Do You Ever Get Overwhelmed?

it sounds like you are depressed and need some help, I now that a lot of people do not understand depression and think that it is a mental probelm but the medication that they have available is a life saver for many people, I would talk to a Dr and get some help.

I agree with several moms. I feel this way a good bit of the time. Lexapro helped me greatly several years ago. Alos, you might try joining FLYLADY.com. She's a realistic mom who's been in the same situtation, she helps hundrends of thousands get organized and feel better about themselves and their lives every year.

I've recently joined, and even though it's only been a few days, it really does help to know that you've made some/any progress towards and CHAOS-free (Flylady term for: Can't have anyone over syndrome) life.

Good luck
M.

In answer to your question, yes. I am frequently overwhelmed! It's become a familiar sensation, and not one that brings panic, anymore. I know, weird response. You might be depressed (I know a lot about that, too). Or you might be having some very, very natural responses to some big, tough issues. Divorces are hard. Period. Trust me. I was a kid in one and the wife in another. Even though I'm remarried to someone I would not have dared DREAM existed, I still get down about being divorced, sometimes. My daughter is going to have to grow up in a divided home, and I feel guilty about that!

I often threaten to sell the kids on eBay, or I'll say I'm going to run away and join the circus to get some peace and quiet! I don't work outside the home, and I can't keep up with all the demands of momming. It's just tough!

So here are my suggestions for getting through the days:

1. Don't set unrealistic goals. Put one or two things on your home to-do list and give yourself a pat when they're done. If they don't get done, move them to a to-do list for the next day and forgive yourself.

2. Set a time when you're "off duty." During the school year, 9:00pm is the outside limit of anyone being allowed to ask me for parenting (my husband is usually asleep by 8, so evenings are all mine). In the summer it varies depending on when everyone gets in bed or when I'm too tired to cope. Some nights I'm done at 8 and everyone gets into pjs and is allowed to watch TV, provided they don't ask me for anything. Some nights it's 9:30 and I bellow that everyone needs to brush teeth and get in bed RIGHT NOW!!! Emergencies are, or course, excluded from the "off duty" time. When I am off, I might do one quick chore, but basically I do a little yoga, read a book, write in my journal, pet the pets, phone a friend, eat a snack or just veg in front of the TV.

3. Focus more on your kids and yourself, less on your house. Put people above things. When your kids need you, try to put them first. If there are dishes to do, you want a shower, and you're tired from work? Take the shower. The dishes won't walk off (unless they're REALLY OLD dishes LOL), and a shower and a good night's sleep will help you regain perspective.

4. To get a messy house cleaned up, decide what level of mess you're willing to live with and only clean to that. If you want a spotless bathroom, but don't mind toys hiding in the livingroom corners, clean the bath and send the kids to pick up the livingroom. Put socks on their hands to get them to dust down low, and you do a load of dishes. Perfection isn't really NECESSARY (unless you're my mom) so get it good enough and forget it :)

5. Keep going. Each night, remind yourself that today is over and done. Tomorrow can be a better day. Try to focus on what went right instead of what didn't get done (hey, I got my laundry room mopped today, and, well, I'll just get to the bathrooms tomorrow, most likely). Talk to your doctor. Meds can be great, but counseling might be better.

You're doing alright. Really. You're in the same boat as most other moms (too much to do, too little energy or get-up-and-go). But you can do it, you can make it, and you're going to be a GREAT success! Hang in there!

Dear S.,
Hi! No, you are absolutely NOT alone! There are at least 450,000 others of us out there! How do I know? Well, several ladies have already suggested www.flylady.net! This is a free service (where others charge upwards of $50.00 for the same advice). Look it up, shine your sink, and then take 15 min just to breathe. Make sure you are sleeping enough! Follow Flylady's instructions to the letter even if they seem crazy! She has helped me through incredible problems. She really knows what she's doing. If you need to talk to her personally, look up www.Blogtalkradio.com and go to Flylady's section. She has a call-in radio show where she can answer any questions. Also, listening to her on my iPod seems to do wonders in my housekeeping!
BTW, when she says "I love you" she really means it!

You'll be in my prayers and if you have any questions, or just need to vent, feel free to e-mail me any time!

