Comments About Being a SAHP: Which Ones Annoy You the Most?

For me its that people assume that all SAHP stay home by choice. I would go to work if I could, but can't afford the child care. So it will have to wait till my kids are older then almost 3 and 4mnths.

I dislike the "oh you are lazy" type of comments or "privileged." It's called planning. Btw, there are very few SAHPs I've run into which I consider lazy.

The grass always *seems* greener on the other side. I wish I could tear down the fence. :)
Soon after I said I would be resigning to go back to being a SAHM, one of my co-workers absent-mindedly shared with me that she was annoyed by women who didn't have to work but chose to do so. She said she always felt like telling them to take their a***s back home.

The look on her face as she realized who she had just made that comment to was priceless. I wasn't offended though. I laughed because I knew her and didn't think she meant any real harm. She was just a little envious and I could understand that perspective coming from a person who only knew one side. :) BTW: She recently told me that she will be a SAHM soon. I told her "Welcome to the Jungle".

What I wish people would understand is that, regardless of what my work-for-pay status is, I don't need their strange validation, which is usually something like "You are doing great...and those other moms aren't as good" sort of comparisons. I don't need their approval, I don't need to be told that (in this moment) I'm doing 'the best' for my kid by staying home... especially because situations change and whatever I'm doing in the future will *also* be 'the best' for my child. That is the comment which annoys me most, by the way. I don't want validation on the backs of other moms, if you know what I mean.

I've done stay at home, work from home, work outside of home and what I wish people would understand is that it's ALL challenging. The challenges may be different, but all morphs of motherhood are real work, regardless of where that takes place.

"Must be nice to be able to afford it. We need both our incomes to get by."

Really? You think we couldn't live higher on 2 FT incomes. Its called SACRIFICE people! :) Set your priorities (whatever they may be), and make the budget fit. Its why we don't drive new cars, take 3 vacations a year, or sned the kids to every camp offered throughout the summer. We make financial choices that involve some sacrifice to give our kids what we feel is the best start in life: full access every day to a loving parent.

"What do you do all day?"
"What would you do, if your husband died. How would you survive?" (Ummm...I have experience and education, thank you.)
And the biggie...that I'm being selfish. That opinion was so stupidly shared here the other day. Implying that my son would never get to experience anything, or eat any good food. Oh, and the above...that I couldn't take care of him, if something happened to my husband.

My favorite (sarcasm) is assuming I'm too inexperienced, stupid, or incompetent to work.

What do you do all day??
You just sit around all day.
If I could nurse the baby he would be no problem to take care of.
What are you doing that you cant stop everything and go to the store, buy me an energy drink then bring it to me at work?
Must be nice.
I would love for you to work so I could lay around all day.
Why do you need to sleep, you dont have to go to work. (that one was from when the baby was about 4 weeks old)
... Those are all courtesy of my husband, nice huh?

1) Since you aren't doing anything

2) What did you DO today???

3) I went to work today

____\

What fo I wish people would understand? That a 17 hour day is a freakin' 17 hour day!!!

I've done it all, and they're all hard in different ways. Certain situations suit some people better than others, and that's just luck. The idea that you can pay a nanny 3000 a month for 50 hours of care, but a SAHP doing the same job with twice the hours isn't "really" working drives me insane. Hullo. If it's a paid position with benefits and sick days and time off... it's a job.

Similarly, that everyones has different reasons. Some stay at home out of choice, or work out of choice. Others have no choice but to stay at home, or no choice but to work.

Oh I work - I strip nights and weekends.

{in answer to "what do you do all day". No fun just bitching without a solution} :)

I read the comment the other day saying that SAHM's were making their children sacrifice good food and experiences, etc to afford to stay home. I have time to make inexpensive, nutritious meals for my family as opposed to the fast food and expensive, unhealthy convenience foods some of my working friends feed their families on a regular basis. I also have time to take my kids places and show them a good time, as opposed to paying someone else to that for me. I've been a SAHM for 10 years, and I am preparing to go back to work part time now that my youngest is in school full days. We waited seven years after we married until we felt we were financially in the position for one of us to stay home before we had kids. Then we lived within our means. We didn't waste money, but we certainly didn't do without any necessities.

