Does My DD Have to Stop Climbing the Tree, Too?

Keep on climbing! How does one mom get to order everyone out of a tree? Now, I have ordered other people's kids out of the middle of a busy road, but tree climbing is another situation all together.

Good for you for letting her go back up. :)

Don't know if you are wrong but I would have done the same thing. :)

awwww look at you.... evading peer pressure. Well, that won't make you any friends with the helicopter mommies..... but it will mean your daughter has a childhood that is more fun.

It depends on if you want to be friends with these moms. The "unspoken rule" that I have found is that when kids are together or in sight of each other.... then you follow the most stringent rule of the group. Sort of like managing to the lowest common denominator. but when you guys are alone.... let her climb to her hearts content.
That skill..... don't do the stuff you're allowed to do around others cuz it will make them uncomfortable will serve your daughter well once she gets to the workforce. Until then.... it will be a giant pain in her a**.

Me? I'd let her climb. But then I let my daughter jump on the bed (not the couch..... just the bed) because it was fun.

I spent half my childhood in a tree i dont see anything wrong with it but so many parents are way overprotective and have a major fear their children will fall out and get hurt.

My four kids climb trees, we have two trees in our front yard that are very climbable... I even let my youngest go up there (she's almost 4, but has been climbing for a while now). HOWEVER, it may not be appropriate on school grounds. There actually might be rules against it during school hours and therefore that mom is trying to "go by the rules" when school is out to stay consistent. This is just a guess.

I could see my myself discouraging my little ones from climbing a tree on school grounds- I might put it in the category as staying out of the bushes and flower beds (even though there are study branches, some may not be so sturdy, they may leave the tree looking worse than it was), and also, it could be liability issue?

Just guessing on all this. I dunno. I love kids climbing trees, but I'm not so sure that every tree is fair game.

Also, not saying you did something wrong, but I would not have let my kids climb the tree while they were still there. I'd want someone else to do the same... just being considerate, and making life easier for us Moms (maybe being too overprotective or strict).

It KINDA reminds me of climbing up a slide... Not saying I'm for or against it, but I totally respect the idea of NOT doing it when a mom has told her kid to not do it, and I hope for the same... other wise, you have to deal with this: "SHE'S doing it!!! Why can't I?!?" Not to say that a Mom will never hear that phrase a million times, but it IS helpful to try and have each others' backs...

Please consider that the other mom (maybe all the other moms that day)may know something you don't.

Maybe she is aware that the school administration generally does not want kids climbing the trees, for liability and safety reasons (as someone else noted, if a child were hurt, the school probably would be held liable--that lawsuit's going to cost YOU money in the end).

Maybe she knows, because she's got older kids at the school or she's on the gardening committee or she was at some particular meeting etc., that there are concerns that the trees are not nearly as sturdy as they appear.

So take a breath and consider that maybe she has a good reason -- other than her own "no climbing" personal rule -- to order all kids out of the tree. Just because it appears sturdy doesn't mean there isn't more to the story.

Also, her not talking to you may have nothing to do with this at all. She may just be busy right now, and if you're mostly "hi in front of school" parents rather than friends away from school, well, she may just be preoccupied. Don't assume that it's about you or about your decisions. Sure, it may be about the tree thing, but why put a negative assumption on it with no other evidence?

And she was not alone in not wanting her child to climb. Your post says that "a few" of your child's friends followed your child up "and their moms had fits." So this one mom was just one among several others who wanted to end the climbing -- you seem to be the one solo mom encouraging climbing. Sometimes the group mentality wins, and this is one of those cases.

It would have been fine with me if you let your daughter go back up after others had moved away, as long as you were there by the tree to supervise and take responsibility for your one child doing the thing you allow -- that's fine, even if I don't want my own child doing it, and even if my child can see what's going on. I will be the one to explain to her that it's OK for other families to have other rules. But it's hard to explain that to a child when a swarm of kids is all doing the same thing at once.

Several kids in the same tree at the same time is asking for problems, and I think it is fair, if even one or two of the moms want the kids out, for all the kids to get out so no one is whining. Then you can go back later and do whatever you allow.

No, you're not wrong in letting her climb a tree but you might want to consider the perspective of whomever owns the tree/property - if she gets hurt, they could be held liable. If you are willing to accept the risk and the liability should she get hurt, then there is nothing wrong with it. But if one of those branches breaks because it's dead or something, please don't blame the property owner. This is your decision and you have to be willing to be responsible for it.

My kid, my rules except when on other people's property. If it is on school property and they prohibit it then yes, she has to stop climbing. Does she have to stop because another mom won't let her own kid climb? Heck no! Climb away little monkey!