Being a mom is overwhelming, period.. You have to make time for yourself. Develop a daily routine for each day and set timers for doing things such as folding clothes, doing dishes, picking up. I wash all my clothes on monday and tuesday and on wednesday pile them up and give myself 20 minutes to fold and put up. I decided I am not folding underwear, wash cloths, small things and just put them in their drawer and basket. Anything to shorten time. I hire someone to clean my house every other week. That way, the major stuff is done and I don't have to scrub the tub and do floors. It is not that expensive and worth it. Once the house is clean, you just maintain and don't get behind. If you can't get someone to clean, get a friend to come over and help you either watch the children or help you clean up. And dont get hung up on having a perfect house all the time, you are a working mother with children, end of sentence.

Your children are old enough to entertain themselves for a little while. You can sit outside while they run around and play and catch up on reading, journaling, etc.

Please know we all feel the same way! What I realized is that the house can be messy, the dishes can be ignored some nights...this time with your children, you will never get back. During the summer months, we spend alot of time outside, that keeps the inside of the house a little cleaner. Also, I tend to spend my lunch hour at work paying bills, balancing my checkbook, running errands or going to the YMCA (very close to my work). Your about me says you are divorced, do you children stay every other weekend with their dad? If so, maybe you should take that time to catch up on laundry, toilet cleaning, etc... for a day, then take a day for yourself...maybe get a pedicure, have lunch with a friend or just be lazy at home alone.

All the time. And I find the more I delegate, the better I feel. I hired someone to clean my house once a month, and it makes that unpleasant task that much less overwhelming. If you can afford it, do it. I only pay about $85, and I'm sure they probably come cheaper.

And if you're that depressed, please talk to your doctor. I didn't realize how much better I could feel with medication. I know that it probably sounds bad to some mothers, but I am a much better mom, household manager and playmate when I'm not angry, depressed and overwhelmed. If it takes chemicals to get me that way, so be it.

of course your 6 year old is whining, Daddy isn't here anymore. Just because after 2 kids he wasn't the guy for you anymore doesn't mean he isn't the guy for them. Are they in counseling? He needs it. Their role model is gone and you are the culprit. If you don't help them in this area they will start to blame themselves and then you will really have some problems. I understand how overwelmed you feel, we all do. but when we signed up to be mom's by having or adopting children, real time for ourselves goes out the window. I'm sure you kiddos have a afairly early bedtime. Take a hour or two after bedtime to unwind, take a bath, read a book talk to a girlfriend etc. Don't worry about laundry, bills, dishes until this time is over. If you don't take it then you will work until it is too late. Set aside alittle money for a pedicure once a month when kids are with daddy. Get some counseling for yourself. even when a divorce is your idea it is still hard and can be depressing. Have you considered reconciling? Perhaps after some soul searching the depression/overwhelmed feeling is one of regret. I hope this works out for you good luck

The resounding answer to your question should be YES from anyone who responds. Eveyone has their own stress level that they tolerate. Some can just take more than others. Me...I am a 29 year old stay at home mom with a his, hers, and ours, family. I raise my 6 year old ADHD son, my own 9 yr son, and our 4 and 3 yr son and daughter. We are involvved in cub scouts, girls scouts, football, baseball, t ball, everything in school and pretty much anything else you can think of. I do it all. I get asked on a regular basis how I do it and the honest answer is I really don't know. I just do. My kids have learned the value of chores. They don't get paid, they get their activities. I tell them that mom can't do it all and they must help in order for us to do the fun stuff. To top all this off, my husband works offshore for 28 days at a time and then is home for 2 weeks. So, I feel like a single mom for the majority of the time.

Getting overwhelmed is completely normal. Try asking a friend or relative to watch the children for an hour or so every now and then. Even a half hour will do you some good. I am also fortunate that my mother in law is also my next door neighbor. When the kids stress me out I send them to her. She is very good with them.

Good luck and happy relaxing (hopefully)

I feel your pain. I work 40 hours a week and have 2 kids, my oldest is almost 4 and my baby is 9 months. I get very overwhelmed at times, but in my situation I have the girls dad to help me out when I am stressed to my max. I just have to tell myself that tomorrow is another day and try not to get to stressed out when I can't get everything acomplished that I would like. Maybe you should try to make out a to do list and do everything you can on it, but be sure that you have an hour to yourself, maybe before the kids get up or after they go to bed. That is what I do. There is also a wonderful website flylady.net to help out with the housework. Remember there are a lot of people in your situation, they just hide it well. Try not to get to stressed out.
Hope that helps.

