Daughter Cries for Daddy

This is very normal. I have 4 children ages 6months to 6 years. The three older have all gone through this phase. In fact, my almost 3 year old daughter still wants Daddy to help her do everything. It will eventually pass and she loves you!!

Don't take it personally! My daughter is now 5 and when she was a toddler I had to do EVERYTHING for her. She would not let daddy do anything. The only time she really got in trouble for it was when she was rude to him and wouldn't say good morning or let him give her a hug or even tell her he loved her. Now she is 5 and she lets either of us do things for her equally. However, my son is now 2 1/2 and it is the opposite. Daddy has to do everything for him and go in his room in the middle of the night. Kids are just funny like that, and I have to remember that it is just a phase and not take it personally. Good luck, it will get better!

Hi C.,

"Discouraging her tantrums" is another way of discouraging her from expressing her emotions. Toddlers use tantrums to express their feelings when they don't have the vocabulary or insight to let us know what is going on for them. I understand that her behavior feels hurtful to you, but the best way to end these tantrums is to help her understand and deal with her emotions. Why is she needing Dad in the morning? You need to find out.

Here is an article I wrote that might be of some help to you. http://www.gilabrown.com/GB/Blog/Entries/2009/5/11_Shiny_...

Be well,
G. B., M.A.
Child Development Specialist & Parent Educator
www.GilaBrown.com

I think it's natural for children to go through stages of parent preference, although it isn't easy. Our 3.5 yo daughter has gone through preferring me sometimes and also preferring my wife, her other mother. We've gotten lots of advice to just wait it out and it gets better, but instead we decided to face it head-on.

We told our daughter that we both take care of her so it's not OK to whine or throw a fit for the other parent. The worst point was at about 1.5 or 2. We started by focusing on one area. For us I think it was morning. We decided who was going to take care of her then and wouldn't cave on it even if she freaked out.

At the time the preference was for me. I remember one time in particular in which she really wanted me to do something for her. My wife was going to do it and we decided to hold strong. Eventually the fit got so bad that my wife had to go hang out outside for a while because DD was being so unpleasant. At some point I told DD very sternly that I was absolutely not going to do what she wanted, and she finally was willing to have her other mother do it. That was a turning point and things got much better after that.

So I think you could either wait it out or go ahead and confront it. Good luck. It will pass, and it doesn't mean that she doesn't love you -- it's just part of exploring her control of her world. The other piece of advice I would give is to make sure you are getting some good time alone just the two of you, so that you can feel really good about your connection during those time.

We have a "Daddy's Girl" also. I think it is a phase they go through around 2-3 years. I don't really know how you could discourage it - and do you really want to squash her feelings? If her Dad is there, just have him go to her. If not, just hug her and reassure her that Daddy is coming home later but he is at work now - "you are upset because you want your Daddy and he isn't here. He will be home later, Mama is here now." My daughter does this sometimes when she wakes up - she still asks for him most days, but has all but stopped crying for him.

C.,

I think that is pretty common. I know my son went through the same thing when his was 2. It lasted the whole year really! He would go back and forth between my husband and I. Sometimes it was hurtful, but you do remind yourself that they are little and don't mean it that way. He's 3 1/2 now and doesn't really do it anymore.

Good luck!
~A.

I notice my kids always ask for the people that are here at bedtime and are disapointed when that person isn't there (ie: babysitter, aunt, family friend that was visiting)

so if daddy puts her down at night, she might be confused on why daddy isn't there in the morning when she wakes up. (they don't understand they've been asleep for several hours and other things happen during this time frame)

Is it possible to have daddy wake her up and kiss her goodbye on his way to work...I know that helps in our house when these phases are happening here. And then eventually they (my kids) just accept that daddy is at work and we'll get to see him later.

My kids are ages 2 & 4...

