Crying - Clarks Summit, PA

I was always told that you can't spoil a baby by holding them. I think it really depends on the child. If you feel that you should hold him then go ahead and hold him.I have three kids and each of them were different.My first liked to be held until he went to sleep.My second depended on his mood.My third she'll let me put her down while awake and will just go to sleep.You should do what you feel is right for you.

I been having the same problem with my 6mos old daughter she does the same thing. What I do with her is let her cry for about 10 min if she does not settle down and go to sleep than I would pick her up until she whould settle down.

My theory is the only things that spoil are food. Babies cry because they have a need that needs to be met and that is the only way they know how to communicate. Imagine you are hungry, or cold, or your sweater was itching you and you were in a body cast. Now imagine your care givers spoke a different language than you. Now imagine they left you alone to yell because they couldnt understand what you were trying to say. Can you imagine your frustration? Babies do not cry to manipulate. He's just trying his best to communicate to you in a world where no one speaks his language. That must be frustrating for him! If I were you, I would try:

http://www.amazon.com/No-Cry-Sleep-Solution-Gentle-Throug...

This book can help wonders! Good Luck Momma!

Throw out the books if they confuse rather than help you, (especially if they are Ezzo), stop listening to people and use your instincts.

Tara W gave very good advice with the No Sleep Solution.

I totally agree with Tara! Letting babies cry it out will hinder your relationship with you. It's not teaching them at all about how to console themselves. The first years in the children's lives are very important. Plus, I let my first son do that (what you say you've been doing) and I can tell that something is different than my second son (whom I didn't let cry it out). And I can see that he's more bonded with me and more outgoing and friendly. And when babies cry it out, it's not good for their growth. It does something not good, in their brains. Here's some more info:
http://www.news.harvard.edu/gazette/1998/04.09/ChildrenNe...

best to you and your little one =)

Holly

I don't believe in letting a baby cry it out. If a baby cries it's for a reason. It's not possible to spoil a 5 month old baby. Is there a reason you don't want to hold your son when he cries? If you have your hands full I can understand not always holding him when it's time for him to sleep, but the majority of time he's crying because he needs something. Whether it's attention or food, there is a need. When you lay him down make sure he is well fed, and has had plenty of play time with you, and of course a clean, dry diaper. He'll be more likely to sleep on his own if you are certain all his needs are met before you lay him down. He might not be ready to sleep yet. By the way, I have 4 children who are all happy, healthy, not spoiled, and I have never let one of them just cry it out.

At this age I wouldn't recommend the "crying it out" thing. He is still very young. At this age most babies don't sleep through the night yet, they still get hungry at night and need to be fed. Some people believe if you pick your baby up every time they cry they will become spoiled, but this is not the case. If you console him when he cries, you will actually be helping him feel secure.

:) -P.

i would like to respond to both of your request in one. Do whatever it is you feel is right! Everyone on my fiance's side of the family told me 1. I should stop breast feeding after my daughter was 6 weeks, 2. By 6 months she should be sleeping through the night and 3. my daughter is way to attached to me and there is something wrong. THe only thing wrong is them. My daughter and I breastfed for as long as my daughter wanted/needed, she still doesn't sleep through the night and she is 2 years old but you know what we have a system that works and so it doesn't matter what they think, and with her being too attached, it's BS. So if you feel that your son needs to be held, or is going through stranger anxiety just let him know you are there, that everyone is alright and he will outgrow it. What's the rush anyway? I think we force kids to grow up way to fast. Enjoy these moments when they want you and need you to be around becuase before any of us know it our kids are going to be teenagers and not want anything to do with us :) Hope that helps! Hang in there I'm sure you are doing a great job!

Hi S.!

My son Andrew (now 16 months) does/did the same thing. There are PLENTY of opinions about what one should and should not do. When he was younger, I told my ped that it sounds like he's going to make himself throw up. ped said, 'so let him throw up, he'll learn soon enough'. ok, so who's gonna change the sheets at the end of what is usually a pretty long day? "Healthy Sleep Habits Happy Child" book says to let it go for 15 minutes, but by then he's so fully involved and hysterical that there's clearly no turning back or "self soothing" going on. Husband thinks I'm gonna make a momma's boy out of him.

