Crying All the Time!!! - Antioch,IL

I wanted to respond to your follow up...first I agree that you should expect him to use his words and not respond to the crying. As a mom who has just started her daughter in daycare, I would want to know what is going on and would welcome your input. His mom might also be dealing with the same thing and wondering how to handle the situation. A consistent approach at home and at daycare would be more effective in dealing with the problem. And if this is a daycare only issue, his mom might have some advice on how to handle it. I would definitely talk it over with his mom.
Good luck!

I would be tired of a crier too. No it is not acceptable to allow a child to "cry" to get what they want. Ignore the crying...it's getting the attention that they desire, either in a positive or negative way. Make it a point, when this child uses his words to request something, compliment them, tell them how well they communicated that, "you said that very nicely, thank you! What a big boy!".....if they cry, remind them "You need to stop crying and use your words so that I can help you." If they don't stop, turn and walk away quickly, no warning, for a minute, then come back and repeat yourself. Again, compliment him when he gets it right. Sounds like he's vying for your attention. Are there any babies that you are watching? Maybe he sees that you jump when THEY cry....hmmmmm...Or any changes to his family situation?

I am responding more so to your follow-up. As a mom who's son is in daycare, I would want to know what my son is doing throughout the day. I continually ask my day-care provider about my son. Is he behaving, do you have any problems with him, etc.. It is sad to say, but we rely on daycare providers not only to "watch" our kids, but to teach them and socialize them. My son spends 7 hours a day with his daycare provider and I know that she has greatly influenced his personality and behavior. So , don't worry about offending a parent about an issue you are having with a child; you only have the child's best interest at heart.

ah yes. in a normal not overly sweet tone i would tell my son "im sorry you're sad honey, but i can't understand you when you are crying, could you use your (whatever his name is) voice?" (even if you know what he wants)

my son would instantly stop crying (you knew it was fake) and tell me.

and i would say "OH! of course! thank you for using your words"

at 2 in my opinion this is not asking too much.

at about 22 mos it's appropriate to start communicating with actions and words more often then crying. That is the latest I would expect it honestly.

Is this child maybe overtired? I tell kids here at my daycare that if they continue to cry instead of tell me in other ways (which I demonstrate) then they MUST be tired and need a nap. 9 out of 10 times I am right and they are asleep in 2 minutes after being put on their cot.

You may want to rent The Happiest Toddler on the Block and try those methods as well.

N.

I don't have any particular advice but my toddler still cries a lot too. I think it is normal but you can shape the behavior by ignoring the crying and asking them to use their words instead. Also look at the time of day. I often get so frazzled by my boy and then realize it is near nap time or bed time and they are getting cranky and tired, not to say it is okay then but more understandable.

J.,
If he uses words well, then it is fair to ask him to use them. This is what I do with our 2 year old. I tell him to use his words when he starts crying and then ignore his request until he uses his words and this teaches him that in order to get what he wants he needs to use his words. Sometimes he may cry just because he's tired and doesn't want to use his words. Also, your son knows you respond to the cry. He's two, and if you have a home day care, he may just be seeking some extra mommy attention. Remember: Ahhh yes, they love to test us over and over to learn what works...try the above and see how he responds.

Hang in there....All the best of luck! :)