Depressing Day...Only Nice Replies Please

I agree 100% with Mom of One.

Also, regarding the transplant - imho a mom of a minor child (especially a single mom) has to be careful with her life and health. A transplant procedure is certainly risky, and at a minimum would involve a good deal of down time. At worst you could be risking your life. My point is that I hope you are not feeling guilty over that issue. Of course you don't want your brother to suffer but there is a limit to what you can do or be expected to do. Your daughter's welfare has to come first. JMO.

Hang in there . . . praying for you.

Now is the time to call on your girlfriends for help. Ask if someone can take your child to school for you, or ask another mom in the class if they can pick up/drop off your child. See if someone that lives near you can take you to work and ask a coworker for a ride home - or if public transportation is available use it. It's just temporary until you can get your car fixed, and most people are more than willing to help someone who really needs it. Just don't ask for money, my sister does this everytime she gets in a jam and it's frankly quite irritating.

Ask around for a mechanic that can fix your car and allow you to make payments.

I don't blame you for not wanting to donate an organ, you bear a great responsiblity to your child - let go of the guilt. And go see your gramma by yourself - you'll feel worse if she passes and you didn't get a chance to visit with her!

Use taking the dog out as an excuse to exercise - you'll feel better and you'll start dropping pounds.

Hug your daughter - a lot! Hugging and feeling someone hold you is amazing therapy - try it! Especially from someone who unconditionally loves you.

I know it's hard to come out of such a huge slump, but remember that life is a cycle of ups and downs and you will get to an 'up' time again. If you effectively learn to deal with the 'down' times you will become a stronger person and just learn to plow through them!

Saying a prayer always makes me feel better too - I don't know if that is for you, but for me it helps. Even if it's just asking for strength.

when things get really crazy and overwhelming please just pray about it, it's amazing how things work out aftertwards. I'm sorry for your struggles, the kidney thing must weigh on you greatly. Here's a sermon that was in my inbox this morning, it cheered me up some. We are all overwhelmed at one time or another, I dont have little kids at home but I have other problems that are not easy or fun to deal with. I hope this sermon gives ou some hope :)

“...I’ve pitched my tent in the land of hope...”
(Acts 2:26, Message)

TODAY’S WORD

Where have you pitched your tent today? In other words, what are you expecting to happen in your life this year? What kind of attitude do you have? If your thoughts are stuck and you’re focusing on what’s wrong or what’s not working, then it’s time to dig up your tent stakes! It’s time to pack up your belongings and move out of the land of discouragement. It’s time to move out of the “Not-going-to-happen” subdivision and move out of “Can’t-do-it-ville.” It’s time to pack your bags and move into the land of hope, faith and expectation!

Every time you catch a negative thought and choose to dwell on God’s promises, it’s like you are packing your bags. Every time you declare God’s faithfulness, you are taking a step in the right direction. The Bible says that those who hope in the Lord will never be put to shame. As you turn your focus toward Him, you are pitching your tent in the Land of Hope — a land where His peace, blessing and victory reign forever more.

A PRAYER FOR TODAY

Heavenly Father, thank You for ordering and directing my steps. Thank You for taking me to the land of hope! I choose to set my mind on You, knowing that You are faithful. I release the past and invite You to fill me with Your peace, blessing and victory today and always. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.

First, take a deep breath.

Then, sit down and fold a piece of paper into three long columns. Write along the top: Current Problem Ideal State Solutions

Then, list your problems along the side, then next to that what the "ideal situation" would look like, then start listing ideas on how to get there!

Seriously, sometimes just sitting down and coming up with a plan takes the edge off. Good luck!

Contact the Salvation Army about your car. In some areas there are charities who will help with car repairs for low income families. The Salvation Army will probably know who to call if they don't help. Call on friends for help with transportation. The job thing is hard I've been there, don't get paid enough to live on but can't quit and no time to find another job. Look into going back to school and finanicial aid you should be able to go back to school and hopefully find a better job once you have a degree.
As far as donating a kidney, I wouldn't want to do it either. You are a single parent and your kids have to come first.
About your visit to grandma's is there a chance you can take a bus and have someone pick you up and take you back to the bus station?

