So, on a slightly lighter note....
I've been having a parenting dllemna rolling around in my head for a while, and thought I'd ask for opinions and related stories.
I have two related instances where I've ... well... lied ...to my 3 yr old daughter (one by omission):
1) She got a candy necklace for a birthday favor. We've never clued her in that it is candy.
She proudly wears her "rainbow" necklace and it a prized possession. We've had to ask her to stop wearing it out and about in the general world when one of her little friend's brother's tried to eat it. We've so strongly drilled not putting things in her mouth, that it has never occurred to her to taste it, and probably never will.
2) This summer I told her the ice cream truck was a "music truck."
As we were walking along a street full of kids, the ice cream truck stopped a little behind us. As various kids ran for money and got their chemical laden junk, she put her little hand in mine, looked up at me and said happily "The music truck!" I felt two simultaneous strong feelings:
1) Really proud of myself for avoiding the whole question.
2) Like a really lousy mother for lying to my kid.
So, what do you think? Bad, Good, both? Similar stories?
NOTE: I don't have a problem with ice cream, just the overpriced junk on the truck. And I know that by this summer the jig will probably be up and will deal with it more directly. I'm just curious - breaking trust of small person OR great dodge?
To the person who said I was dodging dealing with it - yeah, you are right. But again, by next year I know that we'll talk about it directly. I'm not sure how Laura U's parents kept it up for 6 years. Impressive! Hopefully by the time she is four, I won't have to go through 16 rounds of "why?" to explain it.
I'm Jewish, and we don't do the easter bunny or santa, and the tooth fairy is a number of years away, so I haven't had to confront those moral ambiguities. I'm glad, frankly, because I've always felt uncomfortable with the Santa thing, especially when parents use it as a way to enforce good behavior around xmas.
Yes, @Sunshine she is a delight and a joy. Thanks!
I vote: Evil Genius! LOL
Here's the thing...she's 3.
You won't be able to get away with this forever.
Gotta ride the wave while you can!
Lying would be: "Mommy, are those kids buying ice-cream from that truck?" "No, sweetie, they're paying for the songs!" You didn't outright lie, you just found a creative way to explain the truck. At some point, when the jig is about to be up, you can tell her "And did you know that the music truck ALSO sells Ice-cream?!"
And a candy necklace is still a necklace. There's no reason to point out that it's candy...
Evil genius, I think...
You're my hero and I love your brain!!
I don't think its terrible...but I do think your avoiding telling her the truth so that you don't have to say no.....
Evil genius! BWAHAHA! :)
I've always told my kids that I put a special chemical in the pool that will make the water around them turn green if they pee in it.
i have a friend that has told her children that the arcades are money grabbers! she has told them that the machines take your money and give you nothing in return!
also too if you are worried about lying to your daughter do you tell her the santa brings her presents or the tooth fairy leaves money under her pillow? what about the easter bunny. parents lie to their children all the time!!
i don't think what you did was lying to her-protecting her is a better way of saying it!!
You aren't lying to your child, or breaking their trust, you are simply not telling them EVERYTHING. And that, in my mind, is fine. After all, when my 4 year old demanded, in the middle of the grocery store, that I explain how babies are made, I definitely did not stop the cart and explain intercourse in vivid detail. I gave her the short version that was age-appropriate. She asked if baby humans hatch out of eggs and I told her that Moms have eggs in them and yes, babies come from eggs. I did not lie to her, I just gave her a shortened truth that omitted some of the details. The ice cream truck makes music and therefore could certainly be referred to as The Music Truck (which incidentally, also contains ice cream bars)! Don't feel guilty!
Brilliant! Wish I had thought of that. I love the memories of the ice cream
truck from when I was a kid but now I dread it as I wasn't as smart &
bought my son his first. Done. Over. The sound never to return to it's
innocent sound again. Dang it.
My mom was super creative doing this: If we left our toys out, she would
tell us the little green men would come & take them. Obviously we
didn't listen until one night when I found my ladder to my baby's bunk
bed pushed over to a hole in the wall (for a speaker we had yet to install)
with some of my toys peeking out of the hole. Needless to say, I not only picked up my toys off the ground but used to jump into bed once I
turned my light switch off as I would afraid they'd grab my feet from
under my bed. Ha ha.
