Drowsy but Awake

I think in our society we are too eager to rush our kids out of our arms and into indepedence. My best suggestion is to go ahead and rock her to sleep. I rocked all 3 or my kids until they were really asleep, and even let them sleep in my bed as babies. Don't worry that your going to spoil her so she'll never sleep on her own. My 'babies' are now 5, 7, and 10 and they all take themselves to bed, sometimes with a simple tuck-in and sometimes all by themselves. Honestly, I miss the rocking and singing and cuddling. Don't rush her into independently soothing her to sleep. There's plenty of time.

You've got some great advice already. Colleen had some great ideas. I found that the baby would be asleep in my arms and woke up when I put her down. I figured out it was the change of temperature that did it so I used a heating pad to warm her bed and removed it before I laid her down. I know I can't sleep if I am cold. Note: never leave a heating pad in the crib/bed. If you are worried about using one, try a Bed Buddy you can heat in the microwave. Like the other Mom's advise - start early teaching them to "self-soothe" and everyone will be happier. Good luck.

Hi A. I hear you, those first months with little or no sleep are tough. I am against crying it out I believe it teaches our children not to trust that we are there for them. I have used a wonderful book to help me be my kids sleep couch. It's called "Good Night Sleep Tight: The Sleep Ladys Gentle Guide to Helping Your Child Go to Sleep, Stay Asleep, and Wake Up Happy." by Kim West. This gives wonderful advice from birth to 5 years. I know there are several others that are good I have a friend who used "Good sleep habits happy child". Anyway the sleep lady has taught me how to gently teach my little ones how to go to sleep on there own. They still need a little extra help sometimes and that's ok. I think the main thing for us was to create a routine and stick to it. This can be whatever you want but it helps if its close to the same time each night and in the same order this little sequence of activities will trigger babies brain it's sleep time. Different babies go through this a little differently. My first liked me to pat him on the back a little bit after laying him down. My second liked me to leave her alone and let her do it for the most part. She would fuss for a while, but my help seamed to make it even harder for her. So do some experimenting and see what your baby likes. Another part of it is to have a basic routine through the day when meal times are basically the same each day play times, nap times extra it helps them put thing in order and sleep better at night. One other tid bit babies at this age should not be sleeping in motion whenever possible a car or baby swing will keep there brain from going into the deeper sleep that they need. Contrary to popular belief babies at this age can learn to sleep for an eight hour stretch and they don't need to eat during that eight hours baring any health issues of course. At five months they can stretch it out to 10 or 11 hours. Inconsistant naps during the day will throw off night sleep. If they have had a lot of activity that day you can stretch out the bedtime routine a little more wind down if they need it. My sleep routine is anywhere from 20 minutes to an hour depending on there needs. This subject is a bit of a passion for me so forgive me for going on and on. It took probably about 3 weeks for my kids to really start doing it on there own. Some nights are tougher than others. I learned from my book that when they wake up before you want them up depending on the type of cry you can either wait for 5 minutes or so to see if they can settle back down, or if it's a I need you now cry you can go right in give them a little comfort. I would use some sushing or a little pat on the back to let them know mommys here. As you respond to there cries they will learn that mommy is there and will come if I need her that builds there confidence so they can go back to sleep easier on there own. If it sounds like you can give them a little more time to do it on there own after going right away the first two nights, but if it sound like they are escalating instead of settling after a few minutes go back in, or you can try comforting from the door. With my son that worked I would gently say it's ok go to sleep I love you at the door and he would settle back down. I hope this helps I know I can get rambling. I love this subject, and would love to be more help if you want to e-mail me directly with more details. Thanks, here's to everyone getting better sleep.
Good Luck

have you tried music?? something that is soothing--nice guitar music that has a flowing rhythm,not too loud or crazy, and has same volume throughout the piece. my husband is a professional musician and we had similar problems with our girls. i told him to please record nice guitar music for our first daughter to help her get to sleep and stay asleep (she was very collicky). it worked wonders!! And our second daughter responded just as well. and I am happy to report i got good sleep!!

My 3 month old daughter has slept throught the night since she was born (8pm-7am). She is just over 12lbs now and was 7lbs when she was born. She is very happy, giggly and constantly rolling around. I see no bad effects at all that might come from her sleeping through the night.

Anyways, I nurse her until she is almost asleep and then lay her in her bassinet, which sometimes wakes her up. So I turn on her music and then her mobile and leave the room. That works about 95% of the time, if she does not settle I assume she is still hungry and feed her again until she is almost asleep and then repeat the process.

