Crying for Dad

My son also cried when he was with his dad. However, it seemed that the only time they were together was in the late evening when my son was always crabby. So I had my husband take care of my son in the mornings on the weekend because it is when my son is most happy. It seemed to work as my husband and son felt more comfortable together.

Good luck.

distract distract distract--have 2 kids and only thing that works and spending more time with other parent--playing games etc....

Hi L.:

Your baby feels more secure with you because you are home with her and carry her more and care for her more.....Dad needs to carry her more and do a little more of her cares and she will start to feel more secure with him........this is all natural;)

And at about 6 months your baby might develop stranger anxiety....and will cry for anyone but mom or dad......that will be natural too!

She just feels secure with you and that's a good thing.....you've developed a good bond with her....dad just needs to carry her a little bit more when he's home and she will start to feel secure with him too!!

Warmest wishes with bond building

~K.

L.,

Maybe you can try to make it a positive thing! You and your husband should try to come up with a little game, that is only played when daddy & toddler are home alone (I wouldn't call it "Mommy's Not Home" or anything, but maybe just simply "The Daddy Game"). You can find some great ideas on the supernanny website: http://www.supernanny.us.com/Advice.aspx. (I know sometimes the show is a little out there - but the website has some great ideas), if you can make it into something fun that she truly enjoys playing, she will end up looking forward to that "daddy time".

P.

Sorry ladies - I thought L. had a toddler, not an infant!

L.,
My first thought was that your daughter was around two, like my daughter. I know alot of toddlers go through this type of favoritism. But it looks like she's not even two months? Are you breastfeeding? Your daughter might be more aware of you as a comforter and food source with no such connection to dad. If you ever express milk, in a bottle(I know some breastfeeding moms don't but if you are working out of the home a little maybe you are already) have dad feed her and bond with her that way. Teach him the songs you sing to her. MY husband used to also keep something that I had worn by him when I was out of the house, kinda like a puppy, I know, but it seemed to help. If all else fails, dad might just have to power through, and she will get more used to him. You need time off if you aren't going to get totally burned out. I also live in the Eastern burbs so if you ever want to chat or grab a coffee, let me know, I'm game. Being a new mom is great, but hard!
S.

With you being a stay at home mom, she is used to being with just you. I went through this as well with both of my girls. Just let Dad suffer through the crying. He will figure out how to comfort her. In the long run all will benefit. You for being able to get away for a few minutes, Dad for being able to have that bonding time with daughter and daughter for having the time with dad. Good Luck

My husband seemed to have the same problem with our son when he was first born. I stayed at home for 12 weeks as my maternity leave and during that time my husband struggled with D when he was fussy. He'd try to sooth him, but would end up saying..."he wants you." When I went back to work and he was with my husband 3 days a week alone they seemed to work things out. Also, my husband has started a little thing with D before bath/bedtime where he tickles him. Now, it seems that his Dad is the only one who can REALLY get him laughing. It is like there own special thing. Maybe try and have your boyfriend work on creating that something special.

Also, I was reading that it takes a FULL 30 seconds of say hugging for people to start to develope trust. I think Dads who don't help with feedings (if Mom is exclusively BF) it can take more effort for baby to get comfortable with Dad. Try having the baby swaddled while holding. Or have Dad very close by during feedings so baby can see him too -- maybe event Dads hand on baby.

If your baby is particularly fussy, she may just need to outgrow this phase. My son was this way despite my husband's efforts to bond with him. Just hang in there and it will pass. It seemed to get much better for us around 3 or 4 months.

I will be interested in the advice you get for this problem. I have a similar situation. My 11 month old will cry for dad and anyone else that has her besides me if I am around. I visited my moms this weekend and as long as the baby could see me she wouldn't go to anyone else. I am home with her 24/7 and she is fine if I leave her and am not in site or she can't hear my voice. But if I am in the room its me. It gets frustrating and tiring not only to hold her all the time but that I can't visit with my mom and let the baby be by her. Any advice for me would be appreciated also. Sorry to piggy back on your problem!!

Sounds like Dad may be nervous or anxious and your daughter can sense that and is responding. Stop taking over when she screams at him cause you are only encouraging a bad habit for your daughter. Not that she "knows" what she is doing but the older she gets the more she WILL know.

Each day, he should spend some one-to-one time with your daughter. Maybe when you go to make dinner or do some laundry in another room. If you start with just a small amount of time at 1st and work up to an hour. You are there for any questions or help he may ask for but don't jump the gun. Let him figure out what's best for THEM. Then when you do have to run an errand, Dad won't feel so anxious and daughter won't get upset.

