Do You and SO Go to Bed at the Same Time?

Updated on July 21, 2011
V.M. asks from Conneaut, OH
25 answers

The other question got me curious. how are you managing to find time to be intimate 3 times a day?

hubby wants to stay up until sports events on tv are over, i'm exhausted and need to be in bed. Once i'm asleep i'm not to happy to be awakened by him especially since there is a pretty good chance one of the kids is going to wake me up again at least once during the night. and Then he wakes up super early and is out the door for work. Sometimse i can convince him to "tuck me in" wink wink and go back downstairs, but.. anyhow so i'm just wondering if ya'll are brusing your teeth together at you double bowled sink or something.

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So What Happened?

yes, the teeth brushing was a joke, i am picturing somethign like Leave it to Beaver where they were perfectly in sync on a perfect routiine of brushing together then turning down the covers and going to bed together, but i don't think they actually were allowed to show them sleeping in the same bed back then.

and maybe i read the other question wrong but it was about how often people were able to make time for sex. and it sure seemed like there were people getting it a whole lot more than me lol. But every couple is different. We also have the rule of no tv in the bedroom. although that sounds like it might mean If i did put a tv in there maybe our bodies could by physically in the bed at the same time. I loved the post that said DH family never went to bed at the same time and so it never occured to him that they should. My Inlaws are the same, one is in bed 4 hours before the other and up 2 hours before the other in the am.
This site is so great for giving you a glimps into other peoples bedrooms, wink!

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M.M.

answers from Tampa on

We TRY to go to bed at the same time... doesn't always happen. We usually get quickies in on weekend mornings where Raven wakes up with us, goes out to watch TV and we close the door behind her, knowing we have at least 30 minutes before she wonders where we are LOL

1 mom found this helpful

R.A.

answers from Providence on

My husband and I have always gone to bed at the same time. If one of us aren't tired, we simply read or watch t.v. in bed. It has always worked for us.

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A.R.

answers from Boston on

we both go to bed i fall asleep and im not supposed to notice that immediately after i fall asleep he comes out to play PS3 and xbox live with his friends online.....whatever ....A for effort on his part i suppose

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C.J.

answers from Dallas on

Not unless we are both exhausted - I am an early to bed, early to rise sort, he the opposite.
3 times a day?? -On our "adults only" vacation . . . maybe -LOL!

2 moms found this helpful
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S.K.

answers from Boca Raton on

I know exactly what your going thru! My husband gets home late, wants to eat, then wants to watch tv, play on the computer, take a shower, play on his phone. I am tired of waiting up for him. Most nights it 12-1am before he comes to bed and then he dares to try and get some or wake me at 5am to try again! I get so pissed! I tell him to please take a shower as soon as he gets home, or no deal! And try like you to get him to take a little bit of time away from the tv and get it done so I can go to bed!

1 mom found this helpful

E.B.

answers from Seattle on

We try and go to bed at the same time....

My hubby loves the Daily Show with Jon Stewart though, and even if there is time for hanky panky before 11 pm when he comes on...he will go out and watch the half hour show and then come back to bed.

He would normally watch Daily Show in our room...But our bedroom remote has been missing now for almost two weeks....The last channel we had it on was MSNBC...So, sadly that is all we get to watch right now...until the Remote gnome comes back with our remote!

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A.C.

answers from Savannah on

We don't allow TV in the bedroom---that was a deal we made before we got married. No Tvs in any bedrooms! We have one in the livingroom, and one upstairs in the playroom for games or movies, but very rarely gets used. That helps a lot.
Some moms mentioned that the guy wants to watch the game.......DVR IS OUR FRIEND! We pause or record something and go to bed for some time. We'll either both run to the room and laugh about a quickie during halftime (all in good fun) or he can pause or record the game and come chill with me a little while and then go back and watch the game when I am asleep....or watch it later.
Our schedules don't "have to" be the same; I'm a sahm with a toddler and a preschooler, but I MAKE them the same. I get up when he does, spend time with him, etc. It's easier when we're on the same schedule to spend time together: we get up together, go to bed together. Occasionally, we don't, but it is an exception. For example, even though we DVR it, I love, love, love Breaking Bad. It's been over a year since the season finale so this Sunday when the premiere came on I was so excited that I did stay up for it. My husband was very tired and went to bed at 9:20 (on purpose, because he knew he'd get sucked in if he saw a commercial for it and stay up later than he wanted to). Of course I wasn't going to bed at 9:20, and I did stay up to watch the show (and watched it again the next day with him). But that's pretty rare.
Brushing teeth together, LOL....is that a joke? If not, then yes we DO brush our teeth together, morning and night LOL. That way we can hurry up and kiss with happy fresh breath instead of weed killer breath. :P We have 2 sinks in the bathroom, each of us has a side.
As for 3 times a day.....sheesh! Before children, yes. 7 times the day I got pregnant with my oldest. But now we're totally excited if we can meet up twice in a day. We average somewhere from 2-5 times a week, but it's not something we plan or keep track of, though we do make effort to spend quality time together often. Whatever happens during our quality time depends on the mood, how tired we are, what happened at work or with the kids earlier, etc. We're not worried about carving notches in the headboard or making tally marks in our calendar like we did when we were kids, lol, but we do enjoy our time together.

