Far Deeper than JFF...

I am definitely not who I want to be, but the key is to keep learning and developing as you go.
It’s really hard to not get dragged down, in fact I have been feeling dragged down quite often lately, to the point that I am finding it so hard to find anything positive.
Whoever said that life is a roller coaster got it spot on. But when things get really low I try to remind myself that pretty soon things will look up again and it helps that I have a great husband and kids, but yeah, it’s tough out there in the world.

Yes, I am who I "thought" I would be. I am a very self-aware person and I have been mindful of myself and who I am for a very long time. I have lots of subsets, daughter, wife, mother, business owner, friend, animal lover etc. But WHO I am, what I believe, my ethics, my outlook on life, those I am steadfast in and those never change. There are lots of things I don't know, and places I have not been, but I am open to all things and I take life as it comes. Lots of things have happenned in my life and continue to happen that I did not expect or even want sometimes but at the core, I am who I am, and that is who I thought I would be.

I'm nowhere near what I though I would be or who I thought I would be right now. I type this with tears rolling down my face actually, as it has been a rough few weeks for me.

I used to be strong. You know, young and strong and could take over the world strong?! Now, I'm begging my cheating husband to stay with me. Why? Because, I still love him. I sit here thinking, 'this is not me' yet I keep begging. I never thought MY home would be a broken home. Why me? I'm not this person who cannot keep her husband happy. I'm not her.

Also, I'm a fun person. Not this person that never goes anywhere, doesn't have friends, and hates crowds! I used to love being in a crowd and meeting new people! I was president of my sorority! Now, I hardly fix my hair, hate make-up, and you will find me in jeans and a T-shirt on a good day. I was so much happier when I woke up early to fix me, now I'm just dog tired and boring.

I hate working now. I used to love the feeling it gave me to set goals and surpass them. Now, work makes me cringe.

So, I'm thinking I need a therapist. Because, after typing this I'm thinking I might be depressed. Which is something else I never would have seen myself going through 10 years ago.

:( Sorry for my downer post, but somehow, I feel a little lighter now. Almost like it reminded me of who I can be, and should be. :)

I am NO WHERE near what I thought I would be.

I THOUGHT I would be a Physical Therapist or a Sports Therapist.
I THOUGHT I would be working for some big sports team....

I THOUGHT I would have 4 kids, a Suburban and a Doctorates degree.

Hmmmm...can I get there? Yes on the education and PT items. No on the kids - I'm done having babies. If we had anymore, it would be through adoption.

How do I not get dragged down? I try to remember I'm setting an example for my children. That I am BETTER than the ones who scream "entitlement" around me. I am striving to be the best person I can every day. Am I blunt? Yep. do I have a filter between my brain and my mouth? Nope. Do I want to? Not really.

Am I happy where I am now? For the most part. But there are always things that we can improve upon. It's a matter of us doing it for ourselves or expecting others to do it for us.

I have gone through several permutations in life. I've gone from being a daughter to a career woman, then a wife and ultimately a stay at home mom. I am looking at my next great act. I'll still be a wife and a mom, and I do want to be there for my family because I enjoy the life we have created, but I'm thinking about some of the loftier dreams that I had when I was younger. The dreams that I didn't indulge because I didn't have the time and I was too busy earning a paycheck and making money for other people.

Right now, I am just playing with the idea of pursuing these dreams (that are also family friendly) so I put a little time aside each day to indulge in my fantasy of what my next great sucess would be and spend time working my new trade even if it is for my own personal satisfaction. Someday, when the time is right, I will be ready to move into the next act of my life. For now, I'm just keeping the dream alive and honing my skills.

My suggestion to you is to start journaling. Write down anything and everything that pops into your head, no matter how farfetched it may seem to be. Eventually, you will begin to notice a similar theme developing and you will know what it is that you want to add to your life to make it richer and more meaningful for you.

