Coming to Terms with Our Imperfect Bodies...

Updated on September 17, 2010
L.P. asks from Uniontown, PA
18 answers

What do you do to feel good about YOUR imperfect body?

Are there things you do to enhance your good features? Or conceal your perceived flaws? Do you just put it all out there, lock, stock, and barrel, and whoever doesn't like it can pound salt? LOL

What do you do to feel sexy or attractive, in spite of the fact that our after children bodies aren't "perfect?"

I'm all about loving the woman I am, and the body I have, but sometimes just need to remind myself of that... just wondering how all you ladies stay positive about your less than perfect figures.

Thanks for responding!

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So What Happened?

Theresa N is right. My guy does love my body just as it is, albeit several (like 10 or 15) pounds more than when we met, and a good 30 pounds overweight, according to BMI, ideal weight charts, etc. - I'm about 165 at 5'4", about a size 14 - your typical "average woman", I guess. And I have to say, that although sometimes it baffles me, I do actually believe my guy when he says he loves my body, because his behavior supports his assertion. :) I am finally starting to really get that men aren't concerned with every little cellulite dimple or every little extra roll. If they love us, they love us as we are, and they love our bodies for what they are. And there are days that in spite of my extra weight, I even feel good about my figure.

It is so very true that motherhood affords us a new perspective on and appreciation of our bodies. Like many of you suggested, I am far less critical of all my curves and bulges than I was prior to motherhood. I am far more confident in my skin than I ever was, even at this higher weight. Now don't get me wrong, if I could get my 135 lb. body back, I'd take it in a minute now, and flaunt it like nobody's business!! LOL And I'd enjoy and appreciate it far more than I did when I had it. But it goes back to that confidence gained through motherhood, and the acceptance of my body at this weight, that would allow me to appreciate and enjoy that body so much more than I ever did. I don't think I'll probably ever get back there, but if I ever do, LOOK OUT!!!

Thank all you ladies for responding. I thoroughly enjoyed reading your responses. It's nice to hear other women relating to my feelings.

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A.B.

answers from New York on

To me the sexiest part of a woman is her confidence. No matter how my body has changed and trust me it has done things I didn't even think possible, I have always been confident in my sexiness. Bigger, smaller makes no difference to me. My hubs just gets better looking and toner and sexier with age and I always feel at the same level as him and I haven't picked up a weight or worked out since Flashdance was the fashion at the gym(LOL)

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J.V.

answers from Chicago on

You know, one of the things I loved about pregnancy is that it really helped me feel good in my own skin. I haven't worked out on a regular basis in almost 3 years, yet, I have never felt better! I feel sexy, even --even with the shriveled belly skin from it being stretched!

I wish I could share the secret, but I really think that pushing babies out in front of people just helped me to get to a who gives a **** about it anyway kind of place. So yes, I just put it all out there and don't worry about it. In fact, I rarely ever wear make-up either!

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M.R.

answers from Columbus on

I used to stress about it, but I don't any more. I cannot remember where I heard it, but some time ago I heard that most men don't care about how our bodies look, even naked, espcially naked, because (unless you are some kind of freak) you are usually the only naked woman in the room, so hands down, you win. He makes me feel sexy, that is all I need!

M.

5 moms found this helpful

T.N.

answers from Albany on

Having one of those days, too, L., bet your guy is crazy about what you got, know my guy is, though I can't imagine why. Sometimes I actually believe him!

4 moms found this helpful
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A.P.

answers from Los Angeles on

I make myself up and do my hair, wear clothes that fit and are appropriate for my age and body type! I think being conscience of appropriate clothing is so important. Also, if you haven't received a compliment on your hair or makeup recently, its probably time for an updated look. And recently I have started working out with a trainer to feel better about my body and not get frustrated when I dress...as a matter of fact, he called me sexy this afternoon :)

The bf called me sexy not my trainer lol

2 moms found this helpful

C.M.

answers from St. Louis on

Other that berate myself and then eat another donut? Haha I have to joke because lately I've been very down on myself. Although I'm the same weight I was before I had my daughter (which admittedly was still about 15 lbs overweight), I never had the belly/flab/etc this bad!!! I'm not comfortable in my clothes and it really depresses me!! But then I tell myself that every day is a new day and I make the choice to eat good or bad and to work out or not (not most days!).