All babies are different though, so just keep trying things until you find what works, but becareful how caught up you get in what babies should or should not be doing at whatever age they are. I say if they are happy and healthy with whatever routine you and your baby set, then it is the right routine. = )

The sooner you set a routine the sooner they will sleep through nite. I feed mine a bowl of baby rice, thick, play with her on floor(tummy, try to stand-sorta exercises) lay her down with bottle and turn on her musical star with lights from walmart and she is out in less than 5 now and sleeps for 7-9 hours straight. music and lights help her to understand what time it is and keeps her attention so she don't cry.

Hi A.-
Our son is now 2 1/2 but the one thing that helped us when he was smaller was the CD player. I'd play classical music for him when he went down to sleep, (it was on a timer so would turn off on its own). We also had a mobil that played classical music that he seemed to enjoy (until he could reach it and then we had to remove it:)). When he got older, he would then ask to have his music turned on...not sure if this helps you or not but it worked for us.

Hi A. - Here are some strategies we used with my first son to help him go to sleep on his own. He was fussier than my second. My second fell asleep at the breast and there was just nothing I could do about it. Amazingly, it was my second who has never had a problem falling asleep on his own. We do our bedtime routine, plop him in bed, say prayers and goodnights and we are out of there.

It's important to mention that people often dont use "drowsy but awake" correctly. For a tiny baby like yours, it means that they are just on the cusp on going really asleep - where they care more about just closing their eyes than engaging with you.

Look and listen for cues from your baby. I would walk and sing with my son before laying him down and I learned that when he let out a little sigh, then he was ready for me to lay him down. How I layed him down was very important and made all the difference. I liked using a fleece or flannel crib sheet because they didnt have that "cold" feeling that can startle them. I also very carefully held him close to me while I was bending over the crib and held him close all the way to the bed. My son hated that "floating" feeling. Once I had him on the bed with my chest very close, I would stand up slowly, keeping a hand on his chest or on top of his head or both. This gave him the feeling like I was still holding him. I would stay there until he was relaxed and then slowly take my hands away and quietly walk out of the room. Mostly, it's about creating a smooth transition between the comfort of being held by mom and feeling warm and safe in bed.

I hope that helps you!

Admittedly it's been awhile, but I do know the younger you start, the better. It's good you are doing it now rather than waiting until she is older and possibly dealing with separation anxiety. I'm sure there were nights of fussiness, but I mainly remember my babies laying in their beds and cooing for a bit before nodding off. I know I nursed them, but if they dropped off while nursing I made sure to rouse them a bit before putting them down to get them used to it. Initially, I believe I stood by for a minute, rubbing their head or back, then I would just stand for another minute. Then I would gradually leave the room. Eventually, it got to where I could lay them down, give them a kiss and leave. I don't remember there being a whole lot of trauma with this, again probably because I started it early. Good luck!

My baby has slept through the night since he was 4 months old, so it is possible. That said it is important to remember that all babies are different. My son is very independent and does very well at entertaining and calming himself. What worked for us was when he was 3 months old I decided it was time to teach him to go to sleep by himself. i didn't want to just put him in his bassinet and walk away so when i noticed he was getting tired and rocked him for a minutes. When he was good and drowsy I put him in his swing. We kept it in the living room in a place that he could see that I was in the room with him. I found a rather brisk swing was the best, he got bored with a slow one. Sometimes he wouldn't even stir, other times he woke right up and started crying. I know you don't like the cry out method, but it does work. (no reason to let your baby scream for hours by any means though!) I set a time limit, more for myself then him really, and I started small. I let him cry for 3 minutes, then went over there and hushed him and held his hand, then gave him another 3 minutes. I slowly upped the time that I would let him cry, and to this day we never let him cry for more than 10 minutes. I was astonished at how quickly he learned. within 2 days he was napping all by himself in his swing. He would cry for a few minutes, but then he would quiet right down and go to sleep. We used this with the basinet at night too. He still woke up for his night feedings but was much easier to lay back down. At 4 months I noticed that we were waking him up when we would come into our bed room at night to go to bed, so we moved him to his own room and crib. We were up to 10 minutes of crying, but rarely would he go bend that. He has slept through the night ever since. Now bed time is easy, a diaper change, a book, a kiss and lay him down. If he does cry beyond the 10, I go in there and pat him for a moment then sit in a chair where he can see but I do not pick him up. In the rare event he does wake up at night, I use the same concept. If he is just whimpering and cooing I do not count that in his 10 minutes. When he starts a consistent cry I start the clock. It usually never lasts more than 4 minutes, but sometimes (during growth spurts or teething) he will go for the full 10. In that case I do get him right up and feed him. He goes right back down after his bottle. Also remember that "sleeping through the night" to a baby means 6 hours, while for us it's more like 8 or 9 or 10, or even 12. I wish you luck on your attempts. Also if you really do not approve of the cry it out method, you can check out a book called "The No cry Sleep Solution." I read it when my son was 2 months old, and while i didn't use all the tactics, she does have great ideas on how to track your babies sleep patterns, and helps you to understand HOW babies sleep. With that knowledge I was able to realize that my baby was normal in wanting to sleep with us and be held all the time, and after using some of her tracking methods, realized that my baby was quite a good little sleeper. That paved the way for me to be more positive about his sleeping habits and mine! Good luck!