So....being a girl that has had good results when I follow my gut, I do what I think is necessary at the time. I listen to the monitor, and if it sounds like he's just rolling over, or if he might be settling down, I give it another minute or two. If at the end of 4 minutes he's still winding-up, I go and get him. We cuddle, and after a few yummy minutes he's fallen back to sleep in my arms and the world is a happy place again. I gently place him back in his crib, and he's ok. If he wakes himself up in the middle of the night, I just bring him into bed with us and cozy him up and we all fall back to sleep. This sort of approach has actually decreased the frequency, makes me feel better about what and how I see myself as a Mom, because part of my gig is to comfort and console, and I think it makes him feel more secure because he knows that when he cries someone will come.

So....my advice is follow your gut. I don't think any of these authors have ever really been the "go to" person when the poop hits the fan, and if I choose to do what's easiest in the middle of the night, because being sleep deprived sucks, and trying to read the chapter on 'what to do when...' takes more time and energy than I'm willing to devote to it.

There's also a part of me that knows someday there will be fewer cuddles, that he'll be more independent, but hopefully he'll always know he can come to me when he needs some comforting.

Hope this helps, Peace, Drea

I personally lean toward the side of letting him cry for 15 minutes at the most, and then if he's not "crying it out" and you don't feel comfortable with it, just do what it takes. I say follow your instincts. If you want to rock him. Do it. If you want to go in and rub his back, do it. They are only little once, and it goes so fast. If you really don't want to keep going in there, then let him cry. I would check on him occasionally. Sometimes, I ask my husband to check on our little one b/c she doesn't get all worked up when he goes in there. She will get worked up if I go in there. Good luck. I don't think there's a right or wrong. Do what works for your family.

Hi S.,

My son was doing the same thing. He's 7 months old now and just this past week I can lay him down and he doesn't scream and break into hysterics. It would make him scream and choke when I used to try it. I never let him stay in there either when he would get that bad.

Hope it gets better for you.

J.

I think letting him cry a little is ok. I know my daughter fusses for a while in her crib before she falls asleep. But she's not crying she is complaining. Some times if she is overtired and I didnt get her to bed on time she will cry for about ten minutes before she will finally fall asleep (and it is hard for me to listen to her cry). Every child is really different. I think it is really important to help your child to learn to fall asleep on his own and that doesnt mean letting him cry it out. If he hasn't learned that yet then I would start working it. I think having a nap/bed time routine is really important. his body will know when to fall asleep. What I do is this... I change her diaper if needed, I bring her into her darken bedroom, I put a lullaby on, I lay her on a bed and give her her favorite blanket, nurse her then place her in her crib and sing her the same song each time i want her to go to sleep. She usually sucks her thumb, complains a little and falls asleep rather quickly. Place him in his crib when he is calm and sleepy and try to let him fall asleep on his own. I found it easier to teach this first at nap time. When she started to fall asleep at nap time on her own I worked at bed time.

just wanted to add my support of your decision not to let your baby cry- good for you! i agree that CIO is not the way to go, especially for a baby as young as yours. good job for following your instincts. you'll find something that works for the whole family, and things will get easier. i have a 13-month old and i almost can't remember how hard those early months were (i think this is nature's way of ensuring that we have more children, lol.) we still soothe our baby to sleep. some times i nurse her, sometimes her daddy wears her in a sling and walks around the house, sometimes we rock her in the glider, sometimes she falls asleep in the car, etc. she can sleep almost anywhere, and i think this is due in part to our flexibility with how we get her to sleep, and the fact that she doesn't have a schedule. we try to follow a routine so she knows what to expect, but we let her show us how she's feeling and follow that; i.e., we don't try to force her to sleep if she's not tired or eat when she's not hungry.

happy mothering!

S.

Letting a baby cry for long periods of time is not good for their development. 15 min. is too long to let a new baby cry.