I am the person I always was...my core personality doesn't change but I continue to learn and grow and over all I am quite happy with myself (I like me). I have life roles that I never thought I would have but what I am doing in life doesn't define me (I know a lot of people don't feel that way but I wonder who or what people are if you strip away all the titles). One example: I never in a billion years thought I would be a full time stay-at-home-parent. I don't know why I thought this because I knew if I had children that I did not want to put them in daycare but I guess I always thought I would have a job on the side at the very least. I am still seeking something at which I truly excel and that I enjoy immensely. There are a lot of things at which I am good but they aren't things that I necessarily enjoy. I guess I would like to feel a spark for something. I must admit that I don't keep myself going very well (I foolishly just want this 'thing' to fall into my lap). Right now I am focused on raising my girls and making everyone else around me happy and content. I figure my time will come. But your post has started me thinking and now I wonder if perhaps it is time for me to have something for me and to seek a little harder rather than waiting for it to just appear to me apparition like.

You need to know who you are. Be totally honest with yourself.

Then you can decide what you like about yourself, what needs improvement or change. Then you need to make a plan to reach these goals.

I am still the same person I have always been, but I am willing to try things outside of my comfort zones. I admit I am frightened, clueless or need support.. This was the hardest part to do.

I was raised to believe, if you want something you have to do it on your own to be a success. In a way this is true, but at one point I realized, I was so independent, I was not allowing others to help me and it hurt their feelings and kept them at a distance.

I love helping people and I find great pleasure and honor being asked to help.. So once I realized there is no shame in asking for help. I have sound so much success and pleasures in my life.

You can find yourself once you totally admit who you are. Then you make goals, plans and execution. If you succeed, that is great. If you do not succeed, it is not a negative it was a learning experience.

Am I who I thought I'd be? No, I would love to be a better person. I am not as much of a go getter as I would like to be. I wish I was more motivated to put myself out there and step out of my comfort zone. I have been married for almost 6 years and all of my friends are still back home (almost 2 hours away). I have met other mom's at activities for the kids and church, but have not reached out to get together besides at those things. I wish I would, but I get shy.

I just finished reading "The Outliers" by Malcolm Gladwell. After studying very successful people in their fields, like Bill Gates, big NY attorneys, the garment industry, business tycoons around the turn of the century, etc...'They' came up with a formula that it takes about 10,000 hours to become exceptional in one area. That means working roughly 8 hours a day for about 10 years.

It was a bit depressing, because I just turned 50 this last year, and have raised 3 sets of kids...I'm still on my last round in parenting ....and I don't think I have it in me to commit to 10,000 hours to become so competent in one field this life.

So I will plod along as a Jack of All Trades and a Master of None I fear.

are you a Christian? Are you doing a Bible Study? Are you making time for your relationship everyday with God? Once I started doing a daily Bible Study, I found that those questions were answered (course then there were awhole lot others that needed answering :) and life had more meaning. The holes were filled in, so to speak.

OMG, we must be the same age (and the same personality). ha-ha! I've been going through this soul searching for nearly a year now! I think it depends on the person you are. Some feel satisfied, others not. I always wanted so much for myself but I haven't done it. Kids and a family were the most important. I've been so fortunate to stay home with my kids but my youngest will be in school soon and I think this is why I'm starting to have these feelings. What's next? I'm nearly middle aged so I'd better make the most of the next phase of my life. You know! I've started doing a few things but there's so much more I would like to try (I don't have much freedom with young children at home). There are only a few short hours I have to myself a week and that's spent dealing with daily responsibilities. I would recommend doing something you've never done before. Learn a new language, start training for an amazing race (like the Danskin, Muddy Buddy or Hell Run). Take a class at a community college. Go back to school (this is what I should do but don't want to!). Make the most of your weekends. Don't sit around the house, live your life! Go hiking. Get online and explore. If you have kids, you are probably going to have to sacrifice to find the time to do something for yourself but do it! I've started taking better care of myself and that alone feels SOOOOO good! I do recommend subscribing to some sort of motivation line/quote of the day. The constant reminders will help you to make the most of every single day.