Another thing YOU should consider is to take the emotion out of it. She's not trying to HURT your feelings and those hurt feelings are 100% coming from yourself, you have the power to change that just with the knowledge that she loves you and her missing her daddy really has NOTHING to do with you at all. (no offense, but it doesn't...kiddos don't connect those two at all) ;)

I think the less you make of it...ingnore the tantrums...when she's done with it and comes out on her own and is ready to chat, just spend some time snuggling and talking with her. If you can add less emotion to the situation it will be better...by this I mean, don't show emotion or reaction when she starts her tantrum, just leave the room and leave her in it, as if she's the most boring movie you've ever had to watch...(then the tantrum won't work in her favor and she'll stop throwing them)

tantrums are a phase if you don't feed into them....after a while they will become learned behavior...and then it's more often and more intense...so nip it in the bud if you can. ;)

cheers!

Is it possible for your husband to take care of her in the morning or how about if he wack her and then you take care of him hope it works i raised4 children and now have 8 grandchildren A. no hills

It is completely normal. It's called the Oedipus Complex. Most 6/7 year old boys and girls go through it. Well boys will be attached to their mommys.

I am thrilled when my little boys want their Dad! My 2 year old usually wants whoever is not there at the time or whoever is not making him do something he does not want to do. Don't take it personally - no matter what, you are Mommy & special to her. Just be happy that she feels equally bonded to her Daddy.

Try not to take it personally. It is normal.

Keep in mind, that at this age... "emotions" are NOT even fully developed yet, in a child. They are only now beginning to fathom their feelings... but it does not mean they completely understand it, nor know how to "cope" with it, nor even know how to "label" their feelings like an adult, nor know how to stop or disregard their feelings.

The key is to validate her and teach her the "names" for feelings/emotions. You can start at this age. That is what I did with my kids. And it helps them to become more articulate, later, with their feelings and understanding it.

Toddlers or any child, go through natural feelings of wanting one parent or the other. It is not a competition nor a personal thing, against the other parent. They don't do it to "hurt" your feelings.

My daughter, always LOVES to see her Daddy before he goes to work... she simply misses him, even if he hadn't left the house yet. And, with certain things, she simply likes her Daddy to be there with her. Normal kid stuff.

All the best,
Susan

My son does the exact same thing. It's heart-breaking to walk in in the morning and watch his little face fall when he realizes it's not Daddy! Don't take it personally; kids change their preferences over time. You want to give her the message that it's ok to have her preferences and ok to express them. I'm sure she prefers you for some things and if she doesn't now, she will soon.

I wonder if this is your 1st child? When my 1st child did that it broke my heart, now on #3, I laugh and let him do the work.

It's a syndrome called "daddy's little girl" dont' worry... she'll get over it. My daughter is 3.5 she's getting better.

2 year olds do this .... they want one parent all the time, then they'll switch and only want the other one, then they won't care which one. You have to try to stop it from hurting your feelings because it's really not personal.

Good luck!

C., my advice to you is to let it evolve. One day your daughter will be a teenager and Daddy will not be involved in her life if you discourage it. My daughter, who is 18 even told me that to tell you to just let your daughter have her Daddy time now. You have so many years ahead of you for you and your daughter to have Mommy and Me time. My husband would leave to New Orleans for his job and my daughter who was about 2 or 3 would just wail the entire time he was gone. Looking back, we now giggle at it. I never discouraged it and I think that she has a good relationship with her Dad now. Hang in there. Remember this, Daughters move on when they get married but Mom's and daughters remain solid forever!!

Its hard on us moms when there is an obvious daddy preference. I was one who struggled with this. It is common for a child to have an affinity for the opposite sex parent and in my experience, it goes in phases. My daughter displayed a huge preference for my husband at about 18 months. Its was hurtful to me at the time, and sadly, because I feared it wasn't a phase, I overreacted terribly. My advice is don't correct her but don't cater to it. Just say "no mommy is helping you right now". Of coarse it doesn't always work, but i promise you you will begin to see an upside to this daddy preference thing when she only wants "daddy (to) change poopy diaper".