Creative Ways to Stay Organized

Maybe organization is just a surface issue. You may be dealing with some lingering depression...I can't even imagine how hard your losses have been. I don't know if you and your family have participated in any grief counseling but that might make some of these organizational tasks a little easier. The Cancer Support Center in Homewood provides free services. I notice that you have also had a recent loss so you may want to look into the Centre for New Beginnings in Palos Park. I have heard good things about both of these agencies.
Good luck to you and your family...stay strong.

B.,
I'm the opposite of pack-rat as I would throw away/donate just about anything. So, maybe I can help with some ideas.

We have two sons (3 and 9 months) and they bring home some art from daycare every single day. I toss most of it and keep the ones that stand out. I put those in a plastic bin for storage or frame them and put them on the wall in their play area. Some people choose to scan them in and save them in the computer...that's also an idea.

There's nothing wrong with saving old toys in the event that you have another child. We did that, but we put everything in the plastic tubs and marked them (same with the clothes) and put them in the basement in a cedar lined closet.

Right now I am looking for "under the bed" storage. That is such a waste of space under there and the plastic bins can hold sheets, blankets, out of season clothes etc and free up some room in the closets.

Really, it's a matter of getting the idea in your head to throw things away or donate or freecycle.org. My rule is that if I haven't touched it in a year, I need to consider getting rid of it.

With regard to the items from the son you lost...I don't see any reason to get rid of any of it if you don't want to. I don't think I would. When my grandma passed away (WAY different, I know), I made a collage of her favorite things that reminded us of her. Maybe you can do something like that with some of his things. I would focus on the things that bring happy memories for you...the outfit you brought him home in, his favorite blanket, etc. Maybe the ones that bring sad memories are better off in storage? I don't know. I don't think it's possible to have everything displayed at once, but a few things that mean the most. I'm not sure how you feel about the toys, but maybe you could pick out a few that were his favorites at different stages and keep those. The others could be donated to the hospital that cared for him or a children's cancer charity. But, again, if you don't want to get rid of any of his things...I understand.

And, your post did make me sad but that's ok. It's amazing how being a Mom can put emotions and feelings into me that I never knew existed. I never would have gotten teary-eyed for a loss that a complete stranger suffered - but I did reading your post. It makes me realize what a precious gift life truly is. :)

I hope some other mom's can come up with some good ideas for you.

- T.

B.,

So sorry to hear about the loss of your children. Your wanting to keep "stuff" is understandable. You should consider getting a professional organizer. I have used them several times in the past. Each cleaning was always following a terrible event-father very sick, daughter sick, parents moving away, hysterectomy, etc. You get the picture. I let things pile up when I am stressed and I am unable to deal with it. Sometimes the piles are just too overwhelming and I do not know where to start. The professional organizers are miracle workers. I get my life back and my self-esteem from just a few hours of their help. They are expensive, $40 - $50 an hour but so worth it. They work along side of you and organize the clutter. They also take the removables away so you don't have to do it. Best wishes and good luck!

My heart goes out to you on your losses. You seem like a very strong person.

One thing I read about somewhere - someone was asking about what to do with antique, family heirloom furniture that had a lot of memories, but they didn't really want to keep the furniture around. Someone suggested taking pictures of all of the items. That way, you preserve the memories, but not the actual items. You can make a framed collage, album, website, etc from the pictures. Or you could use a videocamera and document the items, along with your verbal memories of your son playing with them. Then, hopefully, you'd be able to deal with getting rid of the items physically. Perhaps you have a relative or friend who needs them? Or find some other family who is really in need. You should feel good knowing that someone is using and enjoying the items instead of them sitting in boxes.

For the school papers/artwork, I saw advertised somewhere lately a picture frame with a box underneath. You could store up to maybe an inch of papers in the box, and just swap out which one to display in the outer frame. If you try to limit yourself to just the best ones that will fit in that box, then again, maybe you can feel okay to purge the others.

Hope this helps. Good luck!

