Feel like a Housekeeper & Maid in My Household W/no Help or Appreciation

Not being able to talk to your husband about your step daughter & her lack of responsibility aside.....

I've discovered lately that I'm taking a lot of pride in providing a well run home. Its a LOT of work and I'm enjoying completing tasks, making sure a variety of things are taken care of and joy in doing it to the best of my ability. Again, aside from the aforementioned, some of this is attitude. Can you look at your work as a point of pride?

And if they aren't helping, you have the right to expect a simple "thank you."

Your SD should definitely be helping, even if you are Super Woman and don't need the help. It's a matter of teaching her 1) how to clean; 2) what things need cleaning (it just doesn't occur to everyone that EVERYTHING needs to be cleaned - lol!; 3) responsibility; 4) what it means to be part of a family.

BUT do not tell her you want help so you can spend time with the LO. She will resent that. Just tell her she should help because it's a learning process.

By the way, when my hubby tried to tell me what I should cook, I told him the ingredients are in the kitchen - help yourself! Now he will make suggestions while we're at the grocery store, but the final menu is decided by me and it usually includes at least one night that week where hubby cooks!

You are the queen of your house and you have alot of say over how things are run, how much work you do and what to ask of others.

If you feel overworked, you can choose to do less, let things go longer and live with a little mess. Or you can choose to keep things to a higher level of clean if it makes you happier to live in a clean neat environment. Since you are in charge and doing most of the work, you get to set the standard.

Does you husband tell you what to make for dinner or does he tell you what he likes to eat for dinner? Two different things. Because it's great when my boys tell me what they like to eat. I can put it on my list and work it into the weekly menu. But I also shop the sales and buy what is fresh and looks good so I decide the menu, nobody tells me what to make. And they'd better be grateful or I won't continue to cook for them!

My boys are teens and they are busy, too. But they do help me with chores. I try to give them some choice... of jobs and when they do it. They often need reminding which I do by asking if they'd like to do the chore now or when they finish their homework.

I think your priorities are right in wanting to spend time with your little one. Don't apologize for making time for the most important things. Decide how to adjust your own priorities, and let others in the houshold know how they can help you make things run smoothly for everyone.

Sounds like everything is out of balance. Do you spend time with your stepdaughter in addition to your little one? Do you have a family calender and chore chart? If not, do it now. Have a family meeting and tell everyone including your husband that you are burned out and need some help. Then divide up and delegate these tasks to your husband, you, your step daughter and your little one can even have a job too. (Depending on age--as simple as fold the kitchen hand towels or put spoons in the drawer from dishwasher etc.) Hang in there but ask for what you need--before you get too worn out where you colapse and nobody understands. Good luck!

I"m typically in the minority but I dind't help in our household growing up except with the dishes and I'm naturally neat so my room was neat. My mom stayed home and said it was her job, mine was to do well in school - which I did. I didn't grow up to be spoiled or incapable at all. But I'm not clear what you want your SD to do. Cook? Vacuum? Help get dinner on the table, help with the dishes, keep her room clean seem reasonable for a 14.5 year old to me. School is demanding so if you want her to do well, she needs time to study and now a sport which is good for her college apps. I dno't think she should treat you like a maid though in terms of leaving stuff all over for you to pick up. That's just disrespectful. And not beign thanked is tough but pretty sure most teens don't realize how much their mothers do. Your husband should be thanking you some though. Or - you could go back to work FT now. In a way, I didn't have the option of staying home so I would work all day and come home and get dinner on the table and do the dishes then...

Well, sounds like a family meeting is in order, and the point must be made that everyone needs to be pulling their own weight. RIGHT NOW you are a SAHM, as am I, so many of these things are our "job" right now, but so is teaching the children, and they both need to learn responsibility, which happens through having assigned/expected chores daily. Make sure everyone knows this is a family and all must pitch in for everything to work more smoothly (and mommy not to go nuts), and this next year and a half is going to be an evolution/practice time to get everything going smoothly for when you will be working again.

The 14 yr old can definitely do more than dishes, even with sports and homeowork. When I was 14, I did all vaccuuming all dusting ( in a 2800 square room house) , all laundry folding ( family of 4) and putting away all the dishes, and mowed my grandparents' yard. Plus keeping my own room clean, doing my homeowork, and being in band, choir, volleyball, and having 8 academic classes and no study halls. It CAN be done, and I even still had friends and fun! I would say you need to start a schedule/routine for her to help, now, before you go back to work and are STILL expected to be the maid and cook for everyone. Add on a chore at a time, maybe add a new one each month as she masters/gets self-sufficient at remembering to do the previous one- don't forget to praise and thank her when she does do them well. And maybe give her some choice in the matter - if she would prefer to put away clean dishes rather an fold laundry, etc. My parents had a rule that homeowrk was first, chores second and then fun time ( TV, Friends, etc.) were last and only if the first 2 were completed - I intent to use the same rule with my kids when the time comes that they have homework and want to do friends stuff on school days.

Also, do her a favor and teach her to cook, as well (that is something my mom didn't teach me and I have had to learn as an adult from trial and error and cookbooks). Start with one meal a week ( maybe Saturday or whatever day is the least "busy"), by having her help you cook, then after a while, start giving her a recipe and all the ingredients and you just supervise (while maybe sitting at the table and planning next weeks menu and groceries), then later have her decide what to make and make it herself (this should take about a year to get to the end point).

As for Hubs trying to tell you what to make for dinner - plan your dinners ahead, post it on the fridge, and buy groceries for that plan, and tell him - "Sorry hunny - this is what I have the groceries to make this week - if you want that, you will have to make a trip to the store and then cook it yourself. I want to keep us within our grocery budget, and I am not a short order cook." Or even put the food in the oven or crock pot before he gets home so you can just say - "Oh, sorry, such and such is on the menu tonight and it is already in the oven!" Tell him if he wants some input on the meals, he can help you plan them, or do the grocery shopping for you, or even cook whatever he wants (as long as he has bought the ingredients for it)!

And yes, as someone else said, make sure to start the little one early - with folding washcloths or towels, putting away tupperware or silverware, dusting low things with a swiffer ( they LOVE that) putting away his own clean clothes into drawers/closet ( get a lower/extension rod he can reach - a shower curtain rod with spring tension works well) - cleaning up any of his own potty accidents or food spills as best he can, etc. That way you won't have this same issue in 10 more years again.

Good Luck, I hope you can get your Hubby and big girl on board.

No you are not wrong, I have a 14year old that plays sports and he helps out around the house and has responsibilites, he cuts the grass, unloads the dishwasher, vacuums, & dusts, he also now does his own laundry, sweeps and mops, wipes kitchen counters, cleans upstairs bathroom, and the half bath, cleans the windows, i just work around his school and sports so most major stuff like cleaning the bathrooms he does on the weekends. I've just learned to wait till then and leave it for him to do...but I totally get what you mean about short order cook and maid even with him doing these things to help out, problem is for me getting hubby to clean up after himself! It sucks to know that you are cleaning up after a grown person! GGGRRR!