Okay, I have what seems to be a reversed problem from many/most. I have a 15 month old, who from day 1 has been a fantastic sleeper. We were very consistent with routines, sleep times and having him comfort himself to sleep. We never really needed to let him "cry it out" because he learned from day one how to fall asleep on his own. He wasn't rocked to sleep and has always been put down awake and falls asleep alone and sleeps all night and beautifully for naps.
So, here's the question/issue. I'm a newly stay at home mom. OCCASIONALLY I find myself wanting to cuddle up and nap with him. I've been jealous of 99% of the population out there that has to hold a sleeping little one from time to time. I know this probably sounds crazy to the moms out there struggling to get their child to sleep in their crib! Actually right now, I am struggling because he is sick - really not feeling well, teething (molars!) and has an ear infection. He is NOT sleeping well on his own and will toss and turn constantly. So, naturally, I want to hold the little guy to comfort him into sleep. Except, that apparently is not comforting to him. I am basically unable to cuddle or comfort him in anyway during sleep times, because it wakes him up more, makes him mad, etc. and he either wants down to play or put down and left alone to sleep!
Has anyone ever had this issue and what can I do? I'm guessing I cant have the best of both worlds and sometimes snuggle in my bed and other times expect him to sleep alone? What can I do when he's not feeling well but wont accept any comfort for sleeping?? I just lay there listening and feeling hopeless and unable to feel like I am helping him...
How about snuggling in the morning. Some kids just want to sleep alone.
Some kids need to have someone or something in bed with them. We are
all different. Personally, when I am sick, do not touch, do not bother me.
Leave me alone. Be thankful you have a great sleeper
Your son and my sons could form the "cuddle on my terms" club!
When it comes to restless sleeping for the non-cuddler, I recommend two things. First, consider giving your baby a does of baby tylenol (or whatever pain killer you use). This might make him feel a bit more comfortable and, thus, less restless since he's cutting teeth. If you've ever tried to sleep with a toothache, you know just how difficult it is. I understand that we don't want to overmedicate our children but I also think there's a time to ponder, "If I wouldn't put up with this, why should my kid?" In fact, that was my guiding question, if whatever-it-was was something I was comfortable living with, then I would try to have my kids tough it out. If it was something I would take medicine for, then I would dose my kids.
If you're truly against that (and some moms are, and that's ok), then my second suggestion is for you turn the monitor down so it doesn't distract you from your sleep. Keep the monitor up only as much as you need to hear a big cry, not the restless noises.
I learned the hard way that sometimes the mom we want to be is the not the mom our kids need. My eldest refused to be rocked to sleep, preferring to put himself to sleep. My youngest has never been big on kisses. He likes what my family calls "Eskimo kisses" (where you rub the tips of your noses together). So, my baby gets all the Eskimo kisses he wants and I've learned to not feel rejected that he's not more demonstrative. <sigh> I keep telling myself I should be the mom they NEED, not what I need.
I hope this helps a bit. That helpless feeling is hard. I get it. Explore alternatives and see what works. I think some of our most inspired moments in parenting are when we think outside the box for new solutions.
Good luck!
My older son is like that. He's 3 now. When he was little, he slept 8 hours at a week old and at 3 months found his thumb and slept 7pm to 7am without a cry. When he started teething at 7 months and got sick the first time at a year, I couldn't rock him to sleep or hold him to sleep. Still, if he is sick and I go in there, he won't sleep until I leave the room. He doesn't ever want me to even lay next to him. During the day though, he is a total cuddle bug. I was a little sad by it at first, but quickly felt extremely lucky to have a sleeper like him.
My second born screamed day and night for 4 months straight and from 4-11 months woke up screaming and HAD to be rocked to sleep 5-20 times a night. It was a nightmare. We think it was a combination of colic, reflux and food allergies that turned into bad habits.
My point is just be glad he is a great sleeper! You are a great mama.
My daughter wasn't a cuddly baby. I did breastfeed her, so that was my cuddle time... Now she is 4.5 and LOVES to CUDDLE... They are all different - and wonderful. Congratulations!!!
My son was like that. A great sleeper from day 1 (he actually slept more when he was sick). Fell asleep in his crib from the first. When he woke up in the middle of the night it was a feed, change and immediately passed out again. He liked to cuddle but NOT when sleepy. JUST ENJOY IT. DH and I lived by the mantra 'never wake the baby'. When he was sick we gave him tylenol - it helped way more than cuddling.
Some kids just aren't like that. My daughter will sit on my lap, but she does not want to cuddle when she goes to sleep. It makes her want to get up and play. She doesn't associate cuddling with sleeping, to her it is a long hug followed by running out of the room to find her bouncy ball or some other toy to play with. Like Stephanie F, my daughter loves Eskimo kisses and she'll give me hugs and kisses, but she isn't a cuddler unless she chooses you first lol.
If he is restless you can lay beside him. My daughter doesn't cuddle much, but even if I lay beside her and rub her back or even just place my hand on her back she is comforted by me being there.
I agree with the others - you're fine, he's fine. Some folks just need to be a lone to sleep. I like wearing socks and earplugs and complete dark and have a hard time sleeping when not using them.
I agree a little medicine might help, and maybe just rubbing his back. Too much body heat can be very uncomfortable, esp. when one is sick.
Just last night my three year old asked me to cuddle with him in bed, then 30 seconds later he asked me to go and let him sleep, Lol. I'm fine with that!!
And turning down the monitor is probably good for the sanity. Remember my earplugs? I'm sure some would be horrified, but I have a heart issue and studden startles or constant worrying isn't good for my health. It's what we have to do :-).
My daughter, now four, was the same way. I never rocked or nursed her to sleep because I didn't want her to need that in order to get to sleep. Well, I later wanted to cuddle and she never did! She was mobile so early and just didn't want to sit and snuggle with Mommy. I just accepted it as how she was and was glad she didn't wake up at night and need to be rocked back to sleep. She finally become a little more cuddly around 2.5 years when we got her a big girl bed. She loved being able to cuddle with us in her bed before bedtime and that extended to other times, as well.
It was hard when she was sick and wasn't able to be rocked and held extensively to feel better. Hope your little guy feels better soon!
I know exactly how you feel. Both of my kids, 4 and 2, are the same way. They have always been really good sleepers and there are times that I want to snuggle or rock them for a little while and they would prefer to go in their beds. I consider myself VERY LUCKY and so should you! I have friends that never experienced this and still have bedtime struggles. We were on vacation last week and it was my daughters nap time (2 yr old) and I also was a little tired, so I thought that I would lay down with her and we could take a nap together. Nope! She thought it was play time. I would not change anything... like putting him a co-sleeper, etc. you are going to create a bigger problem... He has good sleep habits, don't break them or you will regret it. I also have friends that can't their kids out of their bed! I would agree with the other moms, give him some Tylenol or Mortrin for his discomfort. Hang in there! As he gets older, it gets easier to snuggle more with them. My 4 yr old son loves to snuggle now before bed on the couch. There have been a couple of times I offered to lay with him too in his bed and he said, no thank you mommy! Good Luck! Its never easy when they are sick or teething. :(
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