Crying It Out

Hi J.-

I had to wait til I was ready to go through it and my little boy cry it out. I waited until he was 5 months old. They say that they don't need to eat through the night anymore by that age. I would put him down at eight and the first night was the longest for me. I had to watch TV and listen to music so I wouldn't hear him. It took three days before he was able to put himself to sleep. After three days he would cry for maybe 5 min. He has put himself to sleep and slept every night since and he is now 2 1/2 yrs. old. It was hard, but worth it.

I think she is too young to cry it out yet. Read the book by Mark Weissbluth, Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child. He says you can start sleep training at 4 months.

I've tried the 5 S's from The Happiest Baby On The Block book. It works wonders, specially the swaddling. If you feel like you don't have time to read a book right now, which it's understandable(been there done that), you can also find a DVD version on Amazon. I tried this w/ my second child for the first few months and now w/ the third it still works. You just might wanna know that instead of receiving blankets(which are too small), you will find easier to do the swaddling with a square piece flannel, which you can buy cute ones and cheap at Wal-Mart or even Jo-Ann's by the yard. Good luck.

big opinions on this way. . . though "go with your heart" is always something i tell people (like if it's breaking your heart to let your baby cry then why are you continuing to do it because you've been told that's what you're supposed to do?) a couple of book recommendations. . . "the no cry sleep solution." and let me qualify here that definitely 10 weeks is too young. . . . but also a quote from dr. sears "when you let your child cry he doesn't learn to sleep, he learns that you're not listening to him." that sentence alone changed my entire mind on ever letting my little one "cry it out" EVER. . . even at 2 years old!!!! even at the church nursery!!! not just for sleep. another "a need met goes away" so her need for cuddling, holding, mommy time, etc will not go away, but you'll help her develop a new need to replace it (like a blankie she can't let go of until she's 14 or thumb sucking or some other self soothing method to replace YOU). Are you breastfeeding? sleeping through the night is not recommended for little breastfeeding babies nor is "sleep training" meant for breastfeeding mothers "clicking into 'cry it out methods' also keeps you from continuing to search for medical or physical causes for night waking. . . " "with most of these baby-training regimens you run the risk of becoming desensitized to the cues of your infant, especially when it comes to letting baby cry it out. instead of helping you figure out what baby's signals mean, these training methods tell you to ignore them. neither you or your baby learns anything good from this" (sears breastfeeding book c first edition p.173) "with the cry it out method, what's the lesson baby learns? 'they aren't going to come, so i may as well give up, ' or 'it doesn't matter how i feel.' less persistent babies give up quickly. since they can't trust us to be there, they 'cope' and learn a big lesson: you have to look out for number one because no one else will." "you can lead a child to develop an uneasy attitude about sleep" "you can't force your baby into a state of sleep. your role as a parent is to create a sleep inducing environment that allows sleep to overtake your baby naturally. we believe that the ultimate goal of nighttime parenting is to help your baby develop a healthy attitude about sleep, so that your chil grows up regarding sleep as a pleasant state to enter with no fears of either falling asleep or staying asleep. to accomplish this goal, you will put a lot of effort into parenting your chil to sleep and parenting her back to sleep when she awakends in the middle of the night. eventually, your care and comfort will become parto f her INNER resources, and she will be ablt to do it for herself." (p. 169)

i like dr and mrs. sears because they are professionals who also personally ran the gammot of child situations. . . 8 kiddos, i think 5 co sleepers, 1 down-syndrome and 1-adopted. so they have a lot of personal expertise as well as professional expertise in being nurse/pediatrician and seeing LOTS of patients beyond their own house.

i hope these words help, and i'd recommend reading, but of course a lot of times we already know what we want to hear and so will look to the resources that back our belief/understanding already. for my part, i was against co sleeping, willing to allow "cry it out" didn't want to nurse baby past 6 months. .. and now i'm a cosleeping, nursing mom of a toddler. . . so, being open to listening to your heart as a mom instead of "popular opinion" or maybe just family/friend opinion is of UTMOST importance to my parenting (and the best advice i can pass on to you)

Without reading the other responses, I can already hear the outcry from people who think it is a mortal sin to ever let a child cry. It is a subject that tugs at the heart strings of mothers everywhere. I'm going to try to make a more practical approach to your question. Not that I'm dead inside, or misguided or whatever else these moms would have you believe. I truly hate hearing my kids cry as much as the next mom. But I'm coming from a place of having 3 kids in the last 4 1/2 yrs, all of whom are fantastic sleepers - they put themselves to bed by themselves & sleep through the night on their own in their own rooms. This was very important to me because I really feel like it is important to my children's health and well being. And I'm not going to lie - it makes my life a whole lot more pleasant & less stressful.

So hear goes my two cents. I do think that at 10 weeks, your baby is too young to cry it out. Babies at that age are not nearly self-aware enough to be crying for you out of want - it is out of need. That doesn't mean that you have to respond to their every wimper & that doesn't mean that you're a bad mom if you let them cry on occasion when all of their needs are met (dry diaper, fed, etc.) Until my babies were about 5 months old, give or take, I didn't let them cry it out. What I did do, however, is help them practice self-soothing & learning to go to sleep on their own. So I would watch my baby for signs of being tired - rubbing eyes, thousand-mile stare, yawning. At the first sign of tiredness, I would put my baby down in their bassinet/crib. If they fuss, I leave them alone - if they really start to cry, I would try to soothe them without picking them up. If that didn't work, I would pick them up. I would get them calm & then try again.

By the time they are about 5 months old, they start really learning that if they cry, you respond. At that point, kids do starting crying just to see what they can make you do. That's not the only reason they cry, obviously, but it does start happening. They also really start forming good & bad sleep habits. At that point, I do some sleep training where I have a set nighttime routine that is the same every night and then I put the child down with no crutches - a crutch is anything they need to go to sleep that won't be there when they wake in the middle of the night - like lights, rocking, noises, ME, etc. People use white noise machines or fans to help kids fall asleep - I resist them & anything else that won't be there when we travel, the power goes out, etc. I put the child in their crib and regardless of whether or not they lie down or cry or whatever, I leave the room. If they cry, I let them cry for a couple of minutes - I always started with 2 minutes because I couldn't stand any more than that. Then I would go back in and soothe my baby without picking him/her up. I would stay for only a few minutes & leave again. Then I would add a few minutes to the interval away - maybe 3 or 4 minutes this time - and return again if the baby is still crying. I repeat, increasing the intervals until the baby goes to sleep on their own. I have never had to do this for more that 3 or 4 nights in a row before I am able to put the baby in his/her crib and they don't cry - they just go to sleep on their own. And for those 3 or 4 nights, they go to sleep on their own faster & faster. I like this method because it teaches the baby that I'm there for them - I'm not abandoning them, but they just decide it's not worth crying just to make me come back - they learn that nighttime means they have to sleep. I'm looking out for their emotional needs, but teaching them boundaries & that nighttime means sleep. It has worked wonders for our family! I learned all of this from 'How to Solve Your Child's Sleep Problems' by Ferber. Great book.

Sorry for being long-winded - but just one more thing. With 2 of my kids I had a great example of how kids can get into routines that are just that - not needs. At around 4 months, my son was waking once in the middle of the night to eat. One night I fell asleep on the couch & the baby was asleep in his bassinet in my room. At 2:00 am my husband came to wake me because the baby was awake & wanting to be fed (I was breastfeeding - so I was definitely needed). Because I had fallen asleep on the couch, I hadn't brushed my teeth or gone to the restroom before bed, so I rushed to do those things so that I could feed the baby & just go right to sleep. A funny thing happened. By the time I got to the bedroom, he had gone back to sleep on his own without being fed. Even funnier - he never woke up to eat in the middle of the night again - so I didn't even need to sleep train him! It just goes to show that just because they wake up & have been conditioned to cry for you doesn't mean they still necessarily need you or are starving to death. So a little crying past 4-5 months of age doesn't always mean what we moms tend to think it means - which means you are not a mean or terrible mom to let a little bit of crying go without immediately rushing to our child's aid. Do I officially qualify as heartless now? Probably to some. I'm okay with that.