What makes me feel better is that my husband told me recently *unprompted* that I still look just like I did when we first met and that he still wants me just the same (and his actions show the same!!).

I try to make my hair / makeup look good and try to just think positive and know that my extra weight is a result of two beautiful children!

2 moms found this helpful

J.L.

answers from Los Angeles on

Well to be honest, I never thought my body was perfect before having a baby! LOL, so maybe I am just used to it. "What do you do to feel good about your imperfect body..." well, I get clothes that fit and look good on me. I take care of it the best I can (a pedicure here or there, lotion/body oils, take a daily vitamin, drink and eat plenty of good things). I enhance my features by buying a great bra (sorry but its one of my features), I have been known to wear spanx, and sexy shoes.
To feel sexy I love to get lingerie, especially corsets and bustiers. Even if people aren't commenting on my fuller figure, they comment on all of my tattoos, or the fact that my tongue is pierced, or whatever they feel like pointing out that day, so as you said.....they can all go pound salt! =)

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S.H.

answers from Honolulu on

"BC" (before children)... I was in total shape, 6 pack abs, super toned and buff. Always worked out. Guys would cat call me to me if I was walking down a street.... telling me "Hot body!"

"AC" (after children), I gained 25 pounds, and my tummy never went away.... I have Diastatis as well. I am now a rounded shaped Mom... and my butt... is not as perky.

BUT... I really do not feel any different nor any less of anything. It really does not bother me. I am comfortable in my own skin and shape.
Hubby is not as buff either, now, after kids. And he lost some hair! He used to look like Antonio Banderas and with the long hair! LOL

I really don't see myself as a 'perfect' or 'imperfect' shaped body. It just is.
I don't go out of my way to conceal anything nor do I feel awkward about my body. I still feel young and hip and sexy. It is a state of mind.

all the best,
Susan

2 moms found this helpful

S.G.

answers from Oklahoma City on

i wear higher heels, and "that dress" to make me feel skinnier than i am. or i'll wear those jeans i can barley breathe in on a night out with the hubby

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L.N.

answers from New York on

i've always been confident about the way i look (far from perfect but thought i looked awesome in my opinion).
i always had problems with women who complained about their bodies. i would think if you can't accept yourself why do you expect people to accept you?
well, then i developed a bulging eye. yes just one, and i call it my wondering eye.
i didn't think it would bother me as much as it does. i avoid looking at myself in the mirror and i am always wearing sunglasses, even at 8 pm, looking like crazy.
i can't get over it. so i just hide under mega sunglasses.
so i have become one of those women. it's strange because i totally forget i have it until i pass something where i see myself and then i get shocked. like it hits me. so to avoid that feeling of shock i am walking around with glasses, and i don't think i will feel better about it any time soon.

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D.P.

answers from Pittsburgh on

Well....during bathing suit season, I tend to take the "pound salt" approach! The rest of the time I usually look around and observe that the perfect body doesn't exist--it's a myth!
I have O. coworker who is so teeny and tiny that she looks like 12 year old boy--when I see her I am thankful for my curves.
Believe me, I'm WAY heavier than before I had a baby at 39. I accompanied my teeny, skinny friend to get a bathing suit and when she started saying--OK no deep V necks, no straight across tops...I thought she was being super picky, because I always figured that thin people can wear anything they want, right? WRONG! I was amazed that she had just as hard a time finding a size 6 or 8 suit that looked good on her, as I have finding a size 14 that looks good on me.
I also think that with age comes a large dose of body confidence and a huge reality check. I try to be healthy and am ramping up the exercise, as this "baby fat" excuse isn't cutting it anymore, since my baby is 7! But in the meantime, I take a reality check and am basically happy with myself and my body.

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P.O.

answers from Harrisburg on

Wear clothes that accent your figure, Ex: I've learned that for my shape, V or U necks fit me, so wear what fits your shape and body. For the baby belly, I use garments that keeps it in tact - not hanging out. I wear prints and dark bottoms to give the perception that nothing is bulging here or there. I try to eat right and think positive, try my best not to worry too much, keep my mind clear so that I don't get depressed and ultimately lose weight or look dragged down. Makeup your face to remove wrinkles, etc. I try to smile often and play often to feel confident. I also pray/meditate. Once I feel better mentally, I feel better physically. I talk out my issues to someone so I don't bottle it all in. It affects my stomach, ultimately causing gas/bloating, tightness, stress and then my body feels old because my emotions are not free. THose are just some things that ultimately reflect in how I view my body image.

