Can Some Mothers Be TOO Proud?

I agree with Bug! I have noticed that moms who are overly proud of their children are often pushing their kids to do all these "wonderful" things. It really does drive me insane. I do push my kids to do their best, and praise them within their earshot, and I'm proud of them - but I always think to myself, what if the mom I'm talking to has a child who struggles in school, or is clumsy in sports, or is socially awkward? I don't want to seem like I'm bragging about my wonderful children and cause an awkward moment for the mom I'm talking to. But a lot of moms don't seem to "get it" and will just babble on and on about how the sun rises and sets because of their kids...

I have encountered friends; that after having children, can talk about NOTHING ELSE. I have always put it down to them being boring instead of prideful. = ) I mean really..

A.) You must have something else to contribute to a conversation

B.) No one believes any parent who says their child is "practically perfect in every way" because that title is held exclusively by Mary Poppins...A FICTIONAL character.

It's not just annoying, it's bad for the child. Parents who constantly heap praise on their child for every tiny thing are creating a monster! These kids will grow up to feel entitled, like they are better than everyone else and the world owes them. It will be a tough break for this little girl when she gets out in the real world and everyone is not bowing down to her like her mother.

Yes. To be honest, they are usually the mothers who live vicariously through their children.

I don't think she's too proud, but she is probably too self absorbed. She hasn't figured out yet that while she is excited about her daughter, the rest of the world really doesn't care.

LOL, no you are not rude in feeling that way, but I don't see it as too proud, I see it more like (1) competition (2) trying to get attention and (3) lack of a life outside their kids (4) selfish thinking...

You are right, each child is unique in their own way and as sweet as our own child is, we shouldn't be afraid to let others know they are not perfect either.

Of course. I feel very fortunate to be around moms who are very well-balanced. We tend to ask each other if our concerns about our own kids are valid or not. We often reasure each other and support & encourage each other. Not all moms see how great those types on interactions are.

She could be insecure. Perhaps she has concerns and she's overcompensating by talking up the positive. Hopefully she'll soon learn that moms tend to gravitate towards moms who support each other.

I don't know if "too proud," are the right words, but yeah I know someone like that.
Someone in our family doesn't just give their child credit, compliments, or boasts about them...they straight out tell you their child is better then other people's. "Susie is better in reading then anyone else in her class." "Susie is more beautiful then Sally." "Susie would never do what Jane is doing....she knew better." AND....she says these statements in front of Susie (not her real name).
I just feel like those statements can be turned into "Susie is at the top of her class for reading and I am sooo proud," rather then saying "better then everyone else." A few people have a problem with it, but we mostly just ignore. The main problem is....now her daughter has the attitude that she is better then everyone else. It's kind of sad.
As a fellow mother, it makes me feel like she is challenging me for a match of "who's kid is better at ________". When she makes a statement she will then look at me and say something like..."she got that way because I read x amount of books a night to her....how many do you read to Jane?"
UUGGHHHHHH.
I just simply respond with "Oh wow, thats great..." only in my head what im really saying is "Oh wow thats great..your a flippin wacko and I can't believe I have to see you on the major holidays...." LOL. Yeah i know...pretty snarky, but I can't help it.
I also know by not explaining myself, engaging in lengthy conversation (about our kids) and keeping my answers on the shorter side....it shuts her up. ;)

Actually, it's the grandmas that have the extreme bragging rights. :^)

Of course, the mama is off base. Think about why she may be doing it. Perhaps she has to build herself up somehow. Perhaps she feels insecure - maybe she feels she's in competition with the rest of you. It can often feel that way with other mamas, you know.

You don't have to read her posts. You don't really have to talk to her, but you might want to keep the communication lines open anyhow. There may be some non-bragging events going on at her house, and she may need a friend - when she's courageous enough - to pour out her heart to.
If it won't hurt you to tolerate her attitude, you might hang in there.