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M.J.

answers from Dover on

IF I'm not bone-tired already, I will wait for him to go to bed, but a lot of times I go up before him. As for sex 3x a day....well last week our kids were away at camp so that was a possibility. On weekends, it does ocassionally happen, but not often & only because we can get one in before getting up in the morning, they're old enough to be left alone during our afternoon *nap*, and there are no limits at night if I've had a *nap* in the afternoon, ha!

C.O.

answers from Washington DC on

Nope!! Never have - and when he does - it just doesn't work for me!!! I'm used to having the bed to myself for a while - getting it all warm for him (LOL!!) and THEN he can come to bed!!!

I get my back scratched when I go to bed....sometimes I get more....

T.K.

answers from Dallas on

I've noticed that it coincides with how happy we are. When we are on the same page and doing good in our relationship, he will come to bed with me. He's reaching for me all night and trying to cuddle me, even when he's dead asleep and doesn't realize he's reaching for me. When we just aren't vibing, he'll stay up to watch sports center and fall asleep on the couch and not come to bed until 3 in the morning. When he does come to bed, his back is turned to me and there is a canyon of space between us.

J.S.

answers from Chicago on

I go to bed at 11pm and my husband comes in much later. If we're feeling frisky - it has to be before my bedtime. He's not much of a morning person, but sometimes we manage to fit in some activity before he goes to work or before the kids are up.

If you're happy with your arrangement - there's no reason to feel bad about it or change it.

J.W.

answers from St. Louis on

Both of us work massive hours so we go to bed and wake up at the same time. We also set our own schedules so if we want to be a little late we can do that as well. :)

Three times a day, not possible with our schedule. I kinda wonder if those that boast a record like that, one of the two stay at home with kids.

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R.J.

answers from Seattle on

"...how are you managing to find time to be intimate 3 times a day?"

TMI Q : TMI ANSWER

Even when we were having sex daily, twice daily, etc (for 9 years, that was our normal)... we never went to sleep/went to bed at the same time UNLESS we were specifically heading to bed FOR sex. Even then, we'd get up and shower before heading back to bed / our separate ways.

I have a thing about sleep (I'm ADHD, most of us do). It is a LONG process unless I'm physically exhausted, and I have to "take windows of opportunity".

My motto?

Sex while awake!!!

Example from when kiddo was young:

Exhausted mom puts kiddo down. Exhausted mom drags herself to the shower. Exhausted mom becomes far less toxic (I think the smell and oils and detritus from the day are part of what made me so exhausted, it's a HEAVY weight to carry. Sluicing off the day is ABSOLUTELY DELIGHTFUL.). Clean and tired mom barefoots out to the kitchen and gets a drink (coke, sweet tea, cold beer... something cold after a hot shower). Clean and tired mom heads outside to read a book for a bit with my drink. And stretch. And "come home from work". At this point in 'refreshing' Hubby might have come out and joined me and we'd chat, or I might take the alone time in bliss. Recharged and at least moderately SANE mom comes inside with a big smile on my face and seriously kisses my husband. (Who had better have taken the opportunity at some point since coming home to have brushed his teeth.) Sex ensues.

NEARLY ANY time during the day, if hubby had come home (BEFORE I became "exhausted mom"), a quickie or not so quickie was absolutely guaranteed. Morning sex was a frequent companion when I was happy. 90% of the time after showering and brushing teeth for the day -you may notice, I'm big on kissing a clean mouth-. Sometimes I'd be up before him, and would 'be his alarm clock' / morning BJs. ((I'm not kissing morning breath. Period. Not gonna do it.))

The fact of the matter is... if I'm headed to bed to SLEEP, I'm NOT GOING to have sex. Period. Sex wakes me up. I will (or would have, to be precise, since I've been celibate for a year) gladly stumble with clothes falling on their way TO the bedroom for the purpose of having sex, but I will not, not, not get ready for bed and then have sex. If I'm going to bed for sleep, that is *exactly* what I'm going to do.

Sex while awake.

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C.O.

answers from Minneapolis on

We do unless one of us is not feeling well or is very tired then that person will go to bed earlier.

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S.S.

answers from New York on

We try to and succeed on most nights. Whether or not that relates to getting intimate is another question, but if I go to sleep without him and he comes in later, he tends to wake me up and that makes me grumpy, so I would rather get some other things done and wait for him.