Best of luck to you & congrats on your new little one!

Ferber himself, who is the father of the "cry it out" method, says that children less than 4 months old should not be sleep trained. Remember that your daughter has spent her entire existence not just near you, but inside of your body. She has always heard your heart beating, your blood pumping, and the sound of your voice. She has always smelled and tasted you, always felt your body holding her tightly. It is going to take some time for her to get used to being "on the outside." The best thing you can do now is to keep her close. Get a high-quality sling that you can keep her in during the day. Have a consistent bedtime routine, which will help teach her what to anticipate next.

1. You need to know what normal sleep looks like for a baby! If you think you are going to lay a 10 week old down to sleep and she will fall asleep and sleep through the night, you have been severely misguided about baby sleep. It is normal and healthy for her to wake up often. One of the theories about some SIDS cases is that babies slip into a sleep so deep that they are unable to rouse out of it.

2. If you are opposed to having her in your bed, try moving her crib into your room. Having a baby sleeping in his parent's room improves sleep for everyone, as they can hear their parent's breathing and movement, which helps them soothe back to sleep and parents know their baby is safe without tiptoeing down the hall in the middle of the night. James McKenna has a great book called "Sleeping with your Baby: A Parent's Guide to Cosleeping." (http://tinyurl.com/6xllo6)

3. Have a consistent bedtime routine. Near to bedtime, keep the house lights low and the noise level down. Baths are soothing, and lavender is a lovely essential oil that promotes rest. I used to give my babies a warm bath, then a massage with lavender lotion. We read a book, nursed, and then they went to bed. A certain CD that you play consistently at bedtime can also help. White noise might keep baby from waking as often and help her soothe herself back to sleep.

4. If you are breastfeeding, your daughter needs to eat. At this point, you don’t need to worry about her associating nursing and sleeping. When she gets older, you will be able to break that connection by introducing something between nursing and bedtime. (My first daughter liked to read a book after nursing. My second daughter likes her Daddy to rock her for a few minutes before bed. We started with both of them around 6-8 months.) Even if your daughter is bottlefed, she still needs nighttime feedings at ten weeks.

The best advice I have ever had about parenting is this - the way you parent your baby today is NOT the way you will parent next month, next year, or in five years. Don't worry that you are going to form a bad habit that will never break by meeting your daughter's needs. Anyone who says your child will never learn to --fill in the blank-- is worthy of being ignored! A need met will go away; a need denied will just get worse. A child who is ready to become more independent from his mother will do it without being forced away. However, if you try to push away a child when they are not ready, they will only cling harder. The best advice I can give is to meet your precious little one's needs now. Feed her when she says she is hungry. Hold her when she wants to be held. Help her get herself to sleep. As she gets older, you can start gently teaching her to put herself to sleep. A great book about sleeping is "The No Cry Sleep Solution" by Elizabeth Pantley. (http://www.pantley.com/elizabeth/) As she gets older, she will be physically and emotionally able to learn to soothe herself to sleep. You will also be able to distinguish between fussing and whining and crying. I let my girls fuss, but I didn't let them "cry" for more than a couple minutes. Sure enough, every time I let them cry, I found a dirty diaper, an empty cup or a foot stuck through the crib slats! Give it some time. She will learn to sleep. For now just enjoy your beautiful girl!

Best of luck,
S.

First your baby is 10 weeks old, for the first nine months of her life she was rocked and soothed in utero, no baby that age can self soothe or even has a clue on how to. Imagine something being wrong with you and nobody answers your cry for 2 hours or more or for that matter less, Not a great feeling. There are some great books that help you teach your baby to become a great self soother without having to resort to CIO, they do require you to "train" your baby, so they take a little longer, but most babies unless they have been left to CIO, son't even start to hint at sleep in through the night or learning how to self soothe, all thats been taught is I am not going to help you, you have to do it on your own.

Here is the author of the "No Cry Sleep Solution" SHe has really good tips....

http://www.pantley.com/elizabeth/index.html

Good Luck and congrat's on the new baby!

trust your child - hold her - she is feeling abandoned - this will not last forever but by listening to her and honoring her feelings and natural intelligence you will create a sweet and lasting bond of love, trust and respect. Let go of needing her to go to sleep by herself. She is only a baby and it is against every instinct for her to do so

This is a method I would NEVER use...not ever! That's me. I think it's abusive. Others, use it and have the success they're looking for. You have to go with your intuition. Try not to choose a method or stop one just because others agree or disagree.

For me, it's important my children know I AM there WHENEVER they need me. For others, they don't want to be "needed" so much. We all love our children, we just have different values or different paths to our destinations.

At 10 weeks, your baby doesn't understand separation, her psyche goes into "mourning" as if your died, because to her you just disappeared and perhaps will no longer exist--thank goodness for imprinting. As they get older and develop the ability to understand the difference between momentary separation and perminant disappearance things will be different.

If you choose not to let your little one cry it out, you will NOT be stuck with a child who can't go to sleep on her own forever and ever on into her twenties needing to be rocked by you...

If you do choose to let her cry it out other moms can support you in that. I can't, I don't see any value to it. The whole premis that your child chooses sleep because s/he has finally "given up" on you, or that s/he is forced through fatigue is heart wrenching for me. I don't want to break me children, I want to guide them.

See, this is becoming an anti-CIO post...as a daily method.

Just stick to your intuition based on LOVE and the VERY BEST interest of your child rather than simple convenience...you'll find what's best--I suppose in some circumstances that even includes crying it out. You're the Mommy, you're the one who gets the inspiration for your baby, not any of us. Tune in. Tune in to her, and to you.

I could never let my babies "cry it out".I would nurse them, rock them then I'ld always put them down when they were almost asleep, then they could fall asleep more easy on their own, If she started to wake up,I'ld wait a few minutes then rub her back and she would usually fall asleep. If they needed me I'ld be there for them. I'f they woke up again,I'd wait 10 minutes, then check on them, rub their back and see if that helps. If I had to start all over again and rock them...so what. they are babies for such a short time. some day they will be too big to hold and rock and you'll never regret all the time you spent holding them.

You'll get all kinds of advice. but the best thing you can do is trust your instincts. You'll know better than anyone what's best for your baby.

I think I read somewhere that we spend the first 18 months of a childs life teaching them that they are the center of the universe (as we should) and the next 18 years teaching them that they're not.(as we should) :)

I agree with the others that say don't let her cry it out....period. Love her as much as you can and hold her as much as you can...it goes too fast. My four year old needed my help to get him to sleep until he was 3 1/2....tonight he went to bed with a story and a quick hug and back rub and was asleep in minutes without my help. It was a little more work on me to put him to sleep, but I wouldn't change it for the world. I have lots of precious memories of rocking my baby to sleep and I will never ever say that I wish I would've because I held him as much as I could. Incidentally, he is the most well-adjusted, happy, grounded kid I know. He got what he needed when he needed it so he has a solid foundation from which to leap. Check out Dr. Sears and attachment parenting--it worked great for us.
Good luck,
J.

Hi J.,
I know you have gotten a ton of responses, but here is my two cents. I think that 10 weeks is a bit young. My husband and I started letting our son cry it out at 5 1/2 months. Up until then he slept in our bed, since I was nursing and it was so much easier. We had a good experience with the cry it out method, which we did on the advice of our terrific pediatrician, but it is really hard to get through the first few nights. I went to stay at my mom's for the first two nights because I couldn't listen the the crying without going to my son. After about 4 days, he was putting himself to sleep with very little fuss, and at nearly 10 months is still sleeping 11-12 hours per night with very little intervention from me or daddy. I guess what I'm saying is that the method worked for us and I'm very glad we did it. I really struggled with the decision though. I'm a first time mom as well and a lot of people told me that my son would not feel loved or would have some long-lasting psychological issues if we let him cry it out. I worried about that. But the bottom line is that sleep is too important for you and your baby not to help her establish good sleep-habits early on. Everyone is happier and healthier when they are getting enough sleep and we have showed our son that he has the ability to soothe himself when he needs to. And for the record, he is a sweet, loving, happy little guy, who knows how much his parents love him!
I do think that you should wait a bit longer to try it with your daughter though.
Good luck to you!

