Complex, Multi-part Question for "Alternative-ish Moms

For a wealth of info about questions like these, I highly recommend the local Attachment Parenting group. I think you will find a lot of people who can relate to this situation! :) http://www.api-sa-nb.org/

--E.
www.sabirthclasses.com

I nursed each kids to 2 years old, we don't vaccinate, etc. We didn't avoid public interaction, mostly because I believe that exposure to germs builds the immune system. If kept away until 2 or 3, then suddenly exposed, that could be an overload! Keep washing with soap and water, get regular chiropractic care, take vitamins, probiotics.

We did and are doing co-op preschool, where many other families live similarly or are at least very tolerant, understanding, and supportive of each others decisions and lifestyles. Montessori schools also have similar environments. Our coop starts when kids are 2.

I like that you said "alternative-ish", because that's totally how I describe myself! Not a complete hippie mama but certain aspects of it being best for my kids. :)

I view socialization like germs...you need to expose them if they are going to get used to it. Being overly protective of your child is going to make him believe he *can't* be away from you, and at this age, he needs to learn to feel safe even when taken care of by someone else. As well, you are going to need some time away from taking care of him or you will burn out quick. I know you mean well, I know you love your little guy more than anything, but it IS in his best interest to learn to be taken care of by a babysitter, a friend of yours, someone you trust, soon, or you will be dealing with a child who will get worse in terms of learning to feel safe outside your care.
My philosophy has always been, what if something happened to me? What if I HAD to be away from them? I wanted them to have the skills to know how to be ok with being away from me for short periods of time, just in case.
Around 18mo, we let our kids start staying at my mother's over night. I nursed my kids well into toddlerhood, but my mother took very good care of them and they even slept with her, since we co-slept at home. They have never had any trouble staying overnight at friends' houses, or being left with sitters. My husband and i took time regularly to go away for weekends as they got into the 2-3yo range, and they were happy as clams to stay with Nana or my husband's parents, and it was just as good for the grandparents, having that one-on-one time with their grand kids.
When I had to be in the hospital after the birth of my fourth child, my third was still nursing and a month shy of 2yo. He was just fine staying with my mother for those three days. I can't imagine not preparing him for that ahead of time, he would have been so miserable had he not been used to and comfortable with staying with someone besides me.

Start with the mommy and me classes at the Y. Then try leaving him in the care room there, if you feel comfortable with the workers in charge, and go run on the treadmill or something. Leave him with a friend who has a child the same age, just for an hour or two. Trade with her, she can take off for a bit and leave her child in your care, too. If your parents are up for it, try an overnight and see how he does. Now is the perfect time to shake things up a bit and teach him these skills if you plan on sending him to preschool, or he will have a very tough time transitioning.

Good luck.

Hi Samantha,

Just wanted to chime in a bit - as an alternative-ish Mom... I think for your own comfort level, you might want to look into finding similar moms to hang out with who also have children. That might be the best way to start with socialization, for both of you.

I breastfed both of my children past the age of 2 (mostly weaned them to 1x per day by the time they were 2.5 yrs) and then let them taper it off after that.

I have found the best comfort level in terms of friendships developing for my child when the mom and me are on the same level in terms of parenting style - discipline/nutrition/openness to discussing different topics with children/sharing/taking turns/etc. That way, when kids are playing together and start to exhibit negative behavior, we moms might have similar gut reactions on how to handle it and/or not get upset with correction if the other mom does it.
Then child gets to learn skills like sharing etc. in a safe warm loving environment that he can carry with him into other more formal settings where children's and teacher/adult reactions might be slightly different.

You might be able to find like-moms interested in getting together through attending la leche meetings or finding out if there are any la leche playgroups OR... you can also look into seeing if there are any attachment parenting groups in your area. I am guessing any of those mothers would not blink an eye with regards to your choices to breastfeed longer and/or not vaccinate.

Don't be afraid of a Mommy and Me class if that is the route you want to take. You just have to be prepared that you might have some reactions yourself to what goes on there and the mothers you meet who have made other choices different than yours. Your child is probably going to be fine no matter what setting you choose for socialization. The main point is he happy and enjoying himself/learning new things and you feel comfortable with the situation yourself. The choices you have made with regards to vacc./breastfeeding can then be considered a topic that you only go into on a need-to-know basis. Most people don't need to know.

First, get him vaccinated. No pre-school - if you plan to use one - will take him otherwise. And all children go through not wanting to be without mom at the beginning. That's normal. Kids don't like change. They like their routines. Growth can be a painful - that's where you get the phrase growing pains. You need to start letting go little by little. As he gets older he will nurse less and less. Sometimes it's the mom who wants to continue rather than the child wanting to nurse. It was hard when my son stopped nursing on his own. I kept trying to continue. But he was getting all the nourishment he needed from other foods. As for fearing for his safety with anyone other than family, statistically kids are better off at day care and licensed home care because they are inspected by the state. No one inspects families. And more children get injured or killed with family than anywhere else. To socialize, you have to put yourself out there. Playground, neighborhood play groups. But you need to get out to meet people, maybe walking in the neighborhood and meeting people.

