Facing Divorce with Two Children

I've been through a divorce & I've left my kids father after 3yrs as a sahm to become a single parent so I have a good understanding of your fears. I'm not gonna lie to you & say its easy cause its one of the hardest things you'll ever do in life but once you do make that first step, you'll soon gain a lot of confidence, just knowing you're that strong that you can do it. I had some dark days after leaving my kids' father but most days I felt so much better about myself. What side of town are you on? I know a lot of ppl willing to help each other out in similar situations that I'd be more then happy to try getting you the help you need. There's assistance programs you can get on to help pay for childcare, to help you go back to school if thats what you decide also, for getting a place to live, for just about anything you need. I'd start by calling your local DCFS office (Morgan County is ###-###-####) & filling out an application, tell them you want to apply for any that you'd qualify for. That would cover up to childcare, foodstamps, healthwise insurance for you & the kids, housing that goes by your income, and/or going back to school. They can also help you find a job if you can't find one on your own. Will you be applying for child support? Marion County, you'd call ###-###-#### to get that started (it costs $25 but is free if you're on any assistance). If you ever want to talk just give me a holler, I'm always looking forward to meeting more friends & good luck!

Hi L.,

My name is C.. Wow, You are telling my story. My husband left right after my son was born. My daughter was three years old. I had no skills, no job, no child support and my parents retired and moved 1000 miles away. I went back to school and receive a certificate in accounting. A one year program. That landed me my first real job. I still struggled, but I made enough money to feed us. Then I applied for a Habitat house and I got it. That gave us a nice house at a affordable rate. (Legal Aid helped me with the divorce back in 1989. Pell grants paid for my schooling) Looking back now that my kids are grown, the biggest mistake I made was not raising my children in Church. God in the only thing that you really need. If you live for God, everything else will work out. The best advice I can give you is to get yourself and your kids in a Good Bible believing Church. (King James Bible only) Your Church family can big a huge blessing in all your lives. If you become a member of the right Church, they will help meet your needs and help you raise your kids. And when your kids are grown, you will have no regrets. I promise. I am remarried. We celebrated our 8th Wedding Aniversary yesterday. I love God, and my Church. I love my husband and I love my life. Where there is God there is hope. I wish you the very best. God Bless. C. D.

You are in my prayers. Congrats on getting yourself out of a situation with your husband that on the surface appears to be a destructive one for you and your children.
Legal Aid can help you find an attorney with reasonable costs, they aren't hard to locate. You might also talk to child services and see if they can assist you with the names of some reasonable attorneys. At worse case senerio I think IN may still have the no-fault clause which allows you to file without legal council. You could also contact your church if you have one currently and ask them for assistance finding an attorney.
I live in Hendricks County, FSSA here is ###-###-####. If he is refusing to pay child support etc. FSSA will be able to help you food and insurance for the children and yourself.
Work One will be able to help you find a job, or get grant or financial aide to go back to school. You can take the children to the office with you if need to and use their computers, etc. to help locate employment and it is free. They will help you build a resume, etc.
Most employers know working parents will have to take time off work when the children are ill. There are women's shelters out there who will help you get moved out, supply you with a place to stay, food, and child care while you find a job and get on your feet. I suggest you look into them.
I would suggest you talk to FSSA (family social services, they have lists of food pantries, child care assistance, etc.) available on their counters. Again if you have a current religious center they will usually help with child care until you are established.
Talk to your local county offices, they can also direct you to assistance programs you may need.
I am a single, widow, raising a 10 year old, I have been out of work since Good Friday and previously had lost my job with the state January 8th due to the contract not being renewed and went back to work February 17th (again with the state) only to have the position cut out due to financial cut backs.
The job market where I live is very poor and I am still searching. I have no family in the state either and my aunt in WI is in her mid 70's, not a place I can go.
My final suggestion is prayer, when the door closes a window opens, give it up to someone stronger than you and know if you are trying to help yourself then help and solutions will be forthcoming.
You have failed to state if you have sought marriage counseling and therapy. If not the courts may request it.
If your husband agrees to a set amount of money weekly to assist with the children get it in writing, make sure it is signed (by both of you and dated) and notorized to give to the courts. This is a very important step in this process.
Have faith in yourself, you will gain confidence when you are taking the steps. It will not be easy, nothing ever is, but it sounds to me like it is best for you and the children to move on to a better you and a better life.

P. R

Hang in there! Everything will work out. Find a friend or two you can talk to that will be willing to help you out. Even if they are working, maybe they can offer to help on an emergency basis for one year until you get your time in a workplace.
I don't know if courts offer free counsel for divorces, but you should check that out. Maybe your parents could cover the cost until you can pay them back?

I must say, first of all you need to realize it is very hard out here and this can be done. You have to be organized, strong willed, and brave enough to do all this on your own. If your children are sick- you are it- you cannot trust anyone else- you have to take out time from work to take care of them. Leaving them with someone else is not the same unless its a grandparent. You have no one else to rely on and you cannot afford to be depressed. Be sure prior to your divorce- depending upon the reason-is he unfaithful/etc or is it you that has decided its enough. It is better to reconcile with you husband because no one else will care as the father does - can you remain in the marriage and go to school. You have to be able to support yourself (+ kids) prior to exiting your relationship. Do not do it blindly. Make sure you are secure if you really have to do this- if not reconsider for the sake of your children- and keep your family together; there is nothing better than being with the one you chose to love and cherish - through thick and thin. A divorced road is much harder on you and kids that a married life. You can do much more when you are married; in other words get a career before you divorce if you must; sounds crazy- but its the bare fact. Seek counseling (go to a church- marriage retreat; do what it takes to keep your family)- unless there is a reason that you absolutely cannot. I hope it helps

I dont know what state you live in, but there are programs out there to help you. Dont be to proud, cause pride will bring you down. Integrity will help you get through. Also, dont take any job that you can not be up front with regarding sick days concerning your children. I know what its like as I live in a state where I have no family to speak of. Just let your children know that things are going to be rough for a while and that you all will make it through the tough times if you pull together. I have been in your situation and we made it, I know you can make it. I am not ashamed to say that prayer and faith helped me more than I could ever describe.

Hi L.,
Hang in there eventually you'll find that no man is actually easier. It's like one less child to care for. I was raised by a single mother with 3 of us, and my brothers and I are just fine. I was a single teenage mother of one My daughter is now 19 going to college and a beautiful girl. I worked 2 jobs at times to put her through private school and pay the bills. You will find out there are lots of single moms in the world,and a fewyou will become close to. Always be honest with your girls but don't tell them about all your worries you won't want to stress them out. Alot of love, guidance, and fun days with mom and you to will have wonderful young women one day. Since the girls are school age it will be easier to find after school care for a few hours. Some jobs even offer mothers hours. Jobs aren't so hard on you if you have to miss work for kids although its good to have backup. Another mom from school or a friend to help in emergencies. Don't worry about explaining the divorce as long as the girls know it's not thier fault and that you both love them. My childs father was not in her life and came back 16 years later. I never spoke ill of him and I let her make up her own mind. They are not close but I have a relationship with my astrained father. So no worries and smile. and most of all don't neglect your own needs. You have to have a social life too. One day if you find a good man introduce him slowly to the kids cuz kids can be mean to a new man. It took my husband several years to get on my daughters good side. Best of luck to you.M. L.