Bless your heart. You've been through so much! My heart goes out to you!
First off, I hate to say it but toss your son's school stuff. Save some, like special art work for holidays and achievment certificates, and stuff like that. But the rest, there's no need to save. I am a tosser though. I throw out everything. I hate clutter. You can't save everything! Even I want to but I just can't with four kids!! Next, either get shadow boxes to put special things like funeral outfits and first outfits, blankies, and stuff in. Or perhaps a corner curio cabinet and put the items in. Make a nice scrapbook of their photos. I'd save clothes and toys though, if you plan on having more kids. Just remember that hanging on is easy to do. Letting go is much harder! Good luck. Perhaps some counseling for your family as well. That's a lot to deal with alone!!
Mom to four great kids. :o)

You need to make a shadow box of memories of your son. And then you need to let go of the rest of it. They are just things....your memories will stay forever and if you save a few select momentos and display them in a special way that will be close to you physically and spiritually, it will be easier to move on.

As far as the toys, if you have room save them for the next kids. Yes they get more toys, but you never know what they will like and what they won't.

Maybe if you let go of the "things", you will get pregnant........and it will give you the freedom to move on.

I am so sorry for your losses. I had a time where I was supposed to be pregnant and got to five months and the doctor realized it wasn't a baby. It ended up being a mass of something, and you know doctors, they just have such a good way of explaining it in ENGLISH. I'm still not really sure what it was. I do have three daughters, so I do know what it is like wanting to keep everything that they do and play with and wear. What I started doing with their artwork is if they didn't make it all on their own, I pitched it. All the pre-cut stuff, ditto sheets, etc. I threw away. If you're planning to get more toys when you have more childeren, I would just go through the ones you have very carefully. You will still have the memories, but don't get rid of it if you have any doubt, because you will regret it. Have you ever thought of some sort of glass cabinet for the other precious items that you have to put in a room that its there when you want to go and remember. Not to been seen all the time, but you still have it and it's not in a box. Don't know if this helped at all, but I send a prayer with this response. Good luck in the future with your family.

I am so sorry for your loss. Why don't you take some of the special items, blankie, photos, etc and make a shadow box to honor those memoies with?

As for the "stuff" in the closets....check out www.Flylady.net. I love this site, I even belong to a local group that follows her suggestions. She says you can do anything for 15 minutes. I know how overwhelming cleaning out the whole basement or closet can be. This allows you to break it down into more managable steps, and not spend a whole weekend cleaning/decluttering.

I agree with keeping some of the toys if you have another child. But I try to keep up with things that have gotten recalled since my girls used them and now my son is using them and I have found a few that I had to get rid of.

Also, you should remove the batteries from them as you pack them away. A good way to sort is newborn-6 mos (rattles, soft toys) then 6-12 mos, etc. Kind of how you would do clothes. Then when you need them again, you can grab the appropriate box, not several boxes that need looked through to find the right things.

What I did when going through clothes was to toss any stained things, anything elastic is giving out, etc. I also took into consideration how long these items would be stored before I would likely use them again. With stuff my son has outgrown that is new I am saving for my sister in law. But stuff I got from my sister that my now 8 and 6 yr. old nephews wore is getting donated. By the time my son used it and I store it and maybe someday my SIL has a boy and uses it, this stuff will be 10 years old. So I have found it better to bless someone else with it to use now. Hope all that makes sense!

For the artwork, I made each of my kids an under the bed box (plastic container) with their names and put "special keepsakes" on it. After school papers are removed from the fridge, they go in the bins. Periodically we go through and toss what they no longer wish to keep. So far it is a good system, they are learning to weed out more and more, yet not forced to do it, nor do we do it when it is brand new art. Whatever made it to the box cannot get tossed without my say so, because there are a few items I would like to keep. We are going to work on taking photos of allof this, then they will each have a photo album and I am going to put a sign to represent each grade and put them in order that way.

As for the rest of the house, keep it simple, one drawer or one shelf at a time. I try not to purchase anything I don't love, when I buy clothes or shoes I try to take out one item from my closet. I put a lot of things on Craigslist or Freecycle, sometimes ebay, or I just donate it.

I hope this gives you some tips. Again, I am so sorry for your loss, hugs to you.

I am so sorry for you loss. I would recommend taking pictures of your childs art work some moms I know hang it on the fridge for a month and take a picture of your son next to the fridge. I usually toss the ones that have food or sand on the are work. I have a great neighbor who is awesome at making shadow box's and organizing this could help with your momentos. feel free to email me at ____@____.com if you would like her contact info. we live in Cary.

