Cousin Trouble

just tell her everything that you wrote the truth about how you feel if she doesent like it she'll get over it she love's you

i've always found that honesty is best. just sit down with your cousin and tell her how you feel. there's no reason to be hurtful toward her. in the end, i've always feel like i get more respect for being truthful about my feelings.

Hi R.,
My cousins play around a lot too but I don't think any of us have said anything that hurtful. For one, our family doesn't hesitate to put someone in their place when they have said something offensive and that pretty much solves that concern. So I think you should just tell your cousin exactly how you feel about the things she says. She's your cousin, so not that it's right but she probably IS joking and doesn't think it's hurting your feelings because you haven't said anything. I wouldn't lash back with a "right back at you" comment but I would definitely let her know how I feel and ask her to stop. She probably will tell you she didn't think it affected you that much (no common sense).
If that doesn't help, maybe you can ask another cousin or family member to relay the message so they can put their input on why she should stop. It works for our family, so maybe it will work for yours. One thing about family is that you should be able to talk things out & fix things that are wrong without making a big deal out of it and still remain FAMILY.
Hope that helps. :)

First of all, I'm sorry that your cousin feels the need to put you down to make herself feel better. And a joke is only a joke if it's funny to both people. The best way to deal with this is to just be honest. Tell her that you feel like she is constantly comparing the two children and that it's not only bothering you, but it's an unhealthy environment for the children. One day your child will understand the comments she is making and her self-esteem may be affected by it. So I would just tell her that you understand that to each mom their baby is the best...as it should be...but she has to respect that in your eyes your baby is the best. Just as in her eyes, her baby is the best. It doesn't mean that she has to say it out loud. I've found that what works sometimes is saying, "You should never compare your baby to anyone else's. Your baby will always be the cutest, funniest, smartest, sweetest, etc. to you." Hope this is helpful!

There are 2 types of people in the world. The first that thrive on the positive energy and the other, the type who live on the negative. She obviously, is the negative. I know she is family, so you have the advantage to say things like, "that wasn't right". I would be completely honest about how she hurts your feelings. I personally have dealt with this type of situation, hurtful comments would just hurt her (and most likely you too, with regret) so that's a waste of energy. Just let her know that "beauty is in the eye of the beholder". Plus, happiness and healthiness is the most important factor when it comes to children. Your cousin will have to deal with the REAL stresses of raising a child, and cute or not, that time will be a reality check to her... Good luck and stay strong----You're pregnant and need to focus this energy on yourself and your daughter (who I'm sure is just BEAUTIFUL and that's why your cousin is jealous)!

R.

If I where you, I would tell her exactly how you feel. just tell her what you wrote in your request to us. You are both adults and should be able to be honest with one another and since these things she says hurts your feelings, you should tell her.

good luck
C.

R.,
First of all I love the name - we just named our first daughter Rebekah!

With your cousin, be up front with her and tell her that it hurts your feelings when she says things like that. Be honest with her and tell her that you want to spend time with her, but not if she is going to say hurtful things to you. If she truly cares about spending time with you and esp. about your feelings, she will hopefully stop!

Good luck!
B.

R.,

First of all, that is very mean of your cousin. She must have some sort of insecurity issue, but if you are close to her and don't want to avoid her completely (some people you can avoid), but if she's close you can think about how close. Can you tell her that some things hurt your feelings? Or another way would be to train her by example...comment on how beautiful her children/babies are and maybe she will feel guilty and get the hint that she should be nicer. This works with some people, but I always have heard that we teach people how to treat us so she needs to be taught that making these comments is not ok (in the most gentle way possible).

I hope this helps...good luck.

tell her what you just told us, that is how to get your point across.

I'm so sorry to hear you have that kind of cousin.Sounds to me like she's not feeling very good about herself and has to boost her own ego by being hurtful to you and your child.If that were me i wouldnt go out of my way to spend any time with her.Im sure you can find someone else to hang out with.If you choose to still want to "spend more time with her" then let her know how it hurts you.Be honest with her after all she doesnt seem to worry about your feelings.You shouldnt worry about hers.I think being straight up and honest is best. GOOD LUCK!

Hi R., My cousin and I are very close and she was stepping over the line talking about my husband a lot. It was things that I may have mentioned in being annoyed with him, but I feel that is my place to say and hers to listen. So I finally firmly said her name...and then asked if she wanted me to start picking on her little husband. She said no and that was the end of it. Sometimes it just takes a little jab back to get someone to realize they have crossed that line.

A lot of parents compete when it comes to their children and they don't even realise it. They will compare their child and try to see something better about their children to make their children look smarter or better looking than the rest of the children hoping to recieve compliments. It may just be that she doesn't know that she is doing it and all you can do about it is to tell her straight out that it isn't ok, and that every child develops differently. I had the same issue with another mom at one of our play-dates and I told her that it wasn't ok that she would compare her child to the rest of the kids their including my son. She didn't speak to me for a couple of days, but when she did talk to me it was to apoligise for the things that she said because she didn't know that she was actually doing it. You never know if she is joking around or if she really doesn't know that she is comparing her child to yours, and the only way to solve the problem is to come out and tell her, and hopefully she realizes the error of her ways.

I think a good way to tell someone how you feel when their "humor" is insulting is simply to say something honest in a nice way like, "Wow, that really makes me feel bad, were you kidding or trying to hurt my feelings?" or just say "I know you think my baby looks funny, but my daughter is my world and I love every single thing about her". Sometimes when people realize that their own jokes are actually just passive-aggresive put-downs and it's not making anyone laugh then they tend to ease up on it. You definately want to say something though because if your daughter is hearing your cousin say these things then she'll learn that it's okay and funny to make fun of other people. -Plus she'll become self consious of her physical appearance. Your cousin may have jealousy issues with you too. Usually when somebody is jealous of someone eventhough they like the person, then they'll use subtle put-downs to feel better obout themselves. If you think that's the case then reinforce her negative comments with positive comments. If she says "your daughter looks funny" say "Well your baby is adorable, all babies are cute in their own way". She'll eventually catch on to the fact that you disaprove of her making fun of your baby.