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S.G.

answers from Albuquerque on

I just had #3 11 weeks ago and have never felt better about my body.

Whenever I see my belly in the mirror and get a little sad I call my two girls in the room, grab the baby and we all climb on the bed and eat peanut butter from the jar (not the baby!) and talk. We talk about loving ourselves, the cute boy in prek 4, what we want to be when we grow up, our dream house, unconditional love... I start a subject and we can finish a whole jar of pb just talking. That makes me love my body. Without my three babies I wouldn't be blessed with the body I have.

One thing that has always made me feel good is getting up and getting dressed. I don't mean sweats and a tank. I mean good jeans, a pretty shirt, some awesome (sensible) shoes and a chunky bracelet. Then I do my hair and makeup (minimul, concealer under the eyes, mousse blush, mascarra and a little lip stain) and add some body spalsh. I feel so ready to take on the world (or at least the kids) when I'm dressed.

Confidence is the sexiest thing a women can wear. Even if you have to fake it some days! Go take on the world L.!

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E.L.

answers from Los Angeles on

I just had a baby and I also teach first grade. My loving students give me hugs (so wonderfully typical for this age group) and then ask, "Do you have another baby in there?" When I say no, some follow up with, "Then why is your tummy so big?". Recently I told my friend that I want to answer it is because I ate the last child who asked why my tummy is so big. I would never say that, but it just cracks me up and allows me to kindly reply that it will take a whilw for my tummy to get small again. I add that it is normal:)with a smile. I like to think I help dispel notions that tummies are supposed to be flat. But tonight I was feeling bummed because a photo arrived in the mail from my husband's fifteen year dinner at work. I just HAD to look at it next to the ten year photo. Soooooooo discouraging! So I guess I need to accept that things will never be the same, but I also want to work with what I have. And ten weeks after having a baby is too soon to expect to be at pre-baby weight.

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B.B.

answers from New York on

UGH! Baby belly totally stinks! I don't wear tight fitting shirts anymore. And I feel like I wear more jewelry now. IDK why? Maybe I think if people are looking at my jewelry they aren't looking at my tummy or butt!

Like a few other ladies mentioned - my hubby tells me that I look the best I've ever looked (and we've been together since I was 17), so that makes me feel good.

Check out this site, I think you may find it interesting: http://theshapeofamother.com

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J.C.

answers from Lincoln on

I've learned that dressing conservatively makes me look much better! I used to wear spaghetti strap tank tops and short shorts. I thought that was how we looked good to our men, but as I got older and started listening to my husband I learned that more conservative dress actually makes me look sexier to him without the negative attention from others. No I don't obsess about my body, because its covered! The only one who sees it uncovered is hubby, and he thinks its beautiful.

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R.J.

answers from Seattle on

I don't. I'm totally vain and *hate* my body... BUT it's what gets me from point A to point B. So what I do is to have FUN with that body. Snowboarding, swimming, dancing, surfing, horseback riding, sex... I may despise what my body looks like, but I can sure have FUN with it :) :) :)

I also never *ever* tell anyone in the real world how much I despise it. Because for some reason, people equate that with despising MYSELF. Which are 2 totally different things. I love *myself*, just not the surface.

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M.L.

answers from Houston on

Learning how to dress to accentuate your curves and hide problems areas is what I do. Same with make-up, I accentuate my eyes to take the focus off of my not so great skin.

Also, when I go out, I put on make-up, and don't always have time to do my hair, but it's pretty easy to make a pony tail or other cut look attractive with just some bobby pins and such.

I love a great v-neck and jeans, just add some simple accessories and you are good.

But, I'm a hairstylist and makeup artist, so those are my things! I def do not have a perfect body, or skin or hair, but learning how to maximize your strengths and minimize your weak areas are what is key.

http://www.style-makeover-hq.com/body-shape.html

For a tummy (like many moms have) a nice form flattering shirt, with maybe some rushing and detail around the chest, and a light drape and some looseness around the waist area, will really hide that pouch.

Jeans can really make any figure look hot, you just have o know what is right for your shape. This is one of the best guides out there. There are several articles, but it tells you what to shop for, what brands/lenghts/colors/pocket styles work best for your figure...

http://www.oprah.com/style/The-Jean-Buying-Fit-Guide/1

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