Deleted - San Diego,CA

i'm so sick of people doing this. if you're too cowardly to let a question stand with its answers, go somewhere else to ask it.
khairete
S.

I think it's great that you're promoting healthy eating, but being realistic, this is just what kids do. I grew up in the bran/granola 70s. My mom was big into trying the latest greatest natural foods trends. I LOVED going to friends' homes because that's where I got to eat junk food.

The best approach you can take is to tell the other mom that your son is on a special diet and can't eat what they have. If you put it that way, most moms will do what they can to ensure your child doesn't eat their foods. Just be sure you send your son over with his own special foods so he has something to snack on. Don't be surprised, though, if he sneaks food there.

I don't want to be a Debbie Downer, but unfortunately, diet won't get your son off of ADHD medication. ADHD is a brain disorder and far more complicated than diet alone can solve. Numerous scientific studies have been done about diet and ADHD and there just isn't a correlation. However, I wouldn't give up ... eating healthy is always a good idea.

Personally I wouldn't worry about it.
As long as your son eats well most of the time the occasional pop tart or cup of Kool Aid isn't going to hurt him.
Unless he's over there several times a week? In that case I would just limit the play dates.
My MIL has horrible eating habits and loved to give my kids candy, soda, etc. when they were little. I wasn't crazy about it, but it's not like they were over there all the time, and it wasn't worth arguing over. My kids knew that wasn't the way WE ate at home. It was a very, very small part of their overall diet, and I knew I couldn't (and frankly had no interest in trying to) control every single thing they ate when they weren't with me. I control everything that comes into MY home and kitchen and that's good enough for me!

So what have you done as discipline measures so that your son follows your instructions? or did you just keep telling him "don't do that" and letting him go over there with no consequences for disobedience.... ?

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After your SWH:

Maybe if he refuses a snack when he first gets home, you should offer again before he leaves to go to his friend's house. He may not be hungry when he first gets home, but it doesn't mean he doesn't get hungry 30 minutes to an hour later. If he refuses again, then tell him "no snacks at Jeremy's" or whatever you want to do, but offer him snacks before he leaves. Not just the moment he walks in the door.

My son used to come in the door starving and would raid the pantry. Now he has a later lunch time at school and isn't hungry when he first gets home. But around 5:30 (an hour or so before dinner) he gets really hungry. Now, he doesn't usually get home until about 4:45.. so that is only 45 minutes difference. But it does make a difference. He isn't hungry at 4:45 most days, but by 5:30 he is.
So offer your kid another chance to snack before he leaves to go play. Or, limit his play time over there on school days.

If we're at our own home, he eats what I make. We are not snackers in our house, so usually he has to be offered a snack or he won't eat between meals. In school, two snacks (packed by me), so it's a non-issue.

When at someone's house I cannot control (nor would I dream of attempting to control) what they eat or feed their children. My son spends every Saturday morning with my parents and nieces. They usually go out for lunch and he knows that he has to order white milk (no soda) and needs to eat his whole meal before going near a dessert. Does he do it? Most of the time b/c my parents reinforce it. Would he do it if he was with another adult? Maybe.

Bottom line, you teach YOUR child YOUR expectations and hope that he will uphold them when he's out of sight. Your son is old enough to know that he's not allowed to have junk food or a complete meal before dinner. This is not something to be addressed with that mother. This is something to be addressed with your son who is snarfing down junk at their home because he doesn't want to eat what is being offered at his own home.

If he's going there after school, have him come home by 4:30. If his friend's family eats dinner at 5:15 every night and he's there until then... well, he's going to accept their offer.

Is there something you could do to make your house the "cool new hangout spot"? Seriously. They aren't going to want kale smoothies, but see if there is something that will entice them to come to your home more often. Once they're there... offer fruits, smoothies, veggies and dip, etc. Hungry boys will eat whatever is offered, but given the choice they will go for the junk!

You put the onus on your son. He knows he's not allowed to have that stuff, yet he's choosing to eat it anyhow.