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R.P.

answers from Cleveland on

well i stay up a little later normally because i like to stay up until i KNOW my daughter is asleep for the night this way once i lay down i can stay layed down without having to get up within a half hour or hour. but if i am dead tired i go to bed with him

L.S.

answers from Los Angeles on

Interesting question and I can certainly relate! For 17 years now, my husband and I have gone to bed a different times. He cannot fall asleep before midnight, sometimes 1 a.m., and I'm exhausted by 9-10 p.m. Does this put a damper on our sex lives? You bet it does. I've talked to him about it so many times and he promises to go to bed earlier and he will for one night, then he doesn't again. He'll complain about the lack of sex and I'll remind him -- hello! Go to bed with me! But more than that, I worry about his health, too, because going to bed a midnight or 1 a.m. only gives him 5-6 hours of sleep a night and that isn't good for his health. *Sigh*

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M.W.

answers from San Francisco on

I have one word for you "chaffing"! 3 times a day? Really? Couldn't keep that up for more than a few days..it would turn me off to keep up with that record. Manage about 3 times a week though.

We do make it a point to go to bed at the same time. The evenings are "our" time. But we have kids that all sleep through the night so I am not trying to quickly jump into bed to eek in every second of sleep before a cry sounds and wakes me up.

We love the evenings tgether when it is quiet and just "us" because we talk,laugh,plan out upcoming events on the calendar, talk about the kids and the cute things they did and said or discuss discipline that needs to happen, we watch movies while eating a big bowl of homemade popcorn,we talk politics,religion etc. Some nights lead to "the hibbetydibbety",sometimes we lay in bed reading books or articles. Some nights we fall asleep as our heads hit the pillow. But amid all that we go to bed at the same time...around 10:30ish...I stress the ish. And yes we have a double bowled sink.

I find that if partners are doing separate activities in the evenings over a long period of time...it usually is a sign that there are some marriage problems. Just from my circle of girlfriends confiding in me.

There are occasional nights he needs to finish up a report for work or watches a sport event...but those are few and far between. My hubby rarely watches t.v. and loathes video games. He also spends so much time working on a computer and on his phone during the day at work that he is off of those too. We really use the time when we are all home at the same time...to be together.

K.B.

answers from Milwaukee on

Hubby and I are opposites on this. I am a night owl, going to bed around 11pm or midnight, and he is in bed shortly after 9pm when he has to work the next day. We have tried going to bed at the same time but 9pm is too early for me and all I do is toss and turn keep both of us up. When he is not working the next day he goes to bed around 10:30/11pm and on those nights we are in bed with-in 15 mins of each other. Hubby does not mind me waking him up if I/him want some love action, of course for us we only do it 1-2 times a week.

Through out the day we kiss; kiss before going to work, kiss when he comes home, slap on the a$$ when I am cooking in the kitchen (only if daughter is not around), hugging, sitting next to each other.

S.J.

answers from St. Louis on

LOVE this question!

I get a little irritated with my husband when he stays up past me, night after night. A few days a week, OK. But every night for two weeks? Not OK in my book. We are a somewhat newly (4) years married couple - we should be going to bed together for the most part. Keeps the marriage healthy. That is just my opinion. Of course, differing schedules and things may interfere - but even if sex doesn't occur, that "before you fall asleep talk or holding" is so important in my book. What a great way to end a hard day.

I am not sure how others do it other than they are on the same schedule - wake and sleep.

Happy Thursday!

M.L.

answers from Chicago on

This was one of my expectations when we got married - my assumption was that couples went to bed at the same time (we did not live together prior to marriage and, in fact, lived 4 hours apart until the day we got married).......so for the first 6 months or so I was really upset and then realized (he couldn't figure out why as he grew up in a house where his parents weren't on the same sleeping schedule; he couldn't figure out why I was upset even after me telling him - he thought it was silly of me) - he just doesn't go to bed at the same time.......never has gone to bed before midnight or so. I, on the other had, need to be to bed by 10 or I'm a wreck the next day.

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D.B.

answers from Charlotte on

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T.L.

answers from St. Louis on

My hubby and I always try to go to bed together. Some nights that doesn't havppen, but it is rare. We maybe out of the norm, bu I don't like getting woke up either by him climbing in bed. However, I do allow him to finish watching the game while we are in bed and that seems to help.

R.D.

answers from Richmond on

We usually go to bed at the same time and watch tv (well, HE watches tv, I fall asleep), but sometimes he'll stay up, talk on the phone, get on the computer, watch tv in the living room, and I'll go back to read and... fall asleep ;)

T.T.

answers from Dallas on

HAHAHAHAHA! I have had this conversation with ALLOT of my friends. My other half DOES NOT even go to bed on the same DAY as me (ie, it's after midnight or 2 before he decides he's fallen asleep at the computer or doing what ever it is he does).

In the beginning I was put off by it. I mean, to be straight forward, I went to bed WITH someone at the same time more times when I was single than I EVER did when I was in a committed relationship. (please read that as part humor part horrible truth)

After a while tho, and after I realized it wasn't that he didn't want to go to bed WITH ME, just that he didn't get sleepy at 930, then it got better. So to answer your question, no we never go to bed at the same time and never have and yeah it's annoying and yeah it can give you a complex and yeah you start to think it's about you...but alas. I pick my battles. And it gives us a chance to be creative in the "tuck me in" routine that can sometimes get mundane.

Sending good (albeit sympathetic) thoughts your way. :)

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