I once was at a store and walked up to a friend I saw to say hello. A young mother was chatting with her as her baby was screaming. This young mother was doing every thing right to calm her child but it wasn't working. I asked if I could hold the baby (he was maybe 2 months old) so this young mother could at least finish her shopping (I had nothing to do and was bored that day so it kept me from overspending! LOL). It took only mintues for him to stop fussing when I held him. As my friend, this young mother and I, with the baby, walked round the store, the baby had fallen asleep.

Moral of this story? The young mother was overwhelmed, nervous and anxious and I being an "old mom" was not. Even if Dad does not admit to being anxious (most men don't reveal their feelings well! LOL), it sounds like he really is and just needs practice.

Hi L.,

I went through this also with my son. He is now 8 mo old. He would cry when I gave him to his dad. I think that for some men they just don't know 'how' to sooth a crying baby like a woman does. He still doesn't really know how to, but he is getting better. I started to take my son, Skyler, from him shortly after he would start to cry. But then I realized that when I did this, I am actually 'rewarding' him for crying. Setting it up for when he gets older that all he needs to do is cry and he gets me right away. I do understand that they cry when they need something, but if everything is ok, then it is just to get your attention. Now I wouldn't let him cry for an hour or anything, but if he didn't settle down after 10 min. or so then I would get him. After a while, he was fine as long as he could see me. And now, he is good with dad. It just takes time. I also would mention things to dad when he wasn't holding Skyler. And I wouldn't watch dad when he was holding Skyler. I didn't want dad to start to feel like he was incapable of caring for Skyler since it is his first child. I also try to remember to tell him that he is doing a good job and that it will get better the more he holds and plays with Skyler. It will take time so good luck!

It's pretty normal for your little one to be attached at this age. After all she spends most of her time with you. Are you breastfeeding? My daughter who is 9 months now used to cry the entire time when I would run errands too. she got over it and now loves to spend time with her daddy. It will change as she gets older, as for your boyfriend- he just needs to figure out his own ways of comforting her and then all will be good.

As hard as it is to let her cry that is what you need to do. He needs to learn how to comfort her and she needs to learn that she can count on him for comfort. I made the same mistake with my first and I have paid for it over the last 3 years. I suggest that you give him advice on how to comfort her and work on it a little at a time while you are home. The more you take her when she cries the more she will do it if he has her. Remind him that he needs to talk in a soothing voice and remain calm. Babies pick up on tension so if he gets tense when she is crying that is the first thing he needs to work on. Because mens voices are naturally deeper and they tend to talk louder it can scare a baby. If he keeps his emotions in check and talks soothingly to her it will help a lot.

Good Luck!

I myself don't leave the babies under 6 months home with my DH because he's uncomfortable because they are so little and they are uncomfortable because they are wanting me. If all I need is a couple of things from the grocery store I just ask him to pick it up on the way home from work or else ask him to go and get them. I think it's fun to bring the baby with me because they behave :o) It's the older ones that I like to leave home. Once she's 6 months old she should do better as long as her Dad is making an effort to play and spend time with her so she gets to know him better.
I also wanted to mention to the Mom with the 11 month old that that age brings seperation anxiety that might not have been there before. Try to make sure Daddy is engaging baby while you are gone and also when you are there. Sometimes Mom's don't expect Dad's to spend time with the kids because he's tired from work but they need to do that. My DH loves to take all of the kids downstairs to play after dinner each night so I get a break and he gets his Daddy time in before bed.
Good luck to you both,
J.

Dad might not be able to get her to feel that way. She knows your heartbeat, your smell, your movement. If you feel like you NEED to get away then here are some things that I think would help...
*put her in a sling! It mimics the womb. Actually what I've read is that the sound of a mans voice can be very soothing to a little one. He can sling her right up under his throat where she can feel the vibrations. I feel that babywearing is very important and very helpful to mom too! I suggest the Maya wrap it's quick and works from newborn to years old! You
should check out (just copy and paste it):
https://www.naturalfamilyboutique.com//?kelligreen
...go to "shop""...then to "babywearing cloths and gear"...then "maya wrap slings"
*Swaddle her-You should really check out the book or video:
http://www.thehappiestbaby.com/excerpts.htm
there are places you can view a short clip of the video. I suggest you getting it. It is very
helpful! Get the video though so that your man can watch it. I know that my Hubby is
reluctant to read a book about parenting and what not. but he can be persuaded to
watch a video!
*what Sara said about the shirt. Your smell would be comforting to her.
*If you are just gone for a short time then I don't see any reason why you should have your
man give her a bottle. She is probably well established with nursing (if you
are..hopefully) but I wouldn't want to cause any nipple confusion just in case.

What ever you do, I wish you and your family happiness.