Children and Divorce

I agree with the others , how do you decide which one you would "take". Also when the kids are older and they understand , how will it make them feel to know the parent chose the other over them? If I were going through a divorce , no matter how financially strapped I was I would fight tooth and nail to keep them all with me and do my best.

Please do not separate the children, they need each other for stability, plus it will be like saying to one they are not as special to you. Find a way to share custody where the children get to stay together, it has to be about what is best for them, not what is best for you or dad.

I've heard of this before, and I think it's absolutely horrible. You split up siblings and then the one who is not with you basically knows his or her whole life that the other parent was willing to let them go and wanted to take the "other" one. Get your divorce and work out a shared custody arrangement. Both of your children still deserve to feel equally loved by both of you and they deserve to be with each other.

I couldn't do it. Regardless of how you explain it, your son will end up wondering why you love your daughter more, and she will wonder why dad loves your son more. They likely won't have the same bond as other siblings would. If you still will live close and in the same school district, you could work out a schedule that allows you both the same amount of time with the kids without splitting them up.

NO, no, no! Maybe when the kids are older your son may want to live his dad because they are "men", but for now - your kids need eachother. Divorce is so hard on kids, but to take away the sibling, too? Being together all the time makes it easier for them, they will be a constant support system for eachother. I would strongly advise that you not do this.

Children are not furniture that you divide in a divorce settlement. They deserve to be together, losing a parent in the home will be enough they do not need to loose a sibling!!!

Ugh.. such a poor choice..

My sister tried this and her kids had a fit.. they missed each other so much. They wanted to be together. They were the only constant in the whole divorce. They needed and wanted each other. They even went to family therapy and the therapist told my sister and her husband the children should be together for these transitions home to home.. ..

Speak with a Family counselor and therapist if you feel uncertain.

Please don't do this. Speaking as a child of divorce...if I didn't have my brother, I honestly don't think I could've gotten through it. Siblings should be together. I couldn't imagine choosing one of my children over the other. Just think of all of the questions that are going to come out of this in a few years when they can talk and communicate more. What will you say to your son when he asks why you didn't want him? I'm not implying that you don't want him...but that is what he is going to think. I think this will cause some serious abandonment issues for your kiddos.

Keep them together, please, you won't regret it.

No way - they need to stay together.

I'm sorry, I feel it is a horrible plan to split siblings.

I had a coworker who did this. Her son ended up pretty screwed up.

Do not seperate your kids and don't let him drag them into the middle of anything. Kids do not ask for divorce, the should not be "pawns" or "go-betweens" they should be kids. They should always feel loved and wanted by both parents. My ex-husband and I made a promise to each other early in our marriage (because we saw what happened with some people close to us) that we would never put our kids in the "center" of our divorce (if it ever happened) or make it "about" them. 14 years later we remembered that and did everything in our power to make life "normal" for the kids. 10 years later, my kids are well adjusted young adults who have a great relationship with both my ex and I.

Good luck, and always put the kids first.

Why would you want to split up the children? The kids should be raised together as a family...

looks like you've gotten plenty of answers. bless your heart you were just asking. :) but i also think they should stay together b/c not only are they losing both of their parents being together they're losing each other. :( that's what's even more sad. i hated going to my dads every other weekend but i hated it even more when my brother got old enough to decide he didn't wanna go. it just wasn't that horrible w/my brother right there w/me to entertain me & pick on me. :)
i'm just going to say good luck. i know you'll make the right decision. and i'm really sorry about your divorce by the way. :(

OMG-NO-don't do this! So you are going to let your kids grow up without their siblings? This is not a compromise. Well, for the two of YOU maybe, but most certainly not for your children.

My bil did this and totally screwed up his kids. His son was 1 and his daughter 3 1/2 when they split. His son really didn;t know his mom and felt she abandoned him. My husband's niece and nephew have more of a "thrown together acquaintence" type of relationship. You would never think they were related.

I would answer like all other PP's. No way! No one has mentioned this but I am thinking your husband wants to split up the kids so he won't have to pay child support. That's my theory. I could be totally off but my friend just went thru the same thing. They split the kids so neither had to pay CS. Their situation is different...the kids are older and the dad can better take care of the oldest, he has autism. The younger child was always put last because of the behavior problems of the oldest and the oldest was getting violent...so in this case it worked out for the best, but as for you, no no no.
I am so sorry you are dealing with a divorce and I hope you can get thru it but keep the kids together!

sorry too hear you r going threw a divorce.i went threw one myself 8mos ago after 15years of bein married.my childern our 14&15 my daughter lives with me and myson lives with his father and its very hard on me because i have never been away from mybabys:( if i was you and my babys was that young i would keep them together. its hard enough for them losing there daddy they will lean on eachother more then you think,:) keep ur babys with you.good luck with everything huggs to you&ur babys

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sorry too hear you r going threw a divorce.i went threw one myself 8mos ago after 15years of bein married.my childern our 14&15 my daughter lives with me and myson lives with his father and its very hard on me because i have never been away from mybabys:( if i was you and my babys was that young i would keep them together. its hard enough for them losing there daddy they will lean on eachother more then you think,:) keep ur babys with you.good luck with everything huggs to you&ur babys

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sorry too hear you r going threw a divorce.i went threw one myself 8mos ago after 15years of bein married.my childern our 14&15 my daughter lives with me and myson lives with his father and its very hard on me because i have never been away from mybabys:( if i was you and my babys was that young i would keep them together. its hard enough for them losing there daddy they will lean on eachother more then you think,:) keep ur babys with you.good luck with everything huggs to you&ur babys

I separated from my first husband on several occasions. I always took one son and left the other with dad by their choice. Your kids are too young to make a decision, but if you and dad feel that it's the best thing for all of you they are young enough to adjust to it and it would become their "normal". As long as you and the ex are going to communicate a lot and the kids won't miss out on each other as siblings it would probably work. How do you feel about it? You will get odd remarks from people like "how could you abandon 1 of your children?" even tho you KNOW that is not the case, so don't be surprised about the backbiting that will come of your decision. If you and the ex are on the same page you will be able to support each other through this somewhat unorthodox situation.

I've only read a few responses, but NO!!! The children will need each other, and it's just not right on so many levels.

splitting them would be so hard, how will they ever get to be together because it would be like son goes to mom's while daughter goes to dad's so they are always separated and won't grow up together as siblings.

The best situations I have seen work is where each parent has the kids equally and works out a schedule where they are at Mom's 3 1/2 days a week and at Dad's 3 1/2 days a week even through holidays. If there are special vacations or trips they work those out in advance.

If one parent decides to move farther away where this isn't possible than the one moving away needs to give up their part of the equal custody agreement then work out other arrangements like every other weekend or what works as far as travel without the kids missing school. The kids should be #1 over all personal decisions.

Try to get along in front of the kids. Work out battles over the phone out of earshot of the kids or have meetings to discuss things and hire a babysitter or have the kids go to grandparents while you have these discussions.

Divorce is never easy on anyone but the kids need each other and try to show each other respect for the kids sake.

I don't know what you mean by keep, but I hope you will both see both of your children frequently. That is the most important thing when you get divorced.

I would NOT recommend this at all. The children need to grow up together and know eachother as brother and sister. Plus, it will be kind of akward when they go to eachother's homes...no doubt would add to sibling rivalry. Please don't do it.