Do Boys Need to Be Told They Are Beautiful?

I tell the 4 y/o he's either HANDSOME or dreeeeeamy.

I hear him talk to the mirror and say "I'm handsome" and then he shakes his butt to the mirror. I have NO IDEA where that came from...

Yes, most definetly. I have a boy myself, and will often tell him that he is a handsome boy..He likes it. Especially when he gets dressed up. He comes up to me after he gets dressed up and asks me if he is handsome..Boys are beautiful too! :)

I would tell my son how beautiful or handsome he is... everyone wants to know they are attractive, even male children.

I tell my son he is gorgeous. My husband cringes when I do. My boy totally agrees. He will repeat it to me. I'm gorgeous, right mama? My husband says kids wont like him when he goes to school if he goes around telling everybody he's gorgeous. But when I tell him and he asks me "why Mama?" I tell him because you have a smile and laugh that makes people happy. Because you have such a big heart to help other people. Because you take such good care of your baby sister and are so respectful to grownups. Because you try so hard at everything you do...that's why you are gorgeous! I'm ok with my boy knowing how very beautiful he is.

My GMIL, who is in her 90s, has a lot of wonderful habits that I like to pick up on. One of them is her effusive and sincere way of using words like "gorgeous" and "beautiful" as in "oh here are my beautiful great-grandsons!" or "wow you are simply gorgeous in that dress!" I use beautiful with my boys quite a bit, as in "come here my beautiful boy" or "I love your beautiful, generous little soul" and they don't mind it at all.

So yeah, I think that if you're going to comment on the beauty of one child, you should do it for all regardless of gender. That said, I try to focus compliments on actions at least as much as inherent traits - I really, really compliment things like generosity, thoughtfulness, working at something (even if the end result is fruitless), helpfulness, creativity, problem solving, working together, and effort. That some of my kids may be attractive or have an easy time learning isn't really to their credit, it's just luck - so I will acknowledge that they look particularly nice and compliment those things that come easily to them, but I make a conscious effort to compliment the qualities that I want them to develop too.

i have always told my boys how beautiful they are. still do now that they're all grown up and hairy (and they really are.) unlike most other responders, i don't consider 'beautiful' to be a female adjective. 'pretty' maybe. i've never worried about attaching 'beautiful' to my beautiful boys and they've still turned out both confident and masculine. :)
but i don't think it's necessarily a good thing for boys or girls. being valued for one's physical appearance sets up all sorts of false expectations. i think our society at large would be better if parents didn't coo over beautiful babies and cooed more over kind and thoughtful ones.
but i'm just as guilty as anyone else!
at the heart of your question, though, is a gender dichotomy. i think it's way off base to make little girls think that beauty is a big deal and for boys to be discouraged from it. i think you should for sure rethink emphasizing your daughter's beauty and your son's brains to the exclusion of more important traits. but yes, boys are conscious of appearance just as girls are. don't buy into gender stereotyping.
khairete
S.

Everyone needs to know that they are special and beautiful.

I tell my nephew he is sooo handsome (he really is), but I am most proud that he is so kind and thoughtful.

I also tell him I proud of how hard he works on his school work and sports.

I tell my sons they're my beautiful boys all the time! Males need to hear compliments in regards to their appearance as much as females. It's nice, and I also feel the term "beautiful" in the way I use it describes inner and outer beauty.

I hope so because we tell our son all the time! He IS beautiful and it's a nice thing to hear... besides now he tells me/us that we're beautiful too and I'm sure his wife will appreciate it some day! I'm sure as he gets older, we'll switch over to "handsome", but honestly... toddlers and preschoolers are beautiful whether they are boys or girls!

Ay! Stop telling either of them how smart and beautiful they are!

For the most part, you should not praise intelligence. That will often backfire, and create a person who doesn't try unless something is easy for them. BAD idea. Praise effort instead.

And as far as looks go, you shouldn't be telling your daughter how beautiful she is all the time. That will create an unhealthy emphasis on looks. Once in a while, okay.

I highly believe in compliments, but make them more generic. "You are precious." "My angels." "Love of my life." "My wonderful child." "Boy/girl of my dreams." You get the idea.

So stop with the value judgment compliments for both sexes.

But I like Tracy K.'s idea of telling her children they are gorgeous. A person can be gorgeous inside and out.

.

I have one daughter and three boys. I tell all my kids how beautiful/handsome/cute/awesome/smart they are. I think they all like to hear that encouragement. I know my 11 year old son sometimes feels awkward. He wears glasses, is short for his age, and often relates better to adults than kids his age. So I think he especially loves it when I comment on how handsome he's becoming or how the girls in his class must think he's cute.