OMG - Hate that mom...they are miserable to be around. I do my very best to limit my "child chatter" around all my friends. My co-worker/friend is now pregnant with #3...I am beginning to chart how many references she makes to her pregnancy during a day. Generally I hear about morning sickness, nausea, the baby, doctor visits, her kid's reactions, her husbands lack of empathy a minimum of 50 times before 12:00PM. I love her and her family, but I seriously want to stab myself with a rusty fork in the eye when she starts in. I also will spend a minimum of 25 minutes about every three weeks looking at thier weekend trip photos on Wal-Mart.com and hearing about their classwork, newest words, activities, grades, school pictures, etc. ARRG! Love my friend, and it just makes me even more aware of NEVER talking about my kids in front of her or anyone else unless absolutely necessary.

I also avoid any reference to sport acheivmenst and academic kudos around my friends because I found that every kid is at a different level, so as soon as you start comparing...one mom feels bad.

When I encounter someone like that who repeatedly boasts about their kid I just reply with the most sincere voice something sarcastic like, "your must constantly wonder why everyone else just had average looking girls." Or "He is the best at soccer" then I would say something like, "I bet you wonder why the coach doesn't just bench the rest of the team so he can win the game all by himself." If that doesn't give her the hint than nothing will. And if she didn't then I would be reluctant to call her my "friend" and would be happy if she just got pissed and stopped talking to me. :P

Yah it can be irritating.

I think being proud and being a big old boast are 2 entirely different things. I get nice compliments all the time about my daughter but I just say "aw thanks" or "yep she's great" but I don't go on about her all the time cause I know people who do this and boy is it annoying, they think there kids walk on water, when you know for a fact they are little stinkers. lol My sister is great and so unassuming as her son is always getting compliments on how gorgeous he is. People always say "wow the girls will be queuing at your front door when he is older" and my sis says "not when they see how grumpy he is in the morning" :-)

She's like that probably because she either has nothing else to talk about or is too consumed with her children, oblivious that there is a world outside of how great her child is. There is a slang term for women like her: Mombies.

For a good chuckle, check out the STFU Parents website: http://stfuparents.tumblr.com/
You may be able to submit some of her ramblings :)

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Oh I know....I can't stand it either.......I love my kids and think how God has blessed me with the amazing miracles but I know my kids aren't perfect nor will they be the best at everything....If anything I love comisserating with Moms sharing funny stories and the darndest things kids say and do...

I agree with Melissa G. I don't think there is such a thing as being too proud!!!! I honestly brag/gloat about my girls all the time, and to anyone who will listen. I am just SO amazed by the little things I've created, and somehow managed to keep alive (God help me, that still blows my mind but anyway)... they are just perfection to me! SUCH wonderful, beautiful, amazing, fantastic and fun perfection! Even when they throw a fit. It's just too darn cute.

But self absorbed? Yes. If your friend cannot take the focus off herself or her kids for two seconds to see all the OTHER wonderful, beautiful and amaaaaaaaaaaaaaazingggggggggggg kids around her- then she is surely missing out.

Yes. My favorite kids are my own! But seriously... I just ADORE other children and enjoy getting to know and understand all the different characters and personalities, quirks and habits.

Sometimes I think my neighbors or friends might think I am the spooky stalker lady at how I gawk and comment on their children. But how could you NOT.

ALL kids are so amazing.

#mineespecially

lol
;-)

No, you're not rude. We all know moms like this and it is nauseating! I'd just put some space there:)

No, a mom can never be 'too proud' of her children, BUT she can be too braggy about it. There's a difference between *thinking* your child is the best thing since sliced bread and *telling* everyone within earshot all about it.

im sorry, but to be quite honest a parent like that should be punched. they dont realize in acting that way with their children, the child gets the same opinion and grows up with a horribly snotty attitude towards the world..... like my nephew is doing as we speak :(

Yes! It can be very irritating. I have a very sweet 3.5 year old with some special needs and struggles in some areas and it is VERY annoying when some moms go on and on about how awesome their child is at everything! You are not being rude! I wish some people would think before the would brag!

*raises hand* i am "too proud" of my son as well. HOWEVER - i try to keep it toned down especially when other mothers/kids are around. i inquire about other kids and ooh and aaah over other kids' accomplishments. but secretly i still think my son is smarter, cleverer, sweeter, cuter...lol. guilty! but about the only one i "act" like that with, is my mom, because he's her only grandson, too, and she totally "gets" how perfect he is (said tongue-in-cheek of course!)

i agree with the other ladies. we all think our kids are the best. but there's a special kind of self-absorption or narcissism or whatever it is, that explains the incessant bragging. that's just insensitivity. or cluelessness.