Hi there!! Hugs and prayers being sent y our way :) There is the Cars Minsistry at Willow Creek Community Church in South Barrington..No this is not a come on to convert or indoctrinate you with religion but they are fabulous and serve the public regardless if you are or are not a member..If you have a need they give and fix cars for single Moms! They also have a food pantry if you need need groceries. Call their main number and ask for the cars ministry and they will set you up. ###-###-####

As far as a transplant goes there are a lot of risks involved especially being a single mom..I know you love your brother but you do need to think of your daughter..If you have complications from donating it puts her at risk...Your her Mom!!!

.

I don't have kids at home anymore and I'm retired so I don't think I feel as overwhelmed as you but I can sure tell you that you have every right to feel the way you do as you have a lot on your plate. I wanted to tell you that I can understand your feelings about being the donor for your brother. As I spent much of my daughter's childhood as a single mom, I was always worried about something happening to me. This must be a complex conflict for you to bear. Try to think of better days ahead and resources you can turn to, things you can do to lighten your load. If you are employed, do you have health coverage that you could talk to a doctor about your weight gain and ears? Can you find a car pool or public transit to help you with transportation? You'll have to pull all your inner strength to look for possibilities (and it's ok to take a day to be sad, you deserve it), As long as you are okay, your daughter will be okay, too. Many hugs to you!

So sorry it's so difficult to walk in your shoes right now. And, in addition to all your very real problems, right now it's winter -- and there's not a lot of warmth flowing around outside that you can inhale and enjoy. If you can, try one small thing to do with your daughter that makes you both smile. Paint your nails. Braid each other's hair. Color (yes. Really. Color, like with crayons). Hammer something (a great way to get out negative aggressions!). Make brownies -- but eat the some of the batter before you cook them. Drink chocolate milk. Play a board or card game. Hug each other, like I'd like to hug you right now. Take care of each other. Always.

I agree with some of the other posters: call on friends. If they really are your true friends, they will be able to help you--even if giving your a ride one day a week to/from work. Is there a neighbor you can ask to help you take your child to school? Are you a member of a church? If so, many of them will help their regular attendees/parishoners. Have you gone to the public assistance office? There is a program here in PA where they will help with purchasing a running vehicle for low income people who are not able to take public transportation to/from work. There IS help out there, you just have to look and don't be afraid to ask. As for donating a kidney--I would be very leary to do that as well, especially being a single mom. Above all, take a deep breath, and PRAY. You'd be amazed how powerful prayer truly is.

There are programs where bus passes and money to fix your car are given to you if you follow the programs requirements. You should contact your local Dept of Children and Families and see what programs you and your child qualify for. Many times, they will even help you find a better job.

Good Morning,

I can truly relate to your pain. What I find to be true is this...once you come from under this cloud, you will see things differently. And by the way, it did take some mild anti depressive so that no one was hurt in the process...smile
No More Depressed...Just Even Keel

Hi, I haven't read any of the responses, but wanted to add my two cents. I can identify! I and not an overly religious person, but I have found this advise to be helpful. Once a good friend of my mom told me: When you feel so helpless and overwhelmed you need to stop everything an take a few minutes to pray and say "Dear Lord, I have more than I can handle right now and I am putting this...(fill in here) in your hands. Please send me a sign of what direction I should go or how to handle this. -- I am telling you it works, you feel better even right after "giving it up to God". Then you even get a sign too...it's very cool. Please try it, you havn't got anything to lose. Hope this helps...keep your chin up.

OH my goodness I have been there. Now the good news I am not currently, but I was. Baby steps, baby steps, you will get through this fiery tunnel and have some peace again. Really.

Big hug, dear. I hope something turns for you soon.
I am overwhelmed but nowhere as much as you.

Okay, first thing. You're responsibility in your life is to be alive and well to look after and provide for your daughter. Not your brother. I have a sister and I would find it incredibly hard to not donate to her if she needed it, but you make your children your number one priority when you have them. So don't feel bad!!! (even though it would be hard *hug*)

The thing with your little girl and her daddy will always be there and will always upset her. But she will always ALWAYS appreciate what you have done and sacrificed for her and her happiness. She will especially see this when she's older. But for right now, it's just going to be hard for you to take his place and your own - but you can do it! Because you are awesome and a Mum!! I would suggest that when she is upset about it, let her be upset, just hold her, and then distract her by doing something really fun together. Baking, going for a walk to a park etc.