We are forever telling our boys they are handsome. Now when they try on something new or get really dressey, they will say "I'm handsome" and we smile and say yes you are.

I know my husband sure as heck likes to hear it, so I can imagine a little boy would too. I only have daughters, but my brother is ten years younger than me, and I always told him how cute & handsome he was when he was little. If he would shave every now and then, I'd say it now too! haha!

I tell my boys how absolutely cute they are ALL the time!

I don't know if they NEED it but my kids get it.

~Not sure what I have done but I have 4 boys, 1 girl & 2 nephews and somehow not a one of them is lacking for self confidence...they are all great and they will tell you so :) None of them are arrogant brats, mind you...but they all think highly of themselves! Husband and I are still on the fence if this is a good thing or not??

I tell my sons how cute/handsome they are all the time. I am not sure if they "need" it, but it just keeps coming out of my mouth!

Trust me, he'll be spending as much time primping when he's 13 as the girls do. Tell him when he looks cute/handsome/strong, etc.

Well, I don't know if "beautiful" is the right word! lol Handsome may work a bit better.
I often tell my boys how cute/good looking/handsome they are. I also tell them how smart, clever, how proud I am....you get the idea.
I think you are doing just fine mama. But, they might need to hear how good lookin' you think they are too.
L.

I tell my son he is a handsome little man, I ask him how he got so cute, I call him cutie patootie, my beautiful baby boy etc. I never tell him he so beautiful persay to but I do say he is my beautiful baby boy sometimes to which he informs me that he is not a baby and that boys are not beautiful, they are handsome!! :D So there! hahaha.... I think handsome and cute are good, I want my boys to grow up confident plus they are so stinkin' handsome!! I do think letting him know he is a good looking kid is a great idea :D

I tell my little boy he's "so handsome" (he's almost 2). I figure it certainly can't hurt, right?

I believe that each child should have that positive outlook of themselves. If you are always telling one child they are beautiful, the other may wonder why they are not (because you are not saying those word to them). I always tell my daughter how beautiful she is and I always tell my son (almost 6) that he is a handsome man or you look so handsome. It makes him smile.

When my 13yr old son is freshly showered, hair combed, facial hair removed and nicely dressed, I'll say "lookin' good, dude!" or sometimes, out of the blue, I'll say "you are one handsome young man!" Everyone needs to hear that they are physically pleasing to look at every once in a while, even boys. I wouldn't use the word "beautiful", but "handsome" works just as well.

I tell all of my kids that they are my gifts from God and I love them with everything in me....

I tell my boys how handsome they are and when they do something great, from the heart - i tell them how beautiful they are on the inside!!

I still tell mine how adorably handsome they are.

Of course he needs to hear this in some way. If your uncomfortable calling him beautiful then tell him how handsome he is. Which is what we do with ours.

You should tell him that he is handsome.

I absolutely tell my son how beautiful he is... but I make a point also to tell him how I appreciate all the knowledge he is learning, and how funny he can be, and how precious he is to me. I tell him all the time that he's my handsome, handsome boy.

To kind of answer your question about whether boys need this as much as girls do, even though I have always told my son that he's handsome, and smart, and sweet... he said this to me once about a year ago (at age 4)... We were causally talking about whether he'd like it if God would send us another baby, which he always says he'd love that, but he said he only wanted a brother, not a sister... I pressed him on his reasoning for this, and he very reluctantly admitted to me that the reason he didn't want a sister is because he would be jealous. I was a little incredulous at first, wondering if he, in fact, knew what he was saying, so I pressed a little further, and asked why he'd be jealous of a sister, and he said, "because girls are pretty." sigh

I assured and reassured him at that moment how beautiful he is to me, on both the inside and outside, and how handsome he is, and how he is the handsomest little boy I know, and how I love him more than anything in the world. I told him that no matter how pretty any little sister might be, they would never be as handsome as he is! And he seemed quite pleased with that answer. In fact, since then, he now says he'd like it if God would sent him a sister.

So YES, they do need to hear it. (Along with reinforcement for all their other wonderful qualities.)

I tell my son he is handsome all of the time! He will now say it when he knows he looks good, and he will also tell Daddy that he looks handsome when he is all dressed up. (He tells me I look pretty too, but that's a different story.) I think it is important for little boys to know that they are attractive just like we would tell a girl, but that's just me!

Yes....they are a gift from God and are very precious...I tell my daughter and my boys that their lives are beautiful!! My daughter beautifully gorgeous and sons beautifully handsome!!

