Recently my 2 yr old gave us a scare, thinking his arm was hurt. come to find out when i paid him more attention he was fine. Is this normal?
oh thanks to everyone that provided great information. Let me take you on his lovely journey. His (my 2 yr old) sister is 3 wks and he was just fine then he started acting like a baby wanting a pacifer sitting in her car seat and small wimpers like she does. Then he went for the big kill. He placed his arm by his side from 11am to 1am didn't move it, use it or want us to touch it. After he didnt want to use the handsantizer that he uses religiously, my dh said must be something wrong. Long story short drop off baby, went to hospital, park in parking lot and ask him was he ready to go. He said yes pick up blocks put them together (using hand that didnt use all day) and push himself out of the car seat with same hand. Toooooo funny we loaded back up went home and went to sleep and didnt think n e thing else about it.
Even babies learn to manipulate parents! When they receive the "reward" they want, they do it again, and again, and again. Parenting is a constant process of learning. My first child wasn't an affectionate child. However, she learned that bedtime kisses could "buy" her time at night. It killed me to refuse to go back in and give her affection, but I had to at some point.
Oh, it is soooo normal! If I pay attention to a boo-boo, it's the biggest deal in the world! If I just say, "uh-oh. You ok." in an unconcerned tone, she'll laugh it off and go about her day. If I shriek and fuss, she'll shriek and fuss. We had a major scare a couple of weeks ago about her arm. She was holding it for about 30 minutes screaming her head off and screaming that she wanted to go the doctor. She had NEVER acted like before unless she was really hurt, so we were about to take her to carenow. Then, we were getting ready to go and she said, "I wanna go outside. Can we go outside mom?" And from then on was fine!!! It is so normal that isn't funny, lol. ;)
Kids learn to repeat what happened when they get positive reactions to things. If his arm was hurt or not hurt doesn't matter, if he is getting lots of positive for everything from walking and not falling down to going to the potty he will repeat the actions he gets the most reactions for, doesn't matter if they are good reactions or bad.
If J goes to the bathroom 5 out of 10 times in one day and stays dry those 5 times he gets high fives and lots of praise..."Good job going to the bathroom"..."You did it"...I don't mention the not making it at all. Just change him and find something positive to talk about, like "You put your shoes on!!!"
It happened with my daughter (2 1/2 yrs) when I had her little sister. She woke up one day and said that she could not walk! For 2 days she limped around and never mixed up which leg it was. We finally took her to the ER and the doc checked her leg and nothing was wrong. She told us that she was probably just jealous of the baby and we paid more attention to her and suddenly the leg got better. Doc said that usually 6 year olds do things like that and that we had a smart girl there. So, it really can happen.
Oh, yes, kids learn early how to get the attention they need. It's a brilliant survival skill, actually – notice what worked before, and repeat that pattern. This is not the same thing as "lying" though. They won't really understand the concept of honesty for a few more years.
So, if we attend to a child when she's behaving well, she'll do more of that. When we notice mainly when a child is behaving some way we don't like, that's what they'll repeat (even negative attention is better than no attention). Sympathy is a most rewarding kind of attention to receive.
A 2 year old knows how to get attention. They are not capable of lying because their brains are not developed enough for abstract thinking. They can sometimes understand when we use the words, "now, did that actually happen (and include at the info you know) or perhaps you wish it had happened or think it might have happened." The words you use will change based on how much your child understands.
I've found that children will fall and when they get up say their arm hurts because they think that falling hurts arms. A quick exam and a brief, "looks just fine. You're OK." usually ends the episode. My grandson likes band aids and so when he insists that something hurts, I ask if a band aid would make it stop hurting and he nods. No injury but a band aid fixes it. lol He's older now and will just come up to me and ask for a band aid which I give him. I buy cheap ones at the Dollar store and they're OK for him.
Yes, it's completly normal. Not only will children do this, but pets will as well. I had a cat that would limp around until you stopped and gave him attention. He would be just fine after getting some lovin' just like the kiddos.
Yes it is very normal. Sounds like it's time to get the story of "The Boy Who Cried Wolf."