Here is the new study out now showing how harmful cry-it-out can be;

http://www.askdrsears.com/html/10/handout2.asp

You're right about it being difficult to know what to do when lots of books and people tell you completely different things. I don't know if you're familiar with the book Secrets of the Baby Whisperer, but the author gives a really nice balanced approach to this problem. She suggests that, first, stop and evaluate the cry before you intervene. Try to determine why your child is crying -- hunger, gas, overtired/overstimulated, needs a cuddle... Then determine your response. Also, in putting children to bed, she suggests that you avoid picking up the child once he/she's gone down -- go in and soothe with a pat on the back or a rhythmic sh..sh...sh (this reminds them of the sounds in the womb). In order for this to soothe if he's really upset, you have to make the sh noise louder than the cry. In putting our son to bed, if I feel like the cry is escalating, I intervene soon when he's first gone down, and then lengthen the time that I allow him to cry before soothing. Unless he's completely inconsolable, I do not pick him up once he's down. Also, when you're trying to change a behavior, expect it to get worse before it improves. My son is only 5 weeks old, but we have been doing this pretty much from the beginning, and he is beginning to go down for naps pretty well, with my only soothing him once or twice mostly. (In the beginning, it was 5 or 6 times). I don't know if that helps (I had advice from a mother of 5 boys about how she worked naptime, so I figured it was a pretty good source!). I often refer to the book I mentioned before too. Good Luck!

my son was the same way. You can console him but just DON"T pick him up. Keep yourself consistant. This is going to be really hard but first let him cry for like 3 minutes. Go in, rub his back (keep lying him down) and when he seems calm and almost asleep, leave the room. He'll start crying again but this time wait 2 minutes longer. And so on and so forth till your both super tired and (one of you!) fall asleep. It's a heart breaking pain in the butt, but it does work. Get yourself a comfy chair and put in in his room cause you'll need it. I had my son completely trained in a week. If your son is sick though, it is a different story. Good luck!

The main issue with babies this age crying it out(CIO) is they were not layed down awake at a young age. I have ten children and as a newborn I would lay them down for naps awake..they would just fall asleep. I knew when they were tired and layed them down..they may have wimpered a bit but then slept for a nice 2hr nap. When you always hold them/bf them to get them asleep you are creating a problem for them. I would suggest starting earlier with your next child. Toddlers with sleep problems is no fun for anyone. This does not go away because you hold them/ when they cry ...it will get worse and they do need to learn to take nap as part of their daily routine. My kids actaully loved nap time and would leanout toward their crib of my arms as we approached the crib at age 6-7 months and older..they were sleepy and knew they needed to lay down. I do hope other Moms can see the benefit of a good daily pattern to raise their kids in.

Hello S.,

i only readd your question now, and i know you already got lots of responses, which i have not read. I have a five month old son, and I have read and learned a lot about child rearing lately. I am absolutely certain that you SHOULD NOT LET YOUR BABY CRY. I am a big fan of Dr. Willam Sears, and read his books about attachment parenting, which I recommend to you fully. He also has a website; askdrsears.com. Please chek it out. He explains why it is unwise to let your child cry: the only thing you teach him/her this way is that he cannot count on you when he most needs you. If you want to raise a child who feels loved and secure always respond to his cries, assuring him that you understand his needs and want him to be happy. Of course, it does not neccessarily mean that you always give him everything he wants, but in the first couple of months it should be everything-you cannot spoil him at such an early age1 Please read Dr Sears, he explains it all wonderfully. Good luck and enjoy your beautiful family. Y.

A lot of people will tell you to let your baby "cry it out". My opinion is that little babies have enough to deal with just getting used to being alive! You won't spoil him this young by responding to his needs, in fact you will probably end up wih a more secure, confident child who you have a better relationship with. I think people who promote "crying it out" are expcting WAY too much from an infant. They just got here for goodness sakes, give 'em a break! I'm sure your heart wrenches when you hear him cry...that's natures way of letting you know that going to him is the right thing to do for you both. As he gets older you will find that you naturally start to feel comfortable letting him cry a little longer because your instinct knows he can handle it. Just listen to your gut, not the latest baby psycho-bable. Good luck! I know with all the mixed information it can be hard to know what to do. As a mom to a 6 month old, I am always second guessing myself because of some "new" information.

I have always heard that it is impossible to spoil an infant... I know many people don't believe this. If they are crying, it's for a reason. Just my opinion. Good luck to you!

Get some organic tea to soothe your baby from any tummy trouble. I would recommend babies magic tea. It's safe and preservative free so no harm to newborns.