Crying Everytime I Say No.

S.,
I empathize with you! as I'm sure most moms on this board do :-)
What has worked for our family is helping dd label her feelings. That may sound like it's not the issue, but for us it was. Her screaming *never* changed what happened, certainly not to what she wanted...but once we started helping her label her feelings she would stop the loud vocalizations almost immediately. Actually at this point I can anticipate it and help her work through it before it happens. So, she'll get that look on her face and I'll say something like "You're really angry, aren't you"
she'll say "Yes I am!"
I'll ask "how angry are you?"
"I'm angry like 20 whole worlds!"
"wow that's pretty angry. do you want to draw me a picture about how angry you are?"
"yes!" scribble scribble "those are angry eyes! and those are tears, b/c I'm so angry I want to cry b/c I want *xyz object* and you won't give it to me!"
"oh, I see"
at this point she sometimes asks for the object again which, of course, gets refused....she'll either draw a bit more or
go off and play. I know that may sound doubtful, but that's really what happens. My responses, limited as they are, enable her to safely express her feelings without having them negated (you shouldn't feel that way). Once she's expressed them, she feels free enough to get on with her day.

The book(s) that really helped us in the Discipline and Behavior department was by Adele Faber & Elaine Mazlish entitled How To Talk So Kids Will Listen and Listen So Kids Will Talk. It has really worked for us, and I personally know dozens of others that use the skills from this book. You can get it from amazon.com for $7 (or maybe from your library). They also have a book entitled "Siblings Without Rivalry" that I really liked. Those two along with this one by Elizabeth Crary compile what I use as a parent to maintain discipline and promote positive behavior in my home.
http://www.amazon.com/Help-Kids-Are-Again-Quarrels/dp/188...

I know that starting when dd was 2.5y, she started to really love charts and calendars and verbal transitions (5min...3min...1min...time to go) - things that showed our routines. Daily routines help us so much because there are fewer 'meltdowns' when dd knows what to expect.

I hope this helps

K. H, mama to
Catherine, 4y
Samuel, 15m

Hi,

It sounds like your son is counting on embarassing you to get his way. Have you tried telling him what the punishment will be if he does this at other people's house? What about time out, has that worked? I know it's hard to communicate with a three year old but I think they are alot smarter than we give them credit for!!!

My son is five and does this to an extent - yes it's annoying because he looks like a two year old having a meltdown. When we ask him to pick up toys all of a sudden his legs hurt or he is tired...

I like your idea about the stickers!! Keep it up if it works!

Mine are older, the first did this and this is how it went in our house.

She wanted my attention when she wanted it and of course didn't like being told no-as most kids and adults.

At home I learned to not react emotionally or at least not let her see it-something that is still very important as the only thing different between teenagers and toddlers is their processing ability (mental) and their size. The younger kid's no is almost always in response to a safety issue or to help teach them the rules of society or how to get along with people. It has nothing to do with you as a parent being not likable or lovable. They'll pout and cry but in the end they'll still love you and they'll get over it.

Part of my dd was that she wanted an audience and a reaction so I removed both. I quit reacting emotionally and I would discipline and then leave the room. She would follow me from room to room and I would find valid reasons why I needed to go to a different room if she started crying or whining again.

At the same time, if she quit and began speaking normally or behaving I rewarded her with my undivided attention for a few minutes and then told her I needed to finish the laundry etc. so she knew I wasn't leaving her because of her. There were days I got the entire house picked up multiple times! :) fond memories!

Whining only-I'm sorry I can't hear you.....I'm sorry I don't understand what you're saying.....seemed to work pretty good. I used selective hearing and sometimes combined it with not giving attention. The minute they speak normally we address the issue.

Out in the world: tell them before you get out of the car that whining and tantrums will be rewarded with leaving and napping as soon as we get home because those are signals that we're tired-assuming they're fed. Not fed, not their fault, just feed them. Then do it! Alot! Set them up--find reasons to do things, tell your friends what you're doing and they'll help you. They don't like whining crying kids either! Seriously set your calendar for reaffirming this behavior so they hav a chance to learn it before you get somewhere you really want to stay.

Consistancy is very, very, very important, esp when teaching every action has a consequence but mommy loves you no matter what! If you're lucky you won't get the I hate you yell, but if you do, just smile, say I know and I still love you, now get in bed!

I miss my little girls, they grow up too fast!

My 6 year old does that and it's the time that they wanna embarass us at someone else house.My only problem with her is that she don't have to really listen to anything no one says.If she doesn't like what you have to say then she is mad for a while.When she can't get what she wants she cries and whines about it until her dad gives in and give it to her.My thing is all you have to do is ask if I say no then that's what I mean no,but her dad falls for the whining and crying all the time.My son acts like that too and when he don't get his way it's a big problem and to me it's crazy.Like the other day he asked why him and my other son didn't get an Easter Basket and I told him that I didn't buy it and things went hay wire.My dad bought the Baskets for all the girls and said the boys don't need them and that they was to big for them he didn't wanna hear that.He wanted an Easter Basket or some Easter candy or something since the girls got something.My son is a mommas boy too and when he don't get what he wants he's mad at me and everyone else around him no matter what the problem is.Good Luck