I feel like you do! A "friend's" daughter really is rather unusually talented in many areas but she has to point it out ALL THE TIME. I'm now avoiding her bc I can't take it anymore. Like another mom said, I think about what the other mother may be dealing with her child on the not-so-good side when I talk about mine. And I like when people kind of joke about their kids etc. Some mothers seem to think you have to believe your child is so special and I'm not sure that, aside from being annoying, it's even good for the child. I'll never understand too how these mothers who brag don't understand that something could happen tomorrow to change everything that's so perfect right now. A family member via marriage was a super star as a kid and then developed a severe mental disorder. I'm not sure if his mother bragged or not when he was younger but it's taught me to never brag. And even aside from the tempting fate thing, just so many reasons not to... I really wish mothers would stop. I think it adds to the whole Mommy Wars things bc these mothers often seem to think their child's success is a direct correlation to their parenting and/or genes.

Let your friend know her daughter is not the prettiest, smartest or most talented because you "know" a woman on Mamasource who's two daughters that fit that description:o)
I hope the mother doesn't tell her daughter that she is all that all the time. I actually do not think it is healthy for the child to feel as though they walk on water. They will be in for many disappointments when other authority figures, like teachers, don't feel the same.

there's something inherently phony in mommas who eyeball their watches and keep time checks going to make sure that they get to brag about THEIR little paragons for an equal amount of time in order for a friendship to work. ditto for moms who dutifully compliment other children so they can feel okay to then wax rhapsodic about their own.
but even that's not as obnoxious as the my-kid-all-the-time braggy moms.
really, most of us can sense genuine interest as opposed to 'you bragged on yours so now i get to brag on mine.' and without a genuine interest and true desire for conversational reciprocity, i lose interest after the 1st 3 minutes and am outa there.
khairete
S.

I've had a couple of acquaintance friends who are like this. What I've noticed about them is that the first time you meet them, they will ask you tons of questions and they seem very interested in being your friend. However, during each subsequent conversation, they will practically spend the entire time talk at you and bragging about their child.

While I'm sure they have every right to feel proud of their child -- just as each one of us do -- I prefer to have reciprocal conversations, hence the reason why we have never taken it past the acquaintance stage. They are just too borish for my taste.

Lol, I totally understand! I have a family member who sends out a yearly report on all of her kids accomplishments etc. she is prez of the pta, best boyscout mom, sews her own kids clothes, volunteers etc. for every school event and her kids have honors everything and are involved in every afterschool thing you could imagine. She toots her own horn like she is gods gift to the world-don't get me wrong, she is wonderful and so are her kids, but it is irritating to hear all of the things that they are the best in etc. You are sooo not alone. I just say congrats and switch the subject. GL

M

I don't think a mother can love or adore her child too much, but I do think a mother can be unrealistic, extreme, and insulting to other people and their children. It sounds like this is how your friend is. It drives me crazy!

My MIL is awful at this. She told me her son (my hubby's older brother) is so intelligent that "he walks up here" (puts her hand a couple feet above her head) "and the rest of us walk down here" (puts her hand at her waist level) "and he just doesn't understand how the rest of us think because he just thinks so advanced than the rest of us"....alrighty...if that's not too proud and delusional, I don't know what is! He is a smart guy for sure, but he's not that smart. According to his mom, he was talking in three word sentences at 12 months. Yeah, right. So, yes, I really do think you can be too proud. When you stop seeing other children as special too, and truly think yours is incredibly extraordinary and you only see other people and their children as peons, then there's something wrong!

Sorry you're friend is like that. It's one of my pet peeves;-)

You ladies are just annoyed because you don't have that amazingly perfect kid! (LOL Total sarcasm)

Seriously, my thoughts on this, not just on human spawns but in general, is that if something or someone is that great, there should be no need to toot their own horn as it should be blatantly obvious to the common folks.