I agree that 10 weeks is a little young to ferberize. I did ferberize my children...but I waited until they were 6 months old to do so. Ferber does not recomend just putting your child down and closing the door behind you; he recomends gradually limiting the time you spend getting your child to sleep until you can get them to soothe themselves to sleep.

I did this by letting them cry for 5 minutes and then coming back in and rocking them. Then I would wait for 15 minutes and come back in and give them a little back rub. Then I would wait 30 minutes and coo from the door. You get the idea.

You have to remember that after 15 minutes of crying your baby is not going to be able to self soothe.

I suggest waiting a month or two and trying again before you attempt to ferberize your baby. Here is an article on it that I found that might be helpful:

http://www.babycenter.com/0_the-ferber-method-demystified...

I am one who can't do the cry it out method; it's too hard for me :) However, even if I could, I would say that 10 weeks is too young. There is a point when you will notice that your child is crying because they know that you will return (going through this right now with my 9 month old) and I would say that your 10 week old isn't crying for that reason. Right now your little one may be crying due to being hungry, gassy, tired or just needing to snuggle but there is no ulterior motive (such as a baby who is thinking… I know someone is there and I'll keep crying till they come) that would warrant letting them cry it out. In my opinion, I think that they cry it out method is supposed to teach them that they are safe and sound but now is bed time and they need to go to bed, so to do this they need to be able to "understand" this and my guess is that all a 10 week old would get out of it is, I can't stop crying and therefore, would just get more worked up. Anyways, I wouldn't try it, but then again I can't seem to do it with my 9 month old so I guess I am not one to try this approach (it's just not for me). However... If you are at your wits end, then of course let your baby cry if you need a break! I have done that on occasion when I would go nuts if I had to check on them one more time, but as an every night thing, I just can't do it. I do have a 2 and 1/2 year old who I also did not let cry it out and she did take a full year before she slept through the night regularly but now she goes down at 8pm and wakes up at 9am and takes a 2-3 hour nap and sleeps just fine! Sorry, after my novel :) I would say go with your gut. People can give you advice but in the end you really have to do what works for you and makes you happy!!!

I am in your shoese:) Though I have three children above my six week old, and I let her cry. With my first I didn't until she was 11 months old, and it was agony because her awareness I beleive made it all the worse. My second was premature and had to be in the little box, so she cried it out from birth, poor baby, but she was a super night sleeper from the start. I still had to put her to bed but she took nice long stretches, I didn't know I could feel so revived after having a baby. I tried to creat the same pattern with my third, just cluster feed during the day and space out the feedings at night. Let her cry and know that she is not going to starve after eating all day and that it is temporary like birth pains, soon her belly would be trained and not wake from hunger. They don't really learn to go to sleep on their own so young..not in my exp. but long stretches at night are the start to a healthy sleep life, and wonderful for you to. And now I am doing it with #4, and she is doing well, she went seven hours the night before last, five last night, were still working.

Listen to you instincts! Here is an article that may give you some food for thought:

Harvard Researchers Say Children Need Touching and Attention
http://www.hno.harvard.edu/gazette/1998/04.09/ChildrenNee...

C. M., CBE, CLD, MWA
The Westside Birth Connection
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www.westsidebirthconnection.com

TOTALLY RETRACTING WHAT I POSTED! I THOUGHT IT WAS A 10 MOS OLD didn't read carefully! At 10 weeks, you need to attend to her every need, if she is crying there is a reason and I totally agree that you need to go to her!!! After 7 mos is correct to let them go longer stretches. I can say I didn't do cry it out until mine were over the year mark and due to being pretty rigid in routine never had to do it often!!!!!!!!
SO SORRY, 10 WEEKS IS TOTALLY TOO YOUNG TO CRY IT OUT!!

She is feeling out where your level of tolerance is.
She will cry for two hours, then it will be one hour, then it will be 30 minutes then behold not at all.
You are not a bad mom!!! Teaching her to soothe herself and settle in herself is a gift from you! Good sleep habits will help her grown, thrive and a great thing for the whole family.
Make sure she is tired but not overly tired, make sure there are black out shades in her room, give her a music box, fan for white noise or something besides a pacifier to help her soothe. My daughter attached to her jammie sleeve so when she was on she started actually sleeping with her pj top like a blankie and now at 7 is still attached, hee hee.
Keep it up, it takes patience and time, it won't happen just one night. Hugs, nobody likes hearing their babies cry, but is start associating your running in there when she cries and helping her to sleep then she will never do it herself.
Make sure she isn't cutting teeth, tylenol, motrin or teething tablets even before bedtime.
You are doing great!!! Keep it up, give it a week and I bet you will be surprised how she is able to get herself to sleep.

10 weeks old is way too young to cry it out. She does not have the capacity to comfort herself yet and won't until she is 5 or 6 months old. Get the book Healthy Sleep, Happy Child. It will give you the information you need about sleep habits and what baby needs. This may be just a really sleep deprived time for you and your husband. Good Luck

Hi, J.. Congratulations on being a first time mom! Woo hoo!! There sure is a lot to know and figure out, and I am betting you are doing a great job! I do think that 10 weeks is a little too young to let your daughter cry it out. She is still developing that important trust in you and learning what happens when she cries. I have read that after 3 months is a better time to try to get them to sleep throught the night. I would also recommend a book called the Baby Whisperer; I had luck with using it with my daughter and just finished using it with my son and got him to sleep through the night last night--yippeeee!!
Hang in there, nap when you can, have fun cuddling your girl when she wakes up for now, and try again in a few weeks.
Best of luck and big hugs to you,
S.

In my opinion, 10 weeks is way too young for sleep-training. I recommend the book "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child" by Marc Weissbluth. Dr. Weissbluth recommends that you don't begin sleep training until at least 4 months of age. I even felt that was a little soon and waited until my daughter was 5 months.

That said, when it is appropriate, you will still feel like the world's worst mom for making your daughter cry it out. When it is the right time you need to pick a method, stick with it, be consistent. If you go in and soothe your baby every few minutes, you're just teaching your baby to cry until you come in. After just a few nights of consistency, it will improve, and it will work!

Read the book - it will give you some good perspective to help you not feel like a terrible mother. It will also give you step by step instructions on what to do and how not to undermine your own efforts.

Good luck! And don't worry, eventually she will sleep and so will you.

My doctor said to do it when they're 2 months. I did it when my son was four months. I have a friend who prefers waiting until 5 months. By six months, I would definitely do it by then.

I see you have a million responses, but I would like to reply anyway. 10 weeks is too soon to let her cry it out. She is still developing the trust relationship with you, so you still need to respond to each cry she makes for you. My Dr's recommend trying crying it out (if that's something you want to do) no earlier than 3-4 months old.

We tried it with our son at about 5 months, with no success. Some babies just don't do well with it and other do great. Then we tried again at 6 months and made the process slow (lying in our bed with him as he cried - he wanted to be held instead - and then transitioning to his bed. you go in every 5 minutes, rub their head and say i love you, but don't pick them up, then after crying for about 30-45 min we would pick him up but not let him sleep in our arms, then return him to his bed to try it again, eventually we let him fall asleep in our arms, but repeated the process each night).

He is 9 months old now and sleeps about 9 hours at night, eats a little and then sleeps for another few hours. I let him cry it out at bedtime and nap time. He still doesn't nap very long, but I think that's just him. I read that once you do "cry it out" for a while they stop crying when you lie them down. That's not the case with us. He still cries a little when we put him to bed, it's just whining and it's not hysterical and I know he needs the sleep, so I don't really feel bad.