Cute post. But really you are not giving yourself the opportunity to practice being the adult in charge. Really, it's not so hard to matter of factly say "That's a music and ice cream truck. We don't buy from it because we don't want you to have those ice creams. But it does have great music, doesn't it!" These little opportunities to build trust are as important as the big issues. And we need our children to trust us always, so that we can protect them and so they will come to us with anything on their minds. My best to you.
LOL this post reminds me of the show where the adult man finds out his pet "turtle" was a rock or a potato or something. Everybody loves Raymond I think.
MY MOM TOLD ME IT WAS THE MUSIC MAN TOO!!! LOL
I grew up in Southern CA and that truck came through our neighborhood every single day. And they didn't only have ice cream...oh no! there was candy and chips and soda...everything! So, they called it the music trick and for 6 years I did not go running in the house every day begging for a treat. Beautiful.
L.
I think you've handled it brilliantly! I've done similar things and I don't see any harm. You have to say no to your kids a 100 times a day. I don't see anything wrong with taking the opportunity to avoid it once in a while. As others have said, you won't be able to get away with this forever.
My daughter is 6 now and she seems to still trust me :) She still believes in Santa and the Easter Bunny and the Tooth Fairy. I want her to grow up believing that magical things happen in the world. As you grow up you see enough harsh reality, but I want her to be able to see magic too.
BTW, my sisters and I I look back and laugh at similar things like this our Mom did when we were kids. We didn't lose any trust in her.
You are totally not evil! We had the "happy music truck" thing going almost the WHOLE summer until an uninitiated babysitter blew our cover and from then on we were forced to buy ice cream every time that god-forsaken truck drove by the playground (right before naptime! hooray!)
You are a genius! And you haven't lied, a candy necklace is still a necklace! And an ice cream truck IS a music truck since it does indeed play music! :)
Your daughter sounds like an absolutely joy. Pat yourself on the back for cleverly avoiding over consumption of candy AND for getting your daughter to listen when you tell her not to put stuff in her mouth. I can't seem to get that through my kids heads!
She will figure out it's an ice cream truck when she sees kids walking away eating their ice cream pretty soon, then she'll have you caught and you will have to think of an answer for her. With candy and such, I tell them the truth, and then educate them on it, when it's okay, when it isn't, why we can't get t every time.... Plus, sometimes it's so fun watching them pick out their ice cream and enjoying it!
As for lies by omission... I have hid the controllers to the xbox, simply b/c I was sick and tired of telling the kids No to the video games. I simply removed the temptation. Not exactly the same thing, I suppose.
I did the same things. I think you are doing it to protect your daughter. So don't feel guilty.
I brainwashed my daughters to hate Barbie dolls as much as I did. I convinced my kids there were real rats at Chuck e Cheese. I see nothing wrong with your persuasion beyond I wish I had thought to call the ice cream truck was a music truck.
O well I will pass that one on to my kids so they can deceive the next generation when they have them.
Oh my kids don't mind the lies. My favorite was my older two teaching the younger two the quiet game. :)
I took a different approach. I did tell my kids about pop, candy, and other junk but said that it rots their teeth, causes obesity and is full of unhealthy and sometimes dangerous chemicals.
Furthermore, we (adults) don't drink pop, eat junk, or have it in the house at all and never introduced them to these things. We don't eat it at other people's homes either.
To this day, they (kids) of their own choosing, do not drink pop, only want water and drink water, and don't even break down to pressure when hanging with friends who do eat the stuff. They eat very healthy all in all and I never had to force it on them or lie.
I don't think you need to lie if you make it a way of life. They learn their habits early and well. If it's the norm at home to not eat these foods, chances are very good they won't care for it outside the home. Kids do listen to their parents and model what they see. They really do, contrary to popular research and opinion.
She is going to find out one day... what it is. Maybe.
If she happens to encounter these things on her own, one day, again.
Or if another kid tells her.
But most all parents, do do things like that.
But, its amazing sometimes.... what a 'photographic' memory a kid has.
My daughter and son... will bring things up from 2-3 years ago and tell me about it, detail by detail, verbatim, about what "I" said.
What an ooops, moment.
;)
There's a big difference between omission and lying. There's nothing wrong with waiting til she's older to tell her things you don't want her to know yet. Besides, at this age, she might try to bite into a different necklace and end up breaking a tooth!
Save other facts about things, like the ice cream truck, for when she is older and you are ready to buy her ice cream at the truck.
It's okay to leave out all the facts - especially for toddlers!
LOL!
Dawn