Ups, I hope is not me, I know I can get carry away when talking about mine. My husband use to get so annoyed when a coworker talked no end about his kids until he got his own.
My aunt is the worst one I have ever meet, her daughter is the best, the smarter, the prettiest and you can say your kid did something because hers did it before and better. Not only that but she is a extreme copycat. Too bad that she is as good as she is bad because she is too hard to hate.

You are being just fine! A mommy can't be too proud of her child-but it is better voiced between the parent and child and not so much so that it puts too much pressure on the child. As children get older they are less and less apt to confide in their parents because they are afraid that they will somehow be diminished in their parent's eyes. It's sad-really-and I could not imagine being around other children and not finding something absolutely special about them-and commenting on it!

I have a friend like this. And like you I have a hard time even being around her now. She has 2 sons and a daughter. And yes the daughter is pretty. but she is not the most beautiful girl in the world but there is no conversation that doesn't start with "she is just so darn cute" "she is just the most beautiful girl in the world" "we have to be careful because she is so pretty..." It drives me nuts. I want to ask her "who are you trying to convince"

Being proud of your child and bragging about him/her are 2 different things. Yes, I think my daughter is beautiful, smart, artistic, pleasant, sweet. I honestly don't care if she is the MOST beautiful (I honestly know every mother thinks that about her child), SMARTEST, etc. I have a friend that has 3 beautiful, smart, talented girls too. We joke that she's allowed to think that her daughters are perfect and I'm allowed to think mine is. We're both right.

Oooh, I know one of these! She would stand on the playground telling us that her daughter never had the temper tantrums we were complaining about. Then when she told her DD that it was time to go, there would be a massive meltdown right in front of us! Meanwhile, Mother of this perfect daughter would croon, "Oh, Honey, I know you don't want to go," in a syrupy sweet voice that made me want to throw up. I can't wait until she's a teenager!

I knew a mom like this. Note past tense. The girl started to beat other children and then the mom would give her candy for being "sooooooo cute". She ended that friendship after I tried to tell mom that she was making a bully. That I didn't see how her daughter was "perfect" and mine "deserved" it... well. I kept my cool... barely.

Interesting how all "our" friend no longer talk or see her. Seems she went off complaining about how I called her daughter a bully and the other moms saw the "sooooo cute" show in action against their children after she complained about me.

I just hope she isnt telling her child she's so amazing that can really confuse a child because a child doesnt feel she's amazing all the time, Is mommy lying? do the poor child feel the need to be amazing all the time?

Just tell the woman all children are special. As they mature it'll become apparent who the artists, musicians, scholars and philosphers are among these children we all know.
If she doesn't take this information in tell her she is alienating everyone by bragging that her child is better than all the other children.

I have a colleague that just talks in excess how pretty her 13 year old daughter is and how well she can dance. Pretty is nice but this kid has run away from home, sold drugs at school, uses Facebook for her own personal profanity board and been suspended for multiple reasons (even way back in preschool for calling the teacher an a-hole). It's a shame that pretty and dancing take priority over being a good kid. I'm reluctant to talk about experiences and how easy my daughter is but she has said that I am "lucky" because I only have one child.

As a parent of three girls, I often chalk this up to the new parent "I'm so in love with my child every thing they do is amazing" syndrome... I think if more people had more children (than say the average 1.5 or whatever) they would realize they will keep feeling like this about every child they have... but they can't all be "the best"... By the third child, I'm still thinking how amazing she is but I know better than to announce all her amazing accomplishments to anyone but her grandmas. It's kind of cute to see how braggy her older sisters are though!

can't stand women like that...accompanied by all of the choices they make and how they do everything RIGHT and then sneer at things you do with your kids. Don't let it get to you. She probably doesn't have much of a life outside of her child.

It may not just be about the child, my guess is that this is a person who is self absorbed, and the child is just an extension of herself and her personality.

I do know someone like this, and even if you were to waste your time telling them, they would not really hear you, unfortunately. If she cannot tell that other mothers and children exist for something other than being with her, listening to her, and admiring her (and her child) she won't get it when you try to enlighten her.

I would just quietly spend as much, or as little time as you want to with her. Maybe you will get lucky and she will see that the world is not as asborbed in her child as she is, but I would not hold my breath.

M.