I would give yourself a break. My little girl has cancer, just finished 2 and a half years of hard chemo and radiation to her brain. Thank goodness she is still here, but my family is dealing with the fallout of living in constant fear for the past couple of years. I can't imagine what it would be like to lose her, but if I became messier or a pack rat, so be it.

Just sending warm wishes, no advice!

To keep memories, take pictures of the stuff and then donate to a worthy cause. Grab yourself binders and photo sleeves and start catergorizing. I experienced my own loss and when I want or need to see, I grab my picture book and look and cry. With the blanket, I also made pictures of his favorites and pictures of the ultra sound with fabric transfers and then made a wall hanging, and put it up in the hall, so everyime I pass thru I see them. Start small if you want, put it on a calendar date that this is what you are doing next (taking photos, making transfers or taking to the shelter. My home little by little is becoming a happy place now. And I still see my angels in all the photos, and everytime I pass the blanket on the wall.

Dear B.,
I am a mother of four with ages of 10, 8, 3.5 & 2, so I can understand the love, pain and worry you do have. My sister-in-law & my brother lost a child at the age of 20 months about 4 years ago.
I saw how they grieved so I do understand your pain.

I believe that you and your husband should work together as a team. That is the first & most important thing you two need to work it out. Seek counsel togheter if all possible...whether it be from someone you trust & respect and or your church if you happen to be a Christian. I'm sure that will help you two grieve through the process....though may not be at the same speed or style.
Then set up a plan how to discard the items to make up for space and make money for something more important. Garage sale would be a good one. Donate to those who are in need.
Choose only most important items and put in a labeled container for items your children have made...keepsake & store away. Goes the same for Zachary's small meaningful items. Put them in a nice box...you can find from hallmark shop. Put on a place like over a fireplace of shelf where you can see, but not necessarily open up & look at everyday.

Below are a couple of items I though you may find useful. I happened to listen to & they were broadcasted by Family.org...Dr. James Dobson....I've learnt a lot.
Click on "Recent Broadcast" then "More Recent Broadcast".

April 28, 2008
Living With Messy Kids
Author Sandra Felton encourages parents to create an orderly house and teach children effective organizational skills.

May 8, 2008
God's Tender Care for Moms (Part 1 of 2)
Author Angela Thomas talks about the emotional pain she endured in becoming a single mother and encourages other moms to rest in God's grace. (Part 1 of 2)

May 9, 2008
God's Tender Care for Moms (Part 2 of 2)
Author Angela Thomas talks about the emotional pain she endured in becoming a single mother and encourages other moms to rest in God's grace. (Part 2 of 2)

I encourage you to seek professional help also....for your marriage, yourself & the sake of your child. Nourish your soul so you can move on. Things are just things though some of us find attachment. We can allow ourselves to get wrapped up in them & may not realize we forget to live.

You're brave to share with us & I hope this has been helpful. My best to you & please do let me or us women group know how it works out. I will pray for you and your family

Praising Him in All we do!

Min A.
Mother of four blessed darlings.

I LOVE the flylady.net website. It's a whole team of super-supportive, empathetic, cheerleading encouragers who help you gain control over your home chaos and the chaos in your life. It's completely free, you can do as little or as much as you want, they have great support from the leader, Marla, and different aspects such as daily challenges for adults and kids, dinner and nutrition info, monthly habits to work on, etc. They encourage you to take babysteps and to jump in where you are. There are so many great testimonials to read, too. I get an email every day from them that I look forward to skimming through, but you don't have to. They are so supportive and understanding, and so many of the people that write in have been through so much. That would be another great place to get feedback on how to honor your son. I'm so sorry for your losses, B.! God bless you and your family!

Hi B.,
I'm so sorry to read about your losses and I can certainly understand why you'd be reluctant to part with things. Have you thought about donating any of your son's items to a children's hospital? My daughter was in the hospital a few weeks ago and my husband and I kept saying how surprised we were that there weren't any toys there. I think it might help to know his things are being used and enjoyed. For your kindergartner you might want to make a scrapbook of his cutest things. That way you pare it down to only one book and you can get rid of some of the other stuff. You could also take pictures of some of it and put those in the scrapbook. Take care!
Becki

I hope this is helpful.
I narrowed down my collection of my kids artwork, toys & such by taking pictures of them to create scrapbooks. Scrapbooking allows me to relive so many memories while creating a keepsake. As each of my children graduate highschool I complete a book from birth through prom. I love that everyone gets to enjoy looking through them at the graduation party and my children treasure this gift.
In addition, I once heard a psychologist say that children develop self esteem by seeing their growth & accomplishments recorded in photographs. I enjoy this hobby because it helps me organize my life, express my creativity & encourage my children's postive self-image.