~A.~

Hi S.,
As you already know, you are not alone. It's hard juggling everything, but I have found that "me time" at some point in the day is a must! Whether that means waking up 15 minutes early to just do nothing, sip coffee, read, whatever YOU want to do. Yes, our houses will be a mess, but do the best you can and remember to find time for you because those few seconds to yourself can make you feel so much better. It's enough to make you depressed at times, just cry, holler, scream and move on. I work out most every day at Curves and that is my "me time" where I can relieve stress, talk to other ladies and just relax. Find your "me time" and enjoy it.

I think most moms have been there at some point. (If not, they're REALLY lucky!)

My husband always compared me to other women he saw at the gym that "worked all day, have kids, and still go to the gym" (he is a personal trainer, by the way) He wasn't saying I was fat or anything, just that I wasn't active. Once I started going regularly (at a set time each day) it added more to my schedule, but I was able to accomplish more! For me, I found that the busier I am, the more I get accomplished. My husband makes remarks all the time about how he leaves for the gym on Saturday mornings and is gone for 2 hours and I get more accomplished at home in 2 hours than he does all day(cleaning-wise).

For me, I just have to "schedule" it. I don't write it down, but tell myself -- I have to have the house picked up by 10:00 Saturday so that when DH gets home, we can do X.

I now go to the gym around 4 days a week (my kid goes to the children's area while I work out) I don't really have time to laze around, but I think that's more because I can't sit still when there are things to do. Every so often, I'll sit and watch a whole TV show, but I usually have other things going on at the same time. (laundry, or clean up kitchen during commercial breaks)

So... I guess my advice is to set small goals. When you reach them, you'll feel some accomplishment, so you won't be so overwhelmed by the condition of the entire house.

Also... with 2 kids and being on your own... I bet it is harder to find alone time. Do the kids go visit the dad? IF so, I'd make my goal to have the "chores" done before they leave, or plan to spend 2 hours only on cleaning, then spend the rest of the time on myself.

I don't know that it would work for you, but that's how I get it all done!

You are not the only one! I feel that way as well a lot. My suggestion if you are feeling truly depressed is to maybe get on some meds. Do your kids have visitation with their dad b/c maybe while they are at his house you can do what you want to do, be lazy or clean or whatever. I wish you the best of luck!!

I am raising 2-3 out of 5 grand kids. I have the baby about 75% of the time so I am very busy. K is 4 1/2. J is 18mo, and KE is 7mo. Even when K came to live here full time I had a pretty tidy home but when J came to live here my house looks like an explosion happened. I had plenty of time for painting, playing and singing music, going out with friends, etc...but now I barely have time for myself and my house is a mess. I try to keep the living area and kitchen picked up and presentable in case someone drops by. I don't have a place to fold laundry anymore, it is now someone elses bedroom, so it tends to pile up on the loveseat. My husband helps some but I still have to go behind and finish the jobs. He keeps K's room picked up but doesn't put the toys where they belong, for example all the Barbie toys in one tub. I really appreciate his work but still wish he would do it "right".

My advice, do what you can and don't worry about the rest. Set small goals for yourself and work on a daily schedule. Our monthly calendar is posted on the frig and it fills the whole bottom half. I use stickers for activities and classes. I found some really cute school houses for K and the days she goes to Head Start and really adorable ballarina ones for dance class days. I also use my Yahoo Calendar and have the reminders sent to my cell phone so I can be where I need to be on time. It really helps K and J get going when they hear my phone alarm ringing, especially when I am telling them over and over it is time to be somewhere and to get ready. In the Summer I leave home on Tues. and Thurs. by 9am and don't get home until after 4:30 or 5pm. We have Gymnastics, free lunch, free movies, free story time at the Library, there are so many programs out there.

There are tons of websites that can help you set appropriate goals and in a timely manner. Here are a couple.

http://flylady.net/
If you sign up for the emails you will be bombarded by reminders. You will be spending so much time reading messages and deleting them that you might just want to use the site to guide you in your daily goals.

http://www.justmommies.com/articles/home-organization-pla...
I found this site recently and haven't had time to really spend much time using it but think it may be helpful. I am going to intergrate some of the steps into my goals.