My heart was breaking when we first tried crying it out, but as he started to take advantage of us and get very needy (they know what they want and what they are doing), I didn't feel so bad letting him try to fall asleep on his own. It's a good skill all babies need to learn some way. Others do not believe in crying it out, but for us, it ended up being the right choice for our baby. Good luck!

10 weeks old is too young to let her cry it out. Our pediatrician and Dr. Weissbluth's book that some have mentioned said that at 4 or 5 months is when you can start trying to train a baby to sleep. At 10 wks we still rocked/bounced our baby to sleep and then laid him down. Unfortunately, he often times did not stay asleep when we laid him down. Or he would startle himself awake when we laid him down. The only thing that helped our little guy sleep was to swaddle him (swaddling with a blanket did not work). We bought a Kiddopatamus Swaddle Me and the first night we tried this, he stayed asleep when we laid him down and he slept for 3 hours straight! 10 wk old babies still probably need to be fed every 3 hours or so as well.

Hi J.,

As you can see you asked a question that has many different opinions. This has been one of those topics that can arise much debate in moms. I would like to give you my 2 cents since I see that I am in the minority... but also because I am a new mom as well with a beautiful baby boy who just turned 9 weeks old. First off let me tell you that I don't think you are being a bad mom. Seeing your baby cry can tug at your heartstrings like no other. And I am sure that all you want to do is what you think is best for your baby girl (and, let's be honest, the best for you as well). Second, know that you will get lots of opinions about Cry It Out. Take them with a grain of salt. No one person will be right on this matter. You need to decide what works best for you and your family. Last, you need to know that, like many things, doing the Cry It Out method does not work over night. It takes a lot of patience and consistency.

From birth we have put our son on a schedule. I nurse him every 3 hours, we have a little bit of playtime or waketime, then I put him down for a nap. For the first month, we held him whenever he cried.. which (as you can probably attest to) seemed like all the time.:) He just didn't seem to be able to soothe himself. Now that I look back I believe it was because I was doing the soothing for him. But that is what I needed to do then because I couldn't stand listening to him cry. It broke my heart. The thing about Cry it out is that you need to be ready to do it. You can not do it half-heartedly. You need to commit to it. From what I have read, it takes about 2 weeks of consistently trying for you to see any results. I started doing CIO with our son about 2 1/2 weeks ago. The thing that helped me was keeping a daily log. Every day I wrote down, in detail, what was going on with him. I wrote how much he nursed, burped, spit up, when he started to get fussy, when he seemed wide awake, and most importantly, described his cries and crying patterns. Now, after 2 1/2 weeks, I feel like I have a good handle on distinguishing between his cries.
There are a lot of misconceptions out there about CIO. And I do believe that unless you have read about it and tried it yourself then you really don't totally know the ins and outs behind it. I have so many friends who have done this with their babies and those babies are now wonderful, content, well-rested children who have no problems going down for a nap. They know when it is bedtime and go to bed easily.
I think one of the biggest misconceptions is that by letting your baby CIO then you aren't giving them what they need and in turn, aren't showing them that you love them. I love my son very much and I don't believe that by letting him CIO that I am showing him that I don't love him or that I don't care. I actually believe that I am creating a sense of security in him. He will learn that even though I don't pick him up and hold him whenever he cries he can still function on his own. He is learning how to self-soothe. And because of that, I feel like I am creating a strong and independent young man. I think we underestimate our babies at this age. They are more aware then we give them credit.
As for your little girl crying for 2 hours, I wouldn't go that long letting her cry. She does need reassurance that you are there for her but that doesn't mean that you need to pick her up and hold her. This is what I did, I started doing CIO with just one nap then increased it as the days went on. I started with the time of day when I knew that he easily went down for a nap. I would let him cry for about 15-20 minutes, go in and rub his back a little, say "This is nap time. I love you and will see you when you wake up.", then walk out of the room. This was really hard for the first week. He would cry harder when I left because he was used to me just picking him up. But, trust me, it gets easier. I give him the reassurance that he needs by showing him that I am still there and he learns that I won't pick him up every time.
I have to tell you that I have seen a totally different baby since I started doing this... and I feel like a totally different mom. He sleeps really well during his naps and at night. He will sleep anywhere between 1 1/2 - 2 hours per nap in a 3 hour period. He is much happier. Also, I get some time to myself and get to do things for myself and my family... which in turn makes me much happier.
Some may say that this doesn't work with all babies... and that is probably true. However, it has worked wonders for us. My son was born 3 weeks early, has been diagnosed with major acid reflux, and has lots of gas. Yet, he is a well-rested happy baby. And doesn't show any signs of feeling abandoned or not taken care of.
If this sounds like something that you would like to try, please don't hesitate to email me. I can help you through it because I am in the midst of doing it.:) What ever you decide, remember that you are learning as you go. You aren't making bad mistakes but you are learning through them. And, most important, that little baby girl of yours is going to love you no matter which way you decide to go.

The book Healthy Sleep Habits Happy Child by Dr Marc Weissbluth REALLY helped me when I was going through this. It made sense to me and most of it has fit into our routine. He's a very credible resource. Be assured she will learn & this will end. It's hard.

I do not suggest letting you little one cry it out before they are close to a year. I have heard some pretty bad stories of how that made them terrified to go to sleep when they get older. At 10 weeks they are too little to settle themselves. They are too small at this age to have object permanence so all they know is that you are gone for good. So I would find ways of helping your little one to fall asleep before you put her to bed.

I let my now 2 1/2 year old cry it out when she was about 3 1/2 months old, I only lasted 45 mins before I was a total wreck. I never did it again. As for tricks to get your little one to sleep, I let mine fall asleep while nursing and that has worked well for me. It also has not interfered with weaning or falling asleep on there own when they get older.

I hope this advice helps. Just enjoy your daughter at this age, It goes by faster than you will ever believe. And you will miss that cuddle time you had when they wanted to be in your arms. At 1 and 2 1/2 mine won't cuddle much any more :0) but #3 is on its way :o).

Have you thought that it may be her food intake, some times when a baby cries alot it could be an upset belly, when she is crying feel the tummy if it is hard then it may be that the baby is not digesting the food even if you are breast feeding this has been known to happen just check and if that is the case rub or put the baby in a seat and put on top dryer sometimes a little motion will help, but talk with the doctor either way it could be more than just not wanting to settle.

i don't think it's a bad approach altogether. it has worked to some degree with each of my kids. i know they say that technically crying it out can be started at 2 months, but she is still very young and you have plenty of time to try other methods. not every adult falls asleep the same way and it's not only because of the way their parents put them to sleep as babies. we each take comfort in different things. so try some other methods that you feel are not too much for you until you find something that works.

Too many responses to read, so I'll keep mine short! Read The No-Cry Sleep Solution by Elizabeth Pantley. You'll be greatful that you did no matter what you end up deciding is best for you. Also, anything by Dr. Sears! I love him because his advice is instinctual and you feel good about yourself as a mother when you follow your instincts.

You are not a bad mom. Don't think that. I know exactly how you feel. She is not too young to cry it out, however, crying for two hours is a little too long. With my son, who had the exact same problem. I would only let him cry for about 15 to 20 minutes, go into his room, rub his back and tell him it is time to go to sleep and then leave the room again. I would do this up to an hour in 15-20 intervals. and then if that didn't work then I pick him up and put him in his swing. I didn't want to use the swing, but I felt that my child's sleep was very important. I would then when he was about asleep, lay him back down his crib. I shortened the time that he was in is swing and now he is in his bed with no problems.
I also picked a blanket that he uses that he associates with sleep. If I hand him this blanket when I am holding him or when he is in his crib, he starts to dose off. However, this did not happen over night. I took time and a lot of consistency. He has only taken two naps, each one lasting only an hour to three hours since the beginning. Sometimes I only get one very long nap.
What also helped out a lot is, I put him on a schedule. So he knows when he eats and when he sleeps. This has been a life saver. I put him on a 2 1/2 to 3 hour eating/play/sleep cycle. This is what helped me a lot.