B., I'm so sorry for your losses. I wouldn't let anything of theirs go just yet. But, what you can do is make some shadow boxes or have them made. You can take the outfit, a blanket, lock of hair, pictures, and arrange them in the shadow box. You can have a plaque made with their names, dates of birth and you'll have something lovely to hang on the wall or put on the mantle.

My brother has a shadow box filled with memorabilia that belonged to our father. A family friend made it and it's beautiful. It contains his funeral flag (he was a veteran), various medals for service and some personal things. I love looking at it when I go to my brother's house. It's really a beautiful reminder of who our father was and what was important to him.

As for the other things, you should toss out anything that is broken. Don't keep the broken things around thinking you're going to fix them. You would have by now if it was an important thing.

We have lots of those rubbermaid storage bins. We store anything from old clothes, toys, record albums, you name it. They're labeled and stacked up in the garage. Every once in awhile, I'll go through them and sort what we don't need and give a bag to charity - tax write off, you know.

Recently, we donated some toys to our daughter's pre-school. That's a wonderful option for getting rid of toys that may become duplicates in the future.

I am so sorry for your losses. I can't even begin to know how you feel. I lost my mom when I was 10. She remarried my stepdad when I was 2 so I had always lived with him, but after she died I went to live with my biological father. My stepdad kept a lot of my mom's things (as much as he could) and gave them to me. There was so much stuff that after I moved out of my house on my own it was too much for me, but I had a hard time getting rid of anything. After about 5 years I finally went through everything and decided that the things that didn't mean anything to me, even though they did because they were my mom's, had to go. I just kept 2 medium sized bins with all of the important memories and got rid of the other stuff. I know it sounds harsh, but my mom never would have wanted me to hold onto to things that made me sad, she would only want me to keep the things that brought happy memories back and made me feel good. I don't know if that makes any sense to anyone else, but it worked for me and I can open my bin anytime I want and be reminded of how much she loved me! I have a few things out and around the house, but it's still extremely difficult to have too many things that remind me of her. Even though I have gotten married, had a baby and am happier than I have ever been, there is still a piece of me missing and I think of her everyday. You just have to find a way to keep the things you want without being consumed by "the old days". I know it will be hard, but in time you can do it. Take your time and talk through it! Good luck!

This I definately have info on. I was a packrat to the extreme. It got so bad we had to move everything out of our house and store it in another town so I could work on things one box at a time. First of all - my mom died 20 years ago and I STILL can't bear to get rid of her stuff. Don't push yourself to get rid of his things. Set up a glass cabinet or hutch with his things arranged in a pleasant way so you can look at it whenever you want. His toys and everything - that way his siblings can also look at it and "know" their brother even though he's gone.
As for the papers your other child brings home I was so bad I'd even keep the lunch calendars and lice reports. I am now much better. My four year-old brings home the best art of all the kids but I am very good at picking out the best two or three things a month and displaying them or saving them in a special artbook that I'll save for her when she's older. I also have gotten into the habit of taking pictures of everything - that way if it gets lost I still have the memory. That way I find it easier to let go of the mass amount of paper stuffs - the picture lasts longer anyway. I keep a detailed journal of everything all five of my kids do every day to give them when they're older. Once a week I write a letter to them expressing how proud of them I am and everthing they've done that month (one kid gets a letter once a week) and I'm saving those in a special place to give them when they're older.
As for everything not child-related I take a picture and then think long and hard of "will I use this this year?" "Why am I really keeping this?" and if I can't find a space for it right away I let it go and get rid of it.
I'll admit no one else realizes how much better I am than I was - but I know I'm doing SO MUCH BETTER! I feel good about it and I'm STILL working on not keeping everything one day at a time.
Good luck! PS Dr. Phil has some good strategies for working through the Packrat Syndrome (he says it's a control issue and I agree with him 100%...you can't control life but you can control STUFF)

First I want to tell you how sorry I am for your losses. I wish I could give you advice on being a packrat, but I'm one too. I have a 7 1/2 year old son and I've kept almost everything(clothes, toys, etc.) We won't have any more children because I'm already in my mid-40's, but I can't bear to give away his outgrown things.

