends, etc..... But first, you explain and tell them you're done yelling and getting mad so this is the plan. The main thing is stick to it, decide when you take things away, is it for two days or a week? Eventually, they'll get it.
I grew up helping my mom and I didn't have what kids have today. It was expected and it was done, plain and simple.
Then, have a weekly meeting at dinner time and say, thank you for hanging up your clothes or whatever they did to help.
I know some people are going to say they're kids, but if you don't teach them how to be clean and organized who will? And it's hard on a mom to do it all. I say communicate with your husband and with them, make a list, make consequences, but most importantly thank them. You can't go wrong because right now it's not working. Change it and good luck.

Yep, been there too. Mine are 12 and 10. Too old to have the excuse of "forgetting" I honestly think it's being lazy and not having learned to make certain things habit. For us, whenever we find an "forgotten" offense (toilet not flushed, lights left on, milk left out, garbage left out) we have them correct it immediately. They have to stop what they are doing, and go back down to the basement to flush, or turn off lights, or whatever. This is annoying, and it actually started to have an impact on my older daughter as she is actually much better now at turning off lights.

If it's about something of theirs and it won't really affect the rest of the family, I let it go. If they can't find their coat or shoes, gloves, or pajamas, or something didn't get washed, that is the natural consequence for not putting it where it belongs.

If they leave their junk out in the living room, and I get tired of looking at it (dirty socks, backpack, etc) I just set it inside their bedroom and shut the door.

Yesterday my basement STUNK because one of my precious girls left a cereal bowl full of milk out from the weekend. Seriously I though we had backed up sewage before I realized what it was, gross! Both claimed it wasn't theirs, the sister must have left it. I had them both go down with me and put their nose right up to the bowl and take a big whiff. Then I told them I didn't care who took care of it, but no one was allowed to use the family room (TV, Wii, etc) until that dish was brought up to the sink. It only took a few seconds for my youngest to take care of it.

Stop repeating it, it's NOT working. Why even consider continuing. It's only making you upset, not them.

One thing you can do is make some yummy desert. Then when it is ready and everyone comes running say you are only rewarding people who turned out the lights they were using X % of the time. Like maybe 50%. Then let that person have a small amount. No one else gets any. It's called love and logic parenting.

They learn by the consequences. The way you are working it now, the only consequences are the ones that you have to face on the day the bill comes in.

You can switch it up over and over, go for an ice cream and only invite the ones that have been doing the things you asked.

Rewarding someone for doing something is better than a general yelling spree. It makes them want to do it more then it becomes habit after a month or so of continuously doing it.

Pick your battles. Are they doing drugs? drinking? getting bad grades? cutting themselves? You have sooooo many other things to worry about than a door or toilet. My teens keep their room so dirty we found the Lindbergh baby in my sons room. LOL Go with the flow. Things could be soooooo worse.

Yes its a pain but sometimes I think they will never learn. My oldest have learned to put the toilet seat down and flush but my youngest that is 9 1/2 still has not mastered that art. The only thing of those both mine usually remember to do is close the door and thats cause both me and my husband get onto them for it. Now if they go out to play in the yard that's another story no they don't shut it. I dont' know if a sign would work but I woudl give it a try. I just have gotten used to the other stuff not happening. and just deal. The one that I do get one to my youngest for is the toilet. As that's just gross. The rest I have learned to let go.

Good luck and God Bless!