Come up with a good consequence and let both him and the mom know that if he eats junk food over there, he will be punished. Then, follow through.

Also, don't completely forbid some junk. Perhaps a "dessert" of real-cheese cheese puffs after a healthy dinner, or a juice pop to help encourage him. And explain WHY you want him to eat that way (his inattention will be helped and some dyes make his ADHD worse).

ETA: Why would you want to delete a question? The reason for this forum is so that other moms can search and find your question and get answers for their own, similar questions. If there were a delete option, it would kinda defeat the 'pedia part of Mamapedia.

Don't get mad when people don't agree with your methods or give you advice you don't like. That's what you're going to get with a large group of parents from many backgrounds. You just grow a tough skin.

Teach your son how to eat. He is old enough to eat somewhat responsibly. My son actually called home from school during a pizza party to see if he could have the soda with caffeine they were serving. I was shocked and proud at the same time!

Maybe you should serve tastier foods so he's more excited to eat at your house & won't fill up at his friends.

how many days a week does this happen??
If he goes over to this house once a week and even if he eats junk food the entire time he is there.. really it is not a big deal.. you are feeding him 99% of the time your won healthy foods.

However .. if he goes over there every day after school..then it is an issue.. you might have to limit his time there if he really is eating that much junk..

Keep in mind.. if you do not have any junk food at your house.. .and your son never ever gets sweets.. than all the stuff at his friends house are much more enticing. and he will want to go there just to get the treats..

I think you have to have a balance ..

You know folks, after what happened with the MP facebook debacle, I would not just assume that a poster didn't like the answers. She could have copied and pasted the answers that helped her somewhere PRIVATE to read, and then remove her question so that MP wouldn't post it on FB for all the world to see. I will be doing that with any future questions I ask, quite frankly.

Not what MP wants to hear, for sure. However, since they give NO notification and don't ask for permission before cherry-picking our threads here, that's what they get.

You can't dictate what other people serve at their houses. You can tell your son what he isn't supposed to eat, and you can send him with a treat to share with his friend, but beyond that, you're not in control.

No 8 year old is going to say no to junk food and they are not going to want to come to your house when all the others have "good" food. That's just how it is. My friends didn't want to come to my house much when I was younger because my mom tried to feed us like you do your son. I understand you wanting him to eat health but the only way to keep him from eating junk is to not let him go to his friends houses.

It sounds like he lacks the judgement to watch what he eats when he is out of your home.
So - he needs to stop going to his friends house - or you should cut it down to once every other week.
His friend can come to your house on the off weeks.
If the other kid never wants to leave his house - bummer Dude - he can sit there alone every other week - it's totally his choice and he can deal with the consequences.

How frequently does this happen? That would be the key. If this is a once every couple of weeks thing, and he's hanging out till they eat dinner, then that's one thing. If it's happening 3x/week, that's a whole nother issue.

If it's occasional, remind him and let the mom know when YOU eat dinner so that she doesn't feed him if they are eating earlier. Give her permission to send him on home to you at their dinner time if they eat earlier. You won't hurt her feelings - she needs to know that he eats at X time, and that if she'd like him to stay for dinner, to give you a ring because if she doesn't, you'll be making dinner for him. It's not HIS job to ask you about dinner, the PARENT should call you and ask if he can eat dinner there.

He's old enough to know better, but of course, we were all 8 once and when we have to be careful with what we eat at home, it's a WOOHOO moment at someone else's house with treats. Now, if he keeps abusing it, you can point blank tell him that if he keeps eating over there when he KNOWS he isn't supposed to, then he won't be allowed over. Cut him a break about the treats if it's a once weekly thing - let him have 2 and he can pick whatever. Talk to him about WHY he has to be careful. He's going to have to manage his diet as he gets older to manage his symptoms, so might as well get him on board as much as is possible at his age.

Personally, I would just limit the time you let your son spend at the friends house. He can't eat a ton of junk food if he isn't there daily. Offer to take him and a friend to the park. Or for a walk. You're never going to be able to control the situation in another families house, but you can control how much time your son spends there.

