Family Falling Apart! Encouragement Please!

can i get some coffee, please. first off, i am not one of those"oh, he is a child molester, lets hold his hand, blame the child he molested and everybody go home "if he molested another child, related to him or not, the first thing to do is CONFRONT HIM, demand to know why he did this, and dont let him blame the child he molested by saying, "look how she was dressed, i didnt do anything wrong", dont let him out of your sight for a second when he is around you or your family, and dont care if he is just patting your neighbors dog across the street. then, sit down and talk to the rest of the family and find out how many other children he has molested., where there is one victim that has come forward, there are usually at least a dozen more that he has bullied into keeping silent. these children that he has molested are relying on you to be their hero, dont screw this up by letting him get away with it.
been there. done that.
K. h.
on a side note, dont let him use the phase, " but i was molested, its not my fault" studies have been done involving BOTH violent and non violent child molesters, these studies have shown that child molesters will claim over ninety percent of the time that they were molested, so you cant really blame them, however, when said molester was hooked up to a lie detector, the numbers changed dramatically, the TRUE numbers were more like MAYBE thirty percent, not ninety to ninety five percent.

One day at a time, everyone's in shock. It will pass and work out.

I answered you previous post about this by telling you to call a crisis line of some kind. I would say family counseling is a good idea. I know the boy who molested your neice is your nephew and you love him also and that is part of the problem. But this boy needs help. Usually when a child molests another child he is repeating learned behavior--in other words someone molested him. I can't tell you what will happen to him but if he is reported to the police there is a chance that he will never be able to attend a family function again. He may not be allowed to be around children. That is going to hurt. But the other consequence is that child molesters don't stop--they just get better at not getting caught. Would you ever trust him to be alone with your daughter or granddaughter? I know I wouldn't.
I wish I could say this is going to be easier for you and your family as time goes on but it won't.

In 1999 I reported my dad for domestic violence. It wasn't the first time but he was increasingly drunk and violent and I had had enough. My aunts and uncles instead of calling and asking if we were okay they accused us (my Mom, myself, my son and daughter) of lying. As a result I was disowned by him and all the rest. But now I know my life is so much better without them. Now I concetrate on surrounding myself and my children and grandchildren with loving poeple who will not hurt us and spread lies about us. They are my family the people who love us and treat us with respect and dignity. Those who are biologically connected to me are not family.

Good luck but honestly it will get better. Hopefully your nephew will be able to name his abuser.

My husband always remind me to take the band aid off now so that the healing can begin. The issue had to be adressed for the sake of your niece and her healing process. I am sorry you & the family are going through this! Be strong and know that this to shall pass and the pieces will fall where they land.

Sending you stregnth and peace............

I've been through a very similar, very painful situation. During those first few weeks, it seems unbearable but I prayed a lot and read a lot of Scripture. It was so comforting to know that God was there to pick up the pieces. He is in the restoration business and will bring the healing over time. There are a lot of promises in Scripture. We are all stronger for it and have an even greater faith because of it. I also made a point of looking for God's blessings even in the midst of the pain. What the devil meant for evil, God can turn into good. The biggest blessings were the people that came along side us and found ways to meet our needs. It was a great reminder that God was there to care for us, even though bad things happen. He held us tightly throughout all the ugly parts (legal stuff, confrontations, etc.). Do you have a clergy person that you trust?

Counseling for both the kids and their parents is crucial as there are a lot of wrong ways to deal with devastation. It will allow healthy healing. Think of a deep cut on your arm and imagine a scar. The scar will always be there but it won't hurt anymore if the wound healed properly. If not allowed to heal properly, there could be infection. Your family will get there with the right support. Trust that the professionals will be able to help. Think positively, act positively, etc.

Take it one day at a time. Right now it is all-consuming because it is very painful. Don't stop living. Find ways to laugh with your kids, play with them, dance with them, etc. Don't let this get in the way of being a good mommy to your kids. They need you to be able to put your worries aside and be there for them. When they are at school or asleep, then you can journal or pray, call your niece and her parents, bring food, etc.

Sometimes our growth happens because we have been through the fire. You can be an encourager for others later on after you have been through something like this.

Something is wrong with your nephew. Has he ever gone for a check up? Something doesn't sit right with me on this topic. If he's had a past history then there is some psychological problem in him that probably needs to be addressed. Have him checked out please so this chain reaction can stop now.

You didn't do anything here except be an aunt. Every family has hard times. Keep breathing and support the cousin if she is related to you or someone you know well.
Your nephew needs help too. Someone may have molested him or bullied him to make him act this way.

When you posted this first and said your niece was just molested, I was under the impression it was by an adult..not that that makes it any less important, however, now that you mention it is between two kids the same age, then this seem more like a hormonal thing that got out of hand. The word molested is a strong word.

Your family does not have to break up for this. Sit both your niece and nephew down and talk to them about what they did and how it affected all of you. He is probably feeling upset himself about what he did. Have him apologize to his cousin.

I will be praying for your family to get thru this..

No idea what your family is dealing with, but I tell you this... My husbands family is so drama and I hate it. I'm such a non-drama person. I've kept everyone close enough with honey, but when one cousin that if she didn't know I had a 2nd child that she wouldn't know that she existed and started attacking my parenting, that was it. Everyone talks about every one. You know what? I STAY AWAY. I am really nice to the ones that I like and ignore the ones that try to cause drama. Dealing with it this way has kept my husband and I on the "mostly in" crowd, but honesly could not give a care what his family who doesn't know us thinks. We know us. We are great parents and only rely on ourselves. Think what you want....