Coaching Your Own Kid

Well you've asked her not to do it, she continues to do it anyway, therefore, you are not "hiding" anything. It seems to me you are just trying to control the situation. You would do the same thing if it were just another girl on the team right?

I agree with you =-)

I have coached my step-daughter's teams for a few years. It has been some of the most rewarding and frustrating times, but the benefits outweight the frustrations. You are doing the right thing by showing the entire team the same information at the same time. It's important that each girl on the team have the same opportunities.

As a fellow step-parent volunteer though, it is nice that your step-daughter is bragging and excited when you are the coach, it makes her feel important and she knows how committed you are to her activity. It wouldn't hurt to give her something to look forward to that she has involvement with and can brag about. I helped my step-daughter make fun hair ties for her team and cookies for the girls. It's something she feels like she is surprising the girls with and can brag about and it brings her focus away from having to know the "game plan".

I agree with the others---you gave her a warning, she continued with the bad behavior, now she has to live with the consequences, period. That was her choice, not yours. Ask Dad to explain how he would handle the situation to get a better outcome. (Do you tell him how to do his job?)

Oh please! You're "hiding" things from her?
I have friends who are teachers and their kids don't get looped into the daily lesson plans and which kid is behind in homework, etc.
Your daughter may think she has every right to know what's going on, but really....she doesn't. Especially if she is using the fact you are coaching to brag to other kids, boss them, etc.
My ex coached our son's baseball team and my son quit because of it.
His dad was so on him constantly that the poor kid didn't have a chance to even just enjoy playing.
My dad coached my baseball teams when I was in Junior High and he treated everyone the same. I got no special treatment and I liked it that way. He didn't expect more of me. He didn't expect less of me. He coordinated everything with the teacher and not ME.
Cheerleading can be brutal and competitive even if the parents don't foster that attitude and I think you'd do well for your daughter not to feel like she is in the driver's seat by virtue of your coaching.
Your husband likely doesn't understand what you are trying to accomplish for the good of all the girls.
Maybe you should ask him if he's fine with your daughter being held above all other standards and if she's out of line, she is "benched" or has to run a mile to make an example of her.
He won't like that either.
Keep your plans and your notes and whatever is going on to yourself.
Our kids don't need to know every single thing.
They just don't.

That's my opinion.

Best wishes.

I think you're doing the right thing. It's a way to make sure everyone stays "equal." Her actions may have caused the other girls to resent her/ostracize her over time.

You are doing the best thing for her, by not sharing those details. The other girls could start to resent her (I know, I was a cheerleader for years!) and so removing that temptation and ability for her to annoy and boss around the other girls is the best thing you can do. Have you talked to her that her behavior could possibly lose friends for her? I would simply tell your husband that he doesn't get the whole dynamics of the situation and leave it at that.

My husband and I coach our daughter's softball team, and I am her girl scout leader as well. We don't let her in on anything before any of the other girls (in either group) find out. There have been plenty of times when I am planning drills for practice or activities or outings for scouts and she'll ask what "we're" doing. I simply tell her don't worry about it you'll find out with the rest of your team/troop.

I am not a coach but I have seen coaches with their kids on their team and it for the most part has been annoying. My sons LL baseball the age grp older than him the dad would put both his kids in every game, they were the only ones allowed to pitch or catch and they were always first in the line up. They weren't awesome players so that got the parents nuts that he was only really playing his kids, and the team was losing. Aside from throwing your SD off the squad what choices do you have but to reiterate that she needs to not look at your notes and be a TEAM PLAYER. And you need to tell hubs that if his daughter listened and wanted to partake in a team sport she needs to follow the rules, even though he feels you are making a big deal ask him how he would feel if someone else is the coach and their kid knew all the inside stuff and bragged about it, how happy would he be?

I also agree that keeping your plans and notes to yourself is the right thing to do. I wonder if your husband is reacting to the way in which you did it. You said you were annoyed and in that situation my annoyance would've shown thru my talk with her even if I wanted to be neutral.

I suggest that because your step-daughter is your step-daughter you need to be compassionate in the way that you talk with her. Tell her that you understand that she wants to be an important part of the group and you can see how doing what she did make her feel good. Then explain, still in a loving voice, how in the long run she would've felt the other girl's anger because it would appear that she's more important than they are. Tell her she's an important part of the group and that you are responsible for being sure that she is treated that way. Give her a hug, if she'll let you. Tell her you love her.

She's wanting reassurance that she is important and special. Focus on her good qualities. Praise those qualities. I assume you praise all of the girls in the group. Be sure to also praise your step-daughter. Share a special something with each girl. For example each week one girl can have a special job. Rotate among all of the girls, including your daugher.

I also like the idea of making something for the other girls, such as a hair ribbon or cookies as suggested by Jody P.