I'd have to say that the O. thing I wish people would understand is that "time is time". My time is just as valuable as anyone else's time.
I work PT and O. of my really good FTWM's always says things (her husband helps ZERO) like "I told him if I was at home, I'd churn my own butter, Id cook from scratch every night, blah blah" Ummm...no you wouldn't because my "at home" days are FULL to the brim. There's always something to do, clean, fix, clean out, organize, pay, address on the phone, etc. So please (and I have nicely told her this) "don't minimize the importance of MY time or overestimate the amount of my free time compared to yours."

I dont' let it bother me most of the time. Rather I feel sorry for both the moms who work and know they are missing out on their children's milestones and lives, as well I feel sorry for those who have bought into the cultural lies that its not enough to be a mom. And there you have my least favorite retort: "I don't want to just be a mom." As though being the one to parent your child during the majority of their waking childhood is an unworthy endeavor. That said, I have a few dear friends who are full time working moms and its usually more complicated than I've indicated. But I do hate that phrase. Its implications are nauseating to me.

"How can you afford it?!?"

Um...okay. Live within your means. Just ask me when the last time I had a new outfit, went out on a date, etc etc was. Go ahead, ask. But you know what? I think the benefits outweigh whatever I might be "missing out" on.

"Doesn't it just drive you nuts, being with your kids all day? I'd go insane if I didn't get out of the house!!"

No, my own children do not drive me nuts (...weeeelll....) and I am not going to go insane if I don't "get out." Oh, wait. Today, I went to Target, the grocery store, the park, the library, and took a bike ride. How does that compare with "getting out" to your boring job?

"Since you aren't working ---day, can you watch my kid for me?" Um, no, I can't. I am not a daycare service or a babysitter...I am a stay-at-home mother with a disabled husband, one special needs child, and another child I am homeschooling. If I wanted to babysit, I'd put out an ad. Why do people even ask me? You chose to work...you pay for daycare or a real babysitter. (This is mostly in response to two friends who thought I should just naturally be their free backup daycare.)

I get tired of the lazy comments and people that think just because I am home all my time is free to do their errands. My hubby jokes about me eating bon bons and laying around like Peggy Bundy (married with Children) but he knows and sees that everything gets done and the house is usually clean.

Most people don't know that we are landlords and I manage our 5 properties. Keeping up with the mortgage payments, insurance and taxes is like a full time job. My new job now is puppy trainer and it has been taking up all my extra time, but she is worth it.

How old fo they have to be before you return to work?
Hmmm I thought I was working hard at raising children, maintaining a house, financial planner. Perhaps I am wrong.

i wish ppl would get that im a stay at home mom because that what me and my husband wanted for our family, we decided when we had our oldest that it would be better, but we made sacrifices for that to happen we went without while others had new toys..lol.. we live on a budget and we only eat out 1-2 a month, so when someone says to me MUST BE NICE.. i say honey you have no idea..lol..i turn the tables, when their like i couldnt do it..i say well its not for everyone..

now i only say that to ppl who are being mean about me being at home, i dont say that nor would i to a mom /dad who has to work i tell them, you must be a very strong person to juggle both..

that we watch TV and eat bon-bons all day...my husband said that to me ONCE. He learned the hard way - it's not all peaches and cream.

Another thing that bothers me? that we must be rich. No. We just planned it so that we would ONLY live off one income. When we married whoever was making the less amount of money was going to be the SAHP - it was me - I was making $20K less than my husband!!! LOL!!! Any way - we planned it that way so that we wouldn't be stressing over the loss of an income.

"What is the one thing you wish people would get and understand about being a stay at home parent?" That yours is the most important job-and theirs...isn't.

I hate when the SAHP goes on and on about staying home and taking care of your kids being a 24/7 job. As if a working parent comes home from work and gets a 'break'. The only difference is that their 'job' changes, going from working mode to mommy mode. They also 'work 24/7', and they can't run to the gym, or get a haircut, or go grocery shopping while their little ones are in preschool or at a playdate, because they're working. 24/7 baby. it's LIFE.

