Curious If Any of You Have Been Here...

You might want to pass on to your friend to tell her ex husband to get online and look up inhome daycares close to him. In Texas its www.dfps.state.tx.us. He can try to find a person that is listed or registered with the state that keeps kids. A lot of time school age kids don't affect the number of kids they are watching so it probably wouldn't be a big deal for someone to keep a couple of extra kids when he has them. At least this way you know that their house has been inspected, yearly background checks are done, and they have to be CPR/First Aid Certified.

Wow, that's difficult! I have to say that I see women posting on here all the time about needing someone to care for their kid. This isn't too different from a newspaper. I don't know any of the people on here personally and being in the internet business for the past 13 years, I wouldn't trust anyone site unseen to know exactly where I live and especially to take care of my child.

That being said, it's just an advertisement. I'm sure he would interview the person and get background information on the individual before allowing them to watch his children. If she does not believe this is the case, then she needs to speak up and require that they chose someone together or she needs to talk to her lawyer about this process. It all depends on their relationship. I would highly suggest that she talk to him first and to try to maintain good relations with someone that she will have to deal with for the rest of her life.

I don't know how old her children are and it does make a difference. If her children are not of an age which they understand their own boundaries and the limits to which a person should be able to speak to them or touch them, then she needs to be the person to make the arrangements for the care of her children. If they are of an age which they can voice their issues, she needs to ensure her children are well advised on their personal boundaries and that they can ALWAYS tell Momma, no matter what. This is a scary world we live in!!!

I am so sorry that your friend is going through this! I hope it gets resolved to her satisfaction!

Jodi

A.--I was in this situation too and was appalled when I called one evening that he had the children and a strange person answered the phone. I threw the biggest fit to say the least and told him if he ever needed time away (usually work related) then to call me first. I would much rather have them with me than a stranger. He agreed and it has worked out fine ever since. Of course, that kind of agreement may not work for everyone. The only other times he has hired someone to watch the kids, I met that person first.

Not to sound mean...but shouldn't he be "watching" them when he has them? If this is a weekend thing, he shouldn't be getting a sitter...if it's a weekly thing and he has to work, then he should definitely do background checks and have the mom involved in the decision too! Good luck and like the others, I am sorry your friend has to go through this! I'll say some prayers for them!

T.

First, if he can't spend time with them, they should work out times for him to have the kids when he doesn't need to depend on childcare.
Second, she should be able to address this with him rationally. If this was an unfriendly divorce though, and he's a blockhead....
Sounds like a case for mediation or a lawyer.

Maybe the divorce decree should say something in writing that childcare arrangements should be mutually agreed upon.

Actually it is a fairly normal thing to do. The only other thing to do is to use an agency, which is very expensive! The problem will be is how well he interviews potential providers. Maybe your friend could come up with her own list of questions or concerns, and maybe if it was acceptable, she could be there for all of the interviews, or at least the final selection. People advertise on craiglslist and other online sources, and is really is just the same. I am a SAHM that provides childcare in my home, basically because I cant ever imagine allowing someone else to have my kids, but that is just me. But I try to give the other children in my care the best that I can, so maybe he could look into an inhome care situation. Either way can be risky for sure, but I guess you just have to trust your gut instincts and do the best you can! ~A.~