Your child will cry a little having a crying spell of 15-20 minutes. These little spells are not going to damage your child. I just won't go any longer than 20 minutes before going into her room and either rubbing her back or giving her some type of love.

No matter what you do it will work out.
As you can see we did a lot of trial and error. I don't know if it was a combo of all of these, but my opinion on what worked best for us is the scheduling. Good luck and just keep pressing on. You are right, she will eventually get it. Take care.

S. A

hello I too have a strong willed little one but I did not try to let her cry it out untill she was about 6 months old but always gave in because I did not like to hear her cry=( I think younger than that they still need to feed at night but around 6 months they need to learn. I still gave in untill she was about a year old!! and I had many sleepless nights I dont suggest to wait untill a year but I did let her cry it out and it worked like a charm=) even though it was soo hard to do I too felt like I was being a bad mother! but now she sleeps through the night=) I know some do not agree with that but maybe their child is a little different and every child is, but my child tends to be a very strong willed little one and if I did not let her cry it out I would still be wakeing up at night and very close to going insaine LOL. And use the books as a guide but take them with a grain of salt because those "experts" dont know yr baby you do!!! good luck

Hi J.!

IMO, it is a bad approach all together. Little ones are not ready for sleep on their own for quite some time. She is trying to communicate with you that she needs your comfort, don't ignore her- follow her cues and do your best to meet her needs. This will build trust between you two and will go much further to developiing that comfort of eventually falling asleep on her own. Follow your intuition- not the books or the schedule and listen to your daughter. Letting them cry it out is so damaging to them- to their little developing brains as well as their emotional health.

A resource that I have found to be so helpful is Mothering Magazine. (www.mothering.com) they all have forums and such to provide support for anything you might need. If you have more questions, please feel free to contact me. I hope you find a solution that works best for you and your daughter!

H. Gaitten
www.naturalchoices4baby.com

Yes, she is too young to cry it out. I have a great sleep book, Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child by Dr. Marc Weisbluth, and he talks about how old they need to be to cry it out, and how long to let them cry...etc. He also talks about not letting the baby get overtired, then they fight sleep more. There's a one to two hour window of wakefulness that you should respect before soothing back to sleep. This is obviously for naps, but if you avoid them being overtired during the day, they will sleep better and longer at night.
I have a 22 month old and a 3.5 month old. We really haven't let the younger one cry it out yet, waiting till 4 months old. But he's developed self soothing skills already because I have gotten him back down after about an hour of being awake. He's a great sleeper now, but we've had to work on it. We may not even have to do the cry it out thing with him, but aren't against it. Anyway, that book is great...this Doc did lots of studies on naps and sleep and how their brain isn't ready for longer sleep until a certain age...it's fantastic. Good luck!

Not a bad approach--I think she's just a little young yet to be putting herself to sleep. If she was 6 months, different story! I'd say give her a little cuddle time, maybe sing or hum to her, rock a little, and when she's just dozing off (still awake but too gone to fight sleep!) lay her down. I used to stand right by the crib so I could quickly put them in without disturbing them too much. This will provide her with the comfort/security she needs while teaching her to fall asleep "on her own".

With each baby you just have to learn what makes them tick. Some require a lot more cuddle time, and some would rather be left alone. (Even as big kids, they're still that way! LOL)

I have a 11 week old myself and went through some tough times early on with my son and his lack of sleep/fussiness. He now sleeps peacfully between 7.5 and 8.5 hours a night and goes down within 10 minutes time. 3 things have saved me....

1. The Happiest Baby on the Block a book by Dr. Harvey Karp
2. Baby Wise a book by Gary Ezzo and Robert Bucknam
3. "The Miracle Blanket" I bought it off the internet after I ran into a woman with twins at Babies R Us who told me it was her favorite thing she couldn't live without. And that her twins slept though the night the first night she used it. And I have to say that my child did too. Hew went from sleeping 4 hours to 6 that night.
Good Luck!!

I truly feel like moms know best. Some moms have luck getting babies to fall asleep on their own at this young age, but most babies I know at only 10 weeks need some holding, swaddling, rocking, etc. I wouldn't worry too much about the baby learning to put themselves to sleep at 10 weeks. If you're feeling bad, it's not right for you! Do what feels right. You can work on the falling to sleep on her own when she's older.

10 wks is perfect timing for colic - gas basically. Both my kids were pretty 'cranky' around 2-3 mos, usually in the evening - probably also due to it being the end of the day and they were pretty tired.

As for CIO, most who 'recommend' it, suggest waiting until 4-6 mos of age. I was successful with CIO with my oldest at 6 mos, and not at all successful with my youngest at any age. They are just completely different kids. My youngest eventually learned to comfort himself to sleep (with the help of his thumb unfortunately), at around 7 mos.

You are NOT the worst mom. There are varying opinions about the cry it out method. Some of the pp recommended some very good books. Whether you chose to do it or not, I think 10 weeks is too young. I'd wait a couple of months before trying it again if that's the route you chose.
Good luck!!

My daughter was exactly the same way. She is four now. I would try with the same routine every night and making sure she is snug (not alone in a big crib), maybe even with some background noise. We actually ended up having our girl in bed with us for some weeks until she was comfortable on her own.

10 weeks is too young to cry it out. It's okay to let her fuss for maybe 5 minutes, but if she doesn't calm down, go pick her up. I think the starting cry-it-out age is 6 months.
The best advice I ever heard is to rock or nurse or whatever my babies until they're drowsy, but not asleep. Then put them down in their bed as gently as possible. Sometimes they will wake up again, and you'll have to try again. it can be super-frustrating, but it teaches the baby to finish falling asleep on her own.
Crying it out doesn't work for all kids. My first was a pro cry-it-outer. He would cry for 5 minutes or less, then fall asleep. If he cried longer than that, I knew something was wrong and tended to him.
My second was not a good cry-it-outer until he was 2!!! He would just keep crying and crying for 45 minutes. I only let him do that 2 times, I think. Although I found that if i let him cry for about 10 minutes, when i went in to get him, a hug and snuggle would calm him down. I'd wipe his tears and his nose, hold him for a minute or two, then lay him down and he'd be fine. But if I went in right away, he wouldn't calm down at all. Now (age 27 months) he cries when i put him in bed for a nap, but only for about 2 minutes.
Enjoy this time of your daughter's life when you can't possibly spoil her by holding her too much and tending to her every need. I know that's a mixed blessing, but it really doesn't last long enough!

Hi my name is Steph I have 3 kids 11,8 and 3 in my personal experience with my own kids and other knowledge that I have aquired in my years is that she is just too young for this right now at this stage in her life and probabley until she is at least 6 months old she needs to be put to sleep in a way that is comfortable, feels safe and gives her the sense of security that is vital to children, and this foundation is laid during infancy up to about two years. So my suggestion is to put her to sleep the way that makes her happy and hopefully it will make things easier for you to! Good Luck I hope this helps It's especially difficult the first go round but I promise it does get easier.

10 weeks is way way too young to let your child cry it out. At this age, the only way to let you know that something is wrong is to cry. They don't know yet how to manipulate you so they only cry for a reason. I was told that you attend to any cry until at least 3 months, if not longer. I heard 6 months is really the age when they learn that crying means Mom or Dad comes running and it's fun for them. So I don't recommend you let her cry it out. I am a first time Mom as well and my daughter just turned 6 months. We only let her cry for a short time to see if she can put herself to sleep. If that doesn't work, there is usually a very good reason why. Good luck and know that it does get easier!

In my experience with my own (2-1/2 years) and my niece, as well as other friends, 10 weeks is a little too young. We started letting our son self soothe at 5 months. Some kids are ready at 3 months, others not until 6-7 months. You just need to do what feels right for you and your baby.