J.

I'm so sorry for your losses. I can't imagine the pain of lossing a child. My sister had cancer when she was 5 and relapsed when she was 16 so i've spent much time in the hospital with her. Maybe you can sort through some of the toys you have and donate them to the hospital for the patients and their siblings for the playroom. This is also a good way to teach your child about helping others and keep your oldest spirt alive. As for organizing i have a binder that i put my daughters artwork in. Obviously i pick and choose what goes in there because there's so much. The extra ones i put aside and when thank you's have to be sent i use a blank note card and cut out part of her artwork and glue it onto the front to personalize it. I'm not sure where you live but in Lombard the Lombard Womens Club has a day camp for one week for children who have had cancer and their siblings. I went there for many years and when i got older i also volunteered there. It's a great camp and it's a week where the kids get to forget about cancer and just have fun. It's called TLC Camp.

Hi B.,
My heart goes out to you...you sound like such a strong woman!

I had an idea...hope it is in good taste. With his funeral outfit you could frame it in nice glass casing along w/ his favorite blanket. This way it could be hung up nicely and you could have it out. With the pictures I would make a huge collage with those you want out in memory of your little boy Zachary. Do you have pictures of Julianna too? God bless your two angels! I am sure your 5 1/2 year old is a God send!!

My deepest sympathy... My husband said when he lost his brother you don't know what it's like to loose one of your best friends till it happens to your and since I have never lost a child I can not relate to what you are going through except to offer my sympathy.
Here is my suggest, try www.flylady.net she shows you how to declutter in 15 minutes a day. But take your time, you need to morn in your own way. Many blessing to you and your family, S.

I'm so sorry to hear of your losses; I wanted to suggest a professional organizer. I paid for an initial session with one a while back, and she was very helpful. Sometimes, a third party can take some of the emotion out of the organizing decisions. Blessings to you.

Dear B.,
I am so very sorry for your families loss. I can't begin to know how you feel as all of my children are still with me. My sister however was not that lucky. She lost her boys shortly after they were born so I'm giving you a few suggestions that we have done for her to keep their things.
For the very personal items (birth pictures, coming home clothes, favorite blanket/toy, etc. we had a special cedar keepsake chest made. Each chest has each boys name on it (Kale, Kelby and Keagen). My sister keeps them in her room and any time she needs to hold them they are right there. (It keeps them from fading and becoming dusty)
As for the toys that do not have special meaning, my suggestion would be to take them to the children's hospital or a shelter so that they may bring other children happiness.
Before you did that you could take pictures of the toys (individually or in groups) and write what your son would do with them, how you would all play together or special stories that you had with them.
I hope these suggestions are helpfully. Just remember to take your time and do what feels right! Your Angels will always be with you no matter what you decide.

B.,
I got a book from Julie Morgenstern, Organizing from the inside out. I thought it was a good book, and keep it as reference. It is an easy read.
The saying "everything in it's place" helps me too. The junk drawer had little plastic bins, for batteries, pens, markers, tape measurer, etc. I find I have an easier time with things if I know where they need to be. Our extra toys have gone into some large totes. I also reduced some of the toys via garage sale, and giving away. The tote bins work great for clothes too. I like the clear ones so I can see inside. Also, container store has these rewritable labels that has a sharpie and an eraser. I use them for all sorts of things.
I use one of those accordian coat rack things on the back of my closet door for coats, kid stuff, etc. A hook on the closet bar to hang bags, purses, etc.
Next is to get some of those white vertical cubbies and stack them two high for shoes, and the odd stuff that goes in there.
If you can divide up the space, it may help. I have one clear tote in the closet to throw seasonal things into, and it rotates out when the season is over.
In the basement, I have one room with metal bars(allows you to change shelf height) on the wall with white melamine shelves/brackets. This works great for boxes, magazine files of paperwork, binders, cd's, camera/media stuff, etc.
I still have a mess in my closets, etc, but these things help me.
My sympathies to you and your angels.