Good for you for trying to cut out processed junk!! We clean eat as much as possible, and the differences in energy levels and overall health is amazing.

You need to teach your CHILD, to not eat junk food. To say no thank you..or to eat less junk food.

You cannot always be there with him.

Let him know this is serious. It is because of his health he needs to eat differently than other people. Then teach him options when junk is around..or have him call you if he is not sure..

Treat him like you would if he had diabetes.. I know 5 year olds that know what is allowed and hat is not...

I think that if you explain the medical reasons for this, the other mom will understand. Let her know that you really want to try this diet experiment to see if it helps with your son's ADHD. Ask her how you can help- you know how hard it is to say no to one kid when everyone else gets a certain snack. Present it not as a criticism or even a "lifestyle choice" that you are making but rather a trial run because you are willing to give anything a shot to help your son. It may sound crazy, but some people swear by this diet so we are going to give it a go. Ask the mom if she would be willing to help you with this experiment. If that means just keeping your son home, you will. If it means sending over some alternate snacks, you would be happy to do that, etc.
Ultimately, you have to decide where your line is drawn and how well your son will stick to it. We are vegetarian, and I absolutely would not permit anyone to feed either of my sons meat, based on my own beliefs. Even that has a little room. If someone made a mistake and fed one of them soup with chicken broth, I would explain that I am happy to send alternate food over but please do not feed him soup since it is often meat-based. If someone fed him a steak, I would freak out. But he also knows that we don't eat meat, so he would never eat a steak. Decide if there are any non-negotiables for you, set those out clearly to the other mom, and offer to solve the problem together on the rest.

My Adhd son, who is non medicated and on a reduced sugar diet would NOT be allowed over to this persons house anylonger. If they can not seem to respect my wishes of no junk food/not feeding my son then he can not go there. I think it is pretty simple, if you know he is going to eat over there then send him with approved snacks and give it another shot if you want. I would also talk to the mother about what this does to HIS body and HIS health - maybe she will be more concious. In addition the kids probably go there because she does not pay attention to them and the rules are lax.

If you two are begining a friendship then I suggest you go WITH him and visit - see what happens and you can control what your son does/does not eat.

I fully understand the difficulites here but you can not impose your lifestyle on others - you can be there to monitor your own child and what he eats.

Oh, and I get it people hear reduced/restricted sugar and they think we do not give our kids sugar at all and make them yurn for it because it is forbidden - that's not the case. My son is allowed cake at a birthday party - a cupcake at a class party - ice cream here and there etc ... he just has to make choices.

Do you want ice cream at the bday party this afternoon or do you want pancakes for breakfast - your choice?

Do you want that cookie right now because if you have another you are going to end up having a meltdown and end up with out your video games for the day?

My son makes choices about his sugar every day and owns his choices - he is 6. I feel you.

I applaud you for wanting to feed your kids healthy foods! I think that is geat and I try and usually fail at doing so myself. LOL! I know how it is to be a kid (I can remember waaaaaay back when I was one, LOL!) and I know I was SOOO hungry after school! Sounds to me like he's telling you he's not hungry at your house and then going to his friend's house to eat a snack there since he knows it'll be some yummy tasting junk food, because, let's face it--kids love junk food whether we want them to or not--I know mine both do! Anyway, I would just tell your son "You can go over there, HOWEVER, dinner is at such and such time. I KNOW you are eating snacks at so and so's house. If you come home tonight and don't eat dinner AGAIN, then I'm going to have to stop letting you go over there in the evenings before we have dinner." You can't control what kind of food they have at their house, but you can hopefully stop the excessive junk food eating with a threat. Sucky thing is if he comes home and doesn't eat dinner and then having to follow through. Ugh. Good luck!

If it is that important, I would not allow him to go over to their house anymore. I'd also talk to the mom again, and specifically tell her not to give your son any snacks while he is at her house.