My 2.5 yr old unfortunately doesn't get a lot of playtime with kids his own age. He has a lot of older cousins that we sometimes get to play with. I recently got him a membership to the local bouncy castle place. They have 5 bouncy castles and he just LOVES to go. It's fun to watch him interact with kids his age. He gets some socialization there. If we weren't real busy on Sundays, I would put him in the nursery at church for more. There's toddler time at our local library, but my son prefers to run around and play and sometimes he will get some socialization there with kids his age - even if he doesn't sit still to hear the stories. If I had money, I would do a mommy and me program. But we don't have much, so I socialize where I can. My son has great social skills with adults at the grocery store, as we frequent the local store and the same people are working just about every day we go in.

I know you wanted something "consistent" and so perhaps a mommy and me program would be best If you go to toddler time at the library (once a week normally) then you can meet other moms and perhaps set up some playdates. The thing I've noticed though - is there are often girls at toddler time, probably b/c the girls will sit on mom's lap where as the boys want to run around. I guess I'm one of the few moms who bring their boy and let him play and not require him to sit down. Other moms just stay home?

Just realized you're just down the road from me. My son's a few months older than yours (born April 2008) but maybe we could meet at a park one day - depending on where in SA you are. I am 20 miles NORTH of SA. Or the bouncy castle place I refered to is http://www.emerald-rainbow.com/ Unfortunately their open hours fall in place with my son's naptime, but sometimes I make it there depending on when he wakes up in the am.

I love this community because of the variety of responses you receive that are (for the most part) helpful. I do, however, need to contradict what a few of the posters have stated. You CAN enroll your child in pre-school without having received his or her vaccinations.

There is a form called the Affidavit Request for Exemption from Immunizations for Reasons of Conscience that you can have notarized. The FAQs on this form are here: http://www.dshs.state.tx.us/immunize/docs/faq_exemption.pdf and the Affidavit Request for is available online here: https://webds.dshs.state.tx.us/immco/affidavit.shtm. My cousin chose not to immunize his child according to the schedule required by the State of Texas. If it is your conscious decision not to vaccinate him or her, you can still enroll them in school with this form.

Hope this helps.

Start going to playgroups with moms you enjoy spending time with. Your breastfeeding so your son's immune system is at a great benefit. Check out your local Attachment Parenting chapter.

I have 2. My oldest DS nursed until 30ish months & is partially vaxed & my DD 17 months (if you do the math he nursed until DD was 6 months) & only has her tetanus. I have always made it a point to spend time with others in smaller & larger playgroup settings. This is for my benefit as-well-as theirs. I attend a play group with other like minded moms & I attend playgroups with moms with differing parenting points of view. I have done this since they were weeks old. I am not a homebody so it works for me. My best advice is find a group of like minded mama's and start attending. Your son might spend the first few visits sitting in your lap, but slowly he will get to know the other children and moms and be comfortable playing. When you are around other like minded moms, you child wont be the only one nursing which can help him & you feel more comfortable. I hope this helps good luck with your adventure in socialization.
P.S. I searched yahoo groups for AP (attachment parenting) groups in my area, I also searched meetup.com

I had a very similar situation with our first child, although we did immunize him. In our strolls around the neighborhood we met a neighbor who also did much the same with her daughter who was only a month older. We did our own "Mother's Day Out": her daughter came to our house for a few hours one day and then my son would go to her house for a few hours the next day. At first we just visited while the kids got acquainted then we would leave, gradually working up to 4 hours away. I learned that he was very social, so began putting him in the church nursery and he loved it! This all seemed to be an easy transition for him.

Are you planning on enrolling him in regular school. He will need his vaccinations before kindergarten. If you home school, it will not be necessary. I hope that you enjoy his preschool years, it is so special to be home with a child. I have three boys, and the time I spent at home with them was precious, and fleeting! My oldest is 12, my middle child is 8 and I have an 18 month old. He is breast fed and I also keep him at home and also, he does not like to be left at church nursery. I believe my two oldest became more sociable about 2 1/2 years old. Both my older children are doing great in a small public school system.

Anyhow, don't worry too much about it. Maybe find a MOPS (mother of preschool children) chapter when he is a little older. They have playgroups too. He will definitely be social when he starts preschool or kindergarten. I am enjoying my little one (and last child). Just follow your heart on being his mom and enjoy every day with him!

I breastfed until my son was 2 (we wanted to have another one so I had to ween him) and we do not vaccinate. I have never withheld my children from socialization. We are active in church and let him play with friends from class. My older children are in school, my two year old is home with me. He goes where I go so he gets out a lot. At this age I'm not too concerned with interaction with peers, 2 year olds don't play together very often, they usually play beside eachother.