You are wonderful and tough and it will probably seem a bit better in the morning :)

You have received a lot of good advice, which I agree with. I do NOT agree with the person who said get rid of the dog. Dog's are a part of the family. Yes, they can be expensive, but they can also eat many things you eat with the exception of onions, grapes, raisins, chocolate. MANY owner relinquished pets end up being euthanized, just so you know. I NEVER agree with anyone giving up their pets unless there is a medical reason in the family and even then they should make sure the pet goes to a GOOD home and not just take them to the pound. Good luck to you...

Hang in there. You are not alone. Everyone is fighting their own battles. Try to focus on the good things in life and really devote yourself to your little girl. If she sees that you have the ability to roll with whatever life dishes out and still smile and show her affection I'd bet she forgets all about tbeing sad over things she doesn't have. Lean on your friends, find a church that has a loving support system and have faith that you are special and loved in this world. Seasons will change, things will get better! God Bless!!!

I haven't read any of the other responses, but I just wanted to add a consideration for being a kidney donor. I'm sure you love your brother and may want to do this for him even with your fear of the surgery, but as a parent, especially a single parent, you should also think about your daughter. It may never happen, but what if some time in the future your daughter needs a kidney transplant? As much as I love my immediate family, as a parent, I need to "save" my "spare" kidney. Unlike someone in liver failure who will die without a transplant, dialysis does the work of the kidneys for people in renal failure. Is your brother on the UNOS list for a kidney transplant or is he looking for a living donor only?

Hi H.,
Probably you'll want to slap me but I JUST have to say it, cause it's SO true!

This Too Shall Pass.

I promise!

Just keep seeing the world through the eyes of your beautiful child, and everything will work itself out!

Best to you and her.

:)

beleive me, i am having a depressing Month!!! Not the way to begin 2011 or plan a wedding...i can tell u that.
this is gona seem like a pity party, but what the heck, sometimes, its nyc to let it out, and be comforted. I cant talk to any1, cos they may think i am just complaining, or being negative. I try very hard to keep positive, but sumtyms i feel lyk i am drowning and cant breath, so yes ryt now, i am overwhelmed by all my problems. i keep taking deep breaths cos i physically feel suffocated.
all i can say, is take it easy, do what you can, be the best you can be. You cant be responsible for others actions/ decisions, but you can choose how to react/feel.
Pray about it, and let it go. Nomatter what, dont let that feeling drag you down.
hope u av a better day.

Sweetie, you're having a pity party and we all need to have those from time to time. But if you feel like this all the time, you may be suffering from depression. This is very real and can affect every aspect of your life. You need to go see a Dr. By doing so, you can also discuss what a transplant will entail. I'm not saying that you should or shouldn't do it, but you should have the facts. It is a common surgery but anytime you have a procedure, there is risk. Try to see your moms p o v. She loves her children and does not want to lose either of you. If your child was ill and a family member could save her, you would ask them to do so right? Either way, make an informed decision, not one based on fear. I love the pitch your tent sermon. That is so true!!! The suggestions for the car, try it, it can't hurt. I didn't have a car and had to take public trans everywhere. It sucked but made me work hard at my insignificant job til I was able to make that position into something SIGNIFICANT! times are hard buy these challenges make you a better person. Don't give up, we've all been there and so long as you make steps to move forward in a positive manner, your life will follow suit. Don't close your blessings by focusing on what's wrong! Good luck and SMILE!! complete strangers are taking time to tell you things will be ok!

Why on earth would people give you anything but nice replies? You have a lot going on right now, of course we are going to be nice to you! I am so sorry for all that you are going through. :( You didn't mention your daughter's father. Is he alive? If so, is he giving you child support? If not, get a lawyer and he will forced to give you child support! Does your mother live close to you? Could she drive you and your daughter around until you are able to have your car fixed? Or, could you borrow her car? Can any other family members help you? One more comment - I know you are not going to like this, but because of your financial situation, I think you should get rid of your dog. Dogs are EXPENSIVE, and you have no money. You are spending money on dog food when that money could go towards getting your car fixed. I am not trying to bash having dogs as pets, but I do not believe that anyone should have pets if they have no money. If you get rid of your dog, you will have extra money. I wish you the best.

Prayers and hugs going out to you. Do you have a church or support group that can help you get through this rough patch? You are not being selfish to think about your responsibilities as a parent first. I am so sorry that you have to consider this difficult decision regarding your brother. I hope that if you are able to get a handle on some of the other problems, that one will seem easier to you as well. Good luck.

Yep...I am always overwhelmed, but I need to keep a clear head to figure things out. I usually find ways to fix things.