What I think is most important than anything else is enjoy your children. Even if your house is messy take some time and just go for a walk, play in the yard, color the front steps with chalk, have a food fight out in the yard then play in the hose to wash off, play a video game, etc...they will remember the times like these even when they are adults. If you say "let's get the dishes cleaned up and then we'll go play in the yard" maybe they'll be willing to help more too.

You are not alone - you are dealing with a lot. Divorce in itself is a major stressor. I'm sorry you are going through all that - one suggestion I can make is this: don't worry so much about the house - pick up major chunks (haha) and if the bathrooms and kitchen are clean, don't worry about the rest. Just keep a dustcloth handy so you can do pick up dusting. It sounds like your 6 year old is reacting to the divorce. Does their father see the on weekends? If so, grab some of that time for yourself - go out with friends, take a nice long bubble bath, whatever you want. It may seem like you can't but you can. Sometimes we are so overwhelmed we cannot see what is in front of us or see that we do, indeed, have more time than we think. Maybe you could set up a calendar for daddy visitation time that will remind you that you can take some of that time for yourself. I go to school 16 hours a week, work 36-40 hours a week, do not have kids at home its true, but I take care of my dad who is 90 and ill. I have a friend who takes me away on occasional weekends and evenings. Also I go out with friends - if my sister cannot be with Dad then we get a sitter. Good luck hon.

Hi S.,

As you can see, you are not alone. There are hundreds of moms who read your request, but just don't have the time to answer! I feel guilty feeling overwhelmed myself (ahh...another useless feeling) because I have only one child and one large dog and a hubby who is gone 4 days a week! And I get overwhelmed often.

Lately I have given myself a break. My house is far from perfect, but I have adopted a few things from the Fly Lady that everyone recomends, I have chosen to enjoy the time with my daughter each day, even if it is only a few moments at a time, and give her my full attention. It is sometimes hard to focus on the 350 thousand-th reading of Olivia Saves the Circus when I know I have 2 days worth of dishes to do. But they wait, and she gives kisses and giggles...not a hard choice.

DO you have parents or friends in the area that you can drop off the kids with for even a few hours a week? I have Mom's Day out and G'parents, so I have Thursday evenings ALL TO MYSELF!! It is a sanity saver and I get more done in 3 hours that I could acomplish in 3 days with her there. Just knowing that my scheduled time is coming makes it berable some days. Sometimes I even sit on my butt and read!

Try to relax, and I know it is cliche, but enjoy this, it goes fast. When you feel it all caving in, stop...take a deep breath, do a 2 second reality check...let it out and smile. You are surviving a huge life change, and now you have a whole new oportunity to make your life better. YEAH You! It is scary, so deal with it as it comes, don't let it loom over you, kick the doubts or regrets to the curb and praise yourself for making it, each day, each hour, or each minute if you have to. You are a strong woman, a good mom and you are capeable and able.

A glass of wine after the kids bed time doesn't hurt either. Good Luck Mommy...remember..tomorrow is another day.

D. H.

Dear S., You just need to take one day at a time. Talk to your doctor about an anti-depressant. Could be a 6 mo. round will get you over the hump. An amicable divorce is still the death of a marriage and there will naturally be a time of mourning. Now would be the time to teach your children to help you with the chores. Your son is old enough to help wash dishes. Your daughter is old enough to dust. My personal weakness is clutter. Don't bring junk mail into the house. Close all closets,cupboards and drawers all the way and the room instantly looks 70% cleaner. When you wash your face, use that washcloth to quickly wipe out the sink and wipe down the vanity. When you are in the bathroom, grab a little wad of tp and wipe the hair off a section of floor. It's the little things that will send you over the edge sometimes. Stack your dirty dishes. Dishes spread out look a lot more intimidating! Stack your junk piles. If you take your clothes off and set them out to wear again, put them all in the same place in as small a space as possible. and be realistic. Will you really wear them in the next couple of days? If not, put them away or in the hamper. Pull your beds up when you get out of them. You don't have to "make" them, just pull them up flat. The kids can do their own. Find another mom that you can trade off with. You take her kids for 2 hours so she can have some time off, then she takes yours. Taking time off does NOT make you a bad mom. It makes you a better mom. It's not like you are dumping your kids on someone to go barhopping! And with your son, figure out some reward system for stopping the whining NOW. He'll be a happier boy and you'll be a calmer mom. I would be more worried about you if your kids were "perfect" and your house spotless. Give yourself a break and lower your expectations.
Don't forget to breath.