I definately agree with the previous post:
I think she is too young to cry it out yet. Read the book by Mark Weissbluth, Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child. He says you can start sleep training at 4 months.

I have also learned that every child is extremely different. You have to cater to their needs and you can't force things on them. You can try to train them, but ultimately, just love them. It will all work out. My first didn't sleep through the night until he was 16 months. My 2 month old is already sleeping 6 hours at night. So you just never know.

I don't care what people say, I think trying to get a baby to cry it out before 6 months is torture to the baby. Your little girl is still so young and she is still trying to get adjusted to the world outside your womb. Maybe getting something she can sit in that will soothe might help. Fisher-Price makes a great papasan. We used that with our now 9 month little boy. Find what works for you and your little girl. Do only what is comfortable to you and her.

They say not to let a baby younger than 6 or 7 months cry it out. Your baby is too young; she needs you to come to her when she cries. I don't want to make you feel bad, but right now your baby needs to be able to trust you, and by letting her cry, it breaks that trust. Try to get her to sleep by rocking her, walking her around in a sling or a baby carrier, or taking her for a walk in her stroller. If you find something that works, build a bedtime routine around it. Good luck.

J.,

I know you've probably heard this before, but truly the time passes too quickly. Just love on her and rock her. You'll never regret the bonding time. She's so little and lovable. The time for letting her put herself to sleep will come soon enough ... when she's old enough for you to establish routines that she understands. Then you can read a story, say prayers, have a special snuggle, tuck the blankets in all around her ... whatever you decide before you leave the room.

L.

Let your baby cry it out is just not natural, if you can, why not to hold her and nurture her. time goes fast, enjoy your little one as much as you can, be available for her.
She will never forget that, teach her that she can trust you.
.... eventually, when is time she will go to sleep on her own.

Hi J.,
Hang in there. Parenting is never fully "figured out". There are new things every day!! You are very new to this and are in one of the toughest stages so give yourself a break. I also do not believe in crying it out. But you have to do what feels right for you and your husband. If letting her cry doesn't feel right then pick her up. Soothe her with your hand as she lays in her crib, rock her or sing to her before you lay her down. Try many things until you feel comfortable. Babies almost never will learn to put themselves to sleep without weeks or months of help from their parents. Be patient.
Take care,
B.

J., You are doing a great job! There is a resaon why your daughter is not sleeping and the not sleeping part is a symptom. I would love to get a sleep system from Nikken to you so you can try it for a week. It has worked for me and so many others. Not only will your child sleep but it will help set her sleeping patterns. Email me at ____@____.com if you are interested in a natural way to solve your child's problem.
Hope to hear from you soon!
Ali

first of all you are not the worst mom ever! all the books i have read say that you shouldnt start letting them self sooth untill at least 4 months. they are just not able to get on a schedule that early. i tried when my son was 2-3 months and it just didnt work i then waited till he was 4 months and it only took him a week to get it down. i have also read you should not let them cry for anymore than 1 hour tops. hope this helps!

J.,
Bless your heart. I know that "worst mom ever feeling". I am sorry. I did the cio routine. It worked for us. However, I never let my little one go more than 40 mins. After 40 mins I would go in kiss him, rub his head and tummy. Put pacifier in. (We did start at 6 months though). There is a great book that helped me with some tools. Baby Wise. I cant think of author right now. Keep in mind, any book helps with some tools for parenting. No book has ALL the answers. You are the mom, trust your gut. Also, the cio routine only works in conjunction with a strict daily/bedtime routine. We were on strict feeding schedule, nap schedule etc. My little guy is 2 now and we are not so strict, but it helped with the sleep issues early on.

Hang in there. Talk to other moms. Check out some books. Find out what works for your family. But I would not let 2 hours go by that is a bit long. I dont want to sound critical at all, because we all have been in your shoes. But 10 weeks is early and I would just love and comfort her and build on your routine. Super nanny had a great tool for this issue. Her name is Jo Frost and she has 3 books out. One about infants.

Sincerely,
M. M

I know you've gotten a lot of advice but here's my 2 cents. You asked, "Is she too young for this, or is this just a bad approach altogether?" My answer to both questions is "YES" she is too young and "YES" it is a bad approach altogether. I know how hard it is to be a new mom so I'm glad you are asking advice from us "veteran" moms. I hope you will take advice from those of us who do not let our babies cry it out. I especially encourage you to try "The No Cry Sleep Solution" book. In the meantime, just hold and love your baby as much as you can. She will be a little girl before you know it. :)

I didn't read all the responses so hopefully I'm not duplicating too much.
In my experience (and training in human development) 10 weeks is too young to be crying it out. Right now what she needs to learn is that the world is safe and she can depend on you to be there for her. She will learn to self-soothe and gain independence later on. But for now, nurse her, rock her, sing to her, and when she is settled put her in the crib. Try to do it while she is still awake, but don't stress too much if she wants to fall asleep in your arms. I 'spoiled' all my kids this way, and at 9, 7, and 5 they are quite independent now, don't rely on us for soothing, and are good at going to bed with a minimal routine. Don't try to make her grow up too fast, some day you will look at her and wish you could rock her again.

While i agree that i think that she is a little young to be crying herself to sleep, there is nothing wrong with the idea of it when she is older. Don't take all these negative posts too much to heart. While my baby was that young, if i thought that there was absolutely nothing wrong with her as to why she couldn't sleep, i would just sit in the room with her, maybe rubbing her back, but trying not to pick her up. This was after the regular putting her to bed routine, of cuddling and other such stuff. There is so much a 10 week old can be complaining about though. Besides the hungry/wet/dirty checks you need to make sure there isn't a tag or something bothering her, a blanket that is maybe not in the right place for her, too warm, too cold, to otangled up, and a tom of other things that you'll never figure out till the next day or two. ("Oh, THAT is what she wanted.) So while i completely understand where your coming from, wanting to teach her to self soothe, i think that right now you best bet is to maybe just try not to pick her up as much when you want her to be sleeping on her own. Still let her know that you are there, maybe sing to her, rub her, but teach her that a cry doesn't mean a pick up, it means a fix whats wrong.

Keep up all the good work, it's tough figuring it all out. Only you know whats right for you baby, and asking for help on the little stuff shows how open minded, caring and responsible you are.

Maybe a bit to young, but just a bit. I think you can try again around 12 weeks or so. That is when my LO started to sleep 5+ hours at night. I would be careful about letting her cry for 2 hours straight, though, but they won't be scarred if you let them cry a bit b4 falling asleep. Read the book "BabyWise" written by a pediatrician in Louisville, which will help you with this issue. We did, and our 8 mos old started sleeping 5+ hours at 12 weeks, and now sleeps 11-12 hours at night.

She's too young. I didn't start this method with my son until he was around 6 months old, and it worked wonders! I would wait until she's established a little more of a foundation of comfort in her new world before letting her be alone in it when she's unhappy, scared or in pain. I always nursed my son in the dark with a nightlight right before bed so he knew it was time for bed and would let him fall asleep nursing. When he was older I taught him to "self-soothe", but when they're just a couple months old they need more comfort. Also, I swaddled my son for months! He slept so soundly when he was swaddled tight, and often slept through the night at a very young age. He was in a co-sleeper which I could not say enough great things about for his comfort and rest, as well as my own! Your daughter definately needs you to be there for her whenever she cries. Don't leave her crying until about six months. Let me assure you, as my son is now 9 months, this time will FLY by and she will soon be much less dependent on you, especially for sleep. Focus on really strengthening her trust and confidence that her every need will be taken care of, and she will grow happy and strong. You are a very normal mommy! We all learn as we go, but do trust your intuition. If you feel your baby needs you she probably does. Best of luck to you guys and take care:)

J.,
When my oldest was like yours I too would want for her to "cry it out". What I came to realize is that she had a lot of intestinal gas and was in real pain. Imagine what this poor baby was feeling as she was in real pain and her mother didn't seem to care. To this day she carries the emotional scars of that experience. (She will "suffer" in silence, believing that nobody cares enough for her).
Don't make the same mistake that I made!
A 10 month old is too young to be "spoiled" or simply needing attention. It is my opinion that until you can communicate with a child and see why they are so upset it is best to be there and comfort them. Would you much rather be considered the mother that cared too much than the mother who didn't care?