The older I get the more I realize I am not who I thought I would turn into, but in my case at least, that is definitely NOT a bad thing. I grew up figuring that some day I would have kids because that's what you do, not because I particularly wanted kids of my own or because I ever felt some need for kids.

I was not the girl who dreamed about a big white dress on her wedding day or some whirlwind marriage. Thank goodness for all of that because none of those things worked out for me the way I think they do for most. I do have kids & I absolutely cannot imagine what my life would be like without them.

I have had some struggles in my life, but hey, who hasn't, right? I am married, have been for almost 13 years. We got married young & had kids immediately. I don't regret any of those decisions, but I do wonder sometimes if I had it to do over would I make the same ones? I would like to have finished college, but if I had done that I would not have had my son when I was 22 years old. Would things have been easier financially? Absolutely. But I may have missed out on 1 of the 2 most amazing people I know in this world.

One of my closest friends is 17 years older than me. I love her dearly & trust her judgement emphatically, though we do not always agree. I am a few years older than her daughter, she is several years younger than my mother though we do not have a mother/daughter relationship, as a lot of times I am the one giving the advice, not the one receiving it. I have realized over the past couple of years that we have known each other that I am capable of being much more open, compassionate, logical, funny & just all around better than I ever thought I would or could be.

That is NOT to say that I am perfect, I still have a lot of personal work to do on myself. One of my biggest issues this lifetime has been with my self-confidence/self-worth. That has been a life-long struggle & I have my ups & downs with it. I do think that one day I will conquor my issues, I'm on my way, but it hasn't happened yet.

I always though I would end up going into the peace corps or go and volunteer in a third world country. I still want to soooooo bad, but alas my mistakes (but who I LOVE) tie me here. I am not doing the major I want, but also thought I would end up doing. I used to be a theatre major and couldn't view myself doing anything else but. I am happy, just not where I though it was going to be. I am not happy with my current living situation. I still live with my parents. I am praying, crossing my fingers, rubbing Buddha's belly, gathering all the positive karma, that after I graduate, that I will find a full time job where I can move out. I can't handle living with them anymore. I love them, but I am to independent and set in my ways of how I want to raise my son to keep living with them.
I also never saw myself as a mom. I knew it would happen eventually, but wasn't something I was actively seeking. I ended up getting pregnant by my then bf and now that is all I want to be. I don't want to be a working mom. I don't want to rely on strangers to raise my son. But that can't happen till later on in life, hopefully soon too. But I love my son. I love him more than anything and will do what i have to, to make sure he has a happy life.

My gosh, what a loaded question. I'm going through the same thing.

Oh goodness no! I lived in my own little world as a child and had no clue or concept that their was a world around me. When I met my husband in high school my little bubble was popped and I have bloomed into the person I am supposed to be.

I am quite happy and as many have said I am continuing to grow and love looking forward to it.

Bible study is awesome and if you can find other women to study with, it's even better. Women have unique needs and it's great to gather with other women.

Volunteering is important. Anytime you can help someone else out, you take the focus off of yourself. If you have small ones, you can go visit nursing homes. Even just passing by in the hallways is meaningful. There are people who wheel their chair to the hallway to see what's going on. They hardly ever get to see little kids. Teach your kids to offer a hello and a smile. It means the world to the shut-ins! Check with the staff and see who doesn't ever get visitors. Just a few simple questions about where they are from and what they have done in their lives is easy (travel, jobs, etc.).

I guess i never really thought id be anything in specific. I am married to the man i have always wanted to be married to, the road to here is what was a mystery. I never thought id have a girl and now i have two.

No and yes. I am the person who I always was and thought I would be:I'm strong, honest, loyal, loving, funny etc. I am not where I thought I would be, and I don't seem to find my way out of this. I never thought I'd be a stay at home mom. I am and I don't think I want to be but I have been out of my area of expertise for a few years now and have lost the will to get back on track. I just don't seem to have the motivation. Lots of health issues with my child has beaten me to the core. It has taken the joy of of life, although I am 100 per cent present for her, deep down I am really sad.
Where am I going? I don't know, but I better find out soon...