Go to FLYLADY.com and check it out. That's not a suggestion, it is an order! Every feeling you have is normal. You said your house is a disaster area. There is hope. I'm 62 and even after years of bad habits & frustration with myself over housework, I'm seeing my way out of the clutter. Please don't wait for help as long as I did. Bless you, dear. There's nothing easy about raising youngster's alone. I was widowed when mine were 6 and 2. Your 6 yr old may be missing his dad. You need to talk with him about it. Flylady also has a link to a fun kids help ..a Fairy something. Try it, please. You'll be glad you did, I promise.
D.

I suggest antidepressants. They helped me.

S. S,
You are not alone! I completely understand. I too feel the same way sometimes. I work 40 hours a week, take care of my elderly father on a daily basis and my house is a mess as well. I have a 3 month old daughter and my husband just started a new job. My husband goes to work around 2-3am. I also take my daughter to work with me. Do you have any family/friends around that could watch your children? Maybe they could watch your children, so you could just get away by yourself for a little while. I know its hard to leave them, but everyone needs time away! Please do not feel guilty about leaving your children, but it will be a good thing for you and them. I know it's hard to find the time. Good Luck!
Take care,
R. G

S.,
I think this is pretty normal. I am a stay at home mother of one and still sometimes see my house as a disaster. My husband doesn't do much inside the home so I feel your pain. I see myself more than anything having alone time at night after my son is asleep. It's very refreshing for me sometimes to get them into bed, take a long bath and relax. I have found also that doing chores such as laundry is better without my son, which is done after he's in bed (He's 2 and they do more worse than good but he tries to help). I don't know if you have family around or close friends but take a day to yourself. Take the kids to them, go out and shop, or go home and sleep, or go to a spa, whatever is relaxing to you. It doesn't have to be an all day event, even just a few hours would be relaxing for me away from everyone and children. It's ok to have a messy house sometimes, it's ok to feel depressed sometimes and it's surely ok to feel like you need alone time. Most mothers don't get alone time and don't take the time to do something for themself. Your kids aren't going to think any less of you if you take them to a friends house while you go "run errands" or as you would call "alone time"...hope this helps. I think us mothers pore so much of ourselves into motherhood that we let ourselves go or don't make time for alone time...this is where us mothers seem like we're going crazy...take the time for yourself! Good Luck!

I am a SAH mom of three and I feel overwhelmed at times to. They (the kids) can be so trying sometimes. My husband works alot...often before the kids get up and not until after they go to bed. I spend a lot of time with them because we don't really trust them to go to other people's houses (that's another story). My oldest will help if I ask him to my middle will try to help, but usually leaves a bigger mess, and my youngest just wants all my attention. This is something I follow through with, just so I can have some me time to be lazy or think, my two youngest kids go to bed at 7:30p and my oldest goes to bed at 8p. I know it sounds early and here in the summer it is still light outside, but kids need and want a routine and there minds grow the most when they are sleeping so they get use to going to bed at that time and I'm consistant. It gives me that time from 8p to about 10 or 11 to hangout with my husband or clean (without it being messed up right away) or do whatever I desire. Good luck and God bless you and yours.

i know the balancing act we have to preform is crazy.. you have to find time for you or you are going to get over whelmed and get frustrated and take it out on them. even if you just put them in their room and tell them to lay down and be quiet.. and hour will not hurt any of you and you can take a bubble bath or do your nails. or just sit on the couch and watch tv. it will provide a chance for a little winding down good luck and take time for you

You are definelty not alone. Raising kids is a full time job in addition to the job you have to have to pay the bills. I wish sometimes I could just soak in the tub in piece. While there are many things going on in your life at this time, it is important that you find some time for you for sanity's sake. Take advantage of your family members who offer to baby sit. If you don't have family living near you it may be a great time, while school is out, to let your kids visit other relatives who you feel comfortable with will you get a litte R&R or get back to you old self(which every mom married or single wishes they can find). Start gradually. Go to the library get that book you've been wanting to read and let your kids check out one as well and have a reading hour at home. And your house will survive. Start one room at a time and if you guys haven't used it in six months--donate or trash it. A home makeover in the making! Just breath and everything else will fall back in place.