With my whole heart,
C.

Congrats on the new baby! I myself have a 9 week old boy at home so I know where you are coming from. My sister in law bought me a book called The No Cry Sleep Solution that has been invaluable. I would recomend you check it out. Not that I am any more expirenced then you, but I would think 10 weeks is too young for a cry it out, or at least a long one. Maybe 10 or fifteen minutes, but this early I think it is more important that your little girl knows you will be there when she needs you. I was planning on starting the cry is outs at about 6 months, but the book showed me I really don't have to do it at all. I know how gut wrenching it is to sit and hear your baby scream but not do anything about it and I was determined to find another solution, and thats when my sister brought me the book. For know I do rock my son as he perfers, but I lay him in his crib when he is in between sleep and wakefulnes. This way he finishes falling asleep by himself, but still gets the comfort he wants. Also: Swaddle swaddle swaddle! I didn't think I would be doing this much past 2 weeks, but after a week of getting up every fifteen minutes to an hour and rocking my son back to sleep, I tried it again. Now he sleep 6 hours with out a peep. My doctor said as long as swaddling is mutualy beneficial to continue. My son does fuss when I wrap him, but soon his dozing peacefully. Also: Routine! Do the same thing every night before laying her down, and around the same time. For example, I give my son a bath between 8-9, read him a book, then feed and rock him in his bedroom with only a night light. I started this routine at about 5 weeks, and now if it is 9 pm and he has not has his bath, he knows it. As soon as I swaddle him and feed him and he has had his fill, he falls asleep no problem, and rarely wakes before 5 am, all with NO CRYING. I hope this helps!

It's never too early to learn to put herself to sleep. I found a great book just before my baby was 2 months old. She is now 4 1/2 months and it rarely takes longer than 15 minutes for her to go to sleep. In fact it usually takes 5 or less. We love the Baby Whisperer Solves All Your Problems. It teaches you how to teach your child to sleep. You can read a preview of the book from Google at google.books.com to see if the philosophy fits your style. The book doesn't promise any magical solutions, no quick fixes, but recognizes that parenting takes effort and teaches you how to teach your child (it discusses sleeping, eating, routines, discipline, and more). It is a practical and loving approach that works.

If she likes to be rocked to sleep, maybe try rocking her until she is just about out and then laying her down while she is still barely awake. Then gradually rock her for shorter periods of time. After that, maybe try letting her cry it out - let her cry for 5 or 10 minutes, then go into the room, but don't turn on the light. Stand by her and shush her while putting your hand on her.
Hopefully that will help.
When my daughter was that young, I would swaddle her and just lay her down - she'd eventually fall asleep (most of the time)

I say if it is bothering you to let her cry it out, don't. Every baby is different. You need to go with your gut feeling. I would say 10 weeks is still pretty young, but you know your baby best. You can read tons of books that will tell you either way is best, but ultimately you are her mother and know her better than anyone else. I have read the Baby Whisperer and thought that was a good reference as well as anything by Dr. Sears. Both take different approaches, but they helped me figure out what I felt was best with for my girls, who were completely opposite in sleeing habits. My first hated the crib and slept in a co-sleeper in our room for the first year and a half. My second, who is now three months, is much more easy going and will fall asleep in her own crib, when she is tired and I rock her for a few minutes. Anyway, the point is you know your baby best and should go with your gut no matter what anyone says. Try reading a few things with different points of view on the topic and see how you feel. Good luck!

Ten weeks is way to young for letting them cry it out, please don't do that anymore! She is probably hungry, at this age she will eat every two hours. They also need to be near you , this is your bonding time. Crying it out is more for older babies. I can see why she was so upset, babies at this age do need their mom's 24/7, mother nature made it this way. Have you heard of the what to expect books? What to expect the first year is good, you can get them at kid to kid used for really cheap. Also ask the pediatritian for advice, that's their job! Good luck and hold that baby lota and lots!

Hi J.,

your newborn is so young, she really needs her mommy to meet her basic needs right now! Her nervous system is developing, and some babies develop colic which seems to get better around three mos. Of age. Try a warm bath before bed, and play soft music or sing to her on your shoulder. It is so warm that you could try leaving her in her diaper only or a lightweight onesie at bedtime as long as your house is not too cool, and wrap her in one of your soft, summer night gowns. Also, try to make sure it isn't a tummy issue by burping her (persistence pays with breast-fed babies!). Another suggestion, snuggle with her in your bed or on your chest and place a hand on her tummy or head (makes her feel secure). Just some suggestions, but i would definitely cuddle her and hold her and love her. She needs this security most of all! Good luck-- hang in there and let us know if it improves. Also, talk to your pedi,too, that is what he/she is for!

I don't use crying it out. I did read a book called The Science of Parenting. It said that even when the baby did fall asleep after crying it out, stress hormones were high while they were sleeping. They were suggesting that it's not emotionally healthy for a baby to be exposed to stress hormones for long periods of time.

I think 10 weeks is a little too soon to let her cry it out. If shes crying she needs her mommy. I didnt let my son cry it out at bed time till he was about 6-7 months. I would take that time to bond with your little one. They grow up so quickly.

I am a cry it out person, however, 10 weeks is too young. Their brain isn't able to work it out until they are at least 4 mos old. Don't feel bad about what you have done so far, just remember it takes time for a baby to learn how to sleep. I know having a new baby is exhausting and the desire to sleep can be overwhelming. Unfortunately at this age, you will need to go with her sleep schedule, which is usually no schedule at all. Helping a baby to sleep through nursing, rocking, singing or anything that works, at this age is not only OK but natural. In many cultures the baby isn't even put down on the floor until they are 6 mos old so they get to sleep on mommy 24/7. If and when you are ready to try to cry it out a great book to consult is called Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child by Marc Weisbluth. I have found it invaluable for all stages of sleeping for my 3 kids. It even offers advice through the teen years. I HTH and best of luck!

A.

I think it is just terrible every time I hear a mother let their baby "cry it out"!!! Especially when the child is so young!
Infants at this age don't understand the idea of crying it out, nor do they learn lessons so young. It isn't as if the next time you put her down she will say "well I guess I just need to deal and give up on my crying since they didn't get me last time".
This is the time in your life when you should be holding your baby as much as you can. That is what you are there for!!! To comfort her and give her your all!

We are one of the only cultures that doesn't believe in holding our babies all the time! Here we are in a modern society and and the so called 3rd world countries have it right!!!

I encourage you to look into "baby wearing"
Bonding with your baby and creating that bond, while still being able to function as a mother and wife is important. There are all sorts of wraps and slings that let you get things done in life, while holding your little one close to you.

I have a now 3 month old that was VERY fussy and cried all the time if she was not held. So I held her. Every one said I was spoiling her!!! That is impossible at that age due to mental copacity... anyhow at 3 months she now can play on her own and entertain herself. Trust me your baby won't need to be held forever and in fact you will miss the days of holding her when she is pushing you away in her toddler years.

Those people who said I was spoiling her now tell me I was right and are amazed at how calm she now is.

So please don't let her cry it out!!! I just don't know how you can hear that little cry and now want to run to her and assure her you are there....

Every family is differant, and it sounds like you have figued out how you want to approach bedtime. I beleive that babies cry for a reason, and when their needs are met they will go to sleep. I also tried what your saying with my first child (because my husband insisted) and have watch others struggle with it. but all they do is train the child that bed time is a battle. All five of my children go to bed when they are asked with no fight, because when they were babies I let them go to sleep how it worked for them, and then when they were old enough to understand, usually one to two yr. range I started a bedtime rutine, and stuck to it. Talk to your husband, and come to an aggreement on how it will work for your family, Its imperative that he is part of it, and supports you.

