Dreams

You miss what you need that you don't have now. not the ex. I'd chat w/the hubby, perhaps you are stuck in a rut. therapy is always an option : ) good luck

Just wanted to let you know that you are not alone. I have a very similar situation. My marriage is dead. No excitement, no romance. Together for our daughter at the moment although our relationship is not a good example of a marriage. We've been to counseling and I feel like after so many let downs, I'm emmotionally checked out. Best of luck. It's good to hear you're not the only one.

Yes I have had similar dreams. Your subconscious will keep sending you this message until you respond. I often help my clients interpret their dreams. You are missing the romance you had with your ex ~not your ex. Make the move to be more romantic in the way of your choice & then at the right (relaxed) time ask your husband kindly & gently for what you want. My hubby & I have been married for 26+ years & I have had to start these conversations more times than I can count. At first I resented it & now I just accept that I am the one to take responsibility to move forward with any changes/issues. Focus on all the things you can be grateful for in your relationship. & then move to make it better.

hello, don't think about ever leaving your husband without trying really hard to get the flame back in your marriage are you trying? do some things diffrent to get him off the couch sometimes we tend to just sit and let it slip away. you know what will excite your husband. first and foremost talk to your husband let him know how you feel about him on the couch all the time. as for the ex remember the grass always look grenner ont other side but is it truly or are you wearing green shades.

M., I'm not sure how old you are to determine how long it has been since you have been with your x. But, people change. Your memories are what you hold dear because you were young and theres nothing better than young love. I dated someone for four years in hs and beginning of college and I was his world. It was an incredibly easy relationship. He adored me and life was easy. But I was young and hadnt experienced life. After our breakup he met someone and got married within a year. I put him in my book of past and locked the door. While I was away at college he was gong through a divorce (he was three years older than me) and he called me out of the blue. I was in an incredibly healthy loving relationship that any woman would have loved and I loved the man I was with but I allowed the past to interfere which ended the realtionship in college. In the end he was not the man I new no matter what we tried. Ironically I returned home and married an old hs friend of his. I never would have thought this would be the outcome but I am incredibly lucky to have my husband. We may not always agree and truley loving somone and being married means work. It's not easy and if someone says it is they are lying. Even the best relationship hit speed bumps and mountains but how you get through those together is how strong your realtionship is. So get out of your dreams and put the energy into your marriage and hopefully your dreams will turn into reality with the man you live with.

ps. remember I only understand what you tell me so I'm not in your relationship but good luck and I hope you are happy.

Well, there's a lot going on in your message. Let me see if I can break it down.

1. You're staying together for your son. That's never good, but I do understand, having been/am there before. It's a trade off. As the woman, you would most likely get custody if you left. BUT, if you're just bored with the marriage, not getting enough attention, and/or sex and romance, get in line. It's not enough to get divorced over IMO, but it IS something that should be brought up and addresses. Your feelings and needs are very important, and he shouldn't ignore them or you.

2. The dreams. Well, depends on what you believe. They are a mix of past memories, current state of your life, and your dreams, your wishes. Your ex is a fantasy. I'm sure he isn't a saint, has his shortcomings, but you remember all these great things about him. If he was so great, why is he your ex? Was it him or you that ended it? Obviously you're a bit distressed he's engaged, and that's 100% normal. Your dreams aren't normal, they are, IMO, an extension of your subconscious, and should be paid attention to. They only lead you back to the realities of your life.

3. You can try to work out your problems, or you can get a divorce. Or you can be miserable. Divorce is very difficult. I'd try to put some more effort into your relationship. What is he into, what does he need? Most men, and I can speak from experience, being a man, don't need much. Some time to be a guy - play softball, go bowling, drink a beer, watch football, etc. They'd like some praise, support, and attention "Richard, you're so great with the kids. When I saw you reading them CURIOUS GEORGE last night, that was so sweet. They really love your attention." And of course, the sex. Every man wants and needs sex on a way more regular basis then you may know. Unless you have REALLY let yourself go, and/or are constantly nagging and criticizing him (rightly so or not), you should be having sex 1-5 times a week. A sex life is a VERY good indicator of how you relate to each other. Most people can't fake intimacy, if they are mad, sad, depressed, or frustrated it is VERY hard to just turn it on. Unless you two are supermodel hot and lust just takes over. It's a combination of ALL of these things.

To sum up: dreams ok, you miss the idea of your ex, and you unhappy with your husband. Work on the things you CAN possibly change. If in time they don't change, and you don't love him any more, then get divorced. Life is too short to be miserable.

Best of luck, and PM me if you want to talk more privately. I understand your feeling, and how complicated it is. You are not alone, and you ARE loved.

Peace,
Richard

PS-OH, and do NOT tell him about the dreams. It will ONLY hurt his feelings and push you further apart.

hi M.,

I hope you will try to hang in there. Could your dreams just be your way of realizing you have to truly let go of your ex because he is now engaged? All marriages go through times when the sparks go away - but things can get better, trust me on that.

Someone once told me that the secret to a happy marriage is to forgive each other over and over again. Your husband is likely aware of the lack of closeness as well, but often guys just don't know how to fix things so they 'shut down', go into their 'cave' - which can be the couch and the t.v. I hope you will try to be understanding with your husband, wait until he finally emerges from his 'cave' (he will) and he'll be ready to communicate - but it takes patience and kindness from you....and then you'll be on your way to a better relationship. Or, you can get a divorce (I've done that) and it's awful.

hugs,

I think you are missing something that you need to work out with your husband. Or looking at a time when things were more care free and romantic.

I know I hold on and romanticize past relationships when I am lacking something in the one I have.

Talk to him, voice your needs and ask him if there are needs he has.

M.,

I have always had very very vivid dreams. Nightmares, odd dreams, etc. I even answered the question about dying in your dream and dying in real life - you don't. ;)

BOTH times when I was pregnant, I dreamt about my first "love". He lives in WI and I wanted to find him SO badly after the dreams. Just to see how he turned out. Every now and then I will still have a dream about him and it will stick with me for the day and then it passes.

Here's the difference, I'm still madly in love with my husband. I still get excited to see him when he comes home - after 10 years of being together.

I think your situation is compounded with the fact that you may be unhappy in your marriage so ANYTHING looks/feels exciting.

IMO, work on your marriage and leave your dreams where they are - in your mind.

Good luck, though. I can imagine how you feel.

T.