I have boys and I tell them how wonderful they are and how handsome and adorable they are all the time~! I don't think you can give anyone too many compliments. If you are saying this to your daughter, yes you should say it to your son--but not that he is beautiful. Tell him he is handsome! GL!

M

I think it's fine to let a boy or a girl know, occasionally, that you think they are nice to look at. But before you go too heavy on the praise for things kids can't help about themselves, you might do well to read this eye-opining article about what research reveals about praise and motivation: How NOT to Talk to Kids, by Po Bronson: http://nymag.com/news/features/27840/

I tell all of my kids how awesome and amazing they are. I tell my daughter how gorgeous she is and my son's how handsome they are. They blush and love it just like my daughter does. I think guys want to know they "look" good too. They will want women to find them attractive when they are older, and if we feed their confidence now, without making them arrogant, I think they'll be more confident people. I know I am not the most gorgeous think walking the streets, but that doesn't stop me from thinking I am :).

"Handsome" would work.

Everybody likes to know that somebody likes the way they're looking right then. Naturally, it can be overdone, but that doesn't mean it shouldn't be done at all.

And then, of course, you can segue into that time-tested mama line, "Handsome is as handsome does," when necessary. :^)

I don't recall ever calling my son beautiful. I've definitely said handsome, scrumptious, delightful, dapper and other adjectives, but usually as a description of him as a whole (not just of his looks). I've said his fingers/tootsies/other body parts are beautiful, or something he's created is beautiful. But I really can't think of every telling him that HE was beautiful. I don't think there's anything wrong with it, and he'll certainly tell you when he wants you to use a different word :)

If its a matter of saying the same thing to one child that you say to another, I don't think that would be a concern for me. But then again, my son is only 3yo and no siblings yet :)

For us, its more important to praise an action: good job eating, you were a great share-er just now, look at the awesome helper you are, excellent try buddy, etc.

Hmmm, beautiful boys? Don't we have enough feminine men in the world? How about telling him he's handsome? I call my 4yo "handsome little boy", all the time. I don't think beautiful is appropriate for boys.

Hi, J.:

It is great to tell your child she is smart and beautiful and
it is great to tell your son that he is smart and handsome.

I would suggest that you compliment the children on what good things they
do at the time they do it.

There is more to beauty than physical appearance.

There are a list of virtures that are worthy of being acknowledged in a child, such as: honesty, helpfulness, kindness, patience, etc.

They will then internalize these qualities that will help make them honorable adults.

Good luck.
D.

Of course! Why not? I've always told me boys, all 4, how handsome they were/are and how cute and adorable they are and all that. I actually had to cut back on telling my daughter how beautiful she was cuz it was starting to go to her head, lol. I want her to know how beautiful she is, that looks aren't everything, brains are important in a woman and being independent. But I want my sons to know those same things. Boys and men may not act like it's important but it really is.

K. B
mom to 5 including triplets

I tell my son he is a handsome little man all the time ... I tell him he is smart, funny, cuddly, a good helper, anything I feel he needs to know at that moment ... so yes, I think it's important for anyone's self esteem to hear they are attractive.

Absolutely! Well, truth be told, I do tell my daughter much more how pretty she is. But when I look at my son and get this feeling full of love for him and how cute he is, I do tell him. Mostly along the line how good looking he is, not so much that he "cute" (he doesn't want to be cute anymore, he is 9 now), and I can tell that he likes it. He gets this little smile and hugs me, so it's all good :) But I'm glad you brought this up because I've wondered myself wheter I'm stereotyping without wanting to. I think it's because I'm a female myself and know how enjoyable it is to feel pretty. As long as you tell your daughter that her other attributes, such as smarts and good character, are equally important, there is nothing wrong with pointing out physical beauty with both genders.
M.
http://www.creativetoyshop.com

You could tell him he is handsome :)

my son is 3 and my daughter is 6. I always tell both of them that they are the most beautiful kids in the world! In my eyes they are. I tell them they are beautiful inside and out.

A BIG YES... I love to tell my son how handsome he is, how beautiful his curly hair and long lashes are and I absolutely love to kiss his soft cheeks still....I tell him I'm trying to get in a million kisses before puberty ruins those soft cheeks and earlobes....yes, I'm mushy with him.

My daughter gets a lot from her dad, and I have noticed her being a tad jealous, so I might need to take it up a notch with her.

I think both boys and girls could be told they're beautiful. Not telling a boy this because it makes him feminine? Thats way off and I don't agree. I think saying 'handsome' is great but I wouldn't exclude 'beautiful'.....because kids should hear these things. Let them know. ;)