My daughter was about the same age when I started trying to put her in her crib while she was awake. I have only done it for nap time however. But what I did was put her in her crib gave her her pacifier, turned on the mobile and then left her there. I would listen close so that if she did start crying I could go back in and comfort her with out picking her up. And it didn't take long she went to sleep. It tooks her maybe 20 min. or so to fall asleep. Just remeber when you go back in to comfort, don't take long say something like "time for night night go to sleep". And then walk out of the room again. Hope it goes well for you!
B. O
The MOM Team
www.4ellise.com

For my daughter, I changed her in jammies, got her a clean diaper and all of that, got her bottle out and would sit in the rocking chair in her room, I would play with her cheek, rub her arm, anything to keep her stimulated while feeding to a degree, I would burp and rock her slightly until she was heading down the path of extreme drowsy then I would lay her in her crib, put on her music box and walk out of the room.
She sometimes fussed, but I just stayed out of the room for a few minutes and let her try to fall asleep on her own.
I didn't do crying it out, I did let them fuss for a good 10 to 15 mintues after they hit six months before I rushed into them.

What saved my sanity when my son woke up in the middle of the night or was trying to go to sleep was this little bit of advice - wait 15 minutes. Crying is the babies way of decompressing - he/she needs that time to sort themselves out. If a parent is in the room, they don't get the time that they need to let it all go. The comparison was to just coming out of a loud party with a lot of strobelights - the baby feels the same way about the world right now as you would coming out of that party. As much as you might have enjoyed the party, you need time to yourself afterwards to recover and relax. So I timed it - and sure enough, 99% of the time, after 15 minutes, he was asleep. I also started to figure out his cries - when he was truly upset vice when he just needed to vent, and I always went in right away if I thought he really was upset. Hope this helps!

First of all, sleep when she sleeps -- get any rest you can, while you can! Most important!

If you set her down and she cries a little, and you know she's ok and has been fed, let her cry. If you keep picking her up to sooth her and calm her she won't learn to settle herself down. Trust me, in the beginning, it will be harder on you then it is on her. If it would make you feel better, stay with her, while she's lying down and if she fusses just rub her tummy or gently rub her cheek and speak softly to her or even hum to her. She should settle right down -- and it will calm you down as well. Good luck! Happy napping! :)

Hi, my daughter is 4 months old now. At about 3 months it was just too much on my back to hold her until she fell asleep. And then she'd wake up when I laid her down and I have to hold her longer--it was tough. So what we started doing is swaddling her and rocking her for about 30 seconds to a minute and then laying her down and putting in her pacifier. At bedtime is the only time she uses the pacifier, so I think this (along with being swaddled) is also a cue for her that it's time to sleep. Sometimes she immediately closes her eyes and sometimes not. At first she'd wake right up when the pacifier fell out and we'd stay in the room for the first few minutes to put back in for her. But now we just lay her down and walk out of the room and she's fine and doesn't wake up anymore when it falls out. Sometimes for naps she'll wake up after 45 minutes (which is a sleep cycle for a baby) and I'll just put the pacifier back in and she falls back asleep. I also have a two year old, so it was very hard for me to take too much time putting the baby to sleep as the two year old would wake her up just when she was almost asleep. So the fact that I can just lay her down and leave is working out great for all of us! Good luck!

Hi A.,

I have a 4.5 month old and we have been putting him down to sleep while he is still awake for the last month or so. I do not believe in crying it out - I think it teaches babies that no one will respond to their cries and they simply give up. Responding to a crying baby is a natural instinct and scientists in sleep labs would like us to think differently.

Anyway - a good routine will need to be established. You'll want to do the same thing before naps and bedtime so that your baby knows what to expect. First you need to recognize their sleep cues (rubbing eyes, yawning, fussing, becoming quiet, staring off into space). A 4 month old can really only handle 2 hours of awake time. Start your wind down routine as soon as they display tired signs - like reading a story, wrapping them in a blanket or swaddle, saying 'time to sleep', rocking them etc. You'll then lay them down in their crib and help them go to sleep by rubbing their head or patting them. It's important to not make eye contact or talk so that they know it's not playtime. Their room should also be dark so that visual stimulation is blocked. You'll do this less and less as time goes on until one day you can just lay them down (hopefully).

I hope this helps!