I had the same problem with my first daughter. She could scream for hours and would only make herself more upset. I came to the conclusion that it really comes down to personality. I know it's early yet, but some things work for one child that won't work for another. If it's not working, maybe she's not ready. Or maybe she has gas, etc. It may be easier on you and your daughter to just put her to bed asleep for a bit longer. After all, she can only see a few feet, and when your out of sight, you might as well have disappeared.

4-6 months is what was recommended by our pediatrician. My son was quick and did well at 4 months old. No need to do it before then because they are still trying to understand a routine of awake during the day and asleep at night.

I haven't read any of the other responses yet, but just a little tidbit of advice I received from Jo Frost (Supernanny) in her book Confident Baby Care- Until a baby is about 4 months old, they cry out of need. You cannot spoil and newborn. If they cry, it's because they need you. I read this when my son came home from the hospital. Now he's 4 1/2 months, and letting him fuss a little when I put him down has taught him to soothe himself. But a 10 week old baby cries because they need something, even if it's just to be held.

My best suggestion is to read Elizabeth Pantley's book The No Cry Sleep Solution. It will help you teach your little one to go sleep on her own without a lot of crying or drama. It worked well for my son when he was one and still woke up 4-5 times per night.

I agree with the other responses but also what helped with all my children was a CD the hospital gave me. It was quite lullabys with a heart beat behind the music. It is said to remeind them of the womb. I would play that at every nap or bedtime and put them down when they were drowsy from like 6 weeks on and they would go right to sleep. They seemed to sleep longer and more peaceful when I played the cd. If we were not home when it was nap time they did not sleep as well or as long. Being a new mom is hard and takes practice. You are not the worst mom! GL

Hi J.,
I know this can be frustrating. I am a mom of four. You will get all kinds of advice. I think that as an infant she is too young to be crying it out. I did it later when they were older and also could make it through the night without eating. At that age they are usually telling you something by crying. Have you gotten her on an eathing and sleeping schedule? That helps the most. Does she cry a lot before bedtime? She may have coic or a stomach ache and be uncomfortable. Check with your pediatrician. Good Luck! T.

My baby is the same way. Once he starts crying he won't stop until we pick him up, or give him what he needs. We moved when he was 1 month old, and had a lot of 2 hour car rides, he never cried himself to sleep once! he just gets mad! He's 3 months old now and I've learned that when he cries, to figure out what he needs. He's not a fussy baby, and when he's been fed, has a clean diaper and has his rest, he's super happy and content. There are days that he just needs to be held. I'm a SAHM, so I figure if that's what he needs, I'll just hold him all day. Usually the next day he'll be totally fine by himself. At first it was really frustrating, but I think I'm really getting the hang of it, and can figure out what he needs pretty quick. When nothing will get him to stop, I just turn on the vacuum. That also puts him to sleep sometimes too (no idea why!).

Anyway, I guess to answer your question, I think crying it out might work for some babies, but not mine. I would say, make sure she's fed, maybe rock or hold her until she's really drowsy and then put her in her crib. Just make sure she's awake enough to know that she's in her crib when she totally falls asleep. This is what I did, and now when it's bed time, I wrap up my baby, put him in the crib and even if he's still awake, he eventually falls asleep pretty easy. (Though sometimes we have to hold the binky in his mouth until he's out, or try feeding him again. But usually he does pretty good on his own!) I figure that if babies need the comfort, and we give it to them when they need it when they're young, it will help them to feel more secure and safe, and it will help them to be more independent as they get older because they'll trust that we're here for them if they need us. (I know they're young, but I really think they understand this. ;) ) Anyway, I hope something in my blabbing helps a little. Good luck!

At 10 weeks old the ONLY thing your baby will learn from "crying it out" is that there is no one there for her. She is a NEWBORN BABY!!!! Crying is her only means of conveying that she has a need. Baby humans aren't like baby horses who can stand and walk minutes after birth, they can't see more than a foot or two, can't even roll over. In the womb she could hear your heartbeat and breathing constantly, she needs that comfort now. You have a baby - it isn't about you anymore and won't be for a long time. She is totally dependant. Your insticts are correct - Yes she ie too young for this and it is a bad approach. A front pack or a sling are great ways to keep baby close but still give you some mobility. Human babies are born when they are because staying in the womb any longer would result in a head too large to clear the birth canal, but they aren't done developing by far! You aren't a bad mom just inexperienced. Follow your instincts! Keep her close, an infant can't be "spoiled" so don't rely on BS child raising ideas from the first part of the last century, when women were told that nursing was "unnatural" and holding a baby was a bad idea. My ex's baby book even recommended turning a baby regularly so they wouldn't get lop sided!

I would wait a while longer. In my opinion, 10 weeks is a little too young to have them cry it out. I did use this method with both my kids, one at about 8 or 9 months (I waited too long to do it with her...now she is still not a great sleeper) and the other around 4 months, which was just about right. I would wait until at least 12 weeks. It is good for them to learn to fall asleep on their own, but enjoy that precious time when she is still little and you can snuggle her to sleep. It doesn't last very long. Good luck!

There are ways to help your daughter learn to soothe herself to sleep that do not involve lots of crying... on anyone's part.

Check out:
Kim West & Joanne Kenen: Good Night, Sleep Tight (www.sleeplady.com)
Elizabeth Pantley: The No-Cry Sleep Solution

I used methods from both of these, though I liked the 1st one better. I've had friends who used & loved each one. I honestly don't think I know anyone who tried one of them and then still had to make their baby cry it out.

And let me tell you, it feels *wonderful* to help your baby learn to go to sleep on their own in a loving & peaceful way. :)

I've read some great advice, and thought I would just add my two cents. I do think 10 weeks is too young. Your baby misses you, and doesn't understand why you left her. I waited from 3 months to six months to cry it out depending on the baby. I had one baby that would cry so hard she would puke. So, That method was out. Find a way to put her to sleep that you are both comfortable with. (Rocking, nursing, etc.) As time passes you will make adjustments that fit the needs of your daughter.

I'm not certain if 10 weeks is too early or not. I can suggest a book, The Happiest Baby on the Block, which might be helpful - he teaches some great methods to soothe and calm babies down. Good luck!
S.

this is way too early to cry out. continue to follow her rhythms. About 3-4 months, you can start "playing" with her schedule to make it fit your better..like moving bed time up by 15 minutes every couple of days until it is about 7 pm. Some kids sleep at this age most of the night but it seems more are about 5 months when they start having 6-7 hour stretches. Mine were 8-9 months but slept about 5 hours between 11-4 am around 5 months. Crying it out should be around 9 months. However, if you take your time and do things gradulally starting at 4 months, then you shouldn't have too much o a trouble. Just do not let her sleep at the breast...wake up and play a minute then lie down if she does. Talk quietly or sing with her lying in her crib and the lights out...not touching. this will teach her to self sooth and not require your touch or feeding for sleep.

I didn't read the other responses, so sorry if this is a repeat. Personally, I think she's too young to "cry it out." I would wait until she's closer to 6-months to try this approach. I know you're desperate for sleep, but right about now, your body is really adjusting to the lack of sleep and soon you will adjust to the shorter hours and broken up sleep and it will be "normal" to you. I'm sure your baby is still eating at night, so she's not going to cry herself back to sleep if she's hungry...she's just working herself up into a frenzy and making you and herself miserable. Part of having a young baby, is just working through the sleepless night. When she's a little bit older, you might try just comforting her instead of feeding her and see if she can go back to sleep and when you know she doesn't need to eat then you can try to let her "cry it out". It worked with my son and after 3 LONG nights, he started sleeping through the night. My daugher, though, would NOT cry it out, she would just cry and cry for hours and she didn't sleep through the night until she was 10-months old. So it's just a matter of each child's personality and what they need and that's sometimes hard for a mom to figure out...but you'll get there eventually.

Best wishes to you and your new baby.