Here's my 2 cents (and perspective from a parent who *might* order all kids out of that tree. GASP!)
If her kid isn't supposed to climb trees for whatever reason (maybe it didn't look as sturdy to her as it did you, or maybe having 6 kids in it all at once caused her to look at the potential for one kid to accidentally push another out, or lose balance), etc, then I would say better safe than sorry.
Its really hard to a kid to understand why one kid gets to do it, but he/she doesn't. So its sometimes easier, especially with risky behavior, to just ask all kids to stop for a bit. I know I have asked my OWN son (who is 5) to NOT climb the giant pine tree in our yard, when my 2 year old is out there watching. Why? Because the bahavior isn't appropriate for my 2 year old, and there are plenty of times the 5 yo can climb w/o the 2 yo present. I don't need one falling out of the tree b/c he saw an older sib doing something he isn't physically capable of doing.
I don't see it as "helicopter parenting" as some here have suggested, but rather a vigilent parent recognizing the potential for injury b/c so many kids are trying to do the activity at once, and not enough parents are close at hand to help them do it safely.
I'm also the one who will tell kids its "down the slide, not up it" because I don't want my kids taking a shoe to the face when THEY try to do what the other kids are doing and get hurt in the process.
I agree with the other posters who suggested it is a respect issue, and teaching your children to respect other adults' rules, esp when the rule is doing nothing but keeping kids safe. Your turf, your rules. Neutral turf, sometimes you have to recognize the potential danger your child might put another child in by doing an activity that isn't suitable and/or age appropriate for everyone around.

I don't think you are wrong. I think if the other mom is taking this personally then that is her problem. As long as the school permits the activity then I say let them play! It's healthy and fun , exactly what recess and outside time is for! My 9 year old son once wrote on his "all about me" project that he was part monkey! We don't have a tree in our yard either , so he goes across the street to the vacant house yard and climbs theirs!!! Encourage your child to keep loving being active. Let the mom of that child be her mom, not your childs mom. That's YOUR Job!! Happy Mother's Day!!!

well, since the tree is not on your own property and especally if it is on school property, it could be a legal issue if your a child got hurt, maybe that is why the other mom had everyone get down? I don't see anything wrong with climbing trees, I did it lots too, BUT they were our own trees in our own yard.

Try to think of it from the other mom's POV, if all the kids were playing in the street (even if it was blocked off or something - you might not like to teach your kid it was ok to play in any kind of street) and you told them to all get out of the road & into the yard, and then another child's mom said - "its ok suzie - you can play in the street" and let her kid go back to it while you were still standing there with your child, would you be annoyed/roll your eyes???

Maybe to that other mom, climbing a tree is as dangerous and playing in the street....a fall from a tall tree could do just as much damage as getting hit by a car. I don't think climbing a tree is wrong, BUT it might be nice to respect the rule all th eother kids had to go by while thye were still there, and have your daughter go with you to go to a park and climb.

Sound like you need to plant a fast growning tree in your yard!!

Don't make her stop just because that other mom dosn't like it. she is your kid and that other mom has no right to tell her what she can and can't do when you oare there! It's not like she was the one taking care of her.

I tell my child that SHE needs to come down off the tree vs "everybody". I think that the other mom may not like that you allowed your kid back up the tree, but unless the grounds say don't climb the trees, then it's up to you.

Hi, Mama:

The issue is control. If you see the woman again, ask her if she has
a problem with your daughter climbing trees. When she responds, you can understand where she's coming from.
Then you can share your point of view.
Climbing trees is a fun thing for children. It's your child, you are responsible for her health and well being.
Good luck.
D.

Here's how I see it. If a mother is correcting her child...especially for the safety of her child....I would surly do some eye rolling if you let your child go right back up the tree in front of her child. Yes...it's her rule...not yours...but I think it is a respect thing. Try reversing the situation...and how would you feel. You both should be seen as authoritive figures to children. And there is a potential for falling...she just doesn't wanna take the risk.

I think you were right to allow your daughter to follow the other moms directions, if anything it just make it easier on her. If there were too many kids in the tree and it was getting a little hectic, then I would support the other moms decision to call a halt.

As for you, I think it was fine to wait until things settled down and allow your daughter to go back up.

I don't know what the other moms problem is... she may be getting flack from her daughter like "why does Susie's mom let her go up the tree?!"

You could approach her and tell her that she was right to call a time out, but you are happy to let your daughter climb in the tree, but if it got busy or unsafe up there, you wouldn't hesitate to call a time out, too.

Good Luck,
KATIE

Heck I wish I had climbed more trees when I was younger. I could have had a place to get away from it all and be with nature.

You did the right thing. The other momma didn't want her precious little one falling and getting hurt. But then again she could get hurt doing something else.

Climb away!!