I also hate when the SAHP goes on and on about 'living within your means' and 'making hard choices in order to afford staying home' and, my favorite, 'I want to RAISE my kids, not pay someone to raise them' (that's one that deserves a punch in the face. as if the working parent doesn't care for their kid as much as you care for yours).

most working moms HAVE to work to put food on the table, no matter HOW MANY COUPONS THEY CLIP, and even then they don't have a gym membership, get expensive haircuts, eat out at restaurants or anything else they wah wah wah about missing out on.

oh wait, this is only a post for SAHP to complain on? sorry about that ;)

My thing is oh, you are a SAHM, you are dressed nicely do you do this every day? Yeah, like we are all slobs all of the time.

I hate it when people ask do you stay home so you can get state assistance?

Um no were not.. just because we have 5 kids and my husband doesn't make a ton of money doesn't mean that is the reason I'm not working. I chose to stay home ( I'm working now) because the jobs I was working at didn't pay enough to "get ahead". They paid just enough to pay for my commute to work, day care and maybe have about $50 left over from my check. Well that $50 wasn't worth it in my opinion... had nothing to do with trying to get anything from the state just so I can "sit on my butt all day".

I usually tell people that there are only 2 reasons to work...you want to or have to. Right now, I do not want to or have to work outside the home, so I don't. Most of my friends are SAHMs, so I don't get asked a lot.

.

The thing that always annoyed me the most was requests to do things because 'well you're home all day anyway.' From requests to watching other people's children, making or receiving phone calls on behalf of others, running errands, house/pet sitting, and having people make demands on my time because they think I had all the time in the world.

When I went back to work it was so eye opening to actually be able to have 2 15 minute breaks and a lunch where I would actually get to relax and do whatever I wanted. I didn't have to make sandwiches, pour juice, or do anything else for someone else.

People think because SAHM's are at home, their house is clean all the time because you're there all day to clean it. Um, no. We are here all day messing it up. ;D

The thing that used to bother me the most when I was staying at home with my kids is that people just assumed that I was uneducated. After all, most women who went to college say " I didn't go to college to stay home with kids." My husband and I put raising our children ourselves as a priority. More and more I am hearing now from professional women, that they are quitting their jobs or are working part-time to stay at home with their kids. As my niece, who is a CPA says, she didn't have kids to only see them two hours a day. She quit her prestigeous job. My question to career women who work over 40 hours a week is "why did you bother to have children if you are letting someone else raise them?"

I raised two gifted kids, so there was no bordem at home. Today my children are happy, healthy, and successful adults. Staying at home for seven years was definitely worth it! After the kids entered school, I had my career and advanced academically. I feel as though I was a good role model for my children, especially my daughter. She just earned her Master's Degree from William and Mary, and is a Counselor. My son is a Store Manager at the age of 24.

Stay at home Moms and their spouses give up a lot of material things in order to afford staying at home. Once they are grown, you can't get back the years of rapid growth and developmental milestones, if you worked full-time when your children are young.

You ask such interesting questions!

Although I actually work from home in additon to being mom, what I find most annoying is people questioning how I could give up my career and waste my education.

Yes, I will not get a promotion while I am working P/T from home. SO yes maybe in "Your" opinion my education and ability are going to waste.

I hate hate hate when people tell me that... of dollars would make it worth it to me not to be home with my daughter (and future son). As long as we can put food on the table and the lights on, I am home, period the end.

Since my boss loves the work I do, when I do come back to the office (now it will be at least 5 more years until that happens) a Manager's title should be waiting for me during the next promotion cycle.

I know this is for SAHP and I'm a working mom, but there are a lot of things that annoy me about people not respecting SAHPs. My mom was the best SAHM, but at that time they used to call them "Housewives/Househusbands." The one thing that I really wish people would understand about SAHPs is that SAHMs do NOT have a low IQ and they are not stupid and they do have skills.....that SAHFs are NOT lazy and mooching off their wives. What comment annoys me the most is when I hear someone saying to a SAHP, "You should get out more." It's as if they think SAHPs have problems socializing. To me, there should be no debate and women should not have to try to find a reason for their lifestyle to explain to anyone.

I've been on both sides of the fence--working and now a SAHM--and I felt I had more explaining to do when I was working OUTSIDE the home!

I am grateful to not have weathered any of these comments as a SAHM but I can vouche for the fact that we do need two incomes, despite living within our means.

Grain of salt. People live in their bubbles--some bigger than others :-)

Heard it so many times and some from repeat offenders.

Hmmm people, I am not knocking on your door asking for a handout let alone unsolicited advice. So move along with your annoying self.