The other S.

climb away. My mom has a picture of me and my brother that I love. My dad had tied a thick rope in a tree and tied knots in it for my brother to climb. He was 5 or 6 at the time, and somewhat afraid. I, on the other hand was the first up it. The picture is of me, at the top of the rope at 3 years old, and my older brother below me, hanging on.

Nope. You're not wrong. Neither was she. (Unless she's doing the weird queen bee grudge thing... the whole *I* told your kid thing doesn't fly. Other parents only get a half vote. Parent's vote wins. She can say "yes" or "no" until the cows come home, but it only matters if you agree with her. If you don't, then, holding a grudge is a little 'ruler of the universe / queen of hearts' and you really are better off in not having to deal with someone who only smiles when all ways are her way.

Just as my own bias:

1) I'm the mom who would not only let my son up the tree, but be up there with him 9x out of 10.

2) I'm also the mom who'll put fingers in my mouth and whistle loud enough to break glass and call a halt to an activity (even one I allow) when I think things have gotten out of hand, or I'm the only parent present, or something is "up" I have absolutley no compunction about "wading in" or ordering a universal 'cease and desist' or "and now for something completely different!". It's the dispersion principle. Send everyone back to their parents and let their parents deal with them.

3) I'm also the mom that will call my kid (and only my kid) out of an acitivity when a bunch of kids are still doing it.

Totally depends on time/ place/ what's up.

LOL... My mum was a Queen of Hearts (still is). If her child or grandson isn't allowed to climb on the slide, then no child should be! She'll order, glare, talk loudly about how "wrong" it is. LOVE you mum, but they aren't your kids.ROFL... oh heaven forbid anyone tell her children not to do something they are allowed by her to do. WWIII.

Some, otherwise completely rational, kind, intelligent people just have boundary issues. Queen of Hearts style.

Let her climb. Helicopter moms drive me nuts.

While she had every right to tell her own child not to climb the tree, she had no right of expecting the rest of the children to stop climbing. She could have used it as a lesson to her child that sometimes other children get to do things that she can't do and that that's okay in a public place. That you can't control everyone around you. That mom would have done well to learn the same lesson.

It was nice and considerate of you to wait until the other kids were a distance away before allowing your daughter to climb the tree again. She's probably seething that you're allowing your daughter to do dangerous!!! activities!!! and don't!!! even!!! care!!!

I would play dumb the next time I see her and say, "Hi Brenda. It's been so long since we chatted. The last few times we all got together it's felt like you were avoiding me. Did I do something to offend you?" Be cheery and bright about it. Let her either clear the air and get the bee out of her bonnet, or scramble and be uncomfortable over how direct you're being and then insist nothing is wrong and then proves it by being nice.

well, if it's a simple issue of 'should kids climb trees?' then of course i'm with you. my kids spent vast tracts of their childhoods in trees. so did i.
if the issue is 'does my child have to do what everyone else's do?' then i'd still say you were in the clear. obviously the other mother's word doesn't hold sway over your child when you're standing right there. it was nice of you to wait until the other kids were involved in something else.
but i'm guessing there's more to the story. the tree may have been flimsy, or on someone else's property, or there may have been a sign, or some of the kids might have been horsing around up there and she was worried. if other mothers were freaking out too, it seems to me there at least MIGHT have been a reason. most moms aren't anti-tree climbing in principle.
so it's possible they're all helicopter moms, it's also possible there are factors we haven't heard.
i HAVE told kids not my own to please find another tree if i've observed them cracking fragile branches or otherwise damaging it. some trees aren't suitable for climbing.
khairete
S.

Don't give that other mom another thought. She's one of those paranoid mom's that probably wraps her kid in bubble wrap and everything else when riding a bike.

It's OKAY to let a child climb a tree!! I totally agree with you!!! It's MY kid. While I would've told the other mom - 'hey, I'm here and I'm FINE with MY child climbing a tree." it's NOT her place to tell your child what to do.

Yes. there will be mom's who site "safety" - however - if you are there - that's YOUR responsibility - NOT hers. Safety is running in the street, swimming alone, etc. But if you are there? She should NOT have told your child what to do.

I now wish I had a house with a yard and tree in it...I want to climb! (DD has loads of time to catch up to the climbing stage...)

Nah, you're doing perfectly OK.

But just an afterthought. The other mom also probably did what she thought was best. At the time when all kids were climbing, and she needed to 'protect' hers, she could not have made her child alone climb down. It would have made her child feel left alone, and would have made the other kids not like her. The kids probably don't like her now too, but its just a -roll your eyes- "Mom!!" thing now.

As for her not talking to you now, well, she just has to learn to be more accepting! And do tell your kid, that even though you think its ok to climb trees, that there may be other moms and dads who don't think that way. So, if such people ever tell her not to